Sorry for the long post.
So out of the blue, I was told by my employer that I need to get CISSP certified by the end of March. This was the first week of February. Now, although I have a decade and half years of experience working in network security, soc and vapt, also training in and around those areas, this was still a daunting target. I made it clear that a month and a half or so isn't a realistic target. But of course, that was disregarded by the management. I however began the preparation taking my own sweet time. I was in no particular hurry. I told myself come what may, I will give the exam when I am ready for it.
3 weeks in, and I am only 2 domains done. Clearly, end of March was a fantasy at this rate.
Meanwhile ISC2 were running an offer that allowed me to attempt once by the end of March and if required again by end of May. I couldn't let this go. I thought this was made for me. I could tell my employer that I attempted it by March end. And give myself a more realistic chance on the second attempt. Seemed like a win win situation.
Then with a week or so left. I am almost completing domain 3. I had given up hope of even contemplating clearing it on the fruit attempt. However, for some reason I made a mad rush to at least finish 6 domains before the first attempt. I obviously didn't have the time to study properly for them. I resorted to watching videos instead of reading the books. It wasn't like the domains were completely new to me. I knew some parts of it, and did not know some other parts. I actually covered 2 domains one night before the exam day. I did finish practice tests from the Sybex practice tests book. I finished 5 of the 8 domains and scored 70 to 80 percent in them. The other 3 domains, I did not have the time to.
3 to 4 days before the exam, I don't think I slept well. I was getting anxious thinking about it. I am not sure why, I suddenly felt like I didn't have the stamina to sit a second time for the exam. I felt like my experience alone should be enough to make up for any lack of reading time. A part of me also said that it was wishful thinking.
So it's exam time. Still no sleep. But I am at the exam center, almost feeling like a lamb to the slaughter. The exam starts. I pray. I never do that , but this time I did. Now I have read others finish the exam at 125 questions. I am already counting down to it. Not because I was confident I will clear, but because I would know that the torture would end anytime after it.
10 mins into the exam and I am 10 questions down. I wanted to be somewhere around the 40 to 45 questions per hour mark. The exam is sure as heck confusing and I can only be confident about 1 in 5 questions. An hour down and 50 questions down, I am not sure if I need to slow down a bit. Still unsure if I am doing well. I was a lot more confident about my answers while attempting the Sybex practice questions. There were a lot of best guesses in my responses. 2 hours and about a 100 down. I know I am nearing the finish. 120 odd done and I am almost uninterested because I had zero confidence in my responses. I was mentally preparing myself for a second attempt. It felt gut wrenching, because I wasn't confident about clearing the exam even after the second attempt. Such were the nature of the questions and the options. I couldn't possibly answer them with any confidence whatsoever. 125th question and the exam ends. I see no information on whether I passed or failed. I call the invigilator and he asks me to end the exam, collect the printout and belongings and leave. That felt so cold. It felt like he was too apologetic that he couldn't say it directly that I failed. I collect my printout.
It starts with a congratulations. I am not sure why it said congratulations. Maybe the fact that I haven't slept for a while is making me read things that aren't there. I felt too stupid to confirm with him what was written on the paper. So I step out and take a good long look at what is written. I read, re-read, look around and read it again. Finally I was convinced that I actually cleared. It felt like a huge burden was removed from me. I was so relieved.
Here are the resources, I used:
Domain 1: OSG. Read everything cover to cover.
Domain 2: OSG. Read everything cover to cover.
At this point, I completely hate the OSG.
Domain 3: AIO. Read everything cover to cover.
Domain 4: AIO. No time to read cover to cover. Just read the parts I felt I did not know well.
Domain 5: SNT. Only watched the videos. Cross-referenced with the CBK reference guide, because it had fewer pages to read.
Domain 6: This domain is primarily what I did for a living. Did not have enough time to read this domain. Banking on just my experience.
Domain 7: Watched FR Secure video from 2020.
Domain 8: Watched FR Secure video from 2020.
Sybex Practice Tests: Domains 1 to 5. No time for the other 3 domains. Scored 70 to 80 percent. No other question bank. No time for it.
What I realized most about the exam is that experience across the domains matters a lot. Also you need to trust yourself when responding to the question and avoid re-contemplating. Trust your first instincts. Chose either the OSG and the AIO, but not as the Bible, only as a guide.
Good luck to any future test takers.

Hello folks, A few days ago I turned 20, and I've been reminiscing on the music I found when I was 19, not sure why.
For some reason 19 was an age of musical discovery for me, I found 2 new bands (to me, anyways), discovered a love for one I'd heard previously, and rediscovered a fourth. May not be a lot for some but this is more than I had found in the previous 5 years combined, I'm sure.
The new to me bands are Soul Coughing and Galactic.
Soul Coughing is strange, if you were a fan of Cartoon network in the late 90's and early 2000's you may have heard 2 of their songs on a segment called CN Groovies. The songs are "Circles" and "Rolling." Both are off their El Oso album.
I found them after my mother told me about them on a road trip, after their song "Super Bon Bon" came on the Spotify playlist we were listening to. She told me how apparently they were devicive, you either loved or hated them. From then on I was hooked, and all 3 of their albums would have a place in my personal top 10 albums of all time.
Galactic is a band that's funky as hell based out of New Orleans. I found them by random chance. I just happened upon an "artists from New Orleans" section on Spotify and there they were. I didn't even mean to listen to them, I accidentally tapped on their album "Ruckus" and thought I'd give it a listen. That set off a chain of events that would place Galactic at number 5 on my Spotify wrapped.
Number 2 on my Spotify Wrapped was Red Vox, who I'd known about for a while, but only really delved into them this past year. The vocalist for this band happens to be a YouTubetwitch streamer I have followed for close to a decade at this point. I'd heard of his side project and heard that it was good, but never really listened to them until recently. They released an album this month, probably my favorite from them so far.
The fourth band I'd been meaning to talk about is a band called Umphrey's McGee. I'd actually seen them live some years ago, I was probably around 15 or 16, but I hated it. I'd only ever heard one of their albums, Zonkey, and they didn't play a single song I recognized. Oh well, I wasn't at the concert for me so who cares. Problem is, it got worse, I was sleep deprived, and to top it all off, a light from the stage would just constantly be in my eye, no matter if I stood or sat, it would be shining directly in my eyes, and it was too crowded to move out of the way. I was miserable.
Flash forward to 2022. I'm playing some VR game, and it has a music player, I put on some Primus, as I normally do, and let it play. After the song I was listening to ends, "In the Kitchen" comes on. Uh oh, here we go again, another album takes over my life, the second one this year since Ruckus by Galactic.
Anchor Drops is my favorite album ever. There is only one song I don't like on it, that being "Bullhead City." every other song is a complete bop. Their other stuff is great too. So I guess I'll be seeing them live again, this time I'll like it, hopefully. Won't let those damn lights get me again, and I'll get adequate sleep ahead of time.
Wow.. this was a bit long winded, but I guess you get that when you're passionate about something. Oh well, hope this wasn't too sucky to read.

He's a bare minimum type of dad but still wants to have rights and be involved despite being awful. I'd let him sign his rights away if he'd agree to it. Maybe someday he will and I won't have to stress about him anymore.
He was a shitty father before she was even born - I remember crying in the bathroom after he yelled at me for wanting a $100 ultrasound when I was 16 weeks pregnant cause I didn't have prenatal care yet and never got to see her or even confirm her heartbeat. I didn't manage to get prenatal care till 26 WEEKS cause medicaid was jerking me around and he wasn't helping me out at all. I was so stressed and terrified... Even worried that my baby wasn't alive inside me at certain points. He didn't seem to give a damn.
When the time came, he got pissed at me for not wanting to get induced early because he wanted extra leave to "be home and spend time with our baby"... After she was born he spent the whole time drinking and watching fuckin anime (I now despise anime), barely even looked at our baby, didn't help out with changing diapers or letting me sleep. God, fuck him. Oh, not gonna forget how I had to clean the house (it was a disaster and I was also sick the first week we were home with a bad cold) by myself to let pest control come (whole other can of worms) and had to clean again for his brother to visit despite all the pain from my vagina feeling like it was gonna fall out of my body from the bad tear I got during childbirth that took forever to heal. He bashed me for fucking SLEEPING while my newborn slept and when I exlained I had to cause she keeps me up late - no help from him - and just general exhaustion from all that my body went through and the mental toll motherhood takes on someone, he told me I need to "be a mother and get her on a good schedule".... A goddamn newborn. What the fuck, man.
I also got yelled at because I wanted to buy a few things for her arrival - he wanted to wait for the baby shower and donations. He wouldn't even let me pick out one thing for our baby. Oh, but he could purchase beer every night and buy guns and smokes! I worked till I was 35 weeks pregnant but I didn't make much and didn't have a car of my own, most of my money went to him after he blew all of what he made. I did that because I wanted the incoming money to be seen as both of ours... But he obviously didn't feel that way cause he financially abused the fuck out of me, told me it was impossible to save money, etc.
The drinking & his general lack of interest in our newborn was ultimately what broke me and made me leave. Actually, it was a huge conglomerate of all the bad treatment I had received, too. It's amazing how I started thinking rationally & my brain seemed totally rewired after I became a mother and I recognized the reality of how shitty he is after I left and had time to think.
A day before I left, I told him I was unhappy (baby was 6 weeks old) and asked if he was going to stop drinking because he had pissed on the floor the night before sometime during the night when I was up late soothing our newly 6 week old. He just said he enjoys drinking and finished the rest of his beers, nothing changed. So the next day, I packed up his car and had him take baby & I to my parents.
I had to get nasty with him to even give me $100 every 2 weeks on his paydays (cause he went 2 weeks without helping out and a week without coming to visit her). Only asking for $100 is very generous; he'd be made to pay 20% of his paycheck if I took him to court.
Today he decided to make things more difficult for me. Gave me a money order that I'll have to cash at the bank. He's aware I'll have to walk there, reactivate my old bank account and wait for a new card to be sent to me. He didn't care to ask if our daughter needed anything before screwing me over where I can't even use the $100 till the card arrives - I couldn't even do it today cause the bank was closed by then.
I've been so fucking nice to him. Was letting him pop in for visits whenever he wanted to (he'd usually come less than twice a week, never more than twice a week) till yesterday when I asked him to pick days he'd want to see her... Any days, however many days he wanted. He chose TWO DAYS a week. Fucker lives 7 minutes away, gets off work at 2pm and has the easiest job ever and his boss is super lenient with him (they're best friends) so it's not like he physically can't make it more often. And when he does visit, it's never longer than 20 minutes. He hasn't bonded with her at all.
He pissed me off today with that deliberately spiteful money order, and all the stuff he put me through that I never got to speak my mind about or receive even a simple apology for came rushing back. Especially since he still drunk texts me about how he jumps through hoops for me and does so much for our family and claims to love me... His ability to remain so delusional is baffling.
I told him to start paying me 20% from now on since he wants to make things difficult for me despite me trying to make things as easy as possible for him.
I'm so hurt and angry. Not only did I give him too many chances to fix our family, to get help to stop drinking, etc. but I was so nice to a pathetic extent. During his visits when he was acting like a miserable asshole, I'd try to make things more pleasant, offer him food, drinks, tv, attempted lighthearted conversation, tried to make playing with our baby more fun for him so maybe he'd attempt bonding with her, but he rejected all of it and continues acting like a dick, tries making my life more difficult.
It also scares me that a few nights ago he tried getting us to come over when he was drunk; he wanted to drive drunk with our baby. I will never feel comfortable sending her off with him. I will fight as hard as possible to not let that happen even if I have to move hours away. He has to prove he's making improvements, at least, but I know he won't.
I'm upset that our daughter has his last name. We never married (we planned to but thankfully didn't) so now I can't even have the same last name as my daughter. He doesn't deserve to have her carry on his last name. But if I can't ever find a way to change it, of course I'll show her reasons to love it. I don't ever want her to feel like part of her is tainted or bad, because she's beautiful and every part of her is loved.
I'm just done being nice to him. He burned a painting/letter I made him for our anniversary and posted it online for our acquaintances to see (how mature) so I clearly pissed him off. Good. It's time for him to start feeling hurt, helpless, betrayed, etc. just like he wanted me to feel. Not going to make sure things are so simple and easy for him anymore.

Don’t judge me by what I’m about to say but…….
I smoked something I shouldn’t have. My brain was tuned to Demon Radio. I was hearing a demon speak to me all night long and all the next day. Telling me how I have 4 days to live. Then down to one. Then down to as soon I get home. Then I said the wrong things and it said I had 1 hour to kill myself or it’s going to take my family’s souls to hell. By this point I have been convinced this is real and really happening. It used my sisters voice to further manipulate me and I ended up driving my car really fast it said let go of the wheel I said no I’m not dying that way. I pull up to a shell by a couple beers and head towards Walmart. I have negotiated with the demon that knife will do. I chug most of a Budweiser (I don’t drink at all) park my crown vic right outside the welcome doors of Walmart and run inside the nearest sharpest object is a pizza cutter. All while telling myself I have to kill myself to save my family over and over. I rip open the packaging and look for a place where I won’t be bothered. Can’t find one. Stop looking. Running out of time. Sock aisle. Sit. Begin cutting left arm. Quick deep cuts down the street not across. Demon cheering me on. Deeper. Deeper. Faster. People are noticing. Do you need help? Are you ok? I’m fine leave me alone. I get up. Run towards dressing rooms. Run into a man. Arm severely wounded hemorrhaging blood. Bloody pizza cutter in on hand. He freezes. I check every dressing room door. All locked. Fuck. Running out of time. Pools and trails of heavy thick red blood marking everywhere I’ve been. Heads up. Security Guard. Quick walking towards exit now everything’s blurry. Pocket the pizza cutter so I don’t look like a maniac who is trying to hurt more than just himself. Blow past the receipt lady. Car’s right where I left it. Initially walk past the car but knew police would tie me to it if I survive, not only have I faked my family but I’ll have to deal with a dui. Open container, full beer. Get in the car and I throw both away. Drive off deeper into the parking lot. Park all fucked up. My dad calls me. Where are you? He witness a full length day of me talking to the demon he knew I wasn’t right. Walmart. Wyd? Saving you. Lala (my sister) is trying to call you. Ok I’ll call her. Call her. Break down can’t tell what’s real anymore. Phone dies. My conversation with my sister continues via the demon. (It used Lala’s voice) . My sister in my head telling me I fucked up I have to kill myself. Suddenly unconvinced that this is real. Fuck you! My sister would never tell me to kill myself! Look down at arm. Holy fucking shit what did I do. Cops swarm the area. Pizza cutter sits nexts to cigarettes. Cops pulls up. The whole right side of car is a wall. Window don’t go down door won’t open. He goes around . Hey man what’s going on . I’m saving my family. Don’t remember the convo too good but I tell him I’m teaching for a smoke while teaching without hesitation. I thought he’d get mad but I guess he realized I’m more a danger to myself than I am to him. He lets me smoke one. This entire time I’ve been pumping my fist in an effort to bleed out. Hey cop what time is it. 959. I was supposed to die a minute ago. Completely defeated I finished the cig and flick. I make my way out of the car. Frisk. Emts. Ambulance. Get tied down. I start talking shit to the demon. When all of sudden. Another voice soothing at first. Revealed to be the devil himself. “Taken a special interest in me”. Holy shit. Fear over 9000. Going insane in my head. My subconscious continues to disrespect and insult the devil. He beckons me to continue tell me everything. Visions of eternal suffering. I can’t make it stop. Fall asleep they say. When you wake up you will wake up in fire. Holy shit no. Been awake over 30 hours fighting off sedatives. Holy shit no. Get to the hospital. Completely insane. Strap down ripping straps. Eventually accept my fate. Decide to sleep but my subconscious has developed Tourette’s and is constantly insulting the devil. I bet I don’t mean it I can’t make it stop. He says my subconscious is just telling him everything it truly feels. He hangs on every word. Everytime I’m about to fall asleep my subconscious makes our situation worse. The first demon says your already in the deepest shithole you can be in just fall asleep. Holy shit no. Panic. Panic. Panic. More sedatives. Finally asleep. Wake up intermittently while receiving stitches. Ow. Fuck. Ow. “You think that hurts? Just you waiiiiiit”. Sleep. Darkness. Wake up. Hospital. Not on fire. Holy shit why am I here? I’m supposed to be dead. They lied. It wasn’t real. Arm? Stitched. They make their presence known. Holy shit it’s still happening. Why didn’t I die? You have to do it yourself. “Rip out your stitches and you will bleed to death” over and over and over and over . So I start ripping them. Can’t do it. Think of the suffering ahead of me . Find the strength. Rip one or two . Nurses notice. Sedatives & strap down . Wake up new stitches. Being transferred. Demons volume has gone down . Have a nice conversation with the emt about street fighter the entire ride to the psyche ward. Notice my gold bracelet is gone. Bummer. One last echo chamber, “your days are numbered”. Holy shit . Now at the psyche ward. Spent 3 1/2 days there . Each day tuning off of demon radio and coming back to human radio. Psyche ward is a whole other story. Get out family takes me to eat get me new clothes shoes haircut. Says they found a rehab ranch I’ll be spending a year in once my arm heals. Reconvince me of reality and say I was being manipulated. They were never in danger. The demons have tried to get you to kill yourself before but your too strong you’d never do that. Unless it meant you’d save your loved ones. You would do anything to save us. Even the one thing you’d never do. The demons hated you for your strong will. And used against you. We’re here your here. Let’s go get food. It. Wasn’t. Real. A day goes by. Then another. Now today. Got my stitches removed and healing pretty well. I cut really deep and pretty far. Who knew a pizza cutter could do that. Looking forward to the ranch rehab.

I want to preface this with the fact that I KNOW I’m most likely being overly scrutinising but my eldest son is autistic (and he is the best thing ever) so I feel like I might be a little more attuned to these things than your average parent 😂 BUT I consequently am not sure what a ‘typically’ developing baby looks like lol. I know that no two babies can be compared but I think it’s reasonable to be on the lookout for any early signs just in case he does require early intervention like his brother, and statistically he does have a higher likelihood of being autistic than your average baby due to a diagnosed full sibling.
Our second son (5mo) I am pretty confident is neurotypical as there are quite a few very obvious differences between him & his older brother (2yo ASD) even at this young age. His eye contact seems great & he is definitely a lot more vocal & appears a lot more interested in other people & his surroundings. Of course I have looked at the milestones & I think I can safely say he is meeting them, I’m just not sure of the consistency!
For example: his eye contact is vastly increased compared to his brother, but it’s not 100% of the time. It seems normal to me, I don’t feel the need to look into peoples eyes 24/7 but yeah, he is definitely still often distracted by fans, bright lights, etc. But he will (most of the time) be looking at me when I’m speaking, singing, changing him, nursing etc. which is a noticeable difference from his brother.
Another example is babbling - again he does this heaps more than his brother did, & has engaged in occasional ‘reciprocal conversations’ with us, but again it’s definitely not super super consistently. He also does not always look over at the sound of our voice, & is not yet demonstrating much joint attention (although I think it might still be a bit early for that).
ANYWAY all this to say - I guess I’m asking what social engagement & communication skills would you expect of a five month old? Of course I know he will be fine either way but if he is showing any delays I’d love to know ASAP as early intervention has been a game changer for his brother :) TIA!

"Dude, what are you laughing at?" Asked my friend Steve as my laughter slowly changed from a giggle to an outright cackle. I was in the chair nursing a PBR and baked out of my gourd. Steve and Darnell were on the couch locked into a fierce game of 2K. They were also crossfaded. There was nothing happening of comedic value.
I said it was nothing as I always do. If you hang out with me enough you'll notice this happens from time to time. Some people are weirded out by it. Fortunately I've always been able to find friends who find it an endearing quirk.
The truth is that I can't explain it. Other than to say sometimes I hear it.
For the life of me I can't describe it. I've sat in my room for hours trying to say it. I've tried to sing it in the shower. I've banged shit together to try to make it. I've used a synth ran through an obscene string of effects pedals and dicked around in pro tools until the shrooms wore off trying to recreate it. I never get close.
I've been hearing it for a long time. At first it was terrifying. I'd hear it in the middle of the night and start screaming in my bed. At first, my parents chalked it up to run of the mill night terrors. They got annoyed when I'd ask "what was that?" Or "where is that coming from?" when they heard nothing and I couldn't even describe it. They got worried when they realized I was serious.
Doctors thought it was neurological. Tests revealed nothing. There was concern I was just acting out and questions were raised about our home life. But we were happy enough. Nothing out of the ordinary and certainly no abuse. The diagnosis was eventually auditory hallucinations. And since I showed no other signs of mental illness, it was recommended that they get me on a strict sleep schedule, and see a therapist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy.
I realized at this point even at a young age that this wasn't going away, and I no longer felt like I was in danger, so I might as well just pretend that it was working.
The only thing that bothered me, or rather, bothers me. I don't know what it is. Medical science has tried and failed. No textbook in any field, nor just Google for that matter, is useful when it's impossible to spell what you're trying to research.
I'm sure Joel Osteen would tell me Jesus will rid me of it if I send enough money. I had a guy at White Castle tell me he could stop it. I just have to give up all of my earthly possessions, go out to his totally not a commune farm, stop worrying about the guns and drink his bathwater once a day like all of his follo... I mean friends.
Honestly though I don't care that I hear it. Like I said, I don't feel like I'm in danger because of it, it stopped even being annoying long ago. I just can't help but wonder about it. Is it a word? Is it a code I need to break? Is it the name of some cosmic entity who wants me to be it's vanguard but doesn't yet understand our plane of existence well enough to know it's name is a sound that can't be made here? Am I hearing it when I hear it or just thinking about the last time I heard it.
Sometimes I hear it so much that it stops having meaning. Obviously it's never really had meaning.
The best way I can explain what I mean by that is to tell you to think about the penis game. You know, where you and your other annoying teenage friends would be at a park, or a McDonald's and just say penis louder and louder until someone makes you stop. At a certain point penis stops meaning a sexual organ. It no longer conjures images of a big veiny dong triumphantly at full mast. It's just noise. Sometimes it's just noise to me.
Honestly I'd like to just think Lovecraft isn't fiction. But I can't simply because he at least tried to spell his shit.
Every now and then the absurdity hits me in just the right way and I can't help but laugh. I just don't know.
I only know two things. The first is that I'll never know for sure. The second is that until the day I die, sometimes I'll hear it.

Today was the factory tour. I had won a spot through our local radio station. They were giving out two free passes, but I had no one else to take so I sold the other. I had called mostly out of boredom and to try out my luck. I was, to my surprise, the first to call in.
Pickup was at 9:00 AM. It had been arranged by Ardec & Ordec Winery. The cab had arrived five minutes past the pickup time: a factory van hosting the company logo on its side pulled up. I stared at the large, superimposed face of a larger woman drinking from a glass of wine. Her lips were bright red, her cheeks rosy; hair long and brown.
The door had slid open by itself. Inside, several other guests - I counted seven - greeted me with excited smiles. I stared up at the blistering sun and stepped in. The fresh air conditioning was paradise, and it smelled of lavender. The seats and floors were especially clean, as if someone had meticulously gone through every corner, crevice, and hole.
I introduced myself to the other guests, whom I noticed were holding glasses of freshly poured wine, and they introduced themselves in return. One woman, Maria, had caught my eye; strangely resembling the woman on the side of the van. Before I could utter a word to her, a glass of white wine was handed to me.
"Freshly made," said the man who had handed it to me. "Bottled just this morning."
I gave my thanks, sniffed it, and took a snip. I wasn't a wine connoisseur, but I loved the taste of it. It was exquisite, refreshing, fruity, and sweet. My personal favorite.
The tour group and I chatted on our way to the factory.
I noticed the windows were dark. When I asked why, the same man who had handed me my wine stated, "Long drive, not much to see but countryside."
Seeing the countryside was my favorite part about leaving the city on road trips. But soon, videos advertising Ardec & Ordec wines were projected onto the windows. A young woman, donning a white coat with the factory logo embroidered on a pocket, appeared as b-roll of the factory played behind her. She discussed the process of collecting the swine for winemaking and then a brief overview of what to expect during our factory tour. They gave away very little about the winemaking process, which I appreciated.
We arrived shortly after 9:30.
Upon our arrival, we were offered several more samples of their wine. One in particular, a chardonnay they had said, was especially tasty. I felt partly out of place, unable to engage with the others as they discussed different notes and characteristics of the wine.
A buzz had settled in, though, and soon, I stopped caring. I promised myself I'd enjoy the tour, and think little about whether I could participate or not. The wine tasted good. The fresh, country air was refreshing.
The factory, from what I could see, shielding my eyes from the sun, was its own small town; made up of several tall and large brick buildings. Before we could enter, our tour guide, John, instructed us to put on masks; the kind you see doctors wear.
"It's to help mask the smell," he stated, handing masks out to each member of our group. We put them on quickly, eager to get started with the tour already.
We entered through a side entrance, directly onto the main floor where the swine were housed and their sweat collected for winemaking.
The heat was almost unbearable.
Our tour group had begun to fan themselves with their hats and shirts; some pressed the still-cold wine glasses to their foreheads and cheeks.
John explained the heat was generated by industrial heat lamps. They hovered above the swine and were used to accelerate perspiration. He claimed the sweat was a key and "secret" ingredient used to give the wine its distinct flavor.
Despite the masks, it smelled foul - mostly of bacon when it's cooking and feces. Some of the other guests turned their faces away from where the smell was emanating. John noticed and instructed us to pinch the top of our masks, where the bridge of our noses met. A new smell, one of perfume, quickly replaced the former one.
John smiled up at us. "Better right?"
We nodded in unison and made our way over to a brightly lit hallway.
This hallway was as clean as the van had been. We were instructed to stand under several different shower heads. John said this would help sanitize us, as we might be bringing in germs and bacteria from the outside that could infect and harm the swine.
Finished, we entered the main factory building. It was a large, open space comprised of three rows. Each row contained six large cages where the swine were numbered and housed. The cages were made of thick iron bars and an electric netting above to keep the swine from escaping.
As John had stated, round industrial heat lamps hung from the netting. The cages contained two long troughs: one for feeding and another filled with water. They sat atop a soft, netted floor, where the sweat fell through and collected in large tanks. Large ostomy bags hung from their sides, but some were ripped open; likely from stress.
Beyond this, there was little space for the swine to move around; not that they could have moved much if they had the space.
Some of the swine weighed near 600 pounds - the illegal weight limit for our country - but most were far bigger than this, having been here for so long. They were naked; their bellies full of dirt, dead skin, and grime. Their entire bodies were soaked in sweat. Their backs and scalps were singed from being so close to the heat lamps. Some of the swine had lost their hair from so much pulling, exposing raw patches of scalp that had begun to cook underneath the heat. Flies swarmed around them, feeding and breeding on the exposed flesh.
One in particular, a female, cried out for her mother. She was the smallest of them. Number 23.
John explained she was new and had not yet acclimated to her new home. She was collected at seventeen years old, having reached the illegal weight limit a year earlier but kept hidden by her mother. The mother, he explained, had been executed.
One of the members of our tour group broke away, teasing number twenty. He looked over at us and, asking John, said, "What happens when they die?"
"Leather," he replied. "And meat."
I looked at my watch, noting the leather band had a small stamp on it: A&O.
Maria approached Number 23, with a look of recognition and sorrow on her face. She held onto one of the bars with a shaky hand.
Before anyone could take notice of her, an older woman approached us with two silver plates of freshly poured wine. They were passed around quickly, as the heat had become truly unbearable at this point. We drank in the wine, savoring more of the taste, just as Number 23 had begun to claw at her thick bed of hair; crying still for her deceased mother.

Link to original story
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/10meqmh/the_big_rock_candy_mountain_part_1/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
The floor of the cell is covered in decades of mildew and dust. This disgusting carpet does nothing to dull the pain as I skip across it, thrown in by someone with the intention of making a point.
My Name’s Mike, and if any of you are the types to go on a deep dive, you probably know A little about me already.
For those of you that don’t, Jesus I don’t know exactly where to begin.
The Cliff’s notes would be that I spent a little over a decade either being a serial killer or a vigilante. I won’t try to justify my actions, both of those are just sides of the same shitty coin. I’m not a person to be idolized or emulated, so I choose not to plead my case.
Now, while I thought that was just about as screwed up as life could get, one day, out of the blue, after burying my best, fuck, my only friend I found myself, somewhere else. A world that looked and felt like mine, but one where the things that go bump in the night actually existed.
Where I came from, I’d seen monsters, to be sure, but only the kind that happen when people break.
Since I’ve been here? Got caught up in some demented gameshow for demons or something, threw a massive shit in the punch bowl of the thing running the production, and got the world’s unluckiest man his freedom.
And that leads me to my current situation, staring down the rage filled, mildly bruised face of that asshole, that fucking, demonic Ted Turner, Art.
He runs a hand aggressively through his slicked back hair, standing at the door to my cell.
“Looks like your little plan didn’t work, exactly as I predicted, you fuck.
I mean, great try with the little cat thing you had, honestly didn’t see that coming. But, Jesus, Mike, what was your end game? “ Art gloats.
“Cards on the table? It was a lot better, but shit fell through, that whiskey abomination, it was the one that ratted me out I assume?
That being said, still got Kev out. And you can’t really ‘flip off his lightswitch’ if he didn’t let you screw around with his wiring, can you? “ I grin, I keep it, even as a Gucci shoe slams into my face.
Am I scared? Of God damn course I am, I’ve been pissing myself (metaphorically speaking.) since I realised that the rules of reality don’t really apply any more.
Every new grain of sand on the beach of hell my life has become, tosses me further down the road of mental failure. Shit, that’s half of what fucked up my last plan in the first place.
If I could have just kept my shit together long enough, I’d be sipping a beer with Kev in some shit hole town somewhere. But the only thing harder than trying to stamp down fear in the face of God’s and monsters, is trying to do it while projecting some kind of ‘death fears me ‘ persona.
Between you and I? Death doesn’t fear me, in fact, it seems to love to hang around. And every day I have to stare down that grim spectre, the closer I get to losing the tenuous grip on reality I have .
“Oh, fuck Kev. He’s smart enough to stay off my radar, and too stupid to figure out a way to come back at me.
He's got a 1 bedroom in Idaho or something? Salud, good on him.
You, I had high hopes for, and then you decide to wipe your ass all over my carpet, cost me more than I could even explain, and even, get me a little roughed up. My favorite shell, anyway.
I want to recoup some loses Mike. So, you, get to be a part of another one of my projects.
You thought The Path was bad? Oh, you literal, fucking clown, you haven’t seen anything.
I won’t spoil it for you, the devil’s in the details and all, but you know what everyone loves?
Prison.
Not being in it themselves, of course, but seeing others, especially those they hate in there.
This place isn’t fair, the path was a boxing match with Queensbury rules, this is a handcuffed knife fight.
And I can’t wait to see you figure out, all the little surprises it has in store for you. “ Art laughs and tosses me a battered, ancient looking smartphone, “ Feel free to drum me up some good press online if you want. “
My heart is pounding, I have to use every bit of will I have to stop from shaking, to roll my neck and sit against the cold, padless cement bed behind me.
I feel sick, my stomach boiling and gurgling.
“For the love of whatever the demonic equivalent of Christ is, why not just kill me? I’m right here, I have no way of fighting back, and you know damn well that if you give me enough time, I’m going to find a way to wipe my ass on your doorframe next. “ My tone is flippant, or at least, I hope it is.
“The ego on you kid, you think you’re that guy don’t you?
They exist, don’t get me wrong, probably a couple thousand folks capable of taking me out, but trust me, you are not one of them.
This isn’t some ‘Arch’ idiocy where I leave my greatest rival alive. This is me watching you squirm because I can, and making a little profit on the deal.
Don’t flatter yourself. “ Art has produced a long thin knife as he talks, he spins and rolls it absently.
“Before your guys dragged me off, I met something. A corner store, I don’t know if it was haunted, possessed, or if it was some kind of creature that just decided to look like a knock off 7-11.
Point being, it was out there, ethereal, I couldn’t hurt it, outwit it, even slow it down. I ran from that thing as fast as I could. It gave me some serious Lovecraft vibes.
You, Art, are not that guy. “ I notice myself tapping my finger nervously on the slime covered floor, I focus, stopping the tic.
The tip of Art’s knife glows, the sick, grey sheen isn’t heat, but something that makes me start to back up.
“I am, but you will never see that. You’re not worth the effort.
I want to give you a little something though. “ Art stalks toward me, I stand as I back into the farthest corner of the cell, “ Proud of your face paint were you? “
Art grins, and for a moment lets some of his true self slip through. For just a moment I see timeless horror in his eyes, a dark black void of consumed souls and unrestrained evil.
That knife parts my flesh with pain like a whip. Without even using the blade, it’s presence flenses my face, opening up raw, textured furrows in my flesh.
He leaves after he is done, laughing to himself.
The pain makes me black out, my stomach is boiling, I come to dry heaving, the effort sends me back into the oblivion of sleep.
I don’t know how long has passed, my face feels like it is on fire, and the thick steel bars of my cell door are closed.
It takes me two minutes of cupping my hands under the grime laden steel tap to get enough water to clear off a spot on the rusted, old, wall mounted steel mirror.
No mortal hand could have scarred me as accurately as Art did. The wounds, not healed, but cauterised as to not make me bleed out, used depth, and width, to create a colorless replica of my makeup.
I know trauma, physical as well as mental, and these are scars that will never heal. As the fact sinks in that my face is literally no longer my own, I scream, heart pounding, I split open my knees on the cold cement floor.
Pain flares, threatens to send me back to the bliss of unconsciousness, but I don’t care.
I read Kev’s journals, and they paint me in a really… positive light, in a sense.
What I mean is, going by what he thought he saw, I’m some kind of supervillian or something. Tossing three hundred pound air conditioners ( it was the outer shell, seventy pounds, physics and luck did the rest.), wrestling Art ( I was clinging on for dear life, had it not been for Jr and the mass of denizens, I’d have been killed with a flick of his wrist.), or appearing like a ghost (people, even immortal are very unobservant. Especially in an emergency.).
I’m great at seeming horrifying, and that’s a weapon in and of itself, but at the end of the day, that’s all it is.
Kneeling in my own blood, vision blurry with pain, I realise how small, vulnerable, and unarmed I truly am.
By the time daylight shines through the yellow reinforced glass window, I’m already awake. I’ve spent an hour and a half calming myself, trying to find some focus, some centre to keep me going.
I’ve been in prison before, back home, first and last time I tried plying my trade outside of America.
Being the stupid payaso gringo that I am I bit off so much more than I can chew that I wound up choking on it for 2 months in a Mexican prison.
The routine of, count, lineup, chow, remained the same.
The demographics of the population on the other hand…
Being observant is one of my main skills and as I was brought into the absurdly sized cafeteria, I was taken aback at just how many people were here.
Tens of Thousands, easily, maybe a hundred. I try and think of how many missing person cases this accounts for, and even that math doesn’t quite add up.
I quickly inventory the groups that make up the place, not that it wasn’t obvious.
The first, of course are the guards. Some, the majority, appear to be human, well geared up and in intimidating physical condition.
But a handful, they are clearly, something else. Some are smooth featured ebony skinned giants, carrying truncheons that could crush a car engine. Others are grinning, pale skinned bad attempts at human copies, wild eyed and twitching.
Second would be what I called the cultists. They all appeared to style themselves after certain tropes and urban legends, clearly human, but dressing, tattooing and mutilating themselves to appear like, myths, legends, and monsters.
The subtle violence I see tells me I’ve found the gangs.
Third are the Everymen, I can’t see any kind of pattern to them, but they seem to make up the majority of the population. They keep their distance from the guards and the cultists, but on more than one occasion I see then stand, united against attempts at extortion.
The last group, I call the candles, people that are clearly on their way out mentally and physically. Sunken eyed, and set upon from all angles, at any moment these folks could be simply snuffed out.
I keep my distance, and stay respectful, the meandering, twisting line seems to take hours to get me my thick slice of crumbling yellow bread, and thick red slurry that reminds me of porridge masquerading as meat.
My coat is gone but I’m left with the majority of the clothing I fashioned back in the path. I see a mix of unwashed orange uniforms and ‘civilian’ clothing, some of the cultists, bordering more on costume than wardrobe.
As the massive, butchers apron wearing man in smeared clown makeup sits down, I wish I’d have been issued something more generic. I saw this coming the second I noticed a lump of Chlorophiles in blood stained getups.
“You sit with us. “ I can’t tell if it’s an accent or speech pattern, the clown sounds strange, either way.
I eat a spoonful of the red sludge.
“No disrespect intended, I’m not one for clubs. I’m going to make no waves, no plays, nothing. I’m a ghost. “ I say, levelly, avoiding eye contact.
Why, you might ask, having been told about my adventures in murder.
Well, that’s just it. Murder is easy, and any time you saw me end a life, it was just that.
A fight, that’s another thing entirely, especially against someone with a significant weight and height advantage.
“Not asking. You got friends. “ The massive clown moves his bulk closer, it’s like sitting next to a forklift.
I eat the bread, it tastes amazing until I swallow, then has a foul, chemical aftertaste.
I drink some tepid, burgundy fluid that might be caffeinated.
No weapons nearby, no one watching that might step in. I’m full of bruises and sprains, and probably anemic from blood loss. Not to mention one eye is running at about fifty per cent. Art didn’t sever the optic nerve last time, but he wasn’t gentle. My heart races.
“I don’t play well with people who take clowning and slap a coat of dark paint on it.
You guys are Clown Killers. You are good at killing, I’m sure, but the clown part, it’s tacked on.
Myself, I’m a killer clown…. “ I had a really good rant planned, honestly, it was a corker, douche bags would have used it in memes for a decade.
But before I can react, with one massive hand, he bounces my face off of the pitted steel table.
It rings my bell, but not as much as I let on. In clowning terms, what I do Is called a pratfall.
For those of you that don’t speak nerd, I oversell the hit, falling backwards, eyes fluttering.
I tip backwards, reaching out my left arm, as if to steady myself. The meat mountain is unbothered, knowing I have no chance unarmed, in this close, he let’s me grab one shoulder of the butchers apron. The material is thick, and matted in stains that will never come out, literally or metaphorically.
If you want to take someone out, in a relatively harmless way, you don’t want to choke them. It takes forever, usually ends up killing them, and generally is a bad idea for everyone involved.
Your goal is go cut off blood flow to the brain as quickly and fully as possible.
I hook my thumb around the opposite shoulder strap, and snap my body backward, the apron acting as an impromptu Garrotte.
His right arm is knotted through my left, as he tries to struggle, to put his murderous intent and ability to work, the choke only becomes tighter.
I don’t want enemies here, and I only have so many tricks to play before things come to a knock down drag out fight, so I leave the clown unharmed.
I do need friends, but the look I get as I take a seat at a loose collection of men is cold and fearful.
A red haired guy, five foot nine or so, makes eye contact, “Anything we can help you with? “ he says, fearless.
“Yeah, despite the face work I’ve had done, I have fuck all in common with any of those penny wise, Icp, Gacy dressed, assholes.
I need a tribe guys, you all look like the unlucky ones around here, but I don’t want to get involved in bloodshed.
I’m Mike “ I know, that’s only mostly true, but I mean it, either way. I extend a hand.
“Chris. “ the red haired guy says, he wears a white dress shirt and surprisingly blue jeans, “Those stains around your cuffs tell me otherwise.
If you’re telling the truth, that’s great. If you are lying, and still sane enough to keep your word, that’s even better. “ Chris’s tone is mirthless, I read him easily. He’s been here a long time for a short life, he looks thirty max, and I shudder to think how young he may have been when he came in.
Chris catches me up on the ins and outs of this place, beyond what a general knowledge of prison would give.
Everyone here has crimes they were not convicted of, that would, otherwise put them in jail for life. A large amount, obviously are murderers, torturers, real bastards.
But a significant minority are just regular folks, maybe a bit thoughtless, but that have collected a litany of small, petty, in cases almost victim less crimes.
No one seems to be aware of the… reality t.v. Meets demonic fast food aspect of things, but there is a Doom cherry on this fear Sunday.
There is a single way someone can get out. To earn 20 tokens.
And how does one earn these tokens you ask?
Each day the prison holds an event, to call it a challenge would insinuate a level of fair play that is simply not there. The events range from somewhat fair, a fight or game of chance, to esoteric rituals complex enough to rip someone’s soul from their body.
These tokens are also the sole form of currency in the prison, they can buy everything from commissary snacks to literal free passes from guards.
The economy has created a cut throat society, the heads of the cults not even taking advantage of being able to be free, but simply reveling in the power of being psychotic and enabled.
The weak are enslaved, their lives traded on the off chance at tokens.
So, of course, braindead asshole that I am, I signed myself right up. Feeling a little more confidant after climbing Mount Bozo.
It's 8pm and the volunteers are rounded up and brought to a massive room that has all the trappings of a gymnasium, but the scale is large enough easily hold the focus of tonight’s events.
In tiered bleachers all around us, our fellow prisoners cheer and scream. The smell of thousands of unwashed, men is overpowering, the din of excitement is deafening.
But my attention is focussed on the small, single floor home, sitting out of place in the middle of the polished wood floor.
What I wouldn’t give for Demi to appear right now, give me the low down on all the supernatural bullshit that is heading my way. But the longer we stayed in the mountain the less and less the most useful voice in my head could, or would, make an appearance.
I study each of my fellow volunteers, the goal seems simple, last the longest in the home. Men enter and leave within minutes. They come out looking shaken, with minor lacerations, and a general sense of shell shock.
By the time my turn arrives, I think I know what I’m in for.
I’m wrong.
As the baby blue door closes behind me, nothing immediately in the home causes me concern. The fixtures and furniture is a bit out of date, the lighting is, not inviting, and there is a general fog of gloom hanging around.
I smile, I’ve felt this before. Granted I had Demi feeding me supernatural errata at the time, but, I’m positive I can wing it.
“So, I think I may have met one of you guys before. Back in New York, a Happy-Face corner store, anyone you know?
Scary dude, took a couple of pieces out of me.
But this, it’s more like an MMA fight, right? I tap out when you start kicking my ass? “ I stretch, trying to see if I’m getting any kind of reaction.
I inventory the objects around me, last time everything that wasn’t nailed down, shifted, changed and tried to take me apart.
You may have noticed by now, I love using the phrase ‘ last time’, and that’s because up until this moment, I haven’t learned a fucking thing here.
Mike’s first rule of paranormal survival, last time means nothing.
“It’s you” the voice is young, late teens, and male.
I spin, expecting violence, then, wishing violence.
I know the young man, not this pale, older, revenant with a self inflicted gunshot wound, but I know him none the less.
I’m not being metaphorical when I say my heart misses a beat, I almost fall over, pounding at my chest to stop it’s arythmatic pounding.
I knew what happened to him, found it out long after I could do anything about it. And wasn’t in the best of places when I did.
I’ll call him a ghost for simplicity sake, but this kid, he’s my first, and biggest mistake.
I based who I turned into on finding what I thought was one of the worst people on earth. This kid’s father.
I did things to him worthy of what I knew he did. And to top it all off, I had him die by his wife’s hand.
Well, a decade later I find out, the guy wasn’t a Saint, but he didn’t do anything worthy of the twisted shit I put him through.
I got wind of some false information put out there in a moment of rage by a tech savvy ten year old. The kid never intended it to see the light of day
“I found out about you Mike, I saw that you were a hero. “ The voice is thin echoes like a stuck record.
“No kid, don’t think that. “ I mumble, I’m shaking, the air is freezing, each breath comes out as white mist.
I’m sitting on the flower printed couch now, and it hits me.
I’d assumed because Art couldn’t screw around in my head last time, the same went for everything here.
Remember what we said about last time.
“My told me what happened one night, what I made you do.
I destroyed her memory of him, I made a real Hero kill him, I couldn’t keep hurting people. “ I can see images, flashing in my mind, memories that are not mine.
I’m counting seconds, trying to focus, trying to stay long enough to get the token. It has to have been fifteen, twenty minutes at least.
I try to work up a smirk, to convince myself that I’m just being played by the paranormal equivalent of a heckler.
That’s not it though, This place, this house, is reaching inside me and finding places to look. As I stare into the young man’s rotted eyes I know this is some part of him, torn away from whatever rest he was entitled to.
The lights dim, then turn off. The house is silent.
Hollywood gets being both a lunatic and a hitman wrong in equal measure. No matter how much morality you want to inject into the profession, there are going to come times when you make mistakes.
As the lights slowly turn to a dull orange glow, I’m surrounded by the hovering, mutilated forms of mine.
Those that died that could have been spared, those that died because of my inaction, or stupidity. I’ve never forgotten them, I use them to make sure I never make the same mistakes again, but having them looming, screaming, all demanding I hear their stories, their accusations, their placations.
It's too much, I stumble from the couch, trying to avoid the icy touch of these phantoms. For a moment I find some last scrap of courage, I close my eyes, shut out the shrieking din of the dead.
The silence hits like a truck, I focus, trying to calm my burned out nerves.
Then they are reignited like a fucking welding torch.
“This place didn’t bring us here.
We’ve been right next to you for years Mike. We can’t leave. “ The voice of my first mistake.
Like a toddler I try to run with my eyes closed, I trip over a glass coffee table, clawing my way up the door, grasping at the handle.
I can feel a slight pull now, almost magnetic, trying to drag me backwards.
My hands shake too much, I have to steady my right wrist with my left hand, the floor becomes slick, I see the door, escape start to move further away as I’m pulled backward.
I've taken a hit or two, and had a couple of three day benders that have made me piss myself. But as I stumble, trying to make progress on the nearly friction less floor, I have another unpleasant first experience.
I grab the handle, pulling myself out of the house, launching my body into a skin peeling tumble across unforgiving plank flooring.
I’m a shaking, fetal wreck, by the time I’ve pulled myself together enough to take in my surroundings, I see the red Led clock displaying my time.
42 seconds. Bottom of the barrel. The jeers and booing from the crowd do nothing for my frayed nerves or the storm of fear and anxiety going through my mind.
I’m exhausted, but I can’t sleep, it has nothing to do with the concrete slab that serves as my bed.
My stomach has been knotting and cramping, with each passing second I get more worried I blew some internal gasket in one of the many life or death struggles in the past months.
When I finally manage to vomit, the urge is strong enough I get no where near the filth crusted hole in the floor that serves as my toilet. And my worst fears are confirmed as I see the massive pile of vomit is mostly blood.
… and bones? Is that an eyeball? A piece of fur?
The mass begins to pull itself together, bits and pieces forming the most rudimentary attempt at a face.
“Junior? “ I say, stunned.

I recently had a final straw situation with a BPD close relative. After, she decided to "cut me off". I realized it is something I actually need for myself anyway. She does this every couple years, and never comes even close to apologizing or being accountable, but ends up finding her way back into my life & I don't even know how. A fog is over my brain when I try to think of specific examples, because it seems to happen over a few months rather than in one incident or conversation. At some point, she is talking to me like nothing ever happened or she is asking me for something (or rather, expecting it, because her situation is always SO desperate).
I have never been this sure that I am done before. This makes me anxious that I need to have some sort of a plan in place to keep her from getting in. We are both around 40, but basically see each other at any holiday or family function involving my Dad or her kids. I have seen her once since the estrangement in a very public setting and there was a lot of angry looks from her but not really any direct contact. I know I will have to limit my time with her kids (she does not have primary custody, but any attempt to see them without her, she will perceive as a direct assault). I will probably be estranged from them in the long run, especially when she realizes there is no future for her & me, but I don't feel like I can deliberately cut them out. So at some point, she can possibly use them to get to me. (Like sending a message to me that they have an emergency.)
I don't even know where to start in planning what I might do or say to keep her at arms length if she approaches me. I will not answer the phone or any texts directly. I have decided that part, but if she is face to face with me or finds a way to confirm a message has been given to me about some dire situation she needs help with, I am not ready & don't know what I would say. My therapist suggests simply saying something like "now is not a good time for me", but this does not feel like it will work in my favor. Has anyone had to rehearse this or had a situation they can give me an example of, or just advice? Thanks

My psychiatrist has been trying to get me to take Prozac for a while now. At first, I was adamant that if we could just get my previously undiagnosed and unmanaged ADHD under control, that the anxiety & depression was linked to it, and surely it would go away. So I was staunchly against it for that reason. However, even after having been on Adderall (IR) for a while, my insomnia & depression are still horrible and my psychiatrist is convinced it's the anxiety, despite that the thoughts keeping me up aren't actually anxious ones. I cannot take standard sleep medications (history of sleepwalking) and clonazepam doesn't even make me drowsy; all it does is stop my picking urges from my trichotillomania, which is why I'm continuing to take it (for now--she said the Prozac should also get rid of those urges).
I finally caved, and let her prescribe the Prozac for me. The first night was HELL. The worst heartburn I've ever experienced in my life; tightening in the chest, awful pain, burning esophagus, burping--the works (and I'm someone who had to stop taking ibuprofen years ago for my neck injury because of heartburn, so I know heartburn). I was miserable for over an hour just thinking about how I couldn't POSSIBLY put up with this for 4+ weeks while my body adjusted to the drug. I knew I didn't have it in me. But I took some Tums and drank a bunch of water and then I found this subreddit. I poked around. I read your experiences. I found a lot of advice. Someone recommended taking the Prozac literally inside a bite of food, others said drink a bunch of water with it. So tonight, I did that. I took the pill in between bites of my food, gulped down a lot of water to chase it, then ate the remainder of my meal. I have the Tums on standby, but I haven't needed them thus far. No burning. No tightening. My throat feels fine.
I just want to express my gratitude to this community for being here, and for sharing your experiences. Without you, I wouldn't have pushed through and given it another go. I'm not even sure yet if I'm taking it at the right time for me (can't tell if it makes me sleepy or jittery, though last night I did get drowsy after I took it), but because of this community, I'm going to stick with it and see if it finally quells my anxious mind.
Thank you, prozac. Even if you think you did nothing else today, you helped a stranger.

Hi! First time poster. I’m feeling completely terrified and would love some feedback around my symptoms. I’ll keep it simple(ish).
Period Past: - Period started around 12. They were uncomfortable and HEAVY, but not very painful. - I started the pill around 15 to help with cramps, acne, and heavy flow. - Switched to IUD around 22. Removed at 24. - Worked on hormone health and had super simple periods and good health.
Period Present: - I’m now 32 and have my period every 27-28 days like clockwork. - I have two days of spotting, heavy-to-moderate flow for two days (heavy meaning I may change a Super tampon every 3-4 hours for about 12 hours), light for one day, spotting for two days - I recently got diagnosed with PMDD based solely on depression during my luteal phase. My doctor added some supplements and the depression is resolving quickly. - My cramps have gotten worse over the last year, from absolutely none to moderate now. I usually have a heating pad, ibuprofen, and stick to the couch for about half a day each period. I generally can weight lift and resume activities the rest of my period. I feel fluffy though.
Why I’m Concerned: - I had a random fertility assessment as I want to have kids soon (so desperately 🥺) and thought to get checked due to my age. I have a lot of follicles (27), but my AMH was on the lower end (1.09). I was not on my period during this test, which apparently can change things? She also said my uterine lining was thick (this was one week before my period). The doctor (not my primary gyn) mentioned looking into endometriosis. - During this assessment, they discovered two cysts: one was 2.9cm and the other was 1.5cm. I am unaware of any other cysts in my life. - One week later (last Friday, four days ago), on the first day of my period, I was cooking dinner and got lightheaded. This happens sometimes if I take an edible, so I just laid down. I did not have any cramps at the time. I then went upstairs to change my tampon and immediately felt immense pain…like a cramp from hell. I also felt like I had to poop so I tried and was about 50% productive. But the cramps kept coming and I was blacking out, fainting, screaming in pain, sweating all over my entire body, nauseous, lightheaded. Still trying to poop with little success. The cramps felt how I imagine contractions do…intense for 2-3 minutes, 30 seconds of relief, then again, repeating for about an hour. My husband drove me to the ER at this point as I’m still screaming in pain and couldn’t walk. It didn’t feel like stabbing pain, it felt like cramps deep in my body. - As soon as I get to the ER, I feel 98% fine. Of course. Felt totally fine the rest of the time - Ultrasound comes back normal, no fluid which rules out cyst rupture (I think). I never spoke to a doctor though, just discharged. - Some light cramps the rest of my period and some abdominal discomfort. I was still able to weight lift the next day, run, and live normally. Mostly felt like maybe some gas pains or soreness. Ibuprofen knocked it out. - Finished period today, still slightly sore. My back feels sore, like it’s craving a massage. - Some constipation, although I’m having some BM. I just don’t feel fully relieved.
Other Thoughts: - I don’t have painful sex unless my partner hits a weird angle and then we resume (idk if that’s normal) - I can’t recall painful poops or pee…maybe? - I sometimes cramp around ovulation, though not significantly - I don’t spot bleed, although I did last year post-COVID vaxx for about 2 months
I have an OB/GYN appointment next week, but between this wild cramp episode, lingering discomfort that’s lasting longer than usual, concerning results from my fertility test, and the cysts (with no evidence of rupture), I’m really scared. My life has been a living hell the last 18 months and I’m finally feeling like myself again…until this.
Should I be concerned or am I overthinking?
Thank you. 🤍

30F 200lbs, former smoker, not currently taking any medications.
I first noticed a spot on my chest/abdomen on March 10. Spot did not itch, initially thought it was just a random pimple/bump on me before it became more ring like. After googling i thought it could potentially be ringworm due to its looks and started using an old (unexpired) prescription antifungal cream i had for another time when I had ringworm that day. I went to a derm on 3/20 to check in on the spot, they told me that they didn’t think it looked fungal and said it was likely nummular dermatitis. No biopsy or scraping was taken at this appointment. I was told to finish off the prescription cream and then use a steroid cream on the spot. I was happy to know it wasn’t ringworm, but second guessing the diagnosis after the spot has seemed to made better improvement from Monday to Tuesday. I got lax after my derm visit, and I don’t want to spread something around. Since the initial spot I’ve developed some more spots on me, and the one on my arm concerns me for ringworm too. This spot did not seem to concern the derm.
I have a cat, though she is indoors only and is the only cat in my house. Potential exposure from the gym and baths, not sure what else i could’ve come into contact with.
the spot on my arm is tiny, maybe a quarter to half an inch at most. tends to look shiny and slightly red, has not grown since starting to treat it (later than the initial spot since it popped up later). this spot also doesn’t itch.
Any help appreciated.
Photo album of pics from first day to current including arm spot at the end

From The Designers

For the upcoming March season, aside from the usual hero adjustments, we've also optimized the gameplay of some older heroes such as Layla and Freya. We hope they'll be back with a spring in their step, ready to shine upon the battlefield!
We've also optimized 6 lesser-used equipment (Sea Halberd, Necklace of Durance, Twilight Armor, Rose Gold Meteor, Blood Wings and Thunder Belt) and 2 Battle Spells (Aegis and Revitalize) to hopefully make them more viable options in battle.
Additionally, for the upcoming Season 28, we will be launching a new Mythic system with a new rank, new Display Logos for Mythic ranks, and optimized the Mythic Points system into the Stars system. Reach 25 and 50 stars in Mythic to get upgraded appearances for Mythic stars.
We've also optimized the Placement Match experience and added a new Mythic Rank Exclusive Skin Voting system (avaliable after reaching Mythic rank, vote for 1 out of 6 heroes).
Added "Road to Mythic" challenges at Mythic rank that will grant the S28 Profile Namecard Background and Personal Profile Background. Reach Mythical Glory rank to upgrade them. Good luck in the new season!

I. New & Revamped Heroes

[Revamped Hero: Courageous Warrior - Minsitthar]
[Spear of Glory] and [King's Calling] are Minsitthar's core skills, so we've kept their gameplay the same (with some optimizations) in this revamp.
In addition, we've redesigned his Skill 2 and Passive to provide more damage and control to his kit. This redesign focuses on maintaining his roaming role while exploring the possibility of taking the Exp Lane.
We've also given Minsitthar a complete makeover. With this revamp, the courageous warrior shall reclaim his rightful glory!
Hero Features: A courageous warrior who excels in battle with spear and shield.
[Passive: Mark of the King]
Minsitthar's Basic Attacks and skills apply a stack of Mark of the King. Upon reaching 5 stacks, the next attack will detonate all Marks to deal a large amount of damage and stun the target, and restore HP to Minsitthar.
[Skill 1: Spear of Glory]
When pulling back his spear, Minsitthar will pull all enemy heroes in its path to him.
[Skill 2: Shield Assault]
Minsitthar holds up his shield, reducing incoming damage from the front for a period of time.
While in this stance, Minsitthar's Basic Attacks will hit all enemies in a rectangular area and have increased Attack Speed.
[Ultimate: King's Calling]
Minsitthar's Ultimate now prevents all enemies in its area from using all movement abilities.
Summoned Royal Guards can also trigger Minsitthar's equipment effects with their attacks.
Slightly increased the cast range.
Reduced the effect's duration.

II. Hero Adjustments

The following heroes have undergone significant adjustments in this patch: Joy, Freya, Layla, Wanwan, Badang, Esmeralda and Eudora.

The following uses (↑) (↓) (~) to indicate Buff, Nerf, and Adjustment.

[Joy] (~)
Joy has impressive durability, but her burst potential is a bit lacking in the mid-to-late game. As such, we're making it harder for her to gain durability while increasing her damage to fit her role as an Assassin.
[Passive] (~)
Removed the shield effect.
New Effect: Joy's skills now deal an additional instance of damage each time they hit a non-Minion unit.
[Skill 2] (~)
Max Uses: 5 >> 4
New Effect: Gain a shield when hitting on beat.
[Ultimate] (~)
Number of Skill 2 casts required to unlock: 5 >> 4
New Effect: Gain Physical & Magic Defense during Ultimate.
Damage increase after hitting on beat: 30% >> 40% (max damage when hitting all beats is the same)

[Freya] (↑)
While Freya has great sustainability, she plays more or less the same as other heroes that rely on Basic Attacks. So, we're making it easier for her to chain her skill combos, and in some circumstances, indefinitely. We're also improving the feel of Spirit Combo and Leap of Faith, and that of Freya's combos as a whole. Her shield and damage in the early-mid game have been adjusted to keep things balanced.
[Skill 1] (~)
Skill 1 is no longer enhanced by Sacred Orb nor does it cost any Sacred Orbs.
Can move through obstacles more easily.
[Skill 2] (↑)
Skill casts needed to trigger leaping strike: 3 >> 2
Reworked how the cooldown works: Cooldown is no longer triggered after the leaping strike, instead it triggers after not continuing to cast the skill within a certain period.
Slightly reduced the foreswing time of the leaping strike.
Airborne Duration: 0.5s >> 0.4s
Base Damage: 130-230 (+90% Total Physical Attack) >> 20-230 (+90% Total Physical Attack)
Final Damage: 156-276 (+108% Total Physical Attack) >> 26-276 (+108% Total Physical Attack)
Shield: 160-260 (+70% Extra Physical Attack) >> 60-260 (+70% Extra Physical Attack)

[Layla] (↑)
As a Marksman without Blink, Layla has trouble with survivability. We hope the following changes will allow her to kite enemies more efficiently and increase her skill cap. We've reduced a bit of her damage to balance these buffs.
[Basic Attack & Skills] (↑)
Greatly reduced backswing time to allow her to move and attack more efficiently.
[Attribute] (↓)
Physical Attack Growth: 9 >> 7.5
[Passive] (↓)
Maximum Damage Increase: 135% >> 130%
[Skil 2] (↑)
Changed the slow effect from mark detonations to a 0.25s AOE stun.
Only marks the first target hit.

[Wanwan] (~)
With fewer Weaknesses to hit, more players have been enjoying Wanwan, but it also made it harder for her opponents to counter her Ultimate. Therefore, we want to make it easier to escape her Ultimate while not affecting her power. After the changes, the locked target can more easily get out of lock range, and frontline heroes can move to block Wanwan's crossbow attacks to tank the damage. To compensate, we buffed Wanwan's damage, and how much she gains from Movement Speed bonuses in the early and mid game (Wanwan should get extra Movement Speed to take advantage of this).
[Passive] (↑)
All Weaknesses Hit Damage: 55-97 >> 70-112
[Ultimate] (↓)
Lock Range: 8.5 >> 6
Speed Boost while in the air: 10% Total Movement Speed >> 100% Extra Movement Speed

[Badang] (↓)
Badang has become too dominant in this version with the buff to Knockback effects. We've moderately reduced his damage in the early and mid game for balance.
[Skill 1] (↓)
Base Damage: 160-260 >> 125-225
Explosion Damage: 120-195 >> 100-175
[Ultimate] (↓)
Base Damage: 80-140 >> 60-120
Explosion Damage: 40-70 >> 30-60

[Esmeralda] (↑)
We've slightly increased Esmeralda's damage to make her more competitive compared to other Exp Laners.
[Basic Attack] (↑)
First Damage: 80% Physical Attack >> 100% Physical Attack
Second Damage: 100 +55% Magic Power >> 100 +75% Magic Power
[Skill 2] (↑)
Cooldown: 5.5-3.5s >> 4.5-3.5s

[Eudora] (↑)
We want players to be able to use Eudora's skills based on the situation, instead of always starting with Skill 2.
[Attributes] (↑)
HP Growth: 142.5 >> 160.5
[Skill 2] (↑)
Orb of Lightning bounce's Stun Duration: 0.6s >> 0.9s

[Lesley] (↑)
We've slightly buffed Lesley's damage because the meta has been favouring Attack Speed Marksmen.
Passive (↑)
Base Damage:50 >> 75
[Skill 1] (↑)
Cooldown: 5-3s >> 4-2.5s

[Paquito] (↑)
We've slightly buffed Paquito's durability in the mid and late game to fit his role as a fighter.
[Skill 1] (↑)
Shield: 150-500 +110% Physical Attack >> 150-650 +135% Physical Attack

[Fredrinn] (↓)
Slightly reduced the damage of Fredrinn's Ultimate when not enhanced.
[Skill 2] (↓)
Base Damage: 200-300 >> 140-215
[Skill 3] (↓)
Base Damage: 300-500 >> 210-330

III. Battlefield Adjustments

[New Map]

The brand-new map "Harmonia" is available free for a limited-time! Featuring a new design, with new models, effects, and more. And the "Harmonia" Lord is stepping into the fray, too. Check it out!
[Lord] (↑)
The Enhanced Lord can now use Turret Clash against all turrets it encounters after the 12-minute mark, instead of only the first one.

[Equipment]

[Sea Halberd] (↑)
We don't want Physical Damage heroes to lose much damage output when using this equipment.
[Unique Passive - Punish] (New)
Increase damage by 8% against enemy heroes with more extra HP than you.

[Necklace of Durance] (↑)
Optimized the build path to better fit some mages and supports.
[Build Path]
Mystic Container >> Elegant Gem (Necklace of Durance attributes modified accordingly)
[New Passive] (↑)
Gift (the effect is the same as Elegant Gem)

[Twilight Armor] (Revamped)
We've noticed that most tanks focus on absorbing damage instead of dealing damage, so we've changed this equipment to help against burst damage and also made it more versatile.
[Unique Passive - Twilight] (Revamped)
When taking more than 600 damage in a single hit, the excess amount will be reduced by 300 +5% of Max HP. Cooldown: 5s.

[Rose Gold Meteor] (↑)
Rose Gold Meteor has been overshadowed by Athena's Shield, so we've changed its function to help heroes escape when the passive triggers.
[Attributes] (↑)
Physical Lifesteal: 5% >> 10%
[Build Path] (~)
Magic Blade + Dagger >> Magic Blade + Vampire Mallet
[Unique Passive - Lifeline] (↑)
Shield: 510-1350 >> 840-1820
Removed Effect: Increase Magic Defense by 25 for 3s when triggered.
New Effect: Increase Movement Speed by 50% when triggered, the effect decays over 3 seconds.
Cooldown: 40s >> 60s

[Magic Blade] (↑)
[Unique Passive - Lifeline] (↑)
Shield: 280-700 >> 420-910
Removed Effect: Increase Magic Defense by 12 for 3s when triggered.
New Effect: Increase Movement Speed by 50% when triggered, the effect decays over 3 seconds.
Cooldown: 40s >> 60s

[Blood Wings] (↑)
Optimized Effect: Now when the shield is attacked, it will be restored after 30s even if it's not destroyed.
Cooldown: 30s >> 20s
New Effect: Increase Movement Speed by 30 when shield is active.

[Thunder Belt] (↑)
Thunder Belt is too costly for roaming tanks, so we're reducing its price and boosting its Mana Regen.
[Cost] (↑)
2290 >> 1990
[Attributes] (↑)
Mana Regen: 6 >> 10

[Clock of Destiny] (↓)
Reduced the survivability it granted to burst damage mages.
[Attributes] (↓)
HP: 625 >> 500
[Unique Passive - Time] (↓)
Each stack grants 20 HP (was 25).

[Ice Queen Wand] (↑)
Increased the survivability it granted to sustained damage mages.
[Attributes] (↑)
New: 300 HP
Removed: 150 Mana

[Fleeting Time] (↑)
Optimized Effect: Certain heroes with Ultimates that enter cooldown after their duration is over now also gain cooldown reduction from kills and assists during their Ultimate's duration.
Includes: Faramis, Yve, Luo Yi, Leomord, Baxia, Hanzo, Granger, Edith, Aldous.

[Dominance Ice] (↑)
We want this piece of equipment to be more effective against heroes with high attack speed.
[Unique Passive - Arctic Cold] (↑)
The attack speed reduction is now calculated after all attack speed bonuses.
Lowers nearby enemy heroes' Attack Speed to: 75% >> 70%

[Black Ice Shield] (↑)
[Unique Passive - Arctic Cold] (↑)
The attack speed reduction is now calculated after all attack speed bonuses.
Lowers nearby enemy heroes' Attack Speed to: 90% >> 85%

[Battle Spells]

We've adjusted [Aegis] and [Revitalize] to more clearly differentiate them from [Vengeance]. Heroes of different roles should now have more viable choices for defensive Battle Spells.
[Aegis] (↑)
Aegis works well enough to protect heroes with low HP in the early game, but the shield is too flimsy in the mid and late game compared to how much hero damage ramps up.
Shield: 750 + 50Hero Level >> 750 + 90Hero Level
Removed the effect of granting shield to nearby allied hero.
Cooldown: 90s >> 75s

[Revitalize] (~)
The effect will now move with its caster, making it more suitable for Supports.

[Role Adjustments]

As the meta evolves, certain heroes have gone through a lot of changes compared to their original playstyle and abilities. Therefore, we decided to update their roles to better fit their playstyle.

• Grock: Tank >> Tank/Fighter
• Johnson: Tank >> Tank/Support
• Carmilla: Support >> Support/Tank
• Kaja: FighteSupport >> Support/Fighter
• Ruby: FighteTank >> Fighter
• Fredrinn: Tank/Fighter >> FighteTank
• Paquito: Fighter >> FighteAssassin
• Yin: Fighter >> FighteAssassin
• Benedetta: Assassin >> Assassin/Fighter
• Harley: Mage/Assassin >> Assassin/Mage >

[Lane Position Adjustments]

• Silvanna: Exp Lane/Jungling >> Exp Lane/Roaming
• Cyclops: Mid Lane >> Mid Lane/Jungling

Removed Jungling classification from the following heroes: Lapu-Lapu, Argus, Selena, Masha, Popol and Kupa.

IV. Weekly Free Heroes & New Skins

[New Skins]

1- New Epic skin Vale "Keeper of the Winds" will be available on March 27, 2023. Original Price: 899 Diamonds, 30% off during launch week.
2- Rafaela "Seraphic Selfie" will be available in the Purify Harmonia event on March 31 (Server Time).
3- April StarLight Skin - Edith "Ancient Warden" will be available on April 1, 2023.
4- Miya "Atomic Pop Miya" will be available on April 5 (Server Time) for 899 Diamonds. 30% off for the first 21 days.
5- Cyclops "Yokai Warlock" will be available in Grand Collection on April 10 (Server Time).
6- Eudora "Atomic Pop Eudora" will be available on April 12 (Server Time) for 899 Diamonds. 30% off for the first 21 days.
7- Hanabi "Moonlit Ninja" will be available in Moonlit Wish on April 15 (Server Time).
8- New Epic skin Bane "Soul Defiler" will be available on April 19, 2023. Original Price: 899 Diamonds, 30% off during launch week.
9- May StarLight Skin - Moskov "Violet Spear" will be available on May 1, 2023.
10- New Gloo "Jellyman" skin will be available on May 4, 2023. Original Price: 749 Diamonds, 30% off during launch week.
11- Clint "Crimson Blast" will be available in Grand Collection on May 6 (Server Time).
12- Roger "Phantom Pirate" and "Fire Pirate" will be available soon with a fully revamped design.
13- Hilda "Aries" will be available soon with a fully revamped design.
14- Minotaur "Taurus" will be available soon with a fully revamped design.

[Fragment Shop Adjustments]

Fragment Shop Adjustments on March 22 (Server Time)
a- Rare Skin Fragment Shop
Added: Argus "Dark Draconic", Dyrroth "Ruins Scavenger", Lunox "Ash Blossom", Natalia "Phantom Dancer" and Wanwan "Darting Star".
Removed: Gusion "Cyber Ops", Clint "Rock and Roll", Zilong "Eastern Warrior", Alucard "Viscount", and Minsitthar "Gilded King".

b- Hero Fragment Shop
Added: Hanabi, Edith, Moskov and Alpha.
Removed: Ruby, Gusion, Lesley and Valentina.

[Free Heroes]

8 Free Heroes: Server Time 03/24/2023 05:01:00 to 03/31/2023 05:00:00 (Tap the Settings button on the top-right corner of the main page to check.)
Aamon, Khufra, Vale, Alice, Natalia, Harley, Guinevere and Phoveus.
6 Extra Starlight Member Heroes: Claude, Atlas, Beatrix, Sun, Harith and Grock.
8 Free Heroes: Server Time 03/31/2023 05:01:00 to 04/07/2023 05:00:00 (Tap the Settings button on the top-right corner of the main page to check.)
Lylia, Estes, Martis, Angela, Hanabi, Vexana, Thamuz and Rafaela.
6 Extra Starlight Member Heroes: Irithel, Faramis, Masha, Paquito, Lesley and Bruno.
8 Free Heroes: Server Time 04/07/2023 05:01:00 to 04/14/2023 05:00:00 (Tap the Settings button on the top-right corner of the main page to check.)
Clint, Dyrroth, Diggie, Alice, Fanny, Yin, Aulus and Hylos.
6 Extra Starlight Member Heroes: Akai, Brody, Chou, Aldous, Melissa and Franco.
8 Free Heroes: Server Time 04/14/2023 05:01:00 to 04/21/2023 05:00:00 (Tap the Settings button on the top-right corner of the main page to check.)
Martis, Cyclops, Gatotkaca, Helcurt, Karina, Kaja, Khaleed and Gloo.
6 Extra Starlight Member Heroes: Kadita, Edith, Moskov, Vale, Masha and Beatrix.
8 Free Heroes: Server Time 04/21/2023 05:01:00 to 04/28/2023 05:00:00 (Tap the Settings button on the top-right corner of the main page to check.)
Floryn, Minotaur, Pharsa, Kadita, Thamuz, Bane, Barats and Harith.
6 Extra Starlight Member Heroes: Johnson, Cecilion, Kaja, Chang'e, Roger and Ling.
8 Free Heroes: Server Time 04/28/2023 05:01:00 to 05/05/2023 05:00:00 (Tap the Settings button on the top-right corner of the main page to check.)
Lapu-Lapu, Carmilla, Moskov, Jawhead, Mathilda, Khufra, Akai and Phoveus.
6 Extra Starlight Member Heroes: Luo Yi, Selena, Lolita, Aldous, Bruno and Atlas.
8 Free Heroes: Server Time 05/05/2023 05:01:00 to 05/12/2023 05:00:00 (Tap the Settings button on the top-right corner of the main page to check.)
Vale, Chou, Irithel, Esmeralda, Faramis, Baxia, Lancelot and Bruno.
6 Extra Starlight Member Heroes: Martis, Karrie, Sun, Aurora, Lesley and Hanabi.
8 Free Heroes: Server Time 05/12/2023 05:01:00 to 05/19/2023 05:00:00 (Tap the Settings button on the top-right corner of the main page to check.)
Leomord, Valentina, Terizla, Yi Sun-shin, Phoveus, Karina, Kimmy and Rafaela.
6 Extra Starlight Member Heroes: Natan, Helcurt, Guinevere, Vexana, Barats and Uranus.

[StarLight Shop Update]

The following will be removed from the Shop on 4/30 23:59 (Server Time): Karrie "Dragon Queen", Aldous "The Insentient", Chou "Go Ballistic", Masha "Combat Maiden", Ling "Street Punk", Benedetta "Street Blow", Yi Sun-shin "Azure Sentry", Sun "Simian Curse", Luo Yi "Siren Priestess", and Ruby "Pirate Parrot".
The following will be added on 5/1 00:00: Layla "Bunny Babe", Freya "Dragon Hunter", Zilong "Eastern Warrior", Franco "Apocalypse", Martis "Searing Maw", Wanwan "Teen Pop", Lapu-Lapu "Special Force", Khufra "Dreadful Clown", Pharsa "Peony Bloom", and Cecilion "Stargazer".

V. New Functions & Events

[Ranked Mode]

1- Season 27 will end on 03/24/2023 at 23:59:59 (Server Time).
2- Season 28 will start on 03/25/2023 at 02:00:00 (Server Time). Play Ranked to get rewards, including Lapu-Lapu's S28 skin "Son of the Wild" and S28 Avatar Border "Fearless Armor". Complete rank tasks during the season to upgrade the skin's tag.

[S28 First Recharge Event]

1- Recharge 20 Diamonds to claim the S28 First Recharge Avatar Border for free!
2- Recharge any amount to purchase the S28 First Recharge Exclusive Elite Skin Khufra "Iron Hook" only for 100 Diamonds after discount!
3- Recharge a total of 3 days to purchase a Rename Card (7-Day). Only for 50 Diamonds after discount!

[The ALLSTAR event is here for a limited-time with the best deals of the year!]

1- From April 5 - May 28, ALLSTAR exclusive skin [Miya "Atomic Pop Miya"] and its Custom Action Bundle will be added to the Shop. 30% off for the first 21 days!
2- From April 12 - May 28, ALLSTAR exclusive skin [Eudora "Atomic Pop Eudora"] and its Custom Action Bundle will be added to the Shop. 30% off for the first 21 days!
3- From April 15 - May 8, the Moonlit Wish Draw event will be available. Participate in the draw and you'll have the chance to obtain the new ALLSTAR exclusive skin
4- [Hanabi "Moonlit Ninja'] as well as STUN, M-World, and [Guinevere "Psion of Tomorrow'] skins for a limited-time! Spend ALLSTAR Promo Diamonds to draw from 4/20 - 4/25. Don't miss out!
5- From April 15 - April 19, purchase Mega Draw Bundles (including Moonlit Wish Token + Lucky Number) for a chance to win 10,000 Diamonds daily, and a chance to win a 50,000 Diamond jackpot. Start buying early for the best chance to win!
6- From April 15 - April 23, log in daily during the event to win free rewards.
7- Complete daily and consecutive Recharge Tasks to earn rewards, including up to 5 Moonlit Wish Tokens, ALLSTAR exclusive Emote, Magic Wheel Potions, and loads more!
8- From April 20 - April 25, enjoy a shop-wide Mega Sale with up to 50% off. Spend ALLSTAR Promo Diamonds to buy skins for as little as 1 Diamond!

[ALLSTAR Free Rewards]

Four permanent skins, permanent hero choice, limited-time resources, Diamonds and more, all FREE and waiting to be claimed! You don't want to miss this!
1- From March 22 - 31, join Rafaela's Livestream event to claim a free ALLSTAR exclusive Emote!
2- From March 31 - April 30, join the Purify Harmonia event to claim a new ALLSTAR permanent skin, Spawn Effect, Avatar Border and more for free!
3- From March 31 - April 30, join the Last Encore event to claim a permanent event-exclusive skin of your choosing!
4- From April 1 - 25, join the ALLSTAR Login Gifts event to claim the new ALLSTAR Graffiti, Recall Effect, Draw Token, Elite skin and more for free!
5- From April 5 - 20, join the ALLSTAR Festival event to claim free ALLSTAR Promo Diamonds. Spend them in place of Diamonds!
6- From April 21 - 30, join the ALLSTAR Hero Academy event to claim one of five free permanent heroes!
7- On top of all that, there's Nostalgia, All Heroes Free Access, ALLSTAR reward exchange, and loads more reward-packed events coming soon!

[MLBB X Transformers: March 22 - April 30]

1- MLBB X Transformers draw event: MLBB X Transformers skins Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, Megatron, Soundwave & Ravage, Grimlock and Starscream available for a limited time!
2- Transformers: Scratchcard Event: 1) Event is held from March 22 - 28. Transformers Scratchcard will offer Transformers Passes at a discount! 2) Gain a free scratchcard attempt with each purchase, with guaranteed Transformers-related resources!

[Superheroes Assemble!]

The Dawning Stars series exclusive skins and resources will return for a limited-time from 5/9 - 6/2 (Bruno "Firebolt", Lancelot "Swordmaster", Chou "Thunderfist", Vale "Blizzard Storm", and Esmeralda "The Foreseer")!
1- A permanent prize is guaranteed in the first 10 draws. Enjoy 50% off on your first 1X draw each day and 10% off for every 10X Draw.
2- Vote for your favourite Dawning Stars series skin from 4/24 00:00 - 5/13 to get discounted in the Event Shop during the draw event!
3- More Premium Supply events coming from 5/13 - 5/15 and 5/27 - 5/29. Get draw tokens at a discount!

[Weekly Diamond Pass]

Added the [Savings Box] feature: After purchasing/subscribing to the Weekly Diamond Pass, if you logged in on a particular day but forgot to claim your Weekly Diamond Pass rewards, they will be available the following day in your [Savings Box] (located on the Weekly Diamond Pass page). These can be claimed at any time, so don't worry about rewards you forgot to claim!

[StarLight Lucky Chest]

1- From 4/1 00:00:00 - 4/30 23:59:00, spend 10 Diamonds to participate in the draw for a chance to get a StarLight Card or Premium StarLight Card!
2- Added new "StarLight Last Light" Killing Notification to the StarLight Shop.

[Astral Star]

1- Starting 4/1 00:00 (Server Time), purchase Premium StarLight Membership to get the exclusive name [Astral Star] that will be valid during April StarLight.
2- The [Astral Star] name color is an exclusive Premium StarLight Member privilege, and is displayed in the game where names are shown.

VI. System Adjustments

[MMR Function Optimization]

1- Bonuses and Protection that affect Hero Power are now shown more clearly on the post-game screen.
2- The best title obtained each season is now recorded on your Favorite Heroes page.
3- Adjusted the minimum score required to enter each level's leaderboard, as well as the amount of points gained at each rank.

[Ranked Mode Adjustments]

1- Optimized the Mythic Points system to the Stars system and added a new rank, Mythical Honor, at 25 stars.
2- Added "Road to Mythic" challenges at Mythic rank. Complete them to get the S28 exclusive Profile Namecard Background and Personal Profile Background, and unlock upgraded versions of them at Mythical Glory rank.
3- Every season, you can get 10 Mythic Coins by winning 10 Ranked matches after reaching Mythic rank. Collect 40 Mythic Coins to exchange for the Mythic Exclusive Skin coming later.
4- Reach 25 and 50 stars in Mythic to get upgraded appearances for Mythic stars.
5- Optimized the Placement Match experience. The stars you earn during placements will be applied after you complete your Placement Matches.
6- Optimized Mythic rank matchmaking.

[Recharge Event Rule Adjustments]

After the version update, buying/subscribing to/renewing Weekly Diamond Passes or subscribing to/renewing Weekly Ticket Passes/Monthly Ticket Passes will all count toward Recharge Events and grant the following task progress:

• Weekly Diamond Pass/Weekly Diamond Pass Subscription: Progress +100
• Ticket Monthly Subscription: Progress +150
• Ticket Weekly Subscription: Progress +50 >

[Other]

Changed the Flag Change Card cooldown period to 3 months. Flag Change Cards will also be available for 70% off.

VII. Bug Fixes & Optimizations

1- Optimized game [Terms] and their descriptions in the [Tutorial].
2- Optimized the display for the 'Disarm' and 'Blink Disabled' markers shown during combat. They've been relocated from above a hero's head to beneath their HP bar.
3- Fixed an issue where some menus would cause crashes.
4- Fixed an issue where Lolita's Enhanced Basic Attacks would end when it's not used (also fixed on the Official Server).
5- Fixed an issue where Gloo would remain on Hayabusa after he used his Ultimate.
6- Fixed an issue where Gloo would remain on Wanwan after she used her Ultimate.
7- Fixed an issue where the animation of the knockback on Chou's Ultimate didn't fully match its control duration.
8- Fixed an issue where Odette's enhanced Basic Attacks couldn't trigger Attack Effects.
9- Fixed an inaccuracy with the damage of the second part of Lapu-Lapu's enhanced Ultimate.
10- Fixed an issue where the damage of Wanwan's Ultimate didn't properly scale with level.
11- Fixed an issue where the blocked damage of Badang's Skill 2 didn't properly scale with level.
12- Fixed an issue where the description and numbers on Argus' Ultimate's status icon weren't displayed correctly.
13- Fixed an inaccuracy with the damage description of Edith's Skill 2.
14- Fixed an inaccuracy with the description of Lapu-Lapu's passive.
15- Fixed an inaccuracy with the cooldown description of Xavier's Skill 2.
16- Fixed an inaccuracy with the movement speed description of Pharsa's Skill 4.
17- Fixed an issue where the movement speed of Hylos' Ultimate didn't increase with the skill level.
18- Fixed an issue where Hilda's Basic Attacks did not match the effects.
19- Fixed an issue with Johnson's Skill 1 description where the stated Physical Attack bonus was slightly off.
20- Optimized the visual effects when control immunity triggers.
21- Fixed an issue where Turret Protection takes effect after a long delay when allied minions die within the enemy turret's range.
22- Fixed an issue where Tigreal's passive was not correctly blocking additional damage triggered by Basic Attacks.
23- Fixed an issue with Windtalker not getting the correct cooldown reduction from Basic Attacks.
24- Fixed an issue where players would rarely lose sound in matches.

• Mobile Legends: Bang Bang

Well today is Wednesday, I don't have classes since my schedule is Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday, anyways, I'm still shock that I can open my problems to someone without crying, but not gonna lie, my voice is shaking when I talked about my hardships with them. You'll probably wonder, who's those guys I open my family problem? Well... I've never thought that I'll have this kind of friends again. It's been a while since I felt good, releasing those madness. Tuesday at 10:40, our GenChem Teacher, Miss Arizza, discusses about solid and liquid properties, a short discussion, then she said that we can go to library to research for our activity. There's two discussion room, we booked the empty one. It's nice and cozy. While writing and searching up on Google, we keep a low voice since it's not even sound proof but I guess we can't even shut our mouths talking about life 'ya know? And as usual, I'm the only one who's still writing, I like struggling so much, while them, short-cutting their papers, but since we have time until 1:20, it's an advantage that we can stay as long as we want. After I've finish my papers, Pabi(Peavy) ask if we can hang out, the five of us only. Since we didn't have a time, where not complete everytime we want to hang out, it's because of our tight schedule. They asked if we can hangout later after the GenChem subject, Fiona said that she have training for volleyball and they said if we can do it tomorrow (Wednesday), which is this day, but I said "Im not at home, I'm going to manila to make appointment with Tulfo. if you didn't know who's Tulfo is, he's a Famous tv broadcaster and one of our government senate, he also helps to those people who needs help. They are shocked, and ask if we'll be broadcasted on live, and I should shout out them and our teachers who give us a lot of activity, I laughed like maniac, it's just I feel comfortable around them. I said "idk what will happen, but I really don't know if we'll be broadcasted" And they asked, what happened, why we need to go to Mr. Tulfo, this is the interesting turn that I tell how fucked up my life is. I said the first thing "you know other father's around there that they have guts when they're drunk?well my father isn't. He have a huge gut even he's not drunked." "It begins when my mom goes to Batangas for treatment, you know, we have this cancer in ovary that is hereditary. Ovarian cyst. My mo go to Batangas to treat and gone for almost 2-4 days. My mom and dad aren't in good terms when she go to Batangas, but since where responsible daughters, we can live in our own, we also know that she's in Batangas because she always talked to us if she's having a hard time like we used to do. We didn't say where our mom go to our father 'cuz we know that he'll never care or he'll just get mad to my mom. Long story short, my mom came home, around 11 or 12 in the evening, and I'm still up. I came downstairs to help her and bring her things in the house, then there's our damn father, throwing away my mom's things, she can't even say a word since it's hard to talk fresh from treatment. When where about to enter the house, he suddenly shut the door and locked out. Since I'm the only one who's up that day, we stayed outside while waiting for my sister to open it. Everyone outside was looking and also worried. Cut all the other happenings, were now in and out in our Barangay Women's Desk, because of his doings. We also stayed up late just to watch our gate, since there's someone who's watching us. My mom is connected to NPA(communist) before, we called it "itaas", and now she's clear, she turns into our Government, but my father threat us that he'll said about my mom's clearing her name to "itaas" and where so scared like how tf?, I didn't said that (to Fiona,pabi,Mavi,Jianne) our life got fucked up because of my father's jealousy that he's coming up with conclusion that my mom is cheating and that she's cheating with a Militar. Like the fuck?I'm so shocked that he'll said that, like he's the one who's been cheating in 18 years of their relationship. Now that my mom have enough, we planned to have DNA test with the help of Mr. Tulfo to test if I'm his real daughter, because he said that I'm not his daughter and all because of one thing that I stood up against his abused for my mom, mentally. You know, I'm daddy's girl. He can't believe that his girl is against her now. I don't even know him though. Before, he even picking me up to school and he'll let me sit in his shoulder while we go home and it's even raining,I-i would say that I miss my old father, but why he didn't consider to think what he's doing?like I didn't matter at all. I know it's against my will but I have to make him realize that we've been through a lot and he need to realize what he waste for years. If I have a power to bring his old self, I would love to. I would love to spend those days. I would love to hug him, kiss him while I'm off to school, I would love to be my father again, I just want apologies, but I didn't get one instead I get hatred. I should be the ones who's hating him but I can't. I can't even look him in the eyes whenever I bump to him, I always keep the eyes of "I don't know you, I don't give a fuck" While telling this to my friends, I kinda feel comfortable letting some percent of my hardship let out. Their faces is like "how fucked up are you, really?" Fiona said " so he's like a threat to your family, so you decide to do this?" Of course I had enough, I can't bring back my old father. It's the only way, I know his other childs will hate us, but I don't care, I don't even want you as my sisters and brothers.
I'm his First Child with his second wife(my mom) I'm also the eldest daughter and acting the father and mother for my other sisters, I may his sweet innocent little girl before, but not anymore. He made me hate him, he made all of this fuss without considering our feelings, he made a villain, but I'm not letting those hatred make me down. I'm just doing this to see if he'll change, if not, may God make the way. And I also wonder while people keep asking after they know about that story, "why would you do that to your father", "he's still your father" let's switch position then. You can't blame me for those, stop those act like people care and know what happen, why I hate him so much that I don't want him as father, that I didn't even wish to born, stop those shitty things like comforting me with those words. It's not helping. Y'all don't know what I've been through, you don't know how depression and anxiety made myself, that I need to hide just to please other that I'm ok while deep inside im not. 'cuz even if I tell that I have this fucked up life, bo one will care. All I just want to say, that if you're a father or a daughter that reading this, I hope this story of mine will give you realization in life. If you think your life is fucked up, that your relationship is fucked up. Think again, I don't want other Teen like me will suffer like this, I know it's not physical abuse, but it's mental abuse. After that discussion with them, we all talked about something and make me laugh so it won't bring stress, its happy that they listen to my story without questioning, they just sit and listen to my rant, they maybe shocked but guess there always grief in someone. Also Fiona said "You're just sleeping I school and all but we don't know you struggle this much" I know right?welcome to the chaotic life of Lynn.

Okay so, contrary to popular belief male quail (roosters?) are LOUD. Now normally thats not an issue, they are outside and we cant hear them as much.
However we accidentally hatched 4 male quail who need to come inside because they are not fully accustomed to the weather (its wet, and cold)
And. What. The. Fudge.
All four are taking turns crowing at high pitches every 5-10 seconds before bed and when we wake. It’s horrible. Even with lights off They know….
My question is; Does anyone know if there is such thing as a crow collar for quail, or if anyone knows of any possible solutions?
(Before anyone suggests having a nice quail dinner, they are being fed some tasty treats and being kept in low stress in preparation😁 we just need some future prevention and current sound relief)
Edit: if there is such thing as a crow collar for quail i have absolutely no intention on keeping it on them all the time, I generally love all their sounds and like to know that they are around. Only need something for when they have these crowing fits

PART 1 OF 2 This happened 8 years ago now when I (M16) was in highschool. Each concussion happened at on a seperate occasion.
The first happened when me and a few friends decided to wrestle at a community center where I used to live (Ontario, Canada). We decided on a tournament style where the winner will get a large pizza that all the losers pay for. The fights were a simple one on one, win by tap or an obvious overpowerment. We all circled the two main fighters and watched them wrestle until it was our turn. I had my eye on my first matchup, Z (M15), who was easily the skinniest and therefore the easiest to wrestle. Once it was our turn to fight, Z backed out, leaving me without a matchup. My round got skipped and it was agreed upon by the rest of the fighters that if I wanted to fight then I could skip to the next round.
Concussion #1 Fast forward to my next opponent, someone who thought was on my level due to a small difference in our age (Me 16 & my opponent, A being 17). I had the height on him by a bit but he easily weighed 10 or 15 pounds more than me. I knew that I had to end the fight fast as he might be stronger than me. The first thing I did was put him in The ol' reliable, a headlock. I positioned myself to one angle so that I could use all my power to thrust to the other side and throw us both on the ground. This amazing move should put him in a daze of confusion and that is when I should put him in some sort of submission hold until he taps out and I become the victor. I had the entire scenario in my head pictured in what looked like a That's So Raven glimpse into the future. Now time to execute this bodacious maneuver. I jolted from one side to the other and tried to throw him to the ground but he eliminated any thoughts of filling my stomach with any form of cheesy Italian cuisine with one simple maneuver: he took a step backwards. This move let him slip out of the headlock and left me to think about everything that led to this point while I fell in what felt like slow motion. I did not have any time to prepare for the fall other than tilting my head down so that I don't break my nose. I got the top of my forehead on the carpeted but still extremely hard ground. It hurt but I didn't feel anything weird until I got up and felt like vomitting. My vision had motion blur and it felt like I was looking through a tunnel because I lost my peripheral vision. I started reaching my arms out to grab anyone near me because the motion blur was affecting my depth perception. I was helped to sit out in a corner as I considered my life choices that led me here and how I took my regular vision for granted. We hid this from any adults that could possible get us in trouble but we did ask for help from some "cool" early 20s staff who we usually hung out with. They told me that I cannot sleep in a situation like this even though I was suddenly getting sleepy and they told me the possibility of more harm if I actually slept. I stayed awake due to fear of brain damage and "toughed it out" like my friends suggested I do.
Concussion #2 Now fast forward 6 months later. I am in grade 11 playing basketball with my friends when happen to trip on a crack in the cement floor that felt a lot bigger than it looked. I tried to brace my fall with my arms, but the pushups I always skipped came back to haunt me. I couldn't catch myself and I don't know whether it's the speed at which I fell or the fact that I couldn't even hold myself in a pushup form if my life depended on it. This led to me faceplanting the cement and my glasses which I had on the entire time smashing on impact (this miraculously did not cause me any harm in any way) and my face cutting open at the temple. Blood poured out like honey out of a bottle and my friends got me tissue paper to cover the bleeding. I was to distracted by the amount of bleeding to realize that I had a concussion. This time it was a similar feeling to the first time. I was ready. I remained calm, tried to stop the bleeding, and waited patiently for the ambulance to come. The EMTs confirmed that I showed symptoms of a concussion and I rode with them to the hospital. The doctor later confirmed that the cut on my head was on a weird angle and the stitching it might cuz issues once it heals so the bleeding was stopped and a bandage was placed over the gooey stuff they used to cover the wound.
Concussion #3 Fast forward to the next semester. It is Finals Week of my grade 11 year and we just finished one of our exams. We decided that since we have the rest of the school day off to prepare for our next exam, we have some time to play basketball. We have one "court". It looks similar to the place in the warehouse where they had that basketball episode in the office. This is the same court where I tripped and fell and recieved my concussion #2. {This year we went to the finals in the local high school basketball tournament and lost not because they were better, but because our starting five (including a 6 foot 5 kid that plays rep) got tired due to us playing multiple games back to back. This kid was 1 year younger than me but he fit into our friend group because all of his friends were our age as well.} I was chasing my tall friend who just grabbed the rebound but I got too close to him from behind and ended up tripping on one of his long freaky stick legs. This was unintentional from him as he couldn't have known that I was that close to him as he would've positioned himself differently. I still haven't improved in my workout routine so I still couldn't defend myself from gravity. Face_plant3.exe. My glasses spontaneously combusted upon impact and my face was led to the same fate as my previous encounter against this undefeated foe. I picked myself off the ground and looked down as I saw my poorly rendered reflection in a small pool of blood where I just got up from. I positioned myself to sit against a wall as the adrenaline basically made the pain non-existent as I sat there angry at myself for getting in a situation like this for the second time within a year. I was rushed by teachers and students who helped me stop the bleeding as they called 911. It was then that I started to notice the effects of my concussion. Everything from the tunnelling vision to the nausea. However, there was one issue that worried me. The tunneling vision exceeded my peripherals and slowly covered my full vision with darkness. I looked around at the places where I knew the lights were positioned to see if I noticed anything but I couldn't see them. I remembered to stay calm and asked my teacher who was helping me if the lights were still on. He didn't answer immediately. He then said "What do you mean? Of course they are. What?" Once he confirmed what I suspected, my calm mind reminded me of Daredevil on Netflix in the scene when he lost his sight. I thought the super hearing or super senses might kick in but it was just regular senses minus sight. I prepared for the worst and I just thought about all the things I could no longer enjoy in life. My VR headset. Gaming. TV. Oh god, Anime? Reality started to kick in around 10 min later when I was waiting for the ambulance to arrive. Eventually I started to see some light from one eye and then the next. It started with light, then blurry colors. Then shapes. Then a few hours later my sight was back to normal. Part 2 is about losing my ability to sleep some weeks later because of my head injuries
TL;DR - Got 3 different concussions with one leading to temporary blindness.

Life comes in many flavours, and each day we face many questions. Some of these questions are judgements. And some of these judgements involve others in significant and meaningful ways. On the one hand, we seek to satisfy our personal needs -- self-determination -- while maintaining a sense of virtue -- compassion and justice. For many, there is too much injustice and suffering just to ignore. On the other hand, balancing the needs of us and them beckons honest appraisal of situations and people. But where and how should our finger be pointed?

Core psychology of blame

Among the very earliest struggles in a person's life is the process of ego development. In its simplest, ego is about separating good from bad, self from other. Various theories and models strive to explain the ego, or its development, from various perspectives. For the purposes here, I will be referencing object relations theory, which is part psychoanalytic psychology and deals with very early development, starting at birth. A few things will be slightly simplified to keep the text concise.
Within this theory, the first several months involve what is termed the paranoid-schizoid position. The "schizoid" aspect refers to a cognitive-emotional process known as splitting. This is where external objects, including people, are split into opposing mental parts -- to form part objects, or the "good object" version and the "bad object" version of each meaningful external object or phenomenon. For example, when the caregiver is gratifying to the infant, that part object is the "good caretaker"; and when not so gratifying, that caretaker is the "bad caretaker". At this stage of development and understanding, these two "part objects" are not seen as from the same source. Rather, each is a separate thing appearing and disappearing as circumstances and feelings change. The key word here is separation, which we will come back to later.
The other aspect of the paranoid-schizoid position -- the "paranoid" aspect -- refers to a curious side effect of splitting everything into "good" and "bad". Because each "part object" is either all good, or all bad, and because the appearance and disappearance of these mysterious entities is more-or-less out of control, the infant begins to resent and fear the bad objects that keep happening. That is, the baby hates the bad objects but loves the good objects. This is perhaps the very first stage of moral awareness -- raw, albeit mistaken judgement; love the good; hate the bad; pure, uninhibited attraction and repulsion. As a result, or side effect, of these negative or aggressive feelings toward "the bad", the baby may fear possible persecution, invoking paranoia. Strange though that may sound, there is a bit more to it.
Splitting, as between the mentioned "good" and "bad" objects, is only half the story. The other half of splitting is between "good self" and "bad self". That is, because in the paranoid-schizoid position, objects are temporary and impermanent, so too is the self temporary and fleeting. Moreover, the self is either in comfort, or in distress, giving either "good self" or "bad self" -- depending on circumstance. Since the "good self" appears with the "good object", and likewise the "bad self" with the "bad object", the child fears the appearance of the "bad object" even more. This is because its presence entails essentially collapse of the previous self-concept, as if to enter a realm of deserved persecution for being the "bad self" -- and hence the emergence of paranoia.
On an interesting aside, this manner of judging objects and selves as good or bad based solely on whether one is currently in comfort or pain is the essence of Stage 1 in Lawrence Kohlberg's stages of moral development. This is a theory on the progression of individuals throughout life in moral reasoning. Stage 1, termed obedience and punishment orientation, judges those in trouble or pain as inherently bad. In many cases, this view basically blames the victim. Further, this type of reasoning is essentially the basis for the "might makes right" mindset seen in some cases of antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). One thing to keep in mind is that we all start there, but not everyone stays there. In this way, having crude moral reasoning later in life is effectively a sign of delayed or regressed development, much like a disability -- ie. "morally disabled".

Completing the person

Eventually, the child will reach a point in development where objects become whole and persistent, able to have simultaneously negative and positive qualities. Objects or people may take on accounts, or balances, allowing for consideration of simple reciprocity, including guilt and reparation. Self and caregiver become distinct entities, where "good" self is no longer lost each time caregiver is absent or busy. Assuming successful progression, blame and judgement is no longer split dichotically between two extremes. Otherwise a new type of splitting is come, where objects and entities, though whole and persistent, are either idealised or devalued.
An important key trend exists between consecutive steps of ego development. This is the trend of expanding persistence and relatedness. In the part-object stage, objects appear and vanish -- some good, some bad. These raw appearances are neither persistent, nor related. In the whole-object stage, objects become persistent, although at first not really related. Because of this initial lack of relation, the secondary type of splitting -- idealisation and devaluation -- is still likely. Basically, since one person or object is fundamentally unrelated to another, including the self, there is "no harm" in seeing one as all good, and another as all bad. Without a stabilising relation, moral judgements can be whimsical yet extreme. A person or object may alternate between being embraced and discarded, depending on present feelings or arrangements. But what makes a stabilising relation?
In general, stabilising relations develop naturally through observation and reason. For example, a caregiver may through time be taken as an intrinsic part of one's need for support. Or a sibling may eventually be seen as fundamentally similar and related. But the building of these relations, or attachments, can be hindered by certain experiences or feelings. For instance, an unstable or unavailable caregiver may leave a child feeling resentment, shame, or guilt. These feelings may then get in the way of building an emotional bond. The resulting lack of security, mixed with possible shame or guilt for not being good enough, may lead to maladaptive and unstable boundaries and self-definition. Some common results are narcissism and borderline personality -- the former as an escape mechanism from feelings of inadequacy, and the latter as unstable border-lines between what is embraced, and what is rejected. These early childhood misgivings can then live on subconsciously, infiltrating the psyche and its future engagements.

Competition and judgement

While the capacity for blame and hate may emerge, as described above, from fundamental urges of attraction and repulsion -- mixed with innate capacity for making inference -- there is another powerful instinct at play. Complex social animals have a built-in game of gene-selection and mate-selection. This game relies on a simple heuristic, or objective -- form competitive hierarchies, and select those at the top. The evolutionary assumption is that competition filters out less desirable code. Without reflection, this pre-configured notion may be taken at face value, often in fact elevated -- whether spoken or kept silent -- to something of religious adherence. But is the argument sound?
In simple times, back in the tribe, individuals tended to grow up closely-knit and fairly uniformly. Regardless which parents one had, pretty much everyone had access to the same quality of food, healthcare, and education. Tools and other amenities could readily be made or obtained by any abled body, often with only modest effort. As a result, there was, compared to modern times, an extremely even playing field. Very little interfered with the above premise that those who achieved success in social hierarchy likely had something special inside. Sure, luck still played a part, but that part was not only far less significant than today, but also far more visible for those of simple tribes. In probably most cases, everybody knew when someone had encountered bad fortune, as individual stories were less hidden.
In the current age, however, personal merit is vastly more obscured and mangled by deceptive forces. The range of disparity in childhood resources and care, the long duration of schooling needed to be competitive, and the sheer price of admission into money-making pursuits, completely destroy any legitimacy the heuristic of selection by social hierarchy may previously have had. Luck may have played a part back then, but today the part played by the lottery of placement into a particular family, time, and place is riddled with inequity. On top of all that, the behaviours and exploits that set one person atop the next are lost from sight through the complex labyrinth of time, legalese, and the unfathomable size of modern society. Hence, the basis of soundness behind judging merit on personal outcome is no longer something that can be supported with any honesty. To praise or blame based on social status and wealth is to partake in folly.

Entity and arrangement defined

Entities are mental objects, and their social accounts, pertaining to people, groups, aggregates, and other moral agents. I say mental objects for two basic reasons. One, individuals and groups change through time. As the saying goes:

"A person never steps into the same river twice; for on the second occasion, one is neither the same person, nor is it the same river" (paraphrased) ~ Heraclitus of Ephesus.

Two, while we may posit that physical substance seems to exist out there, beyond the mind, we nevertheless must work within our mental model, or worldview, when considering those entities and other things of material or mental reality. Hence, entities and objects can be cognised, or considered, solely as mental objects. This phenomenon of the mental becomes even more apparent when we consider the nature of not only being, but identity, character, and personal story. None of these, from what I can tell, can rightly be said to exist outside the mind. Each has arbitrary, situation-specific, and continually shifting boundaries and connotations.
Arrangements, in contrast, are sets of objects; entities; their relative positions; their internal configurations; and their relations and interactions. Arrangements are hence the frameworks in place either materially or logically between and within entities and or objects. Common examples include law, culture, contract, education, and social hierarchy -- but also the physical placement of people and things.
Not surprisingly, the arrangements in place have substantial influence on the outcomes for individuals and society. The same person lowered into two different cultures and circumstances can be expected to have a different time. Education, ideas, values, struggles, and relationships may all be completely changed. The combinations of butterfly effect, disparity of opportunity, and idiosyncratic accident leave open the door for a wide variety of possibility.

Splitting and blaming the entity

Before talking about what to blame, or how to blame it, we might consider some phenomena which may influence one's ability to make sound judgement. As discussed previously, early development can play a big part in both the way one perceives and understands the world, and also the way one feels about, and hence reacts to, situations and challenges within the world. So let us look at some such phenomena.
Splitting, in the post-infancy sense, is the viewing of mental objects -- including and especially people -- as either idealised all good, or devalued all bad. The primary hypothesis goes something along the lines that a child who felt insufficiently loved or attended during infancy and early childhood may develop an internalised sense of unworthiness -- perhaps shame or guilt. In simple terms, the child may internalise a judgement of "not good enough". Since early, particularly pre-linguistic experiences tend to be deeply-seated and hard-conditioned, the person later in life may not only have little if any recall of such experience, but likely has little ability to reflect or challenge the resulting feelings or cognitive distortions. Basically, the only remnant clearly visible may be the feelings and intuitions themselves -- sense of shame, guilt, and never being good enough. However, as with other inescapable negative feelings, the child or later person is prone to forming habits of escape. Most notably here, the person may partake in defence mechanisms, or unconscious patterns of perception and thinking that seek to turn off or escape uncomfortable or stressful cognitions.
Projection is among the most used defence mechanisms. It involves taking an unwanted feeling or judgement, and throwing it upon someone or something else. The idea is to distance oneself from such negative connotations. In the case of internalised shame or guilt of being "not good enough" during childhood, the person is likely to begin casting this judgement upon others. Unreasonable or unattainable standards may be adopted. The world itself may be viewed as inherently broken or untenable. In the case of splitting specifically, black-or-white, all-or-none thinking may be employed to polarise objects or people -- including oneself -- into all good or all bad -- idealisation or devaluation. This type of projection sorts others into something of angels and demons. Furthermore, as in borderline personality disorder, these dichotic judgements may switch regularly depending on current affairs. The key thing to remember here is that projection is done to escape unfaceable feelings or judgements about oneself. Use of this defence mechanism may shift blame from self to another, often in a way that is difficult or impossible for the user to see.
More broadly, splitting belongs to a class of phenomena known as cognitive distortions. In addition to all-or-none thinking, cognitive distortions include overgeneralising, disqualifying the positive, jumping to conclusions, exaggeration, perfectionism, personalisation, always being right, and labelling of others. Obviously these all have significant implications for how one judges others, and indeed how one places blame. For the discussion here, let us talk about one more of these.
Personalisation is when a person takes the blame personally, regardless what external factors may be at play. This style of attribution is inherently self-deprecatory. Alternatively, blame may be placed entirely on another person or group. The distortion here is not that blame is occurring, but that the object is always a conventional moral agent, such as a human or AI. Essentially, an individual with this style of attribution may have an irrational tendency to place blame on agents, rather than circumstances. The trick is understanding why this happens.
As it turns out, the psychology behind placing blame disproportionately on people and other agents, rather than arrangements, is driven by the instinct of social hierarchy. Like brought up earlier, people have a tendency to compare and compete, judging one another into hierarchies of better and worse -- more or less worthy. The more insecure a person feels, or the more internalised shame or sense of inadequacy one has, the more the person may be compelled to cast blame on others. Put simply, insecurity activates the instinct of social hierarchy.
There are some noteworthy side effects to the habit of blaming the agent. One is scapegoating, or the projection of a group's fears and insecurities onto an external object. In scapegoating, the object chosen is often little, if at all, related to the underlying problem or dysfunction. Rather, the group seeks to unload its insecurity onto an unlucky target. This behaviour is much like that done in narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). One might say that groups too, not just people, can have NPD. One common target of scapegoating is minorities, of pretty much any type, who are often blamed for internal inadequacies of the majority regime. Another side effect of blaming the agent is kicking the dog, or chain reactions of blame shifting where each rung of the social hierarchy blames the next rung, all the way to the dog. Similar to scapegoating, kicking the dog picks a target generally unable to defend itself. This style of attribution, moreover, is contagious within organisations, hindering legitimate consideration of how the true underlying issues can best be resolved.

False object of blame

A curious distortion of interest is blindly taking the mental as fact. In the extreme, there is a phenomenon known as psychic equivalence. This is common in children, where the imagined monster under the bed is believed surely to exist. The line between mental and external is still thin. While most older individuals are beyond such explicit equivalence, we nevertheless have no other option for understanding reality than what our mind beholds. Whether for positive or negative, when we see or imagine someone, we are never seeing the real person. What we witness is our mental model, or mental object, of the other. The same goes for their view of us. When they behold us, they are really beholding someone else -- a construct of their imagination. Likewise, when we judge or blame another, we are really blaming someone else -- a monster of our own creation. Sometimes it can help to remember that in our mental, we are all mental.

Another defence mechanism

Aside from cognitive distortions, another key issue stands in the way of finding truth. In order to resolve deeply-seated emotional baggage, that baggage has to be opened. Yet doing so can be both painful and confusing. The mind has another trick up its sleeve to avoid facing the rain -- intellectualisation. Many have heard of rationalisation, or the making up of good-sounding stories to explain otherwise irrational or emotion-based actions and choices. Intellectualisation is related, but distinct. Instead of making up stories to seem more rational, intellectualisation makes up complex frameworks and red herrings to distract oneself and others from getting too close to the underlying feeling. Just like for splitting, the usual root cause is believed to be insecure attachment during infancy and early childhood. The result, especially later in life, is the excessive overreliance on logic and complex frameworks to avoid looking inside toward emotion. Reason becomes a comfortable hideout from hideous feeling. This disposition prevents proper reflection, making it hard or impossible to stop idealising and devaluing others. After all, one cannot stop spilling pain until one finds the source of that pain.

Relation to free will

The notion of free will comes in many definitions. These can get technical. But one fairly common theme is what they seek to support -- often some type of personal, or entity-centric, responsibility or blame. Regardless whether logically sound, the pursuit is in many cases a rationalisation of the instinctual and emotional urges of social hierarchy and ego defence. Essentially, many debates about free will are really struggles, or disagreements, on the nature of blame, and to where it should aim. In general, the belief in free will -- regardless the definition chosen -- is argued in support of some type of entity attribution. Likewise, the disbelief in free will is usually argued in support of system attribution, or blaming the way society or culture is structured. A person may choose a definition specifically to assert the desired end -- a psychological phenomenon called motivated reasoning. This text will avoid choosing a definition, as the underlying principles of behaviour are more important.
A less known paradox exists within the bounds of psychological agency. As is regularly discussed in certain circles of spirituality, there exists a spectrum of self-boundary between immediate, local, relative and timeless, non-local, absolute. This mental state of contraction or expansion depends in part on the grasping or release of fear and attachment. For those unfamiliar, the felt sense of personal agency -- sometimes called doership -- and one's associated beliefs about personal causation, are prone to change, or shift, depending on the present level of anxiety -- especially social and existential anxiety. There are two key aspects related to the sense of being in control.
The first aspect of interest is that of causal scope, or how far we trace the causes and influences behind any given event or decision. For example, as I type this, among the most immediate, or smallest causal scopes, is that of my finger pressing a key. Moving toward greater scope, we may consider that the arm is moving the finger. Further, of course, one might say the body is doing the typing. But the scope need not end there. We can trace back through the causal chains, finding all manner of influence. After all, why do I care about this? What social factors and life experiences influenced this cause? The more immediate the causal scope, the longer and more encumbered the causal chains. Hence, even though when afraid we may focus on the more immediate, hence feeling more in direct control, the more our felt boundaries of self and causality contract, the more short-sighted, distracted, and materially-bound we are. The paradox is in the inverted pyramid of influence atop our actions.
The second aspect relates to impulse and desire versus self-control and composure. Human desire may be divided broadly into basic animal instinct and social image. In Freudian terms, these would be id and ego. The former is often viewed as impulsive or animalistic; the latter as controlled and composed. A meaningful portion of pro-free will arguments seems to equate or compare the composure and planning of socially-conscious actions and choices as representative of the essence of "free will". That is, more "controlled" or deliberate actions were exercising greater free will than their more impulsive or animalistic counterparts. But is this assessment sensible?
On the one hand, being more socially aware likely helps to prevent being manipulated or impeded by others. Most would probably agree thus far. But on the other hand, the more we care about fitting in, or otherwise playing the game of social hierarchy, the more we submit ourselves to social norms and other hive behaviours. Essentially, the more we care about image, the more we let society control us. Despite this emotional tether, those with the biggest egos often proclaim the greatest sense of self-determination. Certainly one could argue that being on top of the hierarchy usually entails greater access to social amenities, some of which offering greater freedom. But there may be some right reservations here. Firstly, the enhanced freedom of high status often comes with enhanced fitment and scrutiny into the externally-defined social mould. This is not always the case, as for example with dictators. But secondly, the vast majority of those playing the ego game are neither in positions of status and power, nor emotionally secure enough to go their own way toward personal happiness. Perhaps most prominently, for most social animals, the hive provides only minimal amenity, and maximal loss of autonomy. Yet the internalised ego and self-concept obscure this reality by making cultural, emotional artifacts of socialisation -- especially during childhood -- appear as self-chosen. The person is thus a product of upbringing, but because these aspects of conditioning are so deep and unconscious, their effects are simply taken for granted as part of who one is. Hence, a second paradox exists in that what may appear as evidence for free will -- ego and composure -- is in fact the very thing enacting the long-seated will of the hive.
On a different note of the free will debate, there seems to be a phenomenon somewhat like "free will of the gaps", where any unknown of psychology or physics is received wholeheartedly as evidence for freedom. While no doubt one may never really know, particularly when stuck in the subjective mind-box, one might consider the effect of splitting, or black-and-white thinking. This habit may, without enough reflection, colour one's assessment of personal agency as either wholly existing, or wholly absent. This is not to say undue burden and other explicit interference is unregarded, but more that even the mere existence of randomness or unpredictability may be taken as sufficient reason to ward off the behavioural influences and effects known by modern psychology. Remember that splitting is driven by egoic insecurity, and that ego has vested interest in building the narrative which best places oneself in the social hierarchy of the mind. Impulsive or controlled, what we choose is there to satisfy instinct, whether animalistic, or socially-focused.

Blaming the arrangement

On the other side of inferred causation -- after instinct -- we have experience, conditioning, and circumstance. Experience and conditioning are carry-overs from past arrangement while circumstance reflects the present arrangement. For simplicity, I will place all three simply under arrangement. To borrow from earlier:

Arrangements ... are sets of objects; entities; their relative positions; their internal configurations; and their relations and interactions. Arrangements are hence the frameworks in place either materially or logically between and within entities and or objects. Common examples include law, culture, contract, education, and social hierarchy -- but also the physical placement of people and things.

With this definition in mind, what then does it mean to blame the arrangement, and what benefit does so doing provide?
First, let us consider the standard Western approach. When we blame the entity, we are accomplishing three fundamental ends:

1. declaring a point of causal significance;
2. downgrading social status;
3. offloading correction;

On the first point, blaming the entity cuts off past influences, including deficiencies and inequalities in access to essential resources like health, respect, education, and experience. One might wonder why respect is included here. But remember the types of issue that arise from internalised shame, guilt, and feelings of inadequacy. These live on subconsciously, causing non-obvious impairments in judgement and performance. Plus they harm health and performance through elevated stress hormones.
On the second point, blaming the entity lowers its public appraisal, thus cutting off access to the types of resources just mentioned.
On the third point, blaming the entity places the burden of correction squarely on the already broken component. For simple matters like enforcing social norms or decency, this type of blame is probably effective in most cases. But when we start looking at bigger matters, like health, education, intelligence, self-restraint, and general performance, the idea of forcing the suboptimal party to fix itself starts to break down. All these matters are heavily influenced by external circumstance through time. So telling the person to fix the resulting dysfunction is like telling them to rewrite their past environment, including their upbringing. Moreover, those from broken pasts are much more often the least supplied -- in both resource and knowhow -- to make things better.
And this brings us to blaming the arrangement. If instead of burdening and downgrading the unfortunate entity, we recognise the conditions of success and failure, we can apply legitimate effort toward enacting a better future. Obviously society as a whole is far better equipped to improve not only the outcome of tomorrow, but the conditions of today. Some of us, by chance, receive the winning hand. This may be in genetics, family configuration, area of schooling, or maybe just missing detrimental accidents and injuries. What sense does it make to hoard the helpings of fate, thus preventing the wealth of shared development and growth? In a world literally brimming with technological advancement, is it really better for the majority to live polarised as minority winners and majority losers?

Arguments

One might argue that blame and praise are natural and effective tools for motivation and modification of behaviour. Natural though they may be, these tools are premised on the limited knowledge and resources of tribal past. Like using a hammer to insert a screw, messy tools ought to be reserved for desperate times only. Modern medicine, psychology, and sociology offer a new toolbox, today readily available, for resolving problems with minimal collateral damage. True, not everyone has fair access to these modern amenities, and that is exactly why we need to stop blaming the victim. The technology is here. We simply need to open the gates.
Another common argument is that absent of pointing fingers, people would lose motivation, or stop caring. There may be some truth here. If we remove the whip from their backs, the slaves may begin to relax. But is that really a bad thing? Per-capita material output is already worlds higher due to automation and tooling. But artificial scarcity is brought in to "keep up the morale". This scarcity is largely in the form of wealth and income inequality, which ensure the true producers of wealth -- the workers -- are kept chasing their imagined carrot. The effect, in practice, is burnout and learned helplessness. The secondary effect is thus decreased performance, which is then "solved" with ever greater artificial scarcity, perpetuating the cycle of lies and suffering. Instead of entertaining a system of slavery with extra steps, why not more equally distribute the tools and technology of efficiency and success?
A darker argument that occasionally gets said out loud is that excessive competition and suffering help to weed out the less desirable traits. Often, it is proclaimed, nature wanted it that way. Ignoring the obvious lack of compassion, is this argument sound? The simple answer is no. The longer answer is not even a little. There are two main reasons. Firstly, the dirty game of filtering by social hierarchy was not only sloppy for its original environment of small tribes, but is completely unfit for modern, complex, abstract society. As explained previously, the legitimacy of individual merit is no longer known by fellow tribespeople. Wealth generation and extraction are too far removed and abstracted for proper outside judgement. And complex systems of power and propaganda further prevent equitable distribution of the fruits of labour. Secondly, the amount of time needed for such mechanisms of trait filtering to make an appreciable difference are substantially longer than the time from now before technology will allow superior selection of traits. There will be no need to compete in the sloppy ways of the past; nor any need to compete at all. The problem of selection is soon resolved. AI is entering the exponential phase. Petty and primitive worry about traits is irrelevant, for multiple reasons. If anything, those unable to understand this are unfit to be making policy decisions.
An argument which comes up enough to mention is that without blaming the entity, criminals would have free reign, able to do whatever they wanted without repercussions. This argument is missing something quite substantial about what is entailed by blaming the arrangement. Simply, if a certain person is believed to lack the self-control for certain situations or positions, that person will be kept away from those circumstances. A common example is driver's licensing, where one must earn the privilege by proving competence. And similarly to that, if someone is blatantly acting out and causing trouble, obviously they would be put somewhere safer. The key is rearranging circumstances as needed for best outcome while maintaining reasonable maximum personal autonomy -- without unnecessary harm, restraint, or loss of dignity. Yes, this is more involved in terms of resources and labour, but that is what technology is for. Naturally people prefer to have more privilege, and that alone is motivation enough to care.
And before someone accuses this approach of being or supporting a social credit system, we must make clear the difference. In social credit systems, blame is placed on the individual ! Sure, the factors used may involve family and acquaintance, but the burden of correction still goes to the person or small group. This is completely different from what is being proposed here.
A final argument relates to expense. On the surface -- especially from within the perspective of a system based on artificial scarcity and excessive wealth inequality -- the idea of having surplus means available for long-term planning may seem unfathomable. People's reluctance in this regard can be understood. But as mentioned above, we are presently, for presumably the first time in our recorded history, entering the age of exponential growth toward advanced artificial intelligence. Things are moving fast already, and both hardware and software are showing no slowing. If computational capacity continues to double regularly like it has for a long time now, we are probably looking at readily accessible post-human intelligence within five to ten years. Short of disaster or tyrannical interference, existing worries about labour and intellect shortage should soon evaporate. Yes, this time things are different. There is no known precedent.

Summary

Our natural instinct may tell us to blame the person. And Western culture may polarise this tendency to the extreme. But with a little understanding of why we feel the need to downsize others, we may be able to mend the splitting within us. Society may be designed around a game of hierarchy, but one need not partake. By knowing the factors that promote or inhibit wellbeing, and by using the knowledge and tools of modern, we can cast off the shallow assumptions behind us, to build something worth keeping. The first step is looking inside, to see the feeling that fears connection. Then we may look outside, to see that most are facing similar struggle. Situations are what make or break the person. If one should blame, blame the arrangement. The past may not be one for changing, but greater compassion today can find greater love tomorrow.

Too late we were already invaded... Earth has already been hijacked.
😉We need to be liberated from this slave planet and from our captors... Unfortunately most of the inhabitants of this planet is suffering from cognitive dissonance and Stockholm syndrome.
The Moon is a Draco Reptilian Space Station...
Ask yourself why is there 34 Dragon statues that surround the City of London. Why is there also a Obelisk in every city on the planet. It's the phallus of the Dragon, the actual word is derived from Basilisk. Which means King of the Serpents. In the Vatican they have St. Peters Basilica where there are three Dragon statues and Obelisks.
Why did every ancient culture in antiquity worship the dragon?
The pharaohs of Egypt were the refugees of Atlantis!
ALIEN ARCHONS HAVE BEEN RULING THE SURFACE OF PLANET SINCE BEFORE THE "BUY BULL" The IllumiNazis are but a predecessor of an older and even more cruel order. They've been running this planet since the dawn of time...Dragons aren't some mythological being...The Draco Reptilians came from the Alpha Draconis star system out of the Draco Constellation... They were know as the Atlanteans, Satan, Baphomet, Archons, Draconian's, in the bible they were known as the Seraphim, the Burning Ones/Serpents also the Nephilim or Elohim, the fallen angels, those who were casted out from the heavens. Both words are plural and feminine, meaning there were many gods and were androgynous. The Sumerians knew them as the Anunnaki... Anakim in Hebrew means giant...Because they are very tall 7ft-15ft and have shapeshifting abilities. In the Indian culture they were known as the Naga. Dracula in Latin means Dragon, The Order of the Dracul able to shift physically into other creatures or into the aether via the quantum field.
Earth is a farm we are all cattle and humanity lives in a contrived reality!
Freemasons are the minions of the Draco Reptilian Empire!
The Mayans called them Quezatcoatl, and Kukulcan the Feathered Serpent King and incorporated their images of dragons in their pyramids ... There are dragon statues all over the world, throughout the ages... The coat of arms for the city of London is two Dragons holding a red shield, which in German is Rothschild. There are 33 Dragon statues in the City of London to quell consciousness. The slaying of a Dragon by St. George. The Muslims knew them as Dajjal or Djinn or Genies... After your three wishes your soul is theirs to keep... They were also known to the Buddhist monks as the Brotherhood of Two dragons... The Red Dragons in the east and the Yellow in the west... Same goes for the native American Indians all the Aboriginals knew them as the Brotherhood of the Snake... The Egyptian knew them as Horus, Anubis and Amen Ra.... That's why every religion says amen after every prayer cause they are paying homage to Satan Baphomet/ Draco Reptoids... Santa Claus is actually Satan's Claws both wearing red, both come from the fire, both have minions working feverishly. All religions and holidays are based on satanic doctrines and pagan dogmas. And if you don't believe me than you're being quite draconian about it.
Basilisk in Latin means King of the Serpents, as in St Peters Basilica where there lies two Dragon Statues in the Vatican as well as Obelisks, the phallus of the Dragon that is why there is at least few obelisks in every city on the planet the Freemasons put them there throughout history in order to control consciousness...The Chinese, Japanese, India, Indonesians, Mayans, Aztecs, Incas all worship the Dragon in antiquity... There are Gargoyles adorn every church and cathedral.... The Egregores the Watchers... The biggest trick the D-Evil can play is making humanity believe that he does not exist :/
Hollow Earth True HISTORY , HITLER & NWO ( GOTTA SEE THIS !!! ) Documentary https://youtu.be/lOXjxq3r69Q
There are over 10 thousand pyramids that align with each other on a global grid system with gps accuracy to the millimetre. In the Aegean Sea there are 13 ancient Megalithic sites that represent the 13 Illuminati Families that control the world, that when you connect them dot to dot, over 1000km area makes a perfect Maltese Cross. This is the symbol of the Monarchy, Freemasonry, Vatican, Jesuits, Knights of Malta and Templars, even Hitler's Germany. Megalithic architecture on geomantic energy sites, in conjunction with an occult esoteric satanic Freemasonry religion of Kabbhalism, aka the Lucifer experiment in order to control humanities consciousness and why there is an obelisk in every major city on the planet... The pyramids also create dimensional portals into Agartha/Hollow Earth, hence disappearance of boats, planes in the Bermuda Triangle and Dragon's Triangle...
http://chani.invisionzone.com/uploads/monthly_08_2013/post-248-0-56239100-1376895880.jpg.
Dragons see humanity as a resource for the simple fact that they are not vegetarians! 1 million people disappear in the United States every single year. 8 million children globally disappear annually off the globe.
The Legend Of Atlantis https://youtu.be/pihxOs-pVRA
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lOXjxq3r69Q&t=4s Hollow Earth True HISTORY , HITLER & NWO ( GOTTA SEE THIS !!! ) Documentary - YouTube
Secrets Of The 3rd Reich Secret Nazi Research in Alien Technology https://youtu.be/B0uEvZsQAV8

Please read 🥺
EDIT: once he got in a relationship with this woman (a month after he said lost his spark), he deleted his Hinge and updated his fb status. We are all about mental health and stuff like that because our upbringing was a bit similar. We come from a generational toxic family. His relationship with his family is great though. He’s so family-oriented and very close to his brother (only sibling). He wouldn’t tell me why he lost interest in me when I asked at the time. He said it’s not important and that I doesn’t matter..
Met a guy on dating app towards end of last November. It was going great, so much in common and our views, values, interests, and birth date as well. We have not been in a relationship in a while. We both let each other know that we are dating with the intention of being in a relationship with someone.
After 2 dates, he was calling me pet names, which was a bit odd for me but I was accepting of it. He did ask me weeks later how long does it take me to make it exclusive with someone. I said naturally, the topic doesn’t come up until later, but maybe 2-3mo in. He said he evaluates after 4-5 dates but if I need another month, he can wait. We would send each other memes, reels, songs, animal videos daily. It was just our thing and we enjoyed giving each other a good laugh. We what’s a really good bond tbh.
Long story short….it has been a month of us talking and we’re still so excited about each other. But the following day (and the next 3 weeks), he was pulling back. I asked him twice if everything is okay and brought up my concerns, he said everything was good. He brought me around his family twice and they were aware of us going on dates and they were excited for him.
He revered back to dry texting even though he was texting me every day. I would still give him space and not respond at times, and he would double text or triple text. So I figured he still had interest. I asked him one more time another occasion and he admitted he lost his spark :/ we tried to be friends, then fwb but we never got to see each other. He bullshitted me twice and another few times, I couldn’t go see him because of work or traveling. We tried one day before I left out of town but he said, “I’m getting serious with someone and by the time you come back, I may be intimate with them. Tonight would’ve worked but moving forward, not so much.” So we said our goodbyes. Then 2 hours later he asked if I can try again because he really wanted to see me and misses me. I had already left to the airport though. He was willing to see me when I got back. Days later, he messages me and said he’s off the market. I offered to be friends but he said out of respect for his relationship, we can’t be friends since we were physically intimate before. And I agreed. He kept me on all social media though.
Two weeks later, he randomly sends me some reels on Instagram. I literally haven’t heard from him in 2 weeks since he got into a relationship. I said I thought we were not on speaking terms for now? He said he thought sending reels were harmless. I didn’t respond. He sends me more a few days later and I just reacted with emojis but didn’t respond. Then I had posted something on Snapchat and he responded, making small talk. But I wasn’t really engaging in the conversation. It was very brief, few sentences to each other.
He has not been inappropriate (made any sexual advances or flirt, etc.) since he’s reached out. But what’s the point of him doing this? Like why bother? If I were to even ask, he wouldn’t tell me. I’ve “known” Him for 4 months now and his gf roughly a month. So I’m wondering if he’s getting bored or moved too fast and has second thoughts, or misses me, or wants to hook up. But again, he hasn’t said anything sexual to me. It’s all casual talk. He doesn’t reach out daily. He reaches out at any time of the day or night.