Pumpkin has been with me for the last 9 years and she was with my ex wife 2 years before that. Pumpkin is about 13 years old and just went though a really bad fungal infection and she was treated for it. After that treatment was completed she started acting a little off so I took her to the vet where they said she has pancreatitis, fatty liver syndrome, jaundice and blood in her urine. They said they didn't know what might have caused the issues but I think with the anti fungal medication affected her liver (but I'm not a vet). I had her boarded and treated for 3 days, and once they released her back to me they said her levels were all stabilize and sent me home with low fat food and a bag of meds. For the first 2 days home everything was okay, she wasn't eating a lot but she was eating and drinking. Today she stopped eating again and hasn't eaten in 24 hours. I've been sitting with her while she eats but she refused to touch anything. I've tried to disassociate the food with the medication by giving her meds and then waiting 2-3 hours to feed her and let the appetite stimulate do its magic. I know with more than a day without eating the fatty liver syndrome is just going to flare up even worse. She's been super lethargic, won't move herself and has been hiding like she's just giving up.
I've spent about 800 for the fungal infection and 2100 for the initial treatment and having her boarded. I'm at a point to where I cant afford anymore and I'm struggling to make ends meet myself. I've drained all my saving to try to keep my baby alive. I have an appointment on Thursday to discuss this with the vet but I'm trying to get in this morning when I get off work at 7am to see my options.
I don't want to seem like I'm just giving up because I truly do love her but it seems like she's giving up the fight also. I've spent pretty much everything I have to try to keep her with me but I'm at my ends to afford it. At what point do I let go because I don't want to let her suffer or am I wrong for even thinking this is an option?

Talea reclined on the day bed in her office, one leg folded under her and the other swinging free along its side. The rich red upholstery squeaked with each swing; she paid it no mind. Her attention was directed to the letters on her desk, read a half dozen times, and her gaze was fixed on the ceiling. Tessellated patterns of hexagons and trigons repeating with geometric precision, inlays of gold-flecked lapis lazuli and pale blue agate bringing color to the relief carvings.
"I think we should send him a gift," Yna said.
Talea turned her attention towards her companion. The arch of her eyebrow made her question plain.
Yna sipped at her tea and then recoiled as if slapped. "Aquan's blood, girl, how do you drink this?"
"Practice," Talea said with the barest hint of a smile. "That and a general mistrust of the water in this city. The Blackwater is no Sweetwater, yes?"
Yna resisted the urge to fling the contents of the cup over her shoulder and out the window, but only just. Instead, she set the porcelain down on its saucer and gave it the sort of dirty look a banker reserves for smudged ink in a ledger. "As you say. And as I was saying, I think we should send Hightower a gift."
Talea chortled. "How many iron coins do you think a raven can carry, my dearest friend on this wretched continent?"
"I was thinking about something with a bit more... refinement," Yna said. "Mayhaps a ring?"
Talea turned her gaze back to the ceiling and considered the proposal. "Fine enough. But I think I ought to talk to Aelinor, too."
"You haven't mentioned her in a spell," Yna said. She crossed the room to a credenza and plucked two glasses of carved crystal from a mahogany stand. "Things did not end well last time."
Talea sighed and closed her eyes. It was that or grimace. "No, they did not."
Yna knelt and searched through the cabinets under the credenza, examining bottles and decanters until she found a rich red that fit the occasion. "You haven't told me much about it."
This time she did grimace. "Mistakes were made."
Yna rose, holding a bottle of Rasnic. "Look what I found."
Talea turned her attention back to Yna. Her eyebrows rose when she saw the label, a wheel with three spokes. "I thought we drank the last of that."
"They brought some back from Liy." She produced a knife from somewhere and began peeling back the wax seal. "Let's celebrate."
"What are we going to celebrate?" Talea waved vaguely in Yna's direction. "The fact that you didn't lop a finger off with your knife because you're too stubborn to use a corkscrew?"
Yna barked a sharp laugh. "The only corkscrew I use --"
"-- yes, yes, I've heard that one before."
Yna waggled her eyebrows.
Talea groaned.
"So -- ring for Hightower, what's this about Aelinor?"
"Well, her new tax plan --" Talea was abruptly cut off as a piece of wax flew past her ear. "You missed."
"I took pity on you." Yna flicked another bit of wax with her knife; this piece failed to clear the distance between them.
Talea snorted. "Superb bladework, ser."
Yna sniffed and looked down her nose at Talea. "'twas intentional, my lady."
"I feel like there's a dirty joke to be had here." Talea grinned across the room to Yna. "Shall we workshop it, my dear?"
"I struggle to conceive of a situation in which you need help finding a dirty joke, Tal." Yna finally wedged the cork out of the bottle with a satisfying pop and began filling the crystal. "Something about over-promising, I suspect."
Talea placed a hand over her heart in mock indignation. "Why, I never! The implication!"
Yna poured the remainder of the bottle into a decanter and carried the crystal across the room, offering a glass to Talea. "Spare me. Now, do you want to drink and talk about Aelinor or did you want to talk about something else?"
Talea pushed herself up into a seated position and accepted the offered crystal. She met Yna's eye and allowed her gaze to wander, with as much brazen disregard for etiquette as she could muster, down the other woman's figure. She smiled slightly as she went, then pointed at Yna's knee. "It looks like the cleaners haven't swept up lately."
Yna glanced down, holding one leg out to examine the indicated knee. "Oh, that wasn't from here." She met Talea's eyes and took a long sip of her wine. "That was from the other kneeling I did this morning."
Talea threw back her wine, not even bothering to savor the taste of it. She paid no mind to the fact that the Rasnic vineyards ceased to exist a decade ago or that the vintage in question was almost as old as she was. She set her crystal aside and leaned towards Yna. "I think that discussion about Aelinor can wait, don't you?"
Yna laughed. "I'm sure you can multitask, oh great and clever Emissary of the Iron Bank. It's a wonder you're able to fit a hat on that head, what with your enormous intellect and unrivaled mastery of numerology."
"Laugh all you want," Talea said. She snatched Yna's wine away and drank that took. This time she did take a moment to savor it, but not nearly as much as the vintage deserved. "I'll have you know that I am the foremost mathemagician in Westeros."
"Wow!" Yna said. "It's an honor to be in your presence, my lady!"
Talea smiled. "Yes, I'm sure it is." She reached out, hooking three fingers around Yna's necklace. Whatever Yna's response might have been was lost as Talea pulled her in for a kiss.
A few heartbeats (or perhaps ten minutes) later, Yna pulled away. "Feeling focused yet?"
"Oh, very," Talea said, biting her lip. She realized she still had a glass of crystal in her left hand. Fine Myrish crystal, as clear as a fine Spring day. She flung it across the room, indifferent to the sound of something worth thrice its weight in gold shattering against a stone wall. She pulled Yna in for another kiss.

Hello! I recently started having IC after stopping hormonal birth control and because of that i only really have flares when estrogen is low. That being said I don’t want to be put on medication for a problem that usually only affects me for a week or two during the month.
I’ve began taking pumpkin seed oil (2000mg during the morning and an extra 1000mg in the afternoon if needed) and recently I added marshmallow root tea to my regimen to see how it affects me and if it helps me and it does to an extent, so I’m thinking about switching to capsules. I have never had problems with low blood sugar before and since both affect blood sugar, I was wondering if i should be worried that they will mess it up. For now I’m sticking to tea to make sure I don’t have negative effects in the long run. So far the only weird thing I’ve noticed is that I feel a little bit cloudy in my head, but of course that could be due to other things such as the weather or where I’m at in my cycle. I’m still very new to all of this so any information will help, especially with supplements or teas that’ll help urgency

​
A rule breaking truck driver takes a forbidden detour.
​
Don't Feed the Pumpkins
I'm typing this as a record of what has happened to me. If someone should find me out here, where ever here is, this is what happened and who is responsible. Also, out of the dozens of vehicles bogged down in this field, mine is the Blue Jay 2013 Freight Liner. If I should die and it is recoverable, it should go to my son, John Grainger in Antioch, Illinois.
I left Litchfield Illinois around 2pm on Halloween with a last-minute load of pumpkins destined for the Antioch Walmart. Despite the fact I was once that told Illinois is the #1 pumpkin producer in the country the itself state appears to be in the midst of a shortage. I was due in about 8pm, but I was trying get in by 6pm and after unloading, I was going to visit my wife Carly and my son for Halloween. It was going to be the first Halloween in my son's life that I was going to be there for trick o treating. My wife was making a big deal out of it and John was 10 now, so, she said he would be “scarred with disappointment” if I didn't show now. So, I probably should have gotten better sleep the night before and sue me, I was gear jamming and popping go-pills like popcorn. Don't look down on me, don't be fooled, this is just the nature of the trucking industry. Everyone does it and I'm not afraid to tell it like it is.
Just after Normal on 39 I hit a wall of traffic. I could hear on the CB that there is a hazmat incident up ahead and they require special teams to clear it off. I, like the other truckers, get to gabbing on the radio, looking for shortcuts. To my surprise, after scrutinizing this route several times before, I was informed about a “gutshot” shortcut just ahead that could get in me into my destination at least an hour earlier, even with the fact I had sat in the backup for at least 45 minutes at this point. A second comrade in gears piped in and stated that the shortcut was closed. The first driver contradicted him and stated, he had used it two weeks ago, it was wide open country land you could go 70 the whole way, and the only town along the way had burned down in an industrial accident 30 years ago. The second trucker chimed in again. He said it was closed for tonight and only tonight and not to use it. I disregarded the second trucker, exited the interstate and followed the directions of the first trucker.
Well, Carly, you always said it would be this way. You always said, I needed to learn how to follow directions to not cut so many damn corners all the time. You always told me didn't put in the work, and the funny thing is, for the first time, on this drive, get there, I did. Sure, I cut all the corners, but I wanted to to put in the work. But you're right, I never put a second of effort in, and if this is how it ends, I suppose you're right, I never will. But I guess, one way or another, you're getting what you've wanted, what you text me, what you don't tell me about, and what I didn't care about. I was coming home for him and damn it, I know it won't hold up in court but I want my boy to get the damn truck!
Anyway, I found the road, 2 lanes clear to the sky, surrounded by corn and then pumpkin fields forever. My straight shot, I pushed 80 the whole way flying on cracked asphalt, diesel, and go-pills. Ahead, there were barricades and I applied the brakes and barely stopped in time. I got out and saw they were chained up with a padlock to concrete posts in the ground. In theory, I could blast through them but I would sustain serious damage. The ground was a bit wet so I didn't think I could cross the ditch and field and not get stuck either. The barricades were not official in the least. They had a sign on them made out of it mailbox stick-on letters which said: “Do Not Feed The Pumpkins”. As far as I could see from my cab and binoculars, there was absolutely nothing wrong with the damn road. I said hell and I knew it would take hours to reverse course and get back in time – in time to even unload much less make it in time to go trick o treating.
And I said it wasn't worth it. I didn't bother to call. I'd just show up now. Because it wasn't my fault. So I started back, turning around with great difficulty. I traveled back 2 miles and saw small signs for a rest area. I must have missed it the first time, too deep into the zone I suppose now. I needed to pee and probably eat a bit before starting a roundabout way back, so I stopped. It was a little old 2 story joint with a small dinner on the 1st level and looked like 4 or 5 small motel rooms on top and oddly an outhouse for a restroom. I want to emphasize the outhouse because that is how you'll find and catch this guy, the guy who did this to me. It was Bill Shaw of Shaw's Shack, who did this to me. It had a sign with the building, it too was made of stick-on letters and vaguely resembled a huge ransom note. It read “Yes! We are open! We are the only rest area for 67 miles and 1 of 2 “tombstones” for the late great town of Pumpkin Grove Illinois – the former pumpkin capital of Illinois. Ask Your host, Bill Shaw about the Pumpkin-beef-bean stew!
The parking lot had three vehicles in it, not including my own, a silver Prius, a grand cheeroke with wood panels, and an older model chevy pick up truck. I went inside. The dinner was small, set in a rustic décor with old license plates nailed to the walls. The cafe had eight counter seats and two smaller tables near the two windows. There were two witnesses to what happened that night, to what Bill Shaw did – at least partial witnesses. There was the older man with stringy white hair and octagonal glasses – unfortunately, I didn't get his name. There was that irritating millennial – All I remember is the metal crap in her ears and lip. Hell, if I die and John starts ever pulling that crap, I'll come back and haunt the crap out of both of you. Anyway, now, I wish I could remember their names or something else about them to put here. I didn't care about either one of them enough to remember.
I guess that goes for Shaw too. He was a bit taller as sometimes I couldn't see his face while sitting at the counter because of the low lights in the ceiling blocking his face. He had gray hair. Hell. That's it. Anyway, the old man said he was part of a historical society, said he spent the better part of his past two years tracking down anyone or anything about Pumpkin Grove. The college student – of course – it was college student said she was from the school newspaper, looking for a spooky story. When she asked me where I was from, I didn't respond.
Shaw came from the kitchen with two big bowls of the famous Pumpkin-beef-bean stew for first two. He seemed taken back by my presence for a bit before saying “howdy” and trying to get real friendly with me. He asked what media I was from. I told him I wasn't from no media and I was trying to get through the barricade up ahead. Neither of the other two seemed to know about the barricade. Shaw said he didn't know anything about it either. I was suspicious of him then because of the lettering on the signs. But I didn't push it. I wanted to eat and he said my choice was the stew or stew. So the stew seemed fine. He said he wished he had more time to chat with me but he promised to tell the story of Pumpkin Grove to the two others but I was welcome to listen and ask questions. I didn't say it but I couldn't care less, I was going no where fast and I needed to eat.
He started off by saying he and his wife are among a handful of survivors of the fire that consumed the town of Pumpkin Grove some 30 years ago on Halloween night. Then his story descended into a cross between a rambling fading nightmare and a ghost story. He said, without hesitation, fear of consequence or remorse that he was accessory to a murder in his childhood. Specifically, some 40 years ago, again on Halloween, he was friends with a small group of young men including one named Donnie, who was a little slow and had a slightly misshaped head. He was picked on a lot by the Gerst Brothers, notorious town bullies and teenage thugs of a bad seed thanks to their neglectful alcoholic single father. Long story short, he said, the Gerst Brothers lured Donnie, himself and another 2 boys out to a pumpkin field where they gave back Donnie's missing dog. Apparently they kidnapped the dog and wrapped every inch of it in duct tape a few days ago. They watched us try to peel and pull the duct tape off while the weakened, hungry, and thirsty dog whimpered away its last in the field. Unbeknownst to any of us, Donnie had a pocket knife and he lost it as the Gerst Brothers cackled around him and the dead dog. He leaped up as they laughed and sliced the vein on their necks. One of the Brothers died quickly while Donnie and the two others fought the other to death. Shaw said he just stood there, covered in arterial blood splatters, watching Donnie and the others finish off the Gersts.
Much of the town was shockingly grateful to hear the Gerst Brothers were dead and everyone was all too happy to sweep it under the rug rather than have 4 of their sons incarcerated for decades when they were needed to help with the town's bread and butter – the Pumpkins. So, they buried the Gerst Brothers in that field and grew pumpkins on their corpses and no one really talked about it. The town paid off their father, who was too inebriated most of the time to care and he gleefully drank himself to death on the payoff only about a year later.
I didn't have much of a reaction to the story. The historian on the other hand, was hesitant to stay and keep writing and he made a brief protest concerning whether or not the story was true and whether or not he could legally listen to it. Shaw said it was both true and legal. After all, there was nothing left of the town and the remains were long gone and he himself, would not bare witness to himself. The college student's dumb metal encrusted mouth was agape in a mix of horror and disbelief.
I was waiting, patiently, might I add, for my stew. Shaw promised it would be up soon. He continued the story, stating that the fields produced abnormally well afterwards and 10 years later he was visiting his parents with his girlfriend for the annual Pumpkin fest. It was just that the pumpkins weren't just more numerous and larger, or more resistant to the rains and the fungus, they were alive and nothing could keep them tame or from spreading wider and wider. And everyone thought this was great at first, the profits were never higher but then weird things began to happen. Equipment went missing and two farm hands were crushed by a wagon full of pumpkins tipping over onto them in what was at first called a freak accident. Shaw recounted how he took his girlfriend through one of the patches and the vines seem to wind and grapple her legs, of course, Shaw's folks passed it off as her not being used to the mud but Shaw said he knew better.
Shaw continued to describe that over the days that led up to Halloween, the Jack O Lanterns on people's porches and elsewhere began to do some unusual things. Things like seemingly move by themselves from dusk to dawn, changing the carvings of their faces slightly, or appearing to “jump” off a table onto the porch without damage or apparent cause. On the morning of Halloween, Shaw said that he found his black cat, Lucky, incinerated in front of a jack o lantern as if it had breathed fire on to it from its mouth though they had long ago blown out the candle inside.
After the cat burning, the elderly man from the historical society tossed his spoon in his bowl. Shaw asked if something was wrong. The elderly man got up to leave and he said it tasted like bitter cold bull and his story was bull and thanked him for nothing. After checking the remaining contents of his bowl of stew, Shaw chased him out of the door, to his car, asking him what direction he planned to go home. When he peeled out of the parking lot he was headed southwest. Shaw came back in and threw up his hands.
I tell nothing but the truth, he said, most people can't handle it. Part of me wanted to go, but I was cozy there, it was warm and the story, while bull to me at the time, was entertaining enough. The SJW sitting down the way looked exhausted, barely keeping her eyes open as Shaw finished out the story. In short he said, Donnie approached him at dusk on Halloween while he and his family sat on the porch eagerly awaiting trick o treaters. Donnie said the Gerst Brothers are alive in the pumpkins and that they planned to burn the whole town down tonight. Donnie said, he had to tell Shaw because Shaw wasn't supposed to die, he was supposed to watch.
I rudely stopped him and demanded more stew. I was still hungry and the stew was somehow unsatisfying. When he returned, he finished the story, stating the town was suddenly engulfed in flames and their house in particular with Donnie on the porch, flash burned to the ground like napalm from an exploding pumpkin. He escaped with his family and his future wife in the pick up truck sitting outside now.
The college student said she felt like she needed to lay down, that she didn't think she could make back to the campus to the north. Shaw attended to getting her one of the rooms upstairs. I stayed down stairs and went to the back for more stew. I rubbed my eyes intensely and felt as if I too should stay for the night. But in the tug of war between fatigue and dexrine, the dexrine was slowly coming out ahead.
Next to the stew was a cutting board and a knife and on it was some bluish whitish powder which I found peculiar. On floor was a bottle of medication. It was Insomnex – a sleeping pill I use when I'm coming off of dexrine. The stew was dosed.
I ran to my truck and pulled out my dexrine and my revolver. As I climbed out of the driver's side, I could see Shaw running out of the dinner with a huge kitchen knife. I ducked under the trailer and back out on his side and pointed the gun at him.
What the hell I asked as I slowly advanced on him with my snub nose pointed at his head. He dropped the knife. He said, I just wanted to puncture your tires, I had to do something to stop you. I know you want to go north and I know you might be crazy enough and your truck tough enough to smash the barricades but I can't let you. I can't let anyone else go through, he said hysterically. I asked the dumb question about whether or not he set the barricades and just as I previously suspected, he did.
I'm supposed to watch, Shaw cried. No one can get through tonight, no can be allowed to. I told him to shut up as he rambled on about how he and his wife took it upon themselves to ward off travelers on Halloween Night. Its a cursed road tonight, he said, we're cursed to stay here and this is the best we can do to stop it from spreading. Its been calling us for 30 years, he went on, we tried to walk away but it kept on spreading, the pumpkins, he said gritting his teeth in anguish.
Maybe it was the dexrine and the insomnex working together, hell maybe it was the stew by itself but I just started to laugh as I guided Shaw back into the dinner and proceeded to duct tape him down to the dinner chair to make sure he could not cause anymore harm to anyone else until the police arrived. I had some cash on me, I wasn't a criminal, I wasn't going to make it seem like I tied him up and dinned and dashed, I was in the right, I was doing the lawful thing. So I left him exact change, no tip for the food. In the process of making change for myself, I found the padlock key in the cash drawer, I was certain of it at the time as I waved it in front of Shaw and he gasped and thrashed behind the duct tape the hardest.
I got into my truck and gunned it north towards the barricades, which, as I suspected was easily opened with the key I confiscated from Shaw. I got on my CB and started making emergency calls to the State Police, I gave them my name, the location of the diner, and Shaw's name. I was in the middle of nowhere so it didn't surprise me when I got static and no acknowledgment. I had no bars on my cell phone either but that is typical of central Illinois.
I was going along about 70. The sun was almost down but I hadn't seen the moon yet. I turned on the radio and found a classic rock station. The song was Born on the Bayou from CCR. The opening riff perked me up and reassured me that I had done everything all well and all good. If things held, there was a chance, I could get my freight unloaded and see John tonight. I was eagerly tapping the steering wheel waiting to bust into “When I was just a little boy...” But just as the lyrics should have entered, the radio station seemed to have accidentally reset the song, it just started over.
The sun faded away entirely and yet no moon came up. The sky was so dark but I didn't remember seeing any clouds or expecting any for that matter. The song continued restarting itself, the same opening again and again. I flipped through the other stations and all of them had it playing. Eventually, the digital clock on my dash began to spin wildly like the LCD numbers on the tuner while in scan mode. The truck buffeted and shook side to side despite my headlights showing no cause for it.
To my shock, ahead, in the distance was single traffic light. It was went from green, to yellow, and red, as any other traffic light but there were no lights or towns on this road. I slowed to 40, then 35 then to 30 as I entered an unnamed densely populated area with small buildings, stores, and houses and one traffic light. I came to a stop at the light and I looked around, locked my doors and tried to glimpse where I was. Where ever I was, I felt, I felt like I shouldn't be there. There were dim orange lights in some of the rooms of the houses at the edge of the intersection.
I looked up at one of the windows and I saw a figure with large head in the window. I couldn't believe my eyes at least not until the figure turned to face outward. It was a jack o lantern, a classic one with a black glow where the eyes, nose, and mouth sat. It was held up right by a thin vine structure that seemed to grow and stretch as it stuck its head out of the window and let out a barely audible shrill whistle and stared directly at me.
I gunned it. I blew the red light as the town seemed to collapse into nothing by dark green swelling pumpkin vine and a sea of glowing jack o lanterns in my side view mirrors. I hit the radio off because all I could hear on it was that whistle filtering through. I drove and the mass of jack o lanterns grew in the mirrors. I glimpsed the left and right windows and the plains were glowing black with more pumpkins rolling and creeping towards the road.
The road began to warp and bend as I started to red line my truck. The buffeting side to side became difficult to control as the engine groaned. I couldn't explain how the road began to shift nor how the moon, blood orange began to circle around me from horizon to horizon. Aside from the moon, I thought I was making progress as I couldn't see the vines nor the hundreds of blacklight pumpkins swirling after me.
The moon slowed and dipped down and I started climbing a hill. As I crested, the moon filled the entire windshield and more. It spun and then settled on a black light pumpkin face and bore down on the cab.
I don't know what happened next but I woke up in my cab. The was engine smoking. All I could see was mud and putrid rotten pumpkins as far as I could see. My Blue Jay was sunk up to the cab down in mud, vines and rot. It wasn't going anywhere in it without some serious assistance. To my right and left I saw dozens of other vehicles, most of them at least ten years old, also up their doors in mud and rot. Swarms of flies were visible all around in the boiling midday sun. I'm not really sure how long it has been or what time it really was because the clock on my phone is broken and simply reads as 99:99. I don't know what day it is. I have no cell signal and no radio.
Carly, I need to be honest with you. I cheated on you. Maybe a dozen times. I did it before I thought, before I knew you were doing it to me. I can't live by the rules of trucking, or marriage or anything. It is the road and you command it and that is the only rule. But now, I'm worried I've broken my last rule. I have no food and no water. There is no road here. There is only rule of a blazing sun with jack o lantern face that never sets. I fear that in time, unless I find help or help finds me, I will be feeding the pumpkins.
​
Theo Plesha

We lay together that night. It seemed that this act was the ultimate stress reliever and comfort between bonded pairs, we’d done the same in our time together in Chi’cagoa Rea. Though we had little enough time together thanks to her ship obligations in the immediate time after that, as she’d engaged in a few extremely profitable trade runs from Earth to a Dlamias outlying colony that conveniently enough had no patrol ships around to ask any nosy questions about arrests or charges…
We made up for the lost time when we could.
Lisa always took full advantage of that absence, though as for what she thought of the Captain’s absences, [Redacted]. The homeworld did not get around to properly securing the colony where the liquor flowed from, until after the Earth government asked that she be pardoned as a show of good faith given her ‘exemplary services rendered in the pursuit of harmony between worlds’.
Which was a fancy way of saying she had a fanbase and it would look good if she were in favor again. I wag my tail sometimes, thinking of the apocalyptic fury that must have run through some bureaucrat’s veins when they had to process that request for an outlier turned infamous pirate. Even if she didn’t target the Dlamias fleet, her ability to wreak merry havoc must have presented all kinds of headaches back home. Not to mention stealing the ‘official envoy’s’ place.
That one did eventually arrive and now made occasional trade runs in a triangle shape between Earth, Dlamias, and the Maxiki home moon.
But I digress.
Our laying together proved relaxing to us both, and when she was nestled against me in the bed we shared, I would be lying if I said I could easily return to my former existence in general isolation.
The more I thought about it, the more the concept of human ‘pack like’ families appealed to me.
And I had a lot of time to think about it.
Unsurprisingly, a few days later a small team of six grief therapists arrived, three of them with experience dealing with what humans referred to as PTSD or, ‘Post Traumatic Stress Disorder’ or what Dlamias referred to as WIOS or ‘War Induced Outlier Syndrome’. In the past I would not have recognized it, but I cannot unsee what I have seen. And that is that the term ‘outlier’ in there is not just a medical identification for a traumatized soldier, but a deeply embedded mistrust of nonlinear thought and a noncompliance with the common cultural framework our government has approved.
In short, it helped make outliers appear inherently untrustworthy, though to their credit they recognized that soldiers were victims of this rather than internally flawed in some way.
I wasn’t present when the exerts arrived, but was present when the engineers on loan from Earth were assisting the Red Spark’s engineers with the installation of several virtual reality systems akin to what Bonny Red described as experiencing on board Captain Archer’s ship fifty years earlier.
Of course the new models were far more versatile and realistic, or so their chatter said.
“Yeah these things are great.” The skinny engineer in plain white overalls said as he tapped it, “There aren’t many like this one out there, the sense data is a lot more immersive, and the time dilation software is such that these Arachnae 9000 models can give you almost anything you want, thanks to their embedded creation kits. Now you can modify your games and customize them to your liking, and with Genesis mode, you can create your own world and games within it, and jump to other peoples designs on the network in the same way as long as they’ve either made it ‘public’ or given you a passkey access code.”
“That’ll make a good training system.” The engineer, Scotty, remarked. “Do we get to keep these after the mission?”
“Hell if I know. But…disconnecting them would be damn tough. And I don’t have a disconnect schedule date. So…probably?” The human remarked, “I’ve got to say, I envy you these things. Even the capital ships don’t all have these yet.”
I pretty quickly figured out that some of the humans on board the ship had pulled a few strings to get some entertainment on board the Red Spark. And probably done it quickly too, using the therapist costs as a late rider on a bill or something.
It was a guess, but I suspect, a good one.
As for the therapists themselves, as these systems were hooked up, the humans tested them and began installing the programs they would need. You might find this strange given that time dilating virtual simulators were used in the human confinement system of justice, as well as it simple games and the older models were used as toys to play games.
But as it turned out, virtual reality was also used in therapy.
I was able to briefly try one out while the therapists explained.
A therapist named ‘Carl’ went over it while the program ‘World of Healing’ loaded.
What began as a silent black world in which I stood, neither falling nor flying, nor seemingly standing on anything at all, stars came into view first, billions of tiny lights twinkling in the darkness. The sorts of things that inspired the dreams of generations.
Then there was grassland, rolling hills, and I was standing on soft earthen and green.
Then the hills loaded terraces with yet more greenery, and around them appeared little babbling brooks, creeks of water with the occasional small fish leaping through the water from one place to the next.
Then, young men and women clad in the outfits of human nurses, the traditional red and white shades.
The therapist appeared beside me a moment later, stepping out of the darkness as his avatar loaded. “Let there be light.” He said with a wave of his hand, and the sun began to rise in the distance. There was a strange warming sensation, like I’d stepped out into an early summer day, as well as the feel of a breeze, I looked down at my body, my hairs were moving.
“That’s good.” He said and cracked a little smile, he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Environments like this one are popular.” He said, “I actually worked on the development of some of these. The nurses,” he gestured to the unmoving simulations, “are designed to appear as nonthreatening as possible. Mostly female, but there is some demand for males as well. Do you know why?” He asked.
“No?” I didn’t, and as he began to walk down a trail of smooth stones that appeared beneath our feet, he explained.
“Do you know what the most common word among the wounded on the battlefield is?” He asked, and as we walked, I watched the scene continue to generate, the path leading to small islands of trees that swayed in the simulated breeze. I shook my head.
“Mother.” He replied. “Followed closely by ‘I’ and ‘want’ and ‘my’. In every language, the wounded scream for their mothers, even the fiercest, hardest, and most savage of men in their most painful hours, call for the one who provided care and comfort in their childhood. Usually, that is still the mother. Not always, mind you, but commonly.”
He smiled at the simulated nurse, and even without being activated, it made a radiant smile in return. “So we program the nurses of both sexes with simulated parental care and attention personalities. Ideally the personalities of the wounded based on known interview data are loaded beforehand to provide the best possible experience, thus allowing the AI to tailor itself to the needs of the wounded.”
I couldn’t deny I was impressed.
“And the environment?” I asked.
“A garden.” Carl replied, “Someone once said, ‘If any man has ever heard the voice of god, it was in a garden on a cool day.’ Our myths and legends often begin our existence in idyllic gardens. Of course we know those are just myths, stories. But it says something about our nature that when we need to create a paradise, ‘this’ is what we make.” He held his arms out as if to embrace the simulation.
“Running water has a calming effect, the feel of the ground and the breeze, the sun and the caring attendants, all serve to create the ideal environments for a group of wounded soldiers. The nurses,” he added, “can be taken over by real qualified people like myself to properly diagnose and help guide the healing of others. The truth is, we don’t heal anybody.”
“No?” I was surprised at his admission, and Carl stroked his russet beard and chuckled as he replied.
“No. A doctor of the body can claim he healed a disease or an injury. But people who deal with the mind, we are guides. That is all. PTSD isn’t something you ‘get over’. It doesn’t go away, it just goes from an open wound to a scar. It may hurt sometimes, like a scar, but it doesn’t have to dominate someone’s life. All we do, is try to make it easier for that scar to form. Environments like this?” He said rhetorically, “These are just ultra modern hospital beds.”
“Couldn’t you just, I don’t know, leave somebody in here for what feels like a hundred years until they’re a whole lot better?” I asked, and his head hung just a little.
“If we could do that, we would. But studies of simulation use show that long term continuous use makes it difficult to adapt to the real world again. In the distant past, astronauts who spent only a few weeks in space, took several days on Earth to remember that things they let go of wouldn’t just ‘float’ if they let go of them. I can only imagine how much coffee was wasted.”
He let out a mock gasp as we got to the little tree cluster where willow leaves hung in long strands to create a kind of gentle shadow casting barrier to the trunk within.
“If we leave somebody in a superhero game for what feels like a hundred years, they’ll try to use those powers in the real world. If we leave somebody here in paradise for a hundred years, they’ll no longer be able to function in reality. And time dilation in a simulation isn’t exactly the same as actually lived reality either. Even the best AI is predictable to a degree. The real world, not so much.”
That was unfortunate, but even so, I could see the use.
“So, an hour per day drawn out to a few days at a time for the grieving, the wounded, and whoever we need. We have simulations for almost everything. From the wounded veterans, to those who grieve the dead in a thousand times a thousand ways.” Carl seemed to me to be equal parts proud of, and saddened by, the existence of this simulated world.
“It gets really bad, doesn’t it?” I asked and out of curiosity, when we crossed a hill to find ourselves amidst an apple orchard, I reached up to pluck a bright red fruit from a branch. It felt so real in my hands. And there was even a real scent to it. ‘I wonder, can I taste it?’
“It does.” Carl replied. “A few decades ago there were some xenophobes who were protesting… something. I don’t remember what it was, I was a child at the time, but some of them managed to get a bunch of guns somewhere and took over a bridge and blocked a road. They brought out their wives and children to use as human shields, trying to force the government to kill them to create sympathy for their cause.”
The apple tasted fantastic, but at his words I coughed and spat and he slapped me several times on the back. This ran entirely counter to everything I’d studied in human society. My work showed that humans valued their offspring and mates to such an extreme degree that harming them was akin to suicide if the survivor got a chance to exact revenge.
“I see that sounds strange to you.” He affirmed and asked, “Are you alright?”
“Yes, yes but…” He slapped my back a few more times and then finished.
“There’s a subset of humans for whom mates and children are property, this is a dying cultural remnant of the past, but it dies hard. Xenophobes wouldn’t hesitate to use those they’re supposed to protect, as pawns for their vicious causes. My father actually worked with both the people who confronted them, and the unarmed people that were rescued.”
“How did it come out?” I asked.
“I was just a kid, I don’t know all the details. But the media stories that spun about it accused the xenophobes of every kind of abuse on their spouses and children, thousands of people were ‘doxxed’ when they posted support for the xenophobes actions. It’s like somebody was out to get them. It got messy, they were a laughing stock, referred to as maniacal cowards, and there were a lot of cartoons and comics where people whose faces and names were out there, became villains to be laughed at and despised. I guess pretty much any evil thing is easy to believe if you’ll put your own kid or your own spouse between you and a bullet just so other people will feel sad for you.” “I mean, were there deaths or…?” I wished I hadn’t asked, but he shook his head.
“No, not exactly. Some clever bastard came up with the idea of walling them in. They pushed these big metal walls into place to surround them, then tightened it up. Slid a roof overhead, and then gassed the lot of them with something to knock them out. There was a lot of gunfire, it made the news, but seeing them shooting at giant metal walls while hiding behind their families did nothing to help their cause. But there were a lot of people who needed mental healthcare to recover from that incident. That’s why I do what I do. My father did it, and I saw how badly it was needed. It’s kind of my purpose, I guess you could say.” Carl said and reached up to take a bite of an apple for himself.
“Tastes like reality.” He said, and then asked, “Have you seen enough?”
“Yes. But… thank you for coming, I think you can do a lot of good up here.” I said and he quickly recited the exit code.
“Admin Red Spark Arachnae nine thousand. Exit simulation.” He said, and the world faded away to nothing.
I was sure of one thing at least.
The wounded hearts were in good hands.

Hi wonderful people! I'm a budding herbalist over here in the UK and I'm trying to create the perfect balm/tincture/tea to help my partner with beard hair loss. He's had medical tests and all come back negative, I'm just looking for something gentle to make for his skin. I was thinking teatree, rosemary, calendula. Any other thoughts?
His beard is very important to him, lots of very sad deeply personal reasons but anything I can do to help would be wonderful. Thank you clever hive mind!

A selection of items “on special” this week in Coles and Woolworths that may be of interest to keto followers. Many are processed so not really suitable for “clean keto”. Victorian data, some may not be available interstate. Consider house brands may be cheaper than ‘specials’
Alcohol (except no carb beer) excluded. Drink prices exclude recycling deposits. Fruit & Veg probably vary by state, so excluded.
If you are doing an online order, I suggest you also look at the stores' ONLINE ONLY specials as I don't always include all of these, many are multibuys.
Coles ‘locked prices’ might now be considered specials but same every week til April so not included as specials

COLES

Coles web pages are a mess, prices showing as a special in the List function are not showing as specials when you drill down into details. So some of these prices cannot be trusted. To make matters worse, they have now taken down the old pages.

• Beer - NEW Hahn Ultra Low Carb Bottles 6x330mL $18 has less than 1g of carbs per bottle and only 87 calories
• Berries, frozen - Coles frozen berries 500g 2 for $11
• Bread/Wraps - Simson's Pantry Low Carb High Protein 5 pack 225g , & Keto minis, 156g 2 for $9, Simson's Pantry Low Carb Keto 5 pack 200g 2 for $10
• Cheese - South Cape Flavoured Cream Cheese 200g $5.10
• Cheese - Cheer Cheese Slices 750g $14
• Cheese - King Island Cape Wickham Double Brie or Camembert 200g $8.90
• Cheese - Always cheddar cheese block or slices on special
• Chocolate - Well Naturally 100g $4 45g $2 not all varieties
• Confectionery - Eclipse Mints 40g $2.80
• Dips - Always something on special - all brands have high and low carbs
• Dips - Black Swan 2 for $7, Black Swan classic 2 for $6.50,
• Drinks - Monster Energy 4x500mL2 for $17
• Drinks - Kirks zero 1.25L $1.40, 10 cans $6.95
• Drinks - Red Bull Energy 8x250mL$13.20
• Drinks - Coca-Cola, Fanta or Sprite 12x300mLbottles $9.10
• Drinks - Frantelle Spring Water 24x600mL$6.40 half price
• Drinks - Lo Bros Kombucha 330mL $2.50
• Drinks - Pepsi max Diet Sunkist or Solo 1.25 Litre $1.25
• Drinks, no sweetener - Schweppes Infused Sparkling Water 10x375mL $8
• Drinks - Nexba Kombucha 4x330mL 4 pack $6
• Fish - Coles Fresh Tasmanian Salmon Portions Skin Off $32kg
• Fish - John West 90g tuna or 95g salmon $1.45. Wild Tides 95g tuna $1.10
• Fish - Birds Eye SteamFresh Fish 380g $7 some with sauce
• Fish - Sirena tuna 425g $6.50, 185g $3.60
• Fish - John West Wild Alaskan Pink Salmon 210g, or 105g red $5.50
• Fish - Ling Oscar sardines 105g $2.50
• Ice cream - Twisted Licks 4 pack $7
• Ice cream - Denada sticks 3 pack or Lil Nadas $8.50 ONLINE ONLY
• Mayonnaise - Kewpie Mayonnaise 300g $4.30 don’t buy ½ version, Hellmans real 400g $5.50, Best Foods 405g $4.50
• Meat - Lamb loin chops $23kg
• Meat - Gravy beef $17kg
• Meat - Pork forequarter cutlets $12.50kg
• Meat - Whole uncooked chicken $4.50kg, Wings $7kg, Free Range whole $9kg
• Meat - Coles Made Easy Bacon Wrapped Chicken Parcels with Pumpkin Spinach & Fetta Stuffing 600g $11
• Meat - Lamb Rack Roast $30kg
• Meat - Don kabana $3.30 ea
• Meat - Moira Mac's Classic Mini Chicken Kababs 90g $3
• Meat - Spam Canned Ham 340g $3.75
• Meat - Primo gluten free kransky 250g $4.50
• Milk, almond - Vitasoy UHT $1.65, Sanitarium So good fridge $3.30, UHT $2
• Oil, EV olive - Cobram Estate Aust 750ml $10.80, Red Island Aust 500ml $6
• Peanut butter - Mayvers 375g $4.60, Sanitarium $3.50
• Protein bars/cookies - QUEST PB cups $3.15
• Protein powder - Musashi High Protein Powder 900g flavoured $52
• Sauce, pasta - Cucina Matese Passata 700g $2.40 check for sugar
• Stock - Campbells Real 1l $3
• Sweetener - Truvia (Erythritol, Steviol Glycosides, Chicory root fibre) Caster, Brown, Icing 280-360g $6
• Syrup -Queen sugar free maple 355ml $3.50
• Yoghurt, flavoured - Chobani No Sugar Added Greek or Natural light 150g $2
• Yoghurt, flavoured - Yoplait Zero 6x160g $4.80 sweetener
• Yoghurt, flavoured - Danone YoPro Perform 20g protein 175g $2.50
• Yoghurt, flavoured - Danone Activia Probiotics 4x125g $3.50
• Yoghurt, plain - Tamar Valley Greek 1kg $6

WOOLWORTHS

Woolies has a range of health products @ 30% off, I have put some under the Protein heading for convenience.
30% of all NOSHU

• Berries - Woolworths frozen ruby berries 500g $5
• Bread/wraps - Simsons 5 pack keto or 6 pack low carb hi protein $5
• Cake mix - Noshu 99% sugar free fudgy brownie or Choc chip cookies 300g $5.25
• Cheese - Always cheddar cheese block or slices on special
• Cheese - Bergbaron Reserve 200g $3.50 half price
• Cheese - King Island Brie or Camembert 175-200g $8.90
• Cheese - Picon cream portions 120g $2.50
• Cheese - Woolworths Brie or Camembert 125g $3
• Chocolate - Vitawerk milk coconut bars 35g $2.50
• Chocolate - Well Naturally 100g bar or 80g choc almonds $4
• Chocolate - Frey Supreme 100g $2
• Confectionery - Noshu Bars 42g $2.45 see also Snacks, sweet for multipacks
• Confectionery - Funday no sugar $3.50
• Crackers - Olinas gluten free pepita or sunflower `00g $4.40
• Dips - Always something on special - all brands have high and low carbs
• Drinks - Gatorade zero or G active 600ml $2.30
• Drinks - Coca-Cola No Sugar 30 x 375ml $24.95
• Drinks - Coca-Cola, Sprite, Fanta Soft Drink Can Varieties or Mount Franklin Lightly Sparkling 10 x 375ml $8.75
• Drinks - Monster No sugar energy 4 x 500ml $8.30
• Drinks - Remedy Kombucha 4 x 250ml or 1.25 Litre $6, Lo Bros 4 pack $8.50
• Fish - John West mackerel in O oil 125g $3
• Fish - Sirena tuna 95g $2.30
• Fish - Thawed Cooked WA Rock Lobster $23 not all stores
• Fish - Woolworths Frozen Barramundi 1 kg $18
• Ice Cream - Twisted Licks 4 pack $4.50
• Ice Cream - Fropro Keto scoop 475g $7.50, Denada $9
• Mayonnaise - Best Foods 405g $4.50
• Mayonnaise - Hellmann’s Real Mayonnaise Squeeze 400-432g $5.50
• Mayonnaise - Maille Hollandaise cream 200ml $4.50
• Mayonnaise - S&W whole egg 440g $6.50
• Meat - Australian Easy Carve Lamb Leg Roast $17kg
• Meat - Australian Pork Belly Roast $16kg
• Meat - Bertocci shortcut bacon from deli $15kg, Streaky bacon $18
• Meat - Chicken drumsticks $4kg , Maryland $6.50kgMeat - D’Orsogna Deli Fresh Sliced Meats 80-100g $2.80
• Meat - Gotzinger kransky chipolatas 400g $8, Franks $7
• Meat - Luv a duck confit legs 500g $10.50
• Meat - Plumrose canned meats half price
• Meat - Pork shoulder boneless roast $8kg
• Meat - Primo Short Cut Bacon 750g $11
• Meat - Woolworths COOK Pork Shoulder with BBQ Sauce 560g $12.50 ditch half the sauce
• Milk unsweetened almond - Almo fridge $3.85, Almond Breeze barista UHT $3.50 higher carbs
• Nuts - Australian Natural Walnuts 500g $9
• Oil - The Grove cold pressed avocado 250ml $8.50
• Oil, EV olive - Bertolli 750ml $9
• Pancake mix - Noshu Sugar Free Pancake Mix 240g $4,45 higher carbs
• Peanut butter - Fix andFogg everything butter 275g $5.70 minor pecials on this brand
• Protein - Bsc Body Science Clean Greens Superfoods Tropical 150g $25
• Protein bars - QUEST PB cups $3.36, Bounce Load Up High Protein Bar 60g $3.50,Bounce Keto fat bomb 35g $2(higher carbs), Keep It Cleaner Collagen Bar 40g $2.45 (check ingredients)
• Protein drinks - BSc Pre-Workout Coffee 150g $17.50
• Protein drinks - Cellucor C4 Sport supplement Powder 285g $33.60 looks like electrolytes ?
• Protein powder - DOSE & Co. Pure Collagen Powder 200g $28
• Protein powder, plant - Kapowder Plant Based Protein Strength 220g $15.40 - This brand has a large range of vegan, no sugar powders.all 30% off
• Protein powder, plant - Prana On Plant Protein Shake Vanilla Flavor
• Protein water - Bodiez Protein Water Powder Pouch 290g $24.50, BSc Body Science Protein Collagen Water 350g $24.50
• Sauce - Mingle BBQ or Tomato 250g $4.45k
• Snacks - Munchme almonds or pepitas 120g $4.80
• Snacks - Pink Himalayan seaweed 30g $3.50, 8 pack roasted $4
• Snacks, sweet - Noshu Low Carb Indulgence or Nut Bars 150-160g 5 Pk $6.20 muesli aise, Aussie Bodies 5 pack $7 see also Noshu single bars under Confectionery heading
• Spice - Mingle butter chicken 30g $2.60
• Stock - Maggie Beer 500ml $4, Hart & Soul bone broth 350g 2for $7
• Sweetener - Whole Earth E&MF 200g $6.80
• Syrup - Lakanto golden malt or vanilla 300ml $7
• Yoghurt, flavoured - Chobani FiT 15g Protein Yogurt Pot or Pouch 140-170g $1.25 half price , Yoplait Zero 1kg $4sweetener.
• Yoghurt, plain - Chobani Greek whole milk 907g $5.50

25M Maine
So I personally have no rights to these kids, it's a really tough situation I am dating there mother and she's already filled for the divorce paperwork against the kids father (there is 2 kids, he is only the father to 1 of them but came in the other ones life (boy of 7) at the age of 3. His daughter is now 3, we tried to let them visit him on the weekends, while he stayed at someone else's residence because he doesn't have a place of his own, he texted us up one night (there break up was still fresh for him, but he knew it was coming she kicked him out and explained what was happening and that there was already to much trauma on the relationship and she didn't feel safe around him or that she could ever love him again) anyways we tried to let him have weekend visits and he got drunk one night while he had the kids, texted her up threatening to carve her name into his leg with a kitchen knife, so we do not let him see the kids anymore obviously, he is a two-time domestic violence offender towards her and multiple protection orders put on him both dropped by her after they were put on he's had to go to family violence classes ( which he took nothing from it even though he completed it, he still continued to be violent and lay hands on her afterwards, still continued to put cigarettes out on his wife, trap her in rooms and not let her out, he's shoved multiple times punched her in the stomach numerous other things, even forces her to have sex with him when she didn't want to, he is a bad alcoholic when he gets to drinking and he is bipolar (and from my Outlook on it, it seems as, when he drinks he gets schizophrenic episodes) he refuses to take medication or get put on any medication and you just finished signing the divorce paperwork and we are getting ready to go into custody battles as her boyfriend I do not know what to do but I do not believe the kids are safe around him but I also know I have no rights to the kids or any say. I have been paying for both kids and had there mother leave one of her jobs so she could be full time with the kids, I pay for everything and am totally happy to do so, but I've never had kids prior to this and I am totally lost looking for some advice please... Should she try for full custody and leave him with no visitation rights? Also her son's father ( the other baby daddy) she tried keeping away and the judge ordered weekend rights (he also didn't have all the violence issues and

Hi all, I already have a successful career as a 34 year old speech therapist working in ICU/acute care. I'm also an adjunct instructor in SLP at several universities with my M.S. degree. I have a small family (married, 1 young child, looking to have one more soon) and I'm a homeowner. I can't relocate.
I'm in a position where I would like to change careers in the next 5-10 years as my kid(s) get older. SLP has been good enough to me but frankly I'm bored and frustrated with the lack of evidence based practice and lack of respect from other professionals. It has been many years since college but I had a roughly 4.0 in both undergrad and grad school, summa cum laude, etc. I am missing at least 5-8 necessary prereqs (a lot of my sciences didn't have labs). Never did extracurriculars. I live within easy commute distance of 3 great PA programs and 5-6 great med schools, and would only apply to these options.
I value:

• something intellectually stimulating
  
• flexible work schedule/being able to work PRN or locums if possible while kids are young. I could work full-time as my kids get older.
  
• respect/autonomy (SLPs can practice independently, but aren't respected)
  
• being adequately paid for my work (SLPs max out at less than RNs for more schooling)
  

I am trying to decide between medical school and PA school. Obviously there are pros and cons to both. Because I value flexibility and a predictable schedule, and because I'm getting older and already have a family, PA school appeals to me since it would be a faster turnaround to a new career. But I'm not sure the pay would be worth it (I can make about 80-90k as an SLP, only an easy jump to 120+ would be worthwhile to me). I'm also afraid of regretting never going the MD route. I love medicine, working in healthcare comes very easily to me. I have always received excellent feedback from my patients, I know I'm clever enough for it, and if I'm being honest I grew up in poverty/foster care and I think it would finally help with the chip on my shoulder and feel like I finally "made it" with an advanced professional degree (I also briefly considered law school at one point).
We made good financial decisions in our 20s, have maxed out retirement accounts for over a decade, and have enough in savings that we could live off my husband's income and savings alone for about 7-8 years comfortably if needed.
Just wondering if anyone else has been in a similar position and what you ultimately decided.

Jemina: Okay so Stenv is busy working on that Watts satire.
Jimmy: That fool! He finally let his guard down enough! Hell that dragon bimbo isn't around anywhere to stop us. HAHAHAHA!!!
Rando: I mean... I think Cinder is pretty cool...
Jemina: She eats you though...
Rando: Yeah but I got over that ya know. Besides she's funny as heck.
Jimmy: You're only saying that because ProphetT keeps posting hot Cinder art.
Rando: Can't I like her for more than her looks?
Jemina: NO BECAUSE YOU'RE A RANDOM MAN THUS YOU MUST AUTOMATICALLY BE SEXIST! UNLIKE RANDI HERE-
Randi:... Is quietly reading her yaoi manga.
Jemina: YOU TRAITOR.
Jimmy: IDIOTS FOCUS! We can finally bring down this metaverse, by destroying the cringe inhibitors and then we shall become gods!
The Randos and Randis protest but Jimmy and Jemina cackle wildy, as they try to craft their own satire, not paying attention to the danger level warnings, and then everything goes critical! And reality buckles around them!!!!
Jemina: WH-WHA-WHAT IS HAPPENING?!!!
Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW!!! I DON'T KNOW... UH IT LOOKS LIKE THE SATIRE IS DRAGGING US INNNNN THOUG-
The Two get sucked into the book and the metaverse goes back to normal.
Dragon!Cinder: Scoffs Idiots.
Rando: Yep... So... do I put on a spice or....?
Dragon!Cinder: I will think about it... you made it weird... gonna need time to process.
Stenv: Either way, might as well embrace this and see where it goes. I got the popcorn, and the souls of the damned.
Dragon!Cinder calls dibs on eating the souls of the damned, as this becomes a movie night, and they pop in the first episode of the book.

Episode 1

A distorted version of the OP plays, complete with heavy metal, and then the narration begins.
Salem's Voice: Wait.... what the fuck is that all about?
Ozpin's Voice: What?
Salem's Voice: It's all vague bullshit? And then we're in an argument of some kind? Like what the fuck?
Ozpin's Voice: I dunno, but I think the panning shot of Ruby is good setup.
Salem's Voice: THAT'S NOT THE POINT I AM MAKING MORON AND YOU KNOW IT! THIS IS WHY I DIVORCED YOU IDIOT!
Ozpin's Voice: NO I LEFT YOU! AND DON'T CALL ME STUPID!!!
Salem's Voice: Well maybe if you didn't act stupid. I wouldn't have to.
Ozpin's Voice: THAT'S IT!!!!
The two narrators start fighting, slapping noises in the background, as Roman quietly enters the store, trying to not pay attention to the domestic fight. Then a chair noise?
??? BY GAWD SHE BROKE HIM IN HALF!!!
Roman: Exhales Just get this scene over with...
Shopkeep: Yeah can we run this along? I have like nine million other jobs to get to. I am basically the Larry of this show, Larry from Gumball, I basically keep the economy alive.
In the Background, Ruby is rocking out to Sonic Music.
Thug: HEY C'MON RWBY MUSIC ISN'T THAT BAD!
Ruby: Huh? Finally notices people are in the store and takes off her headphones. Oh sup.
Roman: Okay could we just get to the fight scene?
Ruby:... Sure~ What do you think Cresccie?
Roman: You talk to your weapo-
Crescent Rose: FOR THE EMPEROR!!!
Roman: What the-
There's a blur of Red, as Ruby viciously snaps one thugs spine over her leg, and bashes two skulls together, and in a whirwind of violence, she wears an insane wolfish grin as she curbstomps out onto the street.
Roman: ...I don't wanna be in this scene anymore...
Ruby: Oh don't be like that~ I am sure you're cool, I mean you don't have a shit weapon like these mooks right?
Roman: Uhhh I got a cane that's also a gun... it's pretty sturdy...
Ruby: See not so bad... anything else?
Roman: Well I was supposed to get a cool semblance but...
Flashback to a meeting room, where Roman dozes off and Fiona the Sheep Faunus yoinks the box with his name on it, and swaps it out with her own.
Ruby: Oof...
Shopkeep: So can't you use your super speed to keep him from getting away?
Ruby: Probably...
Roman: Yeah but I am kinda needed for plot stuff... for some reason... Can't help but feel like we're forg-
A heel knocks him to the side, as Cinder proudly poses in front of the camera despite her model still being largely unfinished and in shadows.
Cinder: I AM HERE!!!
Ruby: Yeah but it's not your time yet!
Cinder: BUT I GOTTA MAKE A STRONG IMPRESSION!
Ruby: And you will! But it's not time...
Cinder: UGH but it's so boring sitting in that plane and waiting to get through this filler shit!!!
Roman: I think I lost a tooth. But Cindy c'mon, it will be fine.
Cinder: Nooooooo!!!!!! She stomps her foot on the ground with a huff and crossing her arms.
Roman: Tell you what.... I will get you a pumpkin latte... some magazines, some extra shoes... and a hug?
Cinder: ... Make it three hugs and we got a deal... She then turns to Ruby, gesturing with her hand to show she has eyes on Ruby. BUT MARK MY WORDS RUBY!!! WE WILL BE BALLER RIVALS!
Ruby: HATE YOU TOO!!! She says cheerfully blowing kisses at Cinder while flipping her off, and Cinder does the same while going off screen.
Ruby: So Roman back to... Oh... Clever boy....
Roman is already on the rooftop. Having run during the exchange between Ruby and Cinder.
Roman: Okay.... now I just...
Ruby: Heyo~~~
Roman: AH! How my character isn't scared of you is beyond me!
Ruby: Yeah but I am adorable~
Roman: You wield a weapon bigger than your body, that worships a corpse emperor--
Crescent Rose: HERETIC!!!
Roman: Can beat the shit out of grown men like a demented Sonic OC, or Scourge or Surge or... Takes out a few sonic comic books... Well you're not a rocker like Mina... but yeah... YOU'RE FUCKING TERRIFYING.
Ruby: Heehee. Still adorable tho!
Glynda: And then there's me...
Ruby and Roman stare at Glynda.
Roman: Holy shit you're hot.
Glynda: Yeah... a walking fetish I am. I look like a sexy librarian with a riding crop, clearly someone wants a dommy mommy. But at least I have a cool cape.
Ruby: Eyes twitch, as she inhales and exhales deeply.
Glynda and Roman: Ruby?
They start to get scared.
Ruby's breath gets even more erratic, as Crescent Rose quietly floats away from her, even he knows not to get in the way of what's coming.
Ruby: What. Is. That?
Ruby's left hand points with utter venom and hatred at Glynda's weapon of choice, a plain riding crop.
Glynda: It's my weapon. I think it's called uh... Pulls out her scroll and goes to the Wikia. Of course it would be called The Disciplinarian... Really leaning into those dominatrix vibes huh RoosterTeeth?
Glynda looks back up at Ruby and screams in panic and terror as the cute girls face has morphed into a full on black rage furious expression more akin to a savage wolf than anything as she bites the Riding Crop, and yanks it out of Glynda's hand.
Glynda leaps into Roman's arms in fear, who in turn leaps into Cinder's arm who came out to check the commotion, and now all three are scared shitless as Ruby grinds her teeth on the lazy yet surprisingly durable weapon.
Ruby: I could tolerate nameless thugs having shitty mono weapons. But a named character Glynda right?
Glynda: Yeah...?
Ruby: And what's your role again?
Glynda: I am a teacher at Beacon.... the vice principal?
Ruby: And they give you a fucking riding crop? Not even a wand thing or something else?
Ruby slowly turns around away from the trio, as she stares directly into the camera, then she punches it! Glass shattering and with a howl and snarl, she leaps past the hole she made, as Glynda and Roman and Cinder can only watch.
Ruby: SO A FUCKING RIDING CROP!
Jemina: WE DIDN'T MAKE THAT!!!
Ruby: Who da fuck are you?
Jimmy: Well... we technically made this satire... but...
Ruby: Oh well. You will just have to stand in for the writers.
Jemina: What does that mean?! And what are you doing with that Riding Crop?! OH GOD OH NO!!! PLEASE NOOOOOO!!!!!!
Screams of anguish and torment are followed, as only The Trio of characters left in the scene are watching what unfolds, that's so unspeakable it causes Crescent Rose to vomit, and for Cinder to cover Glynda's eyes, and Roman to cover Cinder's eyes.
Ruby: Now then. Where is your workshop?!
Jimmy: Gurgling noises, from being too horrifically beaten to be able to speak properly.
Ruby: Okay good~ Humming noises, and workshop noises, and then she finally exits out of the shattered hole. Oh and if I see another lazy weapon? I will be back for your skin.
---
Jimmy: Gurgling noises.
Jemina: I KNOW! WE HAVE A LOT OF SHIT TO DO!!! SHIT!!! WHY IS NONE OF THIS WORKING?! I DON'T WANT MY BONES GETTING MESSED WITH! I BARELY HAVE ANY SKIN LEFT AFTER THAT BEATDOWN!!!
---
Ruby: SO! Either way.... Huh where did Roman and Cinder go?
Glynda: Gulps I drove them off?
Ruby: That works. So either way~ She cheerfully takes out a dufflebag, seemingly not noticing the blood smears left on her face. I made you some replacments for your weapon~
Firstly you're witchy~ Based on the Goodwitch from Wizard of Oz, and Harry Potter was popular at some point... Plus LOTR soooo I made you three options!
Glynda: Nods her head too scared to protest.
Ruby: So first! I got a broomstick, now admittedly should probably reserve that for.... Salami? Weird name.
Salem's Voice: IT'S SALEM!!!
Ozpin's Voice: HA!
Fight Noises resume.
???: BY GAWD SHE GERMAN SUPPLEXED HIM THROUGH THAT TANK!!!
Ruby: Either way. This looks like a very sleek sci-fi broom. But not only is it capable of flight, either through your semblance thingy... which was....? Oh we kinda skipped over that...
Glynda: Oh uh... it's telekinesis, and arguably the most busted semblance in the show... and for some reason has magic rune looking things....
Ruby: Huh neat. But yeah this can fly, shoot out missiles and is also an semi automatic!!! Or you can just use it for dust shenanigans, since it has a dust propellant system.
Glynda: Uh...
Ruby: Right right... you probably want something more compact! So option Two!
Tosses the Broom away, creating a massive explosion off screen that shakes the camera, making Jemina and Jimmy cry out in pain even more.
Ruby: So I did make a staff, but I get ya probably want a wand. Because Harry Potter, I even added in some butterfly motifs to better fit in with your theme. But also... CHECK DIS OUT!!!
Clicks a button, and the wand shoots Lasers! And another click of a different button also creates a lightsaber!
Ruby: Freaking cool right?!
Glynda: Uuu!
Ruby: Hehehe! Okay last option though... Because we can't let Roman have the only baller hat. Puts the wand to the side, next to it's dust cartridges.
So last but not least. Takes a velvet black witch's hat. Tada!!!
Glynda: Woah... it looks so elegant... so beautiful... but it's also a weapon?
Ruby: You know it! It's me Ruby Rose, there's nothing I can't make into a weapon... NOTHING!!!
But for this hat? So I leaned way more into the dust side of weaponry, because I think that's heavily unused. I figured with your semblance you could play around with Dust more, can't explain away the baller magic runes.
But the hat like Cinder's dress, is embedded with Dust, and we can even do chibi style gags where you can pull random objects and people out of it.
Glynda: SOLD!
Ruby: Wait really?
Glynda: I may not be in Chibi, but I would kill to be on it.
Ruby: YAY!!!!
Glynda: Happily puts on the gorgeous witch hat, that perfectly compliments her outfit.
---
Ruby: So an interrogation room?
Glynda: Well it is the exposition dump scene.
Ruby: Oh right! Wait... shouldn't my introduction have been clue enough? Then again I was randomly in the store.
Glynda: Yeah but you could argue sometimes Exposition dumps are neccessary. I mean it's not like we're going to get some random audience expy that the writers cram in just for the sake of exposition when there's already an exposition engine there right?
Ruby:... That's oddly specific....
The door finally opens before the conversation can continue, as Ozpin is wheeled in by Taiyang, Ozpin being in a full bodycast... from his offscreen wrestling with Salem.
Ruby: Yay! Daddy!!!
Ruby picks her dad up in a spine breaking hug, as he laughs, and takes out a box of strawberries, much to the little gremlins delight.
Ozpin: Okay... this weird thing... well I think we can safely say Ruby Rose is self explanatory... but uh....
Taiyang: She might have been a little unstable in school, but she will make a damn good huntress.
Glynda: Should we mention her uncle?
Taiyang: Ouch... I am right here I kno- Finally notices the hat. Holy shit that looks good on you.
Glynda: Thanks!
Ruby: Sooo next scene?
---
Yang: YAY SIS!
Ruby: Ow! But yeah she's my sister! So get out of the frame shippers...
Jaune slowly starts to get on screen.
Ruby: On Second thought...
Yang: Acts quickly shoving her tits in the camera. Hi folks! I am Yang! The Fun one! But also Ruby's sister... sooo if you ship her... Gimme those fics... but if it's with an abuser or someone way older...
Yang begins to squeeze the camera tightly closer to her chest, the screen beginning to crack.
Yang: There will be nowhere you can hide. She then lets go, and lightly tosses the camera away.
Ruby: Still this could be fun! Wonder what the next episode will be like?
Yang: So long as I get to punch everything? We're all good~
Abandoment issues: Bu-
Yang destroys his dick.
Yang: We're here. To have. Fun. FUCK OFF.

To be Continued.

Epilogue Omake.

Cinder happily purrs as she sips on her Pumpkin Latte, while snuggled up against Roman, Emerald, Mercury and Neo, all of them hugging her. As they watch Ever After, the Drew Barrymore Cinderella Movie.
Cinder: And next time! THANKS TO ME PEASANTS!!!! Next Episode will have Cardining Time!!!