I apologize if this feels a little disorganized, but there’s just so many things swirling in my head at the moment.
Short backstory: Lower class child of multiple divorces (usually due to violent physical abuse from mother’s different husbands minus my father) that alternated going to school in my southern birth state where my father lived and a western plains state my mother moved to year after year until high school where I worked my ass off in my studies and a little part time job to get just shy of a full ride to a private liberal arts university in New York where I met my current amazing fiancée, several good NYC friends, and graduated with a BA in economics in 2018. I didn’t do any internships because I’m an idiot who wanted to enjoy my college summers with my friends back home. Main goal in life at this point is having my own little not insane family like my upbringing.
Queue the dominos falling leading to my current feeling of loss of sanity. I stayed with my mother for a year working at a small construction office in an administrative capacity so I could pay off what off few loans I had before I would move to the big apple, where I have no family or nyc friends who moved to other states for grad school, to get a place with my girlfriend of 5 years at that point in 2019. Boss loved me and hated to see me go. I start at another construction company’s accounting department in NYC and quit after a few weeks since it felt like almost like a cult which sounds weird and I know I’m a fucking idiot for quitting even though I felt I had to go.
Anyways I find out about the process of joining the NYPD and how well they pay. It’s always something I had considered in the back of my mind since I’ve had family in law enforcement and the military and cops at least in my own life as a kid they had essentially acted as heroes being the ones that would stop my mother’s husbands from borderline killing her or my and my little brother in the past. I was naive and just wanted to make the world a better place thinking even if there was corruption I could be a good example to others and try to change things from within given everything I’d gone through in my life so far. So, I began the 2-3 year process and started looking for work to hold me over in the meantime. After a few months, I find a job with a tiny real estate developer as an assistant. Unfortunately, the exempt salaried pay was garbage and my boss was the biggest raging asshole I have ever had the displeasure of being stuck in a 6x10 windowless room for 3 months with. I’m talking shit on all of his employees in office and out. The one time I fuck up he screams over the phone, hangs up in rage, just to call back 30 seconds later to keep raging. I said like a complete fucking idiot fuck that shit and quit.
Surprise surprise I quit march 2020 like 2 weeks before covid went from “hmm china is having his little flu thing. Next up listen to our interview with kim kardashian!” to “HOLY FUCKING SHIT RED ALERT THE WORLD IS ON FUCKING FIRE SHUT ER DOWN PLEASE GOD SAVE THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN”. I struggled to find work but thankfully my girlfriend was doing well enough to hold us over as my savings drained. After like 4 months of nothing I said fuck it and got a security license since I was seeing those jobs everywhere (trying not to think too much about the ones getting shot for enforcing masks). I was hired direct at a luxury senior living place in Manhattan a month later with a pay rate higher than I’d ever had before. It was just finishing construction (which ended up getting dragged out a year longer) so my boss had me work 3pm-midnight with the promise I’d go 8am-5pm when we opened. That was honestly the hardest year of my life until we opened in mid 2021. Imagine Covid, plus working when everyone is off and being off when everyone is sleeping, and working weekends just barely having social contact outside the first few hours of work. That shit fucks with you. I am ashamed and a little scared to say there were a few times I stared a little too long at the city streets from our 17th floor rooftop gardens during my patrols.
Anyways, things got better when we opened. My bosses, coworkers, and later residents loved me. Always came to me to shoot the shit, help them with projects like excel or other computer stuff, training new staff on building functions and safety shit. I even got bumped to $32/hr and had our IT guy showing me the ropes and helping him with some of what he did. Then the NYPD finally came knocking. It took a few months but I passed all their tests. As I got further along my girlfriend of 7 years at that point grew more and more uneasy at the prospect and all my NYC friends were totally against it bordering on pleading me not to do it since all the BLM protests (which I supported) were still pretty recent. I was still just naive thinking if I could just get in I could change it for the better and how change has to start somewhere even if it’s just one person. Didn’t matter though because it all exploded when I finally got the email telling me to report to the academy. Girlfriend lost it. Pleading/sobbing for me not to do it. I just kept telling her she would see it wasn’t so bad after I started. I just had to take the shot and she would see. Then I got the ultimatum she still claims she doesn’t remember saying. She said she wouldn’t leave but didn’t think she could have kids with me if I went through with it. That shit hit me straight in the fucking heart. I emailed them to pull my candidacy. I wasn’t going to nuke this 7 year relationship for a fucking job.
Apparently they didn’t get the memo emailing me or leaving voicemails that they could squeeze me in if I wanted every time a new academy was coming up. Anyways I left the security job in June 2022 (idiot again I know) since my security license was expiring, Covid seemed to be finally chilling out now that everyone had our shots, and there wasn’t any upward movement happening even though my executive director would promise and promise how far he said he could see me going. Went to Europe got engaged with the lady which was about time after 8 years, but then struggled for months to get any sort of admin role like I’d had in the past.
I eventually said fuck it let’s try IT since I liked working that guy at my last job and have always been good with computers, but never got into programming beyond an intro comp sci class in college. Anyways 4 months later (could’ve been faster I know) after a lot of self study I got my comptia A+, Network+, and finally Security+ in mid to late April try to get my foot in door. After a month of applying and also turning 27 I’ve got nothing to show for it. Then I get a call today and freaked out going through all the protocols and shit in my head mentally prepping for any questions an employer might ask. I answer and IT’S THE FUCKING NYPD AGAIN TELLING ME I CAN GET IN THE ACADEMY IF I COME IN FOR A FUCKING MINI MEDICAL. Completely deflated I tell the lady I had already told my investigating officer to pull my candidacy which I guess he never did and she officially took me off the list.
After she hung up I feel like something just kind of snapped. I wanted to fucking scream and felt like I’m just spitting in the face of the universe for finally shutting down this life path for good after they’ve tried to pull me in so many times while I’ve ignored them while at the same time getting rejection after rejection from company after company. I know I’m not crazy for not being willing to give up such a long lasting relationship for something I don’t even really believe in anymore, but I feel crazy turning my nose up at the one employer who will look past my only crimes of having a fucking resume gap or not staying with the same company for 40 years. Thankfully my fiancée is now making over 6 figures and can afford to take care of us while I search, but I just feel like such a fucking failure after clawing my way out of poverty and the warzone that was my mother’s household as soon as the front door closed doing what I thought I was supposed to do to achieve socioeconomic mobility and I have nothing to show for it other than being a damn leech off my future wife while I drown in this shit.
Anyways, it just feels nice to write that all down for once. I guess I hope maybe this can help someone somehow. I’m not giving up, but goddamn this shit is hard. I hope y’all are having a better day and better luck.

Title is pretty self explanatory. I have been with my ex bf for 2 years. When we first met it was like we were never strangers. We both connected in a way we had never connected with anyone else. We both fell hard and fast. I made him wait 6 months to ask me out because i had just gotten out of a two and half year relationship a month before i met him. I was scared to be with him at first, but i couldn’t stop myself from falling in love with him.
Our relationship was close to perfect. We never fought. If we did have a disagreement we had a healthy discussion about it. It was the first healthy relationship i ever had. We had pretty similar childhoods, we never had anyone who was able to understand that. I’m usually the kind of person that can only hang out with someone for a day or two, but that didn’t apply to him. We loved hanging out with each other. He always wanted to be around me and i always wanted to be around him. I have over 10 handwritten love letters from him. I’ve never been able to envision a future with another man and not feel weird about it. I was ready to commit to him forever.
I’m august 2022, i got back from a weeklong trip and we were insperable. He wanted to be around me constantly, and i wanted to be around him. We started a habit of hanging out at least 5 days a week. It never seemed like a problem. We never got annoyed with each other and we loved just being in each others presence even if we were interacting with each other.
In January, i noticed he started to withdrawal a bit. He seemed careless, stressed with everything he had going on, he didn’t want to have sex ever, and he stopped giving me affection and saying nice things to me. During this time i also let him put $900 worth of court fees on my credit card so he wouldn’t have to pay it outright. He continues to withdrawal throughout February and i was losing my patience with him.
In March he breaks up with me for the first time. He says it’s his mental health and he’s too stressed and he can’t give me what i want and he’s not the same person i met in 2021. It sounded like self loathing and hatred so i fought for him. We got back together a day later. 2 weeks later i randomly go through his phone and see a bunch of girls on his Snapchat. I flipped out and broke up with him again. I messaged all the girls except 1, they all said he just hit them up once and never again after that. We were broken up for 3 weeks at this point. Around the end of March he started texting me again saying he missed me and wanted to make things work. He said he texted those girls for validation cause he was feeling insecure. I believed him and forgave him.
We got back together for the entire month of April. I thought things were going good in the first two weeks. Then on the 3rd week he gets a phone call from another girl at 1am. He swore they just talked when we were broken up and he told her to not contact him again and blocked me in front of me. It made me nervous but i didn’t think it was that serious. I i only saw him twice after that cause he started pulling away again. He said he felt like i was never going to trust him and things are better this way. We broke it off again at the beginning of may
I blocked him on everything but about two weeks ago i broke and i texted him. He called me and told me all the right things and that he’s sorry and he misses me and we got back together again. Things were going really well. I told him my boundaries with other girls and he agreed. Yesterday morning i randomly decided to go through his phone. I just wanted to confirm he was acting right. Everything looked good but i found a girls contact open in the contact app. We had a discussion about this and he said he needs space and time to think. I left and decided to text the girl on my phone.
Long story short, this girl tells me they were talking all the way from November until the end of March. When i was passed out drunk in his bed ok New Year’s Eve, he had a 2 hour phone call with her. She showed me the text messages on Valentine’s Day and he was telling her she looked so sexy at work and he couldn’t keep his hands off her. He was sexting her the night i had a car follow me into my neighborhood and i was scared to be home alone. He didn’t invite me over and he didn’t care that i was scared. The day after he sexted her was the first time we broke up. A week later he bluffed on our plans to hangout twice in two days because he was texting her instead. He had sex with her two days after we broke up for the second time. He was texting her saying he can’t control himself around her.
I’m so lost and confused. I feel unlovable. I feel like i chased him away. I’m so angry. I kept fighting for our relationship the past 3 months because i thought he was just having mental health issues. I wanted to show him he had someone there for him who would love him no matter what. I helped him out so much. I thought he was so different and not like other guys. I would have never suspected him of cheating on me on this way. I don’t understand why he couldn’t tell me from the first breakup there was someone else. I wouldn’t have fought for him like that if i knew the truth. I’ve begged him for the truth so many times and he just keeps lying to me. I knew deep down inside from his behavior this had something to do with other girls, but he kept lying and telling me it’s his mental health. I feel so fucking stupid. I feel like none of our relationship was real. I don’t know what the fuck just happened. I’m so angry that all the times i begged him for affection, he couldn’t give it to me because he was giving it to her. I hate myself so much. I don’t know how to move on from this? Does anyone have any advice for me? I feel so broken right now.

I've lost officially now
Heyy everyone it's not any frustrated rant or some cry baby shit firstly I wanna thank everyone here who helped me during my mains and advance prep . Today I'm here celebrating my defeat I've failed jee advance I didn't got good %ile in jee mains too recap to my story I was a arrogant person who thought he can do anything he want in his life so first I knew about jee mains and advance from 8th grade cuz of my cousins I thought about going to coachings in 11th grade ( I belong from a small town there are no coaching here for jee ) but broke my leg and lockdown happened at last 11th exmas happened offline and I did last moment night ups and got 84% then came 12th started preparing for jee did first half of 12th smoothly first term boards happened ( 2021-22 batch will get it) got 86% was happy then came January I was at my peak I had friends people to talk to for hours a bright future I absolutely nailed at my farewell party after that I got together with this girl we dated I forgot about jee and thought "huh drop leke adv me 2 digit rank Lee aaunga :)" then came March and I started studying for term -2 worked my ass off and got final 84% total in 12th then begins my downfall took admission in a almost dead coaching (toda family pressure the regarding fees but not much) syllabus lagged behind first mains date came did my best all I could (and yeah me and that girl broke up when I took drop complications came in and long distance and all nvm back to it ) and spoiled my health in first attempt and ruined it (got 60%ile) then got back up stopped going to coachings (ofc unka syllabus nhi hua march end Tak) studied then came mains 2 panicked a bit because had to go alone to give exams (I used to live in a pg for coaching) messed up a bit in chemistry and physics and got 92%ile ( for someone who knew nothing and studied for like 6-7 months it's deserving) was totally burnered out at this point didn't wanted to even give advance but psrents forced to do so filled form took a crash course studied for 24 days then I was unable to even sit at a place for more then 2 hous can't even tell parwnts that I can't do this anymore and here I am today sitting at my chair smiling and thinking it was good so far and it's gonna be better I won't ve able to get into any nit or iit but it's fine id have any regrets I did all I could and im a human in the end I've got plans for future and I'm excited to execute them as soon as possible I've lost a lot of friends during this prep but ive become a better person I'll keep exploring and find what suits best for me rn kal jee advance hai aur me choti advance pook ke paper phook dunga (jk id smoke ) some might say that I gave up or I'm a quitter but sometimes it's fine to stay down after you fall to look up at the stars
Thanks to this community for helping me and all the best to all 24 25 26 and my fellow 23 trads in their life and prep
Adios~

Good Evening Everyone! Trying to trade parts of my collection for items that I would like to play more!
If you're interested in something listed, please shoot me your list!
[Have]
Consoles
Silver DS Lite, No Stylus Or Charger, one scratch on top screen, few scratches on outer shell
Black Friday Mario New 3DS Black Faceplate (3DS and Charger Only)
New Nintendo 3DS XL Samus Returns Edition (3DS and Charger Only)
New Nintendo 3DS XL Galaxy Edition (3DS and Charger Only, Modded, Back Screw Missing)
Wii U With all Wires and Gamepad(looks like there may be some yellowing on a white screen)
Switch Games
A Hat in Time, code used
Darkest Dungeon Collectors Edition
Diablo 3
Disgae 5 Complete Loose
Dragonball Fighterz Loose
Fire Emblem Three Houses Sealed
Gunvolt Chronicles Luminous Avenger ix
Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild
Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild Sealed
Momodora Reverie Under The Moonlight Sealed LGR #37
Pokemon Shield Loose
Pokemon Violet
Pokemon Violet French Copy
Octopath Traveler 2 Sealed
Resident Evil Revelations Collection Sealed
SkullGirls 2nd Encore Sealed
Shantae Genie Hero Ultimate Edition
The Liar Princess and the Blind Prince Loose
Tokyo Mirage Sessions FE Encore
3DS Games
Sealed Animal Crossing Happy Home Designe
Fire Emblem Fates Special Edition Cart Only
Kingdom Hearts 3D Dream Drop Distance
The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds( No manual)
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D (Selects version)
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D Loose
Pokémon Super Mystery Dungeon CIB
Kid Icarus Uprising CIB (No AR Cards and not Big Box)
Kid Icarus Uprising Big Box CIB
Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate Loose
DS Games
Pokémon White 2 CIB (Few small dents on the art cover)
Amiibo
Amiibo With Scuffs
Mario (Weird Whiting On Fireball)
Peach (Small Scuff On Back Side)
Lil Mac (Paint Mark On Shorts On The Back Side)
Pacman (Scuffs On Back Side)
Sonic (Marking on Gloves)
Donkey Kong (Small Scuff On Lip)
Bowser Jr. (Has a Few Paint Chips On Shell, and Marks On White Part)
Banjo & Kazzoie (Paint On Nails Is a Bit Faded On a Few Nails)
Duck Hunt (Missing Left Ear)
Game and Watch (Only Has One Face)
R.O.B (Yellowing)
All Amiibos
R.O.B
Duck Hunt
Toon Link
Olimar
Wii Fit Trainer
Ryu
Bayonetta Player 1
Game and Watch
Villager
Diddy Kong
Dr. Mario
Mega Man
Jigglypuff
PS5
Elden Ring Collectors Edition Sealed
Accessories
Switch Pro Controller (No Box)
Sealed Daruk Amiibo
Bloodborne Future Press Collectors Edition Hardcover Guide
[Want]
Your Lists!
Pokemon Legends Of Arcues
Pokemon Lets Go Pikachu
Pokemon Sword and Shield Big Box Only [No Games]
Kirby And The Forgotten Land
Kirby Star Allies
Hollow Knight
Dragon Quest Builders 1/2
Dragon Quest Tresures
Xenoblade 2/3 Special Edition
Legend Of Zelda WindWaker HD Wii U Console CIB
Pokemon Sun and Moon 3DS XL CIB
Fire Emblem Shadow Dragon 30th Anniversary CIB
Legend Of Zelda The Breath Of The Wild Masters Edition CIB
Legend Of Zelda The Breath Of The Wild Special Edition CIB

10/12/68 Avalon Ballroom “it’s a foxtrot, and also a ladies choice”
In a way, this is my Deadhead origin story. It's 1989. I was 14 and had just discovered “classic rock." My native musical tendencies at the time, trended around 80s hip-hop (Run-DMC, Beastie Boys), thrash metal (the big 3) and various NWOBHM—particularly Iron Maiden. The weird, disturbing/cartoonish/horror iconography and imagery were important to 14 year old me ( I guess in a way, I was primed for the Dead.)
Anyway, around this time I had an older cousin who hipped me to Led Zeppelin, Hendrix, and The Doors. Also, that summer was the 20th anniversary of Woodstock, and MTV aired the Wadleigh film I think several times. I was absolutely spellbound. I taped most of the film to a VCR cassette and probably watched Alvin Lee and Ten Years After’s blissed out performance of I’m Going Home everyday for like 3 months. I wanted Alvin Lee’s whole Woodstock vibe injected directly into my veins. I had become a wannabe hippie.
This neo-hippie vibe seemed to infect my whole friend group. We all read the Beats and Huxley’s The Doors of Perception and traded 60s/70s tapes—Floyd, The Who, The Doors, Cream. We of course started smoking pot and spending hours spacing out to psychedelic music or re-watching Fantasia, Heavy Metal, or 2001 for the umpteenth time. It was all way more interesting than Motley Crue or Winger or Bon Jovi or whatever the fuck MTV was doing.
And of course, I had heard of Grateful Dead by then—I was like 12 when “Touch of Grey” was a hit. And they were a big mainstream rock band in 1989. The news ran segments on them when they came to the area.
But initially, I thought they were kinda lame and corny--like the Beach Boys and Kokomo. Sure, the imagery was dope—like one would expect from a metal or hard rock band. But the Dead were definitely and (for me at the time) disappointingly not hard rock. And those Dead guys for sure did not look like the bad ass dudes from Slayer. From what little I heard, I was not impressed. But how to access the good stuff I knew must be there?
In a way I am a little envious of young people discovering music today. It’s all out there. Want to get into Bob Dylan? You can spend a long weekend online listening to his discography and reading countless essays about his art and emerge as a fairly knowledgeable Dylan fan 3 or 4 days later. The Dead may take a bit longer to fully grok, but all the shows are online and there is no shortage of info about where to start. These days, an intrepid neophyte could get a broad understanding of the Dead in a week or two.
In 1989, I was flying blind. It’s weird to think about how differently we used to conceptualize and listen to rock music back then. At the time rock music was rooted in mystery and scarcity. I was limited to the maybe twenty or so cassettes I had, which I listened to over and over and over again. All I knew about rock music was what I saw on MTV, read in Spin or Rolling Stone, or heard about from friends, older cousins, and siblings.
So when I looked to get into the Dead, I had little bearing for which to set my course. I picked up Aoxomoxoa at the mall because the cover looked cool. And…it was okay. Look, compared to some of the other classic rock era albums I had been exposed to by that time it just didn't really rock or roll very much. At the time, I much preferred Blue Cheer’s Vincebus Eruptum to Aoxomoxoa (and I kinda still do).
Anyway, fall of 1989 was the beginning of high school. New people and new cliques. This kid who became part of our group had a Deadhead older brother in college. And he had the goods. For the price of one or two Maxells, we could get a bootleg. Since I knew next to nothing, I asked for a show he liked. He gave me an aud from a 78 show (a show I actually like now!). At the time however, this seemingly failed even more than the Aoxomoxoa album. The sound was muddy and murky, and some of the songs reminded me of Jimmy Buffett on quaaludes.
But side 2 of tape 3 was called “Filler: Set 2 Avalon 1968.” It listed four songs like this: “Dark Star>St. Stephen>Eleven>Death What the fuck is this? Filler? I wanted killer, and now I was getting filler? Hmm. I’d heard of Dark Star. I knew St. Steven from Aoxomoxoa. “Death” was certainly intriguing. Alright, let’s give it a go…
…
(cut to scenes of dude’s face melting in Raiders of the Lost Ark, the guy’s head exploding in Scanners, the scientists learning to talk to the UFO in the last act of Close Encounters, the Sasquatch/mushroom scene in Tenacious D’s Pick of Destiny, Andy Dufrane standing in the rain after escaping Shawshank)
…
THE SHOW
This is it. This is where I GOT IT. 10/12/68 is what turned the worm for me. Actually, it was just the first set at first, though I was able to get the second set a few weeks later—ah, yes, thank you, this is the bus I was waiting for…
This is pure, uncut Primal Dead. For me, this show is exhibit A of Jerry Garcia as a swaggering gun slinging guitar god. His playing is full of snarling psychedelic attitude and creativity (I think he’s playing a Les Paul here?). You know how Phish people used to refer to “Machine Gun Trey?” Yes, well, here we have Flame Thrower Jerry.
Let’s consider Grateful Dead in the fall of 1968. This show occurs at a time when Pigpen and Weir had presumably been kicked out of the Dead. In the days leading up to the Avalon shows on the 12th and 13th Jerry, Phil, Mickey and Bill were kinda sorta rethinking the Dead line-up w/the “Mickey and the Heartbeats” shows played at the crosstown Matrix on the 8th, 9th and 10th.
Indeed, Pig did not play on the 10/12 Avalon show. For his part Weir does what he can rhythmically as Jerry, Phil, Mickey, and Billy lay waste to all before them. I mean, you’ve got to love a band that fires a dude and then just lets them stick around and earn the job back. Knowing the back story now, this show almost seems like some kind of trial by fire for ol’ Bob. I mean, imagine trying to keep up with this music? In short, this is elemental, fire-breathing psychedelic acid rock played by young men with something to prove.
The Dark Star is early—not as open ended as 72-74 Dark Stars. The Live/Dead version, recorded about six months later, is perhaps more mature and developed, but this one has off-the charts energy and inventiveness. This is my favorite of the early Primal Dead, pre-72 Dark Stars.
I think The Eleven here is an all-timer. Jerry and Phil conjuring viscous curlicues of dark light while Bill and Mickey lock into some kind of inter-galactical syncopation. And the Death Don’t Have No Mercy is just phenomenal. My personal favorite. Jerry really goes for it—he never apes the blues, but he makes it his own. Really passionate guitar playing and even more passionate vocals.
Like the Dark Star here, The Other One would range farther (furthur? lol) out in the future, but this version is just a snarling beast, dripping with liquid magma and unrelenting energy. Likewise, the jam on New Potato Caboose scales the holy psychedelic summit of bliss.
For personal reasons, of course, 10/12/68 is one of my favs. This is a great show to check out if you are looking for raw, primal 60s Dead—an interesting companion to Live/Dead.
It’s also a good gateway show, especially for rockers. I got a few hard rockers turned on to the Dead through this show. The balls-out energy and talent is palpable. Years ago, I played The Other One from this show to an Army buddy who likes metal like Mastadon and Opeth. About halfway through he low whistled and said, “Goddamn, that hippie motherfucker is playing the shit out of that guitar. Gotta respect that.”

https://youtu.be/t_YdMCz97zo?t=366

I agree with everyone else that there is a content drought (despite my defense of FS on this sub), but I think a relatively quick way to freshen up the game would be to make use of the assets they already created and make more weapons/builds viable by buffing them. The best recent example of this in action was the plasma. It was pretty underused before the buff but now feels like a totally new weapon and opens up a fresh experience.
In my mind the most glaring example of this is essentially ALL of the chain weapons. These are some of the most iconic weapons in 40k, but they require a disproportionate amount of effort from the player to still fall short of “guy with axe”. Part of the fun of this game, to me, is the power fantasy of mowing down enemies with super cool weaponry. Even though axe with brutal momentum is one of the more efficient/meta builds, man it’s lame conceptually. Doubly so for the knife. I don’t want to step into this insane Grimdark universe where there are warp entities, possibly pyskinetic orks, a mind-bogglingly large empire held together by a corpse on a throne, unfathomably large hordes of world- devouring creatures, godlike space marines….and just be guy holding knife. Make the super awesome chain greatsword or axe viable without requiring animation canceling or other high level techs!
Another example would be the recon lasguns. We have multiple versions of this gun that could be so much fun to use and freshen up the experience…but they’re so bad as to almost be griefing to use above malice. I really wanted to love this weapon but it’s just impossible right now.
FS obviously has a content bottleneck for whatever reason, so they should at least make all of the content they’ve already put man/woman hours into usable. Worst case scenario if they overtune something, it’s a coop game. What’s the worst that can happen, one class/group of weapon users has too much fun for a week or two?
Thanks for coming to my TEDX talk

i (19f) recently came home from my first year of college for the summer. my ex (18m) and i broke up shortly following my departure in the fall, as a mutual had reached out with evidence of him cheating on me. for the sake of the story, let’s call him alex. alex and i had been together for two years and i was absolutely devastated. prior to this, his unfortunate home life had caused him to move in with my family. i was told by my parents that if anything happened between us, he would still be welcome to live here. i accepted this.
that is, until recently. my parents are unaware of why we ended, as alex had told them that we “couldn’t handle the distance”. during my first year, i only came home when absolutely necessary to avoid contact with him, in fear that i would fold and give him a second chance. eventually, i fell out of love and seeing him has been bearable. fast forward to the present, i have been home for nearly a month now. i reconnected with an old friend (we’ll call him sam), we hit it off and realized that there could be something more here, so i’d really like to see where things go with him.
now, sam has been to my house to pick me up on several occasions. there has been some unsettling tension between alex and i, which i brushed off as him adjusting to my presence again, but as a roommate instead.
that is until last night, alex came into my room at about midnight following my date with sam. i was sitting at my desk removing my makeup when i saw him looming in the doorway to my bedroom. i directed my attention to him and asked if he needed something, as i’m trying to remain cordial for the sake of others living in the house. he immediately flops down onto my bedroom floor and begins sobbing. i pressed on what had him down, and he begins to tell me that he misses me and wishes i’d give him a second chance.
in a confusing state of anger and shock, i shout at him that he already had his chance and that he needed to leave my presence. today, he keeps approaching to apologize to me and ask if i’ll reconsider. i’m truly at a loss of what to do here; i want absolutely nothing to do with alex but it’s not my place to ask him to leave. any and all advice is appreciated greatly.

When unfortunate sporting historians of the future look back on the Denver Broncos 5-win 2022 NFL season there will be a lot said of Mr Unlimited’s rather limited performances and Nathaniel’s inability to hack it as a head coach and rightly so.
However, I think it’s important to at least mention the Broncos strange love affair with the medical room. 21 players took a trip to IR, multiple key starters fell victim to season ending injuries including Tim Patrick, Garett Bolles and Javonte Williams.
And in spite of all of the depressing dog doo-doo the Broncos lost by a single score an astounding 8 times. So that’s something right?
Moving into 2023, General George Paton hired his alternate namesake and former Saints Head Coach Sean Payton for the princely sum of pick 29 in the 2023 NFL Draft (Denver also sent a 2nd rounder in 2024 and received a 3rd rounder in 2024).
Only a few weeks after the appointment of Sean Payton the NFL entered its Free Agency period which led to some big changes at Mile High.
15 players were let go to sign elsewhere around the league but not an awful lot in terms of quality.
Dre’Mont Jones, DE - Seattle Seahawks (3 year, $51 Million) Dre’mont grew into a solid contributor for Denver but I’m glad the Broncos didn’t re-sign him for the money Seattle has. By far the most talented to leave the team in free agency but only a very slight miss.
Calvin Anderson, T - New England Patriots (2 year, $7 Million) Not a splashy name by any means but Anderson knew his role and performed well when called upon, A solid backup with starter experience.
Andrew Beck, FB/TE - Houston Texans (2 year, $6.25 Million) Beck is another reliable contributor who seems to have joined a number of former Broncos in moving to Houston recently. A former Salute to Service Award winner.
Mike Boone, RB - Houston Texans (2 year, $3.1 Million) Boone is a fantastic option to have for Special Teams play, however he lacks real quality when running the ball. There was optimism when he initially signed in Denver but that appears to have fallen to the wayside as he moves on rather silently.
Graham Glasgow, G - Detroit Lions (1 year, $2.75 Million) The Broncos offensive line has been offensive to watch for years. Glasgow however has been one of the bright spots, especially when he played at centre at parts in 2022.
Brandon McMacus, K - Jacksonville Jaguars (1 year, $2 Million) The last member of the Super Bowl 50 winning team has left Dove Valley. In a somewhat surprising but expected move if you look at his declining performances Denver only recently moved on from McManus. It was the right time but it sure is a sad sight to see.
De’Shawn Williams, DE - Carolina Panthers (1 year, $1.75 Million) Losing both Jones and Williams is a slight concern in terms of depth. Although Williams isn’t as productive as his former teammate he’s certainly a steal for the Panthers as a rotational/back up. He’s arguably serviceable as a starter as well and knows the defensive staff in Carolina very well.
Eric Saubert, TE - Miami Dolphins (1 year, $1.68 Million) I forgot Eric was even on the team, his receiving qualities aren’t much to go crazy for with 15 recs and 148 yards on a career best 2022 season and his run blocking isn’t fantastic either albeit it is his stronger game.
Billy Turner, T - New York Jets (1 year, $1.5 Million) Billy was a sad loss back in 2018 when he first left for Green Bay. However he couldn’t really get started and spent large parts of the season on IR.
Latavius Murray, RB - Buffalo Bills (1 year, $1.3 Million) Latavius is the biggest loss for Denver in my opinion. The only member of the team who showed passion, drive and self respect throughout his short lived time in Colorado. The Bills have a solid contributor who will definitely fit the pound the rock ethos.
Chase Edmonds, RB - Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1 year, $1.1 Million) We never got to see what Chase could do in Denver and maybe that’s a good thing if his seasons with Miami are anything to go by. I’m sure he’ll do well in Tampa’s pass heavy offence as a backup catching back.
Eric Tomlinson, TE - Free Agent Most of you have probably never heard of Eric Tomlinson and there's a good reason for that. He’s also still without a team after signing with the Texans for 15 days back in March.
Darius Phillips, CB - Houston Texans (1 year, $1 Million) Darius got a few snaps on defence but spent most of his time on special teams, a rather average contributor by any metric but does have a fair amount of starting experience in the league.
Brett Rypien, QB - Los Angeles Rams (1 year, $1 Million) Broncos fans love this guy. He’s not good at football in a practical sense and he’s likely not going to help the Rams secure any wins but he’s a really smart dude and most likely a future coach. Not to mention its fun to say “Let ‘Em Ryp” if he does ever play.
Corliss Waitman, P - New England Patriots (1 year, $1 Million) There is no chance this man will be playing for the Patriots in 2023. Punting for Denver should be quite easy compared to most of the league but Waitman set out to prove us all wrong on that one. Easily the worst punter I’ve seen in Denver for a good few years.
Lamar Jackson, CB - Kansas City Chiefs (1 year, $1 Million) Lamar didn’t really get an opportunity to feature in Denver, I’m fairly sure he’ll be a camp body in KC as well so there’s not much to add on this one.
Although we let a lot of players leave, I think we managed to re-sign the most important of all the players with contracts expiring.
Alex Singleton, MLB (3 year, $18 Million) I’m telling you now, this man is elite. His season started a little slow but he came to town with 21-tackles (19 solo) against Divisional Rivals the LA Chargers. He did a similar thing in week 15 vs the Rams where he totalled another 20 tackles.
Overall I think Singleton is starting to peak and turn into a real force in this league.
Kareem Jackson, S (1 year, $1.3 Million) Kareem has far exceeded the expectations Broncos fans had for him when he joined from Houston in 2019. Initially as a corner and later taking over a strong safety Jackson has been brilliant, his heavy hitting style has made him a fan favourite and I’m pleased to see him back yet again.
Cameron Fleming, T (1 year, $2.3 Million) Fleming was a decent enough back up for the team in 2022 that unfortunately ended up starting more than everyone would have wanted. He’s a great depth addition to bring back, let's hope it remains a depth option though.
With so many departures comes a long list of new faces for the Broncos. 13 new players joined in free agency and whilst some are better than others there’s certainly been a clear direction that Sean Payton is heading in. big men, very big men.
Mike McGlinchey, RT - (5 year, $87.5 Million) I’ve been a big McGlinchey fan since the days of his nasty Notre Dame O-Line, where he lined up alongside Quenton Nelson. Mike’s play for the 49ers whilst good has had some rather concerning points with his lack of success vs speed rushers being the overwhelmingly obvious. We’re reaching a point where McGlinchey is living off of his college performances much like Jadeveon Clowney is still renowned for “the hit”. I do believe mcGlinchey will look like a hall of famer in comparison to every Broncos Right Tackle of the past 10 years and I do believe he’ll be successful in what the Broncos want to do which is run the ball down your throat. Denver has stability at both tackle positions and that’s only going to be a positive.
Ben Powers, G - (4 year, $52 Million) The quickest path to the quarterback is the straightest. It’s important Wilson is protected from the interior of his pocket and Ben certainly has powers in that department. I don’t think it would be an understatement to call Ben Powers elite in pass pro and whilst his run blocking seems to be improving it's not fantastic. Nonetheless I think this is very similar to the McGlinchey situation where we’ve slightly overpaid but the team will have a massive upgrade at Guard.
Zach Allen, DE - (3 year, $45.75 Million) I like Allen but the concern for me here is this past year was a career year for him, and with such a small sample size of good but not elite play I struggle with the idea that he will repeat his 2022 success in 2023. His contract doesn’t appear to be overly friendly either with $19 Million in 2024 cap scheduled in the books along with half of his 2025 salary guaranteed as well.
I don’t think he’ll be a bad signing, his familiarity with DC and former Broncos HC Vance Joseph will be a good thing but for the 3rd signing in a row, and perhaps the most egregious the Broncos have overpaid for their man.
Jarrett Stidham, QB (2 year, $10 Million) I like this move a lot, Stidham is a high end back up who can provide enough of a threat to Russ that he can win games in Denver if called upon. In reality he’s a backup but a back up you can certainly have confidence in.
Chris Manhertz, TE (2 year, $6 Million) I liked the Stidham signing, I love the Manhertz signing. He’s not flashy and he isn’t going to show up anywhere with big stats, however Manhertz has consistently been an elite blocking tight end for years and its players like him that make the difference on short yardage situations.
Samaje Perine, RB (2 year, $7.5 Million) This seems to be another Sean Payton inspired move. Initially Perine was never thought of as a back who could catch out of the backfield but his year spent with Cool guy Joe Burrow in Cincinnati has shown he’s more than capable of being that guy. Working in a committee alongside Javonte Williams should bring success to this lifeless Denver offense in 2023.
Michael Burton, FB (1 year, $1.3 Million) Burton has played for Sean Payton before and that will be incredibly useful for obvious reasons. Burton has been a blocking fullback for most of his career but has shown the ability to run and catch when called upon. I like this move and its a clear upgrade on Beck.
Tremon Smith, CB/Returner (2 year, $5 Million) If Smith is only going to be a returner then I think Denver have once again overpaid for a player coming off a bad year in a position declining in value. I do think Smith can rebound and have the type of year he’s been having since 2018. Not to mention there isn’t a chance Smith can be anywhere near as bad as Montrell Washington had been in 2022.
Riley Dixon, P (2 year, $3.5 Million) Riley was drafted by Denver in 2016 before being traded to the Giants a few years down the line. Despite the advantageous altitude in Denver, Dixon wasn’t a very good punter for the team in his 2 seasons. However, in a move that shows how bad this team really has been Dixon will still be a big improvement over Corliss Waitman and thus this needs to be considered an upgrade.
Marquez Callaway, WR (1 year, $1.1 Million) Former Sean Payton disciple Callaway reuniting in Denver is a good thing from my perspective. During Payton’s last season in New Orleans Callaway managed to put up 6 touchdowns in 46 receptions. The Broncos have a busy WR room but its a room that is yet to be healthy together so this move makes sense from all angles.
Kyle Fuller, C (1 year, $1.1 Million) I don’t expect Fuller to see the field unless there’s another injury disaster as he’s arguably 3rd on the depth chart. I’m glad the team have started to add some much needed depth but there’s also a solid chance that Fuller doesn’t Fill out the roster in 2023.
Following free agency most Broncos fans felt the team needed some further reinforcements but with so few picks available to start the 2023 NFL Draft many were left wondering what kind of magic George Paton could cook up to fill the team with contributing players.
#63: Marvin Mims, WR (Oklahoma) I don’t think anybody foresaw the Broncos trading up in the 2nd round to take a wide receiver. And whilst it's not a huge need, especially with the depth addition of Marquez Callaway in free agency, I do think it's a very good pick.
K.J. Hamler has failed to stay fit and this all but spells the end for his time in Denver in my opinion. It’s no wonder the Broncos front office couldn’t resist the opportunity to take a player with 4.38 speed and a 2-year college average of 20 yards per reception. I can see his ability to line up anywhere coming in very handy in a high motion Denver offense.
What I find spectacular about Mims is his ability to genuinely do everything. He can take the top off a defense, take screens in space for first downs, and generally play well in the short, medium and long game. There'll be some minor concerns over a Oklahoma running limited route trees but given Payton’s creativity and the likelihood of being moved around to capitalize on speed mismatches I don’t really feel those concerns are overly warranted.
#67: Drew Sanders, LB (Arkansas) I think Sanders has a real shot of being the best player selected in the 2023 NFL Draft when we look back in a few years time. He was a 5-star recruit at Alabama before transferring to Arkansas in 2022. Nick Saban has since said last summer that Sanders “probably would have started” for Alabama in one of the deepest pass rushing units in college. Ultimately he starred for the Razorbacks where his athletic prowess, versatility and toughness helped him notch up 9.5 Sacks (2nd in SEC) and 103 tackles.
His ability to play inside and outside will delight Vance Joseph who will end up using him very heavily in blitz packages from both the edge and middle linebacker positions. Ultimately we’re relying on a player's superior athletic abilities to give him the edge until he learns the nuances of NFL football.
His tackle consistency vs the run needs heavy improvement if he wants to be a 3-down player for Denver at either the edge or inside linebacker positions. Part of his problem so far has been a tendency to bite on fakes and misdirections and although his athleticism has managed to shine through at the College level it won’t be as successful at the NFL level.
#83: Riley Moss, CB (Iowa) Moss, in theory, has everything you would look for in an NFL corner with the exception of real top end speed. He’s tall and rangey with good tackling instincts but there are some shortcomings which will likely affect his NFL future as a cornerback. Moss typically leaves a bit too much cushion in zone coverage which can lead to explosive receivers leaving him in the dust. In man coverage he’ll often leave the underneath to compensate for his lack of top end speed; his aforementioned tackling skills at least thrive here.
His run support is likely going to make him a real runner for the slot corner position in zone packages but his shortcomings may also lead to Vance Joseph wanting to move him to safety eventually. The biggest advantage he has going forward is his versatility otherwise he may end up as a special teams contributor only.
#183: JL Skinner, S (Boise State) Drafted predominantly for his size, Skinner stands at 6’4, hits hard and plays to his strengths. Against the run Skinner performs admirably and has fantastic angles when pursuing the runner. In coverage he’s equally as solid with the ball skills to force interceptions and pass breakups.
I can only see Skinner on a trajectory to the top and I'm excited to see him in Denver. Ultimately it will be his responsibility to cover Travis Kelce, Michael Mayer and Gerald Everett twice a year.
#257: Alex Forsyth, C (Oregon) I think the Broncos wanted to draft a center, I don’t believe that man was supposed to be Alex Forsyth. Whilst he’s good value for the 7th round, I imagine they would have rather had the opportunity to take John Michael Schmitz or Joe Tippmann. I’m not sure how this pick is going to work out. On one hand I can see him being part of the same dominant force that allowed his backs ro average 5 yards per play in Oregon but on the other hand he’s a penalty machine much like Garrett Bolles was to start his career.
Overall I think the Broncos did the best they could with the selections they had. It would have been nice to see a tackle for the first time in 6 years or another running back to support Javonte and Samaje.
My concerns with the class is that although they're talented they weren't all the biggest needs this off season.
I can see all of them with the exception of Forsyth becoming a contributing level talent with Denver and over the course of their rookie contracts.
Ultimately this is how I see the roster breaking down:
QB: Russell Wilson, Jarett Stidham, Ben DiNucci HB: Javonte Williams, Samaje Perine, Tony Jones jr. FB: Michael Burton WR: Jerry Jeudy, Tim Patrick, Courtland Sutton, Marvin Mims jr, Marquez Callaway TE: Greg Dulcich, Adam Trautman, Albert Okwuegbunam, Chris Manhertz OT: Garett Bolles, Mike McGlinchey, Cam Fleming, Isaiah Prince, Quinn Bailey IOL: Ben Powers, Quin Meinerz, Lloyd Cushenberry, Alex Forsyth, Luke Wattenberg, Kyle Fuller. DL: Zach Allen, Jonathan Harris, Eyioma Uwazurike, Jonathan Cooper, D.J. Jones, Mike Purcell LOLB: Randy Gregory, Baron Browning MLB: Alex Singleton, Josey Jewell, Drew Sanders, Justin Strnad, Jonas Griffith ROLB: Nik Bonnito, Aaron Patrick CB: Pat Surtain II, Damarri Mathis, Riley Moss, K’Waun Williams, Tremon Smith FS: Justin Simmons, Jamar Johnson, Caden Sterns SS: JL Skinner, Kareem Jackson
K: TBD P: Riley Dixon R: Tremon Smith LS: Mitchell Fraboni
There’s probably one big name missing here and that’s K.J. Hamler, who I think will get cut or traded before week 1.
Moving forward into 2023 and the 2024 off season there are a few positions Denver still need to worry about. There’s huge question marks over the ability of Russell Wilson and whether he still has the ability to play at the highest level.
We’ve also got question marks at running back with Javonte Williams coming off a huge injury. Our WR room has a lot of unknowns after Courtland Suttons failure to rediscover his form after his ACL injury whilst teammate Tim Patrick is also recovering from the same injury suffered this past season.
The offensive line still needs addressing as Lloyd Cushenberry often gets bullied in the trenches and Garrett Bolles may revert under another new offensive line coach, so far Mike Munchak is the only man to get a respectable tune from the former first round pick.
Moving on to defense and there’s less issues but still big weaknesses. I’d like to see us invest more in the defensive line and outside linebacker positions with Cooper, Bonnito, Browning and Gregory all relatively unknown in a Broncos uniform.
Ultimately if I had to narrow it down the focus going forward needs to be on center, defensive end and quarterback if things will russ doesn’t improve.
Ultimately there was a lot to like about the Broncos off season changes and everything seems to be pointing towards a more successful, creative team in 2023. We look to have added steel where it mattered across the offensive line and signing Sean Payton could prove to be the biggest acquisition of the all.
Ironically, this series is called defending the draft and that’s what I’ve struggled to do here the most. I like the class, I think there’s some high impact players there for sure, but I’ve come away wishing we’d filled some other key areas a little bit better. Ultimately you can’t always have the board fall as you want it and it’s a huge improvement from the classes John Elway managed to put together.
Thank you for reading my Denver Broncos draft/off season review. I filled in as a last minute replacement so hopefully this manages to hit the right spot for everyone.

LET’S RIDE.

This is my first time on Reddit so I am nervous about how this is gonna go. I’ll start by just spilling the beans and telling you guys the story. I met my now boyfriend 4 years ago when we were both at rock bottom of our lives. He was, and still is, my best friend and we kept each other happy and going when we didn’t have much to our names. Our relationship was solid and we worked as a team to take care of both of our needs by paying bills and figuring out what we wanted to do with our lives. He moved in with me shortly after we established that our relationship was serious. I am happy to say life picked up about two years ago and it became much easier to survive. I made great progress on my education, which came with a nice upgrade to my pay. I am still progressing to continue my education until I finish my degree. While I had all of this going on my boyfriend jumped around from job to job and tried his best to keep making money. He landed on taxi driving as being his main gig because he said it made the most money. After experiencing some car problems he began having difficulty keeping up with paying for repairs and continuing to make an income. At one point I had offered to buy him a car and he refused saying it was too much and he didn’t need it. Fast forward to a year ago and he lost his car after non payments and looked into getting a rental. I had seen how many hours he was working and the effort he was putting in so when he asked if he could put some weekly rental car charges on my credit card I didn’t mind helping. This turned into months of payments totaling $6,000+ I have asked to be repaid more times then I can count but he never has the money. Out of fear of damaging my credit I went ahead and made all monthly payments in full. This required me to pull money from my saving account designated for school. I started getting resentful of him because I pay all our monthly bills make less money then he claims he makes ( 2,000 weekly compared to my 1,500 bi weekly) but somehow I am always the only one that has money. It feels like the more successful and imbedded I have become in my life the less and less he does. I have asked for effort and support in our relationship in other ways likes helping around the house but his effort fizzles out a couple days after the conversations. Aside from the financial problems I have an issue with him making promises left and right but never following through on things, I am not sure if this is because he doesn’t actually give a shit or because he makes an effort to fulfill these promises but falls short. An example of this was when I had a appointment to get my car looked at and he became upset with me that I was gonna pay another man to help with something he was more then capable of doing, I was great full because this would save me so much money but here we are 7 months later and my car hasn’t been touched. I stopped asking about the repairs after I felt like a nagging bitch and he just kept saying “ ya I’ll take care of it this weekend”. From the smallest to the biggest things I feel like I can’t take his word at face value because I know I will either end up waiting or just having to do it myself if something had a deadline. These problem created distance between us, I went head first on working, picking up extra shifts and making money because this was causing me anxiety. I grew up poor and will claw my way out before ever letting myself go hungry again, so watching him make inconsiderate financial decisions has been driving me crazy. I found out that he was on dating apps talking to other women because I had been so busy and focused on our bare minimum needs for living, I wasn’t giving him enough attention. I know I am partially to blame for that but I don’t know how to get over the anxiety I get every time his phone buzzes. Now I am at a point where I am burnt out giving 90% and only reviewing 10% back. Reading back what I just wrote feels stupid because if I was an outsider looking in I would just say “girl kick that bum out” but I am in it and it feels very real. He would be homeless and probably wouldn’t be able to provide for himself without me. I have never given birth so I don’t know how I got guilted into taking care of a man whose in his mid twenties. I am really just trying to understand how all the effort got shifted on me. Emotionally it feels like I have been living life under a weighted blanket, in that I just feel heavy all the time. When I am home alone I feel like I can breathe and noticed that I tense up when I hear him unlocking the door, I just don’t know how to act when all these issues are on my mind 24/7 and he just cares about what tv show I wanna watch that night. He didn’t have an easy childhood growing up and I can see him putting in effort to get himself out of poverty but it’s like watching someone trying to bike a mile on an exercise bike that isn’t going anywhere, no matter how hard he tries to peddle he doesn’t move. I feel like I would be abandoning him but at the same time I don’t want to be dragged down with him. I just wanted some outside perspective on what I should do because I have no one else to talk to, I question myself all the time if I should stick it out and wait for his potential to blossom or realize it won’t and just take care of myself. I have tried to introduce the conversation of breaking up and him leaving and moving out many times but I swallow my words every time I realize he would be screwed over.
How do I rid myself of someone that feels like a leach without completely destroying any grounding they have under their feet?
Thank you to the internet strangers who took the time to read about my mess of a life.

This review, including photos from my games, originally appeared on my blog at: https://www.stuartellisgorman.com/blog/review-here-i-stand-by-ed-beach
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I first played Here I Stand five years ago at a time when I was far less familiar with wargames. In fact I had recently purged my small game collection of every wargame I owned but Here I Stand because I had given up on finding time and people to play them with. Despite this, in 2018 I made the effort of gathering six of my friends and spending the entire day playing Here I Stand. It was amazing. It took us over eight hours. In the end I emerged victorious as the French, securing an instant victory moments before the Ottomans won on VPs earned mostly through piracy. I spent the next 24 hours buzzing with excitement and exhaustion after that phenomenal day of gaming. I had to get it back to the table, I needed that experience again. Finally, a child, a pandemic, and five years later I managed to play it again and let me tell you, it was just as good the second time!
I finally managed to play Here I Stand again thanks to Chimera Con - a single day board game convention in Dublin dedicated to long multiplayer games. Unsurprisingly, Here I Stand is a perennial favourite and this year there were two tables of it running at the con. Instead of playing the full scenario which starts in 1517 and lasts for hours and hours, we were playing the tournament scenario which begins in 1532 and lasts for three game turns; turns four through six of the main scenario. I also wanted to change up my experience by playing one of the religious factions, since France had been pretty much pure military, and so I was assigned the Protestants. We played for the much more manageable time of just under five hours - still a long game, but short enough that many of us managed to play other games in the afternoon. Once again, after finishing the game I was buzzing with excitement and exhaustion for at least 24 hours. I may have only played two games of Here I Stand, but I’ve spent thirteen hours of my life playing those games and many more obsessing over it. I cannot imagine that my opinions will change substantially no matter how many more times I play it, and I have some thoughts I need to put down on (digital) paper.
SOME NECESSARY BACKGROUND
Here I Stand is a six-player card driven wargame about European conflict between the years 1517 and 1555. Each player controls one of six major powers: England, France, the Hapsburgs, the Ottoman Empire, the Papacy, or the Protestant Reformation. As befits a game with this many players covering such a wide topic, Here I stand is a game of substantial complexity. However, that complexity can be a little misleading. While the game as a whole is full of many different systems for modelling a range of potential actions, no player will interact with every one of these in a single game. The only person who really needs to know how every aspect of Here I Stand works is whoever has the onerous job of teaching the game to the rest of the table.
As an example, I was the Protestants in my most recent game. As the Protestants I had no access to ships, and thus I never needed to know how the several pages of naval rules worked. In contrast, my neighbour (both geographically in the game and at the table we were playing on), the Ottomans, needed to know the naval rules intimately but had no need to learn the rules for religious conflict, which made up most of my actions. Now, it is strategically beneficial to understand how each faction works so you can keep track of how they might be scoring points over the course of the game, but it is not necessary and that is a key distinction. You can play Here I Stand by only know about two-thirds of the rules, and that’s not nothing!
This asymmetry helps to keep the game manageable and is core to how it crafts an interesting experience. On their turn each player plays one card from their hand, either for the event or, more usually, for action points they can use during their turn. Each faction has a menu of actions they can spend points on but what options are available to an individual faction and, occasionally, the cost of those actions varies. This isn’t really where the game’s asymmetry comes in, though. These actions are the tools you use to play the game, but in most cases the game has just limited your actions to only those most relevant to your goals. To reuse a previous example, as the Protestant player I couldn’t build ships, but I also had no real motivation to want to do so, so removing this option was no great hindrance to me. How you win the game is where things get interesting.
The boring answer is that you generally win by getting victory points. However, how you get victory points can vary substantially between factions. All factions have some way to get VPs through controlling points on the board, but while most factions share a goal of fighting over key cities this is not universal. Beyond that, each faction generally has a way to earn their own VPs either through religious influence, building chateaus and cathedrals, having children, or piracy. Probably the most interesting element to Here I Stand’s victory conditions is how VP accumulation feels at the same time very slow and, occasionally, terrifyingly fast. This is a game where each VP can feel like a hard fought achievement but then at the same time in turn of my most recent game (a turn being approximately 5-7 card plays for each faction) the English player picked up like eight victory points, going from last to tied for first.
I could espouse at length about how this happens via the chaotic nature of conquest in Here I Stand and the occasional opportunities to seize a fistful of VPs that may come along only once per game, simultaneously lurching you ahead and putting a target on you, but I think describing the nitty gritty would be a disservice. What matters more is the excitement of it! Laying careful plans to slowly pull yourself ahead a few VPs at a time is great, particularly as you know that with the slow shifts in VP that the game allows it can be very hard to claw a leading player back down once you start pushing ahead. At the same time, if you are sitting near the back of the pack watching someone creep ahead you could potentially feel dispirited because you’re stuck behind, but all is not lost! Everyone’s focus being on the leading player could give you an opportunity to jump ahead by attacking a vulnerable point that someone forgot about! Here I Stand is not like the ever-popular multiplayer wargame COIN series in this regard. In my experience, a COIN game generally features players jockeying for the lead and then, as soon as someone gets too far ahead, everyone turning on them and pummeling them into submission. The goal in COIN is usually to be within striking distance of winning, but not actually winning, so that you can jump across that finish line at just the right moment.
Here I Stand absolutely has an element of players trying to keep an eye on who is in the lead and finding ways to pull them back, but it gives players nowhere near as many tools to do that with. For one thing, you can’t just attack players whenever you want – you have to have declared war on them at the start of that turn or have one of the very few cards in the game that let you declare war during a turn. If one player is creeping ahead it often falls to one or two of the other players to keep them in check, leaving the other three to plot how best to use this opportunity to secure their own fortunes. This means that more often than one player being dragged down a huge number of VPs, efforts will be put in place to curtail their advancement only for a new threat to emerge suddenly and distract the table anew. This dynamic is made possible thanks to the number of players and the limitations imposed, both mechanically and geographically, on each of those players. In both of my games one player managed to reach their victory threshold, and thus drew the ire of the table, only for a new threat to emerge in the final turn – in one case the new threat came out victorious while in the other it came up just short but both times it created a thrilling final act for the game!
Take for example my recent game. I was pulling ahead as the Protestant player and that meant that the Papacy and the Hapsburg player had to try and curtail my advancement. The papacy could try to reduce the reach of my religious conversions while the Hapsburgs could take electorates from me, netting them VPs and denying me ones. However, in doing this all attention turned away from England who chose then to launch a major invasion of France (who had left several cities largely undefended to pursue conquests in Italy), which saw them acquire VPs in spades while no one could stop them because they were only at war with France who was stuck in Italy!
A NOTE ON GAME SIZE
Here I Stand has a deserved reputation of being a game of enormous scale. This is both deserved and undeserved and I hope to explain why. Firstly, yes, Here I Stand requires six players. Do not be deceived by the box claiming it can be played at between two and six. This is a game destined to be a six-player experience and that is how I would recommend playing it.
As to its length, however, I have some thoughts. The full scenario is a day long experience, have no doubt about that. It lasts nine turns, and each turn will take you at least an hour to resolve, possibly quite a bit more. Even though there is a decent chance that your game won’t last all the way until turn nine, usually someone wins before then, it will still take many hours. It also won’t stop you from needing to put aside a full day to play the game, because even if you finish on turn seven you need to allow for the possibility of the full nine.
However, let me point you in the direction of the tournament scenario as an interesting alternative. In the tournament scenario you start the game in 1532, on turn four, and you play for three turns of the game. For my most recent game using this scenario we played for about five hours to resolve these three crucial turns during what would be the main scenario’s mid-game. I had worried that it would feel like a truncated experience, but honestly, I felt like it gave me most of what I love about Here I Stand in a much more manageable amount of time. I was really impressed, and I would recommend that people give it a shot – whether you are someone who wants to try this game but is struggling to find the time or if you’re a veteran who is always looking to play it more. It makes very few changes to the core game – players start with a few more cards on the first turn and on the final turn a key event is placed in the English player’s starting hand rather than shuffled into the deck – and gives you so much of that Here I Stand goodness in a half day experience.
That said, I won’t stop wanting to play the full scenario just because the tournament one is so good. There are a few elements that are missing from the tournament scenario and that will mean that I want to play both. In the early game, I missed the more antagonistic relationship between France and the Papacy of the 1517 start that isn’t present in 1532 – namely that the two are at war and France has invaded Italy. The tournament scenario also gives very few opportunities for dynastic change among the players which is an element of the game I really like. You will definitely see a new pope – in our game it happened immediately – and could potentially see a new English monarch or Protestant leader but neither is very likely. These rules don’t necessarily create a radical shift in the game, but if you’re into Here I Stand for the historical narrative (and why else would you be playing it?) then you will be missing out on some of that grand scope the game provides by including dynastic change among its mechanics.
WHAT DOESN’T QUITE WORK
Okay, so I adore this game to the point of obsession, but I am not going to sit here and tell you that it is flawless. This has not stopped me from loving the game, but I must confess that the religious conflict mechanics are a little bit…eh. For context, there are two main ways that the Catholic and Protestant players can convert regions of the board to either of their religious beliefs. They can take actions that let them try and convert specific points on the board or they can engage in religious debates.
Let’s talk first about converting spaces. Converting a space is a contested roll between the Catholic and Protestant player. Whoever is attempting the conversion selects a space and then both players calculate their dice pool based on a variety of factors such as adjacent spaces, presence of troops who support that religion, adjacency of key religious figures, any card effects that are in play this round, etc. Once each player has a total number of dice, they roll looking for the highest single die. Highest result, with whoever wins ties changing over the game, succeeds and the space is either converted or remains the same. I really like this mechanic and it’s a lot of fun…if you’re one of the players involved. Only two players take this action, and the Protestant player will take it far more, sometimes resolving six or more attempts in one turn while everyone else sits around and waits. It’s very time consuming and can cause the game to drag, particularly if you’re not invested in the result. As the Protestant player in my most recent game I had a blast doing this, but I could see the rest of the table groan whenever I had a big turn coming where I was going to try and convert a lot of spaces. It’s a cool mechanic but eliciting this response in a six-player game is not ideal.
The debate rules I like quite a bit less. The Protestant and Catholic player can call debates between their two sides, and these can be used to convert large swaths of territory all in one go and potentially secure victory points by burning or denouncing the opposing debater. The debates themselves work a bit like combat, players get pools of dice and try to score “hits” by rolling fives and sixes on them, but with more steps used to determine who the two debaters will be rather than just knowing who the two armies are because they’re on the board. This mechanism is clearly central to the vision of the game’s design – the Protestant player’s home card (a card that is always available to them every turn) includes specific abilities for using Martin Luther in debates. That said, they have not played a very significant role in either of my games. The rules are complicated and there’s a non-zero chance that after all the steps involved in determining debaters and dice pools and such you will end up with a draw or a very minimal result. The promise of burning heretics at the stake lying sadly out of reach. The two religious factions also have a huge pool of potential debaters, many of whom have useful abilities for other parts of the game, and they can be overwhelming to keep track of. I can’t help but think the potential for them to die has bolstered their number creating the vast surplus of counters for the two players to track. Maybe as I play Here I Stand more I will find a new appreciation for the debate rules, but in a game that is so hard to get to the table it just doesn’t feel like the debate rules totally work. They’re not fundamentally broken or anything, but they feel off and, again, they also take up quite a bit of time and often only interest two of the players at a table of six.
These religion rules are something that was apparently significantly streamlined in Virgin Queen (the sequel to Here I Stand) and I am desperate to play it and see for myself. Tragically, Virgin Queen was already out of print back when I first played Here I Stand half a decade ago and there is still no clear timeline on a new edition going forward. Maybe some day I will decide to go mad and drop a stack of cash on one of the few copies available on the second-hand market, but until then I live in hope that GMT will finally reprint it.
TO CONCLUDE
Let’s be honest, Here I Stand is obviously not a game for everyone. It’s huge, it’s long, it has forty pages of rules, over a hundred cards, and don’t get me started on the many little counters with their own special rules you have to juggle. It’s nowhere near the most complicated game out there, it’s honestly middle of the road as far as card drive games go, but it is still a lot to take on board even before you start factoring in that a short game takes four to five hours. That all having been said, I feel confident saying that Here I Stand is one of my favourite games of all time. Nothing else I have played gives me the same feeling of excitement as it does. After each game I spend the next 24-36 hours buzzing with excitement at what I just experienced. It sucks you in to its historical sandbox and gives you the freedom to pull some levers while also helping to guide you into understanding even some of what was happening during a particularly chaotic period in European history. Is it perfect? Absolutely not. But I love it, nonetheless.
If after reading this entire review you think that Here I Stand sounds like a dreadful way to spend an afternoon or day, then please do not waste that time with it. Do not let my love for this game convince you to try it if you don’t think you would enjoy it. However, if after reading all of this you think that Here I Stand sounds fascinating, then you must play it. Nothing else will give you this experience, you must seek it out. Either way, trust your gut and what it tells you about Here I Stand. Mine tells me it’s hungry for more.

Old timer here; been out of the FGC since SF4. Took off next week for PTO to staycation, camp, SF6! Picked up my disc on lunch today and got it prepped. Dusted off ye olde madcatz TES+ fightstick. Plug it in, works beautifully. Dabbled in a bit of training with matchmaking on. Not a single nibble, though. Turned the PS5 off, went back to work to wrap up the day and ease into beautiful week of PTO. While walking I trip over the cord I left draped across my living room. Curse, shuffle ps5 back into position. Didn't fall or anything, but the cord did jostle the console.
I'm finally wrapping up work and I boot up the PS5 again.
Fightstick doesn't work.
Unplug the stick, plug in another controller just to test the USB port. All good. Open fightstick, see nothing erroneous in terms of damaged/pulled wires, not that I know wtf I'm doing. Plug it into my windows PC to be met with an error saying `The last USB device you connected to this computer malfunctioned, and Windows did not recognize it`.
Welp.
Anybody have good recs for quality fightsticks I can get on a short delivery time? ):

​
///11th of June, 2006
“Dad, the moon!” I shouted as I entered the garage. My father was on the floor, under his Bugatti 57SC Atlantic, obsessively removing and re-installing pieces of the car like he always did. He quickly got up, a smile on his grease-stained face.
​
“Finally!” He said with his beer-breath, grabbing a towel and cleaning most of his face, before running outside as fast as he could. I followed him. I don’t know why I always liked these moments. Any child would find them terribly boring. But I always reveled on them. Maybe it’s because they were the only moments he smiled. He positioned his telescope on our front yard, adjusted the lens, drank a beer can and started looking at the full moon above us.
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“Do you see it?” I asked, sitting on the grass next to him.
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“Shut up.” He said, still looking. After half an hour of waiting, he started laughing. I opened my mouth to ask if he was seeing it, but I held my voice. Didn’t want to anger him.
​
“It’s blinking! It’s blinking Johnathan!” He laughed. I smiled. That wasn’t my name, though he called me that. Only several years later I would learn that was the name of his deceased younger brother. Every full moon, we would come look at it with the telescope. And he’d always call me Johnathan. Probably because he was always so drunk. But from always avoiding me or calling me “Brat”, Johnathan was a nice shift.
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“Can I see?” I asked, and he lowered the tripod so I could see the moon. There was a small light blinking on it’s surface. It was truly beautiful.
​
“Fine, my turn again.” My father shoved me back, adjusted the tripod back, and started looking at it again. “It’s blinking so much tonight… Maybe… Brat, get my camera!” He shouted at me. I quickly went inside the house, and looked around for the camera in the living room. There it was, on a little pile of beer cans and empty rythmol boxes in the corner of the room. I hurried back outside, as fast as I could, as I did not want to anger my father.
​
I stopped on my tracks as soon as I was out of the house. There was a strange being involving my father. It looked like a snake, but I knew it was anything but a snake. There were not snakes that big where I lived. And certainly not with human faces. My father seemed oblivious to it, looking through his telescope, but the thing was all around him, from the bottom of his legs all the way to the top of his head.
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“It’s blinking so much…” He said, in awe. The creature looked at me, locking eyes with me, and smiled, revealing several sets of sharp fangs. And then, it disappeared. My father looked at me, he was sweating. “I think… I need to lay down for a bit…” He muttered, before falling on the grass. I spent the entire night trying to wake him up, before my mother found me there crying the following day.
​
///09th of November 2021
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“And that’s why you decided to study astronomy? Really?” Melissa laughed.
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“Oh, come on, babe… Don’t make fun of my tragic past.” I said, finishing my waffles. She went to the fridges, grabbed the orange juice, and poured some in our cups.
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“Shall we toast?” She asked.
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“With orange juice? And what for?”
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“Your impending graduation. What else?”
​
“Impending? Ha! I didn’t even start my capstone thesis.”
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“So, what will it be about? Venus, right? Or was it Mars?”
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“Nope. Too many people I know will already be working on planets like Venus and Mars. I thought about Neptune, but it’s too far away. So I figured, why not the Moon?”
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“Please, don’t tell me this is about your father.”
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“Mel, he wasn’t the best dad in the world. But he did left me his collection of vintage cars. This is what paid for my education.”
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“He didn’t left it to you, it was divided between you and your mother.”
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“Regardless, I feel like I owe him this. Apart from the cars, the moon was the only thing he loved.”
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“You owe him nothing, Ezra.”
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“I need to know what the blinking lights are! Lunar transient phenomena, it’s how they call them. There’s no scientific explanation to what they are.”
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“Just because there’s no known scientific explanation, it doesn’t mean one does not exist. And if there’s one, it’s certainly not creepy snake-man” She laughed.
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///04th of September, 2022
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The first thing you feel when you start seriously investigating the moon is how mysterious it is. We only went there a handful of times, and then never again. All reasons are given for this, but it never really felt right to me. Maybe what happened to my father always made me feel paranoid about the subject, but I somehow felt there were things about the moon that were hiding on plain sight.
​
The focus of my research, the lunar transient phenomena, is incredibly unknown. Few studies were done about it, and most of them were never published or were abandoned. The few that were made available were either from little-known universities in third-world countries, in languages that I couldn’t understand and without English translation, or mere compilations of recorded occurrences. I found some theories. The lights were caused by magnetism, or by gasses, or by asteroids, perspective…
​
But mere hypothesis were not enough for me. I needed to know. I needed to understand. I needed… I needed to confirm it weren’t those lights who killed my father that day.
​
So, I delved deep into the research. I spent weeks in my bedroom, reading books and more books, entering all sorts of websites, sending emails to experts, looking for anything that could give me more information. But through all my effort, the only thing I could find were theories or hypothesis, all of them with little to no evidence. In my search for answers, I started straying further away from modern science, entering strange websites and reading books that talked about blatant pseudoscience, like astrology or the paranormal.
​
///17th of February, 2022
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“So, what books will you be basing your capstone on?” My orienting professor asked. I could not see his face properly, we were talking through a videocall and he was not very tech savvy, so his eyes and nose were out of the frame.
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“Chris, I can only see your mouth!” I laughed.
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“Sorry…” He said, adjusting his camera. The framing was not perfect yet, but it was better. "Have you read the books I sent you?"
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"They... They were not what I was looking for."
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"What were you looking for, Ezra?"
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"I told you. Answers. I have been looking for answers, yet I only find questions."
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"We will only be able to find real answers when we actually set a lab on the moon. Until then, we will have to live with merely hypothesizing."
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"I know, but..."
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"Have you tried reading Kulikovsky?Or Hakan Kayal? Non-american studies in general."
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"Yes, professor Chris. But... All studies seem to contradict themselves. Some point to studies that I can’t find anywhere, like they don’t exist anymore. Like they were erased by someone…”
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“Some texts were never made digital or registered. It’s very unfortunate.”
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“Everyone tries to find a logical explanation... What if there isn't one?"
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"What is this truly about?"
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"What?"
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"It's just... You do know you can change your capstone thesis theme, right? Maybe an analysis of something more well-known could work better with your methodology."
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"Chris, I will not change my mind. We have discussed this before."
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"Well, well... I talked to one of my former colleagues, he is retired now, who also studied the moon, but his research was more focused on gravity. He told me there's a book called "A Study of the Moon with a New Lens" or something like that. Written by one Dr. Karl Hollfern in 1935."
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"That is way before LTP was even catalogued."
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"Catalogued, yes. Recorded? No. Hollfern studied extensevely the lunar mysteries. Unfortunately, he was executed by the Nazis because he opposed them. But his research lived on. My friend told me they have one of his books in the library. But it's in German."
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///18th of February, 2022
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I entered the library carrying a bag full of German grammar books and a dictionary. I would not let a little language barrier stop me from getting to the truth.
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“Hello, how can I help you?” The librarian asked, barely averting her eyes from her cellphone.
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“I’m actually looking for a book that could either be in the astronomy section or in the foreign titles section… Can you help me?”
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“Which book?” She was still looking at her phone, seemingly playing one of those generic casual mobile games.
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“It’s in German. Old, from the 1930s. Talks about studies of the moon made at the time.”
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“Unusual request, but ok…” She put her phone on the counter, and started typing on the computer. “Can’t find it. Do you have the author’s name?”
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“Karl Hollfern.”
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“Uncanny. It’s unlisted.”
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“What?”
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“We have it in the library, but it’s not available. We usually do this when books are being cleaned. Usually takes a couple of days… It says it won’t be listed until… Until 2100?
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“What? How does this makes sense?”
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“I don’t know. I’ve been working here for sixteen years, and have never seen something like this. Regardless, I can’t lend you the book. I can’t even let you access it in library grounds.”
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///23rd of February, 2022
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I was drinking my Starbucks cappuccino while trying to make myself comfortable on the shopping mall bench, to no avail. I was tense. I had never involved myself with something like this. If my mother or girlfriend knew, they would kill me. An older man made his way out of the crowd and patiently sat down next to me.
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“You were supposed to be sitting on the bench next to Nike. But no problem.” He laughed.
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“Sorry. I got confused…” I facepalmed.
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“I got the book you asked me too. But the price is going to be different in your case.”
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“As in more expensive?”
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“No. Normally, I charge twenty five grand, or double If the job is hard. In your case, the job was ridiculously easy. I will be charging five grand only.”
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“Thanks! I’m transferring to your account right now…” I said as I typed on my phone.
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“The book is in your car.”
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“How did you… Oh, of course.”
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“Pleasure doing business with you.” He got up and left. I immediately went to my car. There it was, Eine Untersuchung des Mondes mit einer neuen Linse.
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///28th of February, 2022
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“Honey, are you still awake?” Melissa asked me. I was sitting on a pillow in the corner of the room, aggressively doing more and more Duolingo lessons.
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“I’m busy, Mel.” I said, without averting my eyes from the green owl.
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“Is this about that German book you have been taking everywhere?”
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“No…” I blatantly lied.
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“Honey, you’ve been up all night. It’s ten to six.”
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“What?”
​
“You are obsessed with this shit, Ezra! Look at you! This is the third time I find you here studying German instead of sleeping!”
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“I’m sorry, but you do know I have a capstone thesis to finish, don’t you?!” I screamed back at her.
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“Oh. So this is what’s all about, right?”
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“Babe, it’s not like that…” Before I could say anything, she stormed out of the apartment. I stood there, frozen, for a minute or two, before I went back to my Duolingo.
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///3rd of March, 2022
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“Hello Ezra” Chris said, as I adjusted my camera. As usual, I couldn’t see his face properly.
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“Good evening, professor Chris.”
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“Ezra, are you okay? You look tired.”
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“I’m fine.” I said vehemently.
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“Ezra… I… I have bad news for you.” When he said that, I felt like a hand was smashing my heart. “The university has rejected your intended theme.”
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“W-what?”
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“You’ll have to pick something else. I’m sorry.”
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“What? Why?!”
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“Apparently there’s information about Lunar Transient Phenomena that is undisclosed to the general public. The feds were here yesterday, talked with the dean about it. Said that researching the LTP was considered meddling in national security affairs, and that all projects focusing on it were to be halted.”
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“Bullshit!”
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“I’m sorry. I know how much time you have already invested in this. But we’ll find something else, Ezra. There are more lunar mys…” I interrupted him.
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“Why is it so hard to research a simple lunar phenomena?! Every time I advance, everyone tries to block me! They will not stop me from uncovering what happened to my father!” I slammed the table.
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“What?”
​
“This will not stop me.” I muttered, while ending the videocall.
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///8th of March, 2022
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After some turbulent days, I was finally making progress again. My knowledge of German wasn’t great, but knowing basic grammar, using online dictionaries, and with a little help from online German studying communities, I was making my way through the book.
​
The book was almost a century old, yet I felt like I was finally making progress. The research by Hollfern was fascinating, but disturbing. He described how the “blinking moonlights” if watched carefully, could be interpreted as having meaning. My German was advancing but far from perfect, so I didn’t have the exact translation, but it said something about the moon speaking in some sort of secret code using the lights.
​
It also referenced some books, most of which seemed to not exist anymore, but some of them not only existed, I also managed to download their scanned PDFs. It was pretty unorthodox for a scientific study. There was a book on symbols and sigils of different religions, a compilation of theological texts about Gnosticism, a book compiling works by Schopenhauer, and a Hindi scroll explaining Chakras.
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I didn’t understood yet how everything connected. Seemed like a strange collection of unrelated weirdness.
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///10th of March, 2022
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I stumbled upon something I had previously overlooked. There’s an work by Schopenhauer where he discuss reading the Upanishads, which are old Hindi texts. The Hindi text I had downloaded was translated to English, but what if I looked for the original? Maybe there was something I wasn’t shown.
​
The original had a section that was censored in the English version that talked about a Devas that was corrupted by an evil unknown entity called that attached on it’s solar plexus and made it miserable with overwhelming sadness and pain. A thing described as a floating jester.
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///13th of March, 2022
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The phone in the living room started ringing. I left it there, unwilling to stop reading the book and trying to translate the contents. The call went to voicemail, and then I heard the caller recording it:
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“Hey Ezra, I know you’re going through a bad time, but as your orienting professor, I care for you. You didn't show up for any of your tests. I know you seem to be focused on your research, but this isn't the-" I unplugged the damn thing.
​
///16th of March, 2022
​
I got evicted after not paying my rent. Or I was supposed to be at least. I picked up my research stuff and rented a cheap motel room on the outskirts of my town. I could not pay for the rent, and least not for now, I spent most of my money buying books and old magazines during the last weeks. I don’t need a place to call mine for now. I just need to find the truth.
​
I know the government will come after me. I’m coming too close. But if they want me to stop, they will have to kill me. I’ve already lost everything. This investigation is all I have left.
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///18th of March, 2022
​
There's an old website that I found while researching. A true relic, seems to be from the early 90s. It contains old conspiracies theories, like stuff about the Illuminati and New Age, Satanic Panic, how Ronald Reagan was actually replaced, among other things. But there was something among the insanity that I felt was the last thing missing in my investigation. The true reason why we never returned to the Moon and why the Soviets never even attempted landing on it.
​
According to that website, during the last moon expedition, in December of 1972, the astronauts were secretly instructed to find out what was causing the Lunar Transient Phenomena, and spent three days on the Taurus-Littrow Valley, the region where the phenomena was more frequent on the previous five years. They were carrying a seismometer, as the most influential theory at the time was that the LTP was being caused by moonquakes cracking the surface of the natural satellite and releasing gasses.
​
But what the seismometer detected was that there were no such thing as moonquakes. Their equipments revealed humongous structures, seemingly biological or mechanical, moving under the moon surface.
​
One day before they left, NASA detected an instance of LTP a few kilometers near where they were stationed, so the astronauts went there to check. What they found there was never disclosed, but some theorize they met one of the beings responsible for causing the blinking lights. And that was the reason humanity abandoned all expeditions to the moon. After five missions in three years, we never returned there.
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///20th of March, 2022
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I woke up feeling like my head was spinning. I was lying on the sofa of my motel room. Once again, I had spent the entire previous night and day reading texts cited by Dr. Hollfern. My tablet was out of battery, so I got up, feeling pain all over my body, and went looking for my charger. It took me a couple of minutes to notice the two men wearing dark suits, black ties and dark sunglasses sitting on my sofa. One of them had a silenced pistol on his hand.
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“Good afternoon, Ezra Thornbridge.” The one holding the firearm said, with a voice so ordinary it was scary.
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“W-what?!” I blurted, still trying to overcome the pain.
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“Oh, don’t mind us. We are just here to recover something.” The other man said, smiling.
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“Something that isn’t yours, yet you’re in possession of.” The man with the gun complemented.
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“I… Who are you?” I asked.
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“Right now, I’m the man pointing the gun at you.” The man with the weapon said, while his partner just shrugged.
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“Fine, I’ll return your damn book. But I already know about it. I already put the pieces together."
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"Oh, interesting. What do you think you know, Thornbridge?" One of them mocked.
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"The Solar Plexus Clown Glider. I have studied them in depth. Or do you prefer to call them like the Gnostic theologians called them back in the day? *Archons…*”
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“Look what we have here, Spencer. Like father like son.” The guy with the gun scoffed.
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“I told you we should have just doped him and looked for the damn book while he slept. He is totally gone.” Spencer said.
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“I’m not crazy! The Archons are real! They killed my father! They kill people! And you, instead of trying to protect the people, just hide their existence, just lie, just lie and lie and lie!”
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“How can you be so smart yet so stupid?” The guy with the gun said.
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“The Archons don’t kill people, Ezra. They just make you miserable and drown you in fear and pain.” Spencer said.
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“But I saw one kill my father.”
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“Your father died of chronic ventricular arrhythmia coupled with excessive alcohol ingestion. The thing you saw was merely an emotional parasite, feeding off his negative emotions and influencing him to indulge on them.” Spencer said.
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“Does this mean…”
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“Yes. It also infected you that day. That’s why you saw it. It’s been with you ever since. The more you learn about it, the more you dread, the more you obsess, the more you lose… You were feeding it all along.” Spencer explained.
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“And why do you think we tried to protect you, dumbass? If the knowledge was harmless, we wouldn’t be around breaking the law and breaking people’s necks to prevent it from spreading.” The guy with the weapon said.
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“It’s not too late, Ezra. When your father was alive, there wasn’t much we could do, but now we have technology to make them go away. But it has a cost.” Spencer explained.
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“What cost?”
​
“You will forget your father. You will forget most about the moon and astronomy. Probably the entirety of the last few months. And there are probable side effects, like sporadic short-term amnesia.” Spencer said.
​
“Or we can just fucking shoot you in the forehead right now to prevent the thing from infecting more people. Your choice.” The guy with the gun said. I just turned around and ran as fast as I can towards the window behind me. I jumped out of it, shattering the glass, and fell on the hard cold concrete of the parking lot. I tried to get up, my body was all cut from the glass, and I felt something warm on my back, even though it was raining.
​
“Are you stupid?!” I heard the guy with the gun shouting while he and the other agent descended the staircase that led to the parking lot. I finally got up, feeling cold from the rain, and tried to run, but could only limp. Yeah, jumping out of the window like I was in an 80s action movie wasn’t the best idea. I heard another click behind me, and fell to the floor. I could see the agents running towards me, smoke coming out of the gun. There seemed to be snakes around both of them, smiling witch their human faces and several sets of sharp fangs.
​
I looked towards the sky. Among the raining clouds, I could see the moon above me, full and blooming. Blinking. Blinking so much.

AITA for ghosting a guy at work
Hopefully I am doing this right, I've never posted on Reddit before.
This all started a little over two months ago, just after I lost my dog to cancer. A guy from work approached me and started comforting me as it was a really hard loss. I'm new here and don't have many local friends, so I leaned into the comfort I was receiving and was very appreciative towards him. A week after the fact he asked out on a date and I said yes.
We went on the date and admittedly it was fun. He was nice enough but something felt off. So in the end I told him I wanted to be friends first and any time we hung out outside of work would just be as friends.
From that point on he was glued to my hip at work. He asked a few times what titles we would be using and I reminded him we are just friends. He would flirt and I would flirt back a little as well. I was feeling things out but something in my gut didn't feel right so I slowly started redirecting his attempts. He dialed his flirting up a bit to more sexual comments and I started to ignore him outright (half of these were said face to face in the workplace) he would also fish for compliments on what I found attractive about him and if it was normal to fall in love with someone you just met. I basically told him he was a nice person, but again we were just friends and as far as falling in love you can't love someone you don't know.
He would then go on to have days where he would tell me he was struggling with his feelings for me in that he was "afraid to love again" after his last relationship. I would remind him we were just friends and he should focus on just being friends.
Shortly after, this being around the two month mark he told me that he knew he loved me even if I wasn't at the same level of love and insisted I was so special to him. He told me he loved what he got to know so far. I told him again. I just wanted to be friends and at this point told him I didn't like the flirting and if he continued saying these things I would grow resentful. I ignored his messages over the weekend where eventually he reaffirmed his love for me but he would "slow his roll". However, returning to work, it was clear he had no intention to do that.
So towards the end of the shift that day I sat him down and told him I do not want to date him. I don't want to be in a relationship at all. I don't want him following me to my car or giving me hugs anymore. I don't want him wasting his efforts on me when I didn't plan to reciprocate. He took this to mean I wasn't ready for a relationship because I was still recovering from my previous relationship. He also said it was his choice to waste his efforts and not up to me. He said he was bummed but we went out separated ways to finish the last few hours of the shift.
And hour later I checked my phone to find several messages of him cussing and saying how much he hated himself and how he ruined things from me. He made comments I took as him asking/seeking for affirmation and emotional comfort. At first I gave in to it but after seeing what was happening started to be a bit more curt. He asked if we could meet and talk it out after work and I declined. He later expression regret and embarrassment for what was basically a tantrum and I told him I wouldn't hold it against him but I would not move on my stance that I wasted to just be friends. He then asked if there was any possibility in the future I would date because, in his words he "only befriended females if there was something more there." Again, I declined and became very distant following this.
It's been about two weeks and if I give him the slightest opening (like a friendly hello) I feel like he tries to grab at me for attention. He's even sent me a sappy country song or looks for things at work to try and start a conversation about us. I have at this point shut him out as best I can while also trying to maintain a civil work relationship.
The reason I feel like the asshole is because of the flirting on my part early on and that I may have lead him on. Maybe I am being too harsh with shutting him out? I really just want to be left alone and move on.

Hello, fellow Redditors and members of the FedEx Union community,
Today, we want to shed light on an important issue that goes beyond the surface-level messaging promoted by some companies in the sex shop industry. While these companies often emphasize the importance of informed consent and sex education, their actions behind the scenes often fall short of their stated values when it comes to workers' rights and economic exploitation.
We firmly believe that it is time for the sex shop industry to unionize and hold these companies accountable for their claims of valuing consent while simultaneously attempting to take advantage of and exploit their workers. Consent should not be limited to sexual interactions but should extend to the work environment as well. Informed consent means respecting workers' autonomy, providing fair wages, safe working conditions, and respecting their right to organize collectively.
Economic exploitation within the sex shop industry is a pressing concern that must be addressed. Many workers in this industry face low wages, inconsistent hours, and inadequate benefits, all of which contribute to economic precarity and perpetuate a cycle of exploitation. By embracing unionization, workers can collectively negotiate fair wages, better working conditions, and access to benefits, ultimately dismantling the systems of exploitation that persist.
We call upon workers in the sex shop industry to come together, unite their voices, and form unions that can effectively advocate for their rights. Through collective action, workers can create lasting change and demand that companies live up to their rhetoric of consent and respect.
We also urge consumers to support the efforts of sex shop workers in their pursuit of fair treatment and improved working conditions. As customers, we have the power to demand ethical practices from the companies we engage with, ensuring that they prioritize workers' rights as much as they emphasize consent in their products and advertisements.
Let's work together to create a sex shop industry that truly values consent, not just in the bedroom but in every aspect of the workplace. Unionizing is an essential step towards building a fair and equitable industry that respects the rights and dignity of all workers.
In solidarity,
United Labor Syndicate

Hi all. My baby just turned 5 months old last week. We are I believe finally past the worst of the 4 month regression, thank goodness. However I’m trying to figure out how much total and night sleep my baby needs. She wakes up around 5:30am on most mornings and is asleep at 7:45pm most nights. She wakes up once to feed and is awake usually around 30 minutes (all random times of the night but usually between 1-3am). This means she’s getting like 9.5 hrs night sleep on average. Is this normal?? I keep reading they should get 10-11 hours overnight at this age.
During the day, she takes 3.5 hours of naps. Usually two short (30-45 minutes) and one 2 hour. If I cut the nap time down, could that make a difference?
Or maybe she is just a low sleep needs baby? There are random nights where she’ll sleep 11 hours but they are few and far between.
She is still rocked to sleep and we are considering sleep training her. I wonder if this could help her fall back asleep in the morning.

I think this question is dangerous because there are people at the bottom that can never get out (men with dwarfism, severely burned/disfigured women, individuals with IQs 60-70)
What advice would Peterson offer these people that are depressed about being the "losers of society".
It seems he tailors most of his content to people with average capabilities that are just lazy or demotivated. For example whenever he talks about being "dangerous" or to act confident and women will notice, is he even picturing men that are short? likely a large percentage of his audience. Because this advice would probably not be very effective.
It seems phycology either does two things:
- fixes your actual problems
- shifts your perspective
So I imagine when your short, balding, unintelligent and autistic, phycologists will try to pretend that those things don't really matter, and that its how your treat yourself that counts. But having a brand new sense of self worth isn't going to change the fact that you're 5'1 and 98% of women will straight up reject you for that.
Which goes back to my original question, can these "losers" actually be happy when they are denied respect/basic human needs throughout their entire lives. Is a forced perspective change really going to mitigate the fact that you're a virgin at 38 because of something you can't change. Would your biology even allow you to fall for that level of delusion?

Hey fellow Redditors,
I've been pondering about the world of Canadian cartoons lately, and I can't help but feel that many of them fall short when compared to their American counterparts. It's like they often lack the longevity, success, and a satisfying conclusion. So, I wanted to start a discussion and hear your thoughts.
Can anyone recommend a Canadian cartoon that breaks the mold? I'm looking for a show that not only achieved success but also managed to avoid premature cancellation after just one or two seasons. And to add to the challenge, let's find one that didn't leave us hanging with a frustrating cliffhanger ending. I crave a series that provided a decent, conclusive finale.
Feel free to share your favorite Canadian cartoons that meet these criteria. I'm genuinely interested in discovering hidden gems that prove the Canadian animation scene has produced memorable shows capable of standing the test of time.
Let the search begin!

Do you suffer from stuttering with the latest Dynamic FPS 1.5.1? you may be entitled to compensation
Got some ideas which might help with it, but for me I never really got that much stutter with 1.5.1 on my end, not sure if it's yuzu settings related (vsync maybe?), or maybe because I use freesync, no idea.
If anyone that does get stutters is up for testing some things with me, please write me, either reply here or send me a message.
v1.5.2beta6 / rc1:
Just a little more code cleanup & very minor tweaks, this is hopefully working well enough for a proper release now, need to play on it a bit more myself first though, but figured it was worth posting up in case anyone else wants to help test before release too.
Please let me know whether this is still working fine for you too, or if you notice any kind of changes from the previous beta.
Thanks again to everyone that helped test in the previous thread!
Note: this test build is mostly meant for those who used dFPS before, but for anyone new to it, be aware that dFPS won't change framerate limit by itself. It's best used with either Yuzu "Limit speed percent" increased in general Yuzu settings, or a static 60FPS+ mod enabled.
v1.5.2beta6.zip: https://pixeldrain.comZ3Hz83sU
Compatible with game versions 1.0.0/1.1.0/1.1.1/1.1.2.
Beta5: https://www.reddit.com/useChucksFeedAndSeed/comments/13xsdnh/
Beta3/beta4: https://www.reddit.com/useChucksFeedAndSeed/comments/13x35y5/
If anyone would like to support my work I have a ko-fi page at https://ko-fi.com/ChucksFeedAndSeed :)
Known issues:

• Certain parts of shrines might fail to operate at higher FPS (eg. gears not turning), or might operate too fast (light illuminating puzzles) - certain gears inside Turakamik and Soryotanog shrines are known to be affected, failing to turn at higher FPS.
  
• Trampoline objects may act erratic at increased FPS.
  
• Ladder-climbing animation might become misaligned at increased FPS, causing Link to fall once reaching the top (spam jump button to get around it) - might only be an issue when playing with limiter disabled.
  
• Ryujinx crashes still need to be investigated (thanks for the reports, will take a closer look at ryujinx shortly)
  
• Ryujinx will disable PPTC when using this mod, there's a tracking issue about this at https://github.com/Ryujinx/Ryujinx/issues/5130
  
• When teleporting into depths the teleport particle effects might stuttejitter, this might be an emu bug (seems Yuzu has some graphics issues when teleporting to depths even without dFPS, likely the cause of these particle issues too) - unsure whether beta4 might have had this fixed though?
  
• The fix to limit framerate during the 30FPS cutscene videos isn't compatible with the interpolated 60FPS cutscenes mod, and will make them run slow as they're marked as 30FPS in the video metadata: use header update tool to fix them.
  

For the above FPS related issues, it can usually be helped by temporarily adjusting Yuzu speed limit/using external tool to limit FPS.
Known non-issues:

• Timers/bloodmoon/etc should work at correct time even with changed/unlocked Yuzu speed limiter, timer issues were only a thing in the very first dynamic FPS pchtxt version. (changing Yuzu limiter may have an effect on savegame timestamps though, but seems to be an emu issue with wrong time being provided to game, not anything dFPS could change afaik - for me timestamps have been fine with limiter unlocked, maybe off by a minute or two, but seems that happens even without dFPS)