Today at work I noticed a news article near the top of the list showing an unflattering photo of Catherine and a headline about some invasive fertility tests she had to have done before her and William’s engagement to prove she could have children and continue the royal bloodline. I thought “this is odd and out of the blue, must be Markle.”
I didn’t click on it at work, and when I got home it was gone. It had been replaced in the news line up with multiple articles about recent engagements Catherine had done and her Mother’s Day. I really had to dig to find the article and it was a big nothing. There was no point to it other than to frame Catherine as “a breeder”, that the marriage wouldn’t have been allowed to take place if she’d been infertile, and that the same tests had been done on Diana before she married in because the most important thing was to produce the next generation of heirs. It was so random and weird that it had to have been dreamed up by the Harkle camp to try to publicly downplay Catherine and make it look like their marriage was not a love match. Meg tried to take a swipe at C, but it got strategically buried in good press. There were also a few articles hyping Meghan (aren’t there always).
This and a comment in another thread got me thinking about a two part documentary I saw a while back on the media, the palace, the palace pr specialists, and the balance between them. It was a very interesting look into the way things are handled behind the scenes. After legal rumbling from the palace the BBC pulled it and shelved it, but you can sometimes find it on YouTube. I rewatched it to refresh my memory. Y’all, I have to recommend it! Not only was it good learning how the game is played, it’s extra eye opening looking at it from a current day perspective. You can really see how much Harry was being covered for. The documentary even shows people making excuses for Harry and insisting he’s just misunderstood and being painted in a bad light and they make it sound so plausible at the time, even with evidence to the contrary sitting right there.
A few points

• The palace pr plays the long game. They will take years slowly drip feeding and setting something up, incrementally building towards a goal. It’s very strategic. The Harkles have no patience to work this way.
  
• Harry was a hoodlum. The army was expected to straighten him out, but he had been in so many incidents and scandals and caught drunk or doing drugs multiple times that they had another pr man BEFORE Edward Lane Fox to clean up his image. They couldn’t even get him into the military yet and he was already self destructing with his horrible behavior. In February 2004 a reporter wrote an opinion piece about Harry. It was so damning, along with stories that kept coming out about him, that action was taken. It was framed as him being misunderstood and persecuted by the press and it was immediately announced that teen Harry was going to do a gap year, before starting Sandhurst, doing volunteer work like William had done. Then they stuck his butt on a plane to Lesotho. They got him out of the country. He did “volunteer work” documented by media and suddenly became a caring humanitarian. In 2004. Then he came home and in 2005 put on a Nazi uniform and went to a party. Lesotho ISN’T a passion project and great love of his! It was an emergency band-aid to fix his reputation.
  
• I haven’t been able to find the damning article, just excerpts and rebuttals. If anyone with better skills can find it, it sounds juicy. It was Wednesday, February 18th, 2004. It was an opinion piece, appeared in the Daily Express, the author was Carol Sarler, and was titled “Spoiled and lazy Harry is one of a kind”. Here is a sample from it:
  

“Prince Harry is a national disgrace. The drinking, the drugging, the yobbing, the explicit disdain for lower orders. He has never once done anything because it was right and has rarely lifted a finger unless it’s to feel up a cheap tart in a nightclub or shoot some harmless critter.” Back in 2004, this woman knew.

• A pr pro who formerly worked for Charles (1997-2002) described Harry in 2003 as “stupid, gullible, and with revolting friends”. He also said Andrew was “stupid, lazy, fat, and arrogant”. His criticism of Charles at the time was that he was “flawed, petulant, self-pitying, and a broken Humpty Dumpty.” (This was said after he’d been fired by Charles and was based on working for him during the 5 years directly after Diana’s death and a few years before marrying Camilla.). I noticed he didn’t call Charles stupid.
  
• The palace tried to save Harry from the Vegas photos getting out, but couldn’t. Right after it broke, he suddenly got sent to Afghanistan with his regiment.
  
• The media gets butt-hurt that William doesn’t act like a celebrity, preening for their cameras and cozying up to them. I can see how they fell for Meghan at first. She was a camera seeking missile giving them what they wanted instead of acting like the royals.
  

The documentary is called “Reinventing the Royals”. Part one focuses mainly on the effort to fix the reputations of Charles and Camilla. Part two is mostly about William and Harry.
Here it is on YouTube. It’s worth watching. Part 1. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Cb97ADYi38E
Part 2. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=G1CwHG1Ff4E
ETA: Wow! Thank y’all for the awards!

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Christopher Robin HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Cloverfield 4K/VU $5.5
Cloverfield HD/VU $4
Coco HD/GP $2.5
Cold Pursuit 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Collateral Beauty HD/MA $3.5
Columbiana (Unrated) HD/MA $4
Come and Find Me HD/VU $4
Company of Heroes HD/MA $4
Contagion HD/MA $3.5
Contraband HD/IT $3
Cooties HD/VU $4
Cosmic Sin HD/VU $4
Crank 4K/VU $5.5
Crash (2004) HD/VU $4.5
Crawl 4K/VU or IT $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954) HD/MA $3.5
Crimson Peak HD/IT $3.5
Cruella HD/GP $3
Cry Macho HD/MA $4.5
Daddy's Home 2 HD/VU or IT $3
Daddy's Home HD/VU $3
Darkest Hour (2017) 4K/MA $5.5
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes HD/MA $3.5
Daybreakers 4K/VU $5.5
Deadpool 2 (w/Super Duper Cut) 4K/MA $5.5 or HD/MA $4
Deadpool HD/MA $2.5
Deadwood: The Movie HD/VU $4
Dear Evan Hansen HD/MA $3.5
Dear White People HD/VU $3.5
Dementia 13 (Director's Cut) HD/VU $4
Denial (2016) HD/IT $4
Despicable Me 2 HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Despicable Me 4K/IT $5 or SD/IT $1.5
Detroit HD/MA $3.5
Dirty Dancing 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Disney Animated Short Films Collection HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Divergent HD/VU $1.5 or 4K/IT $2 or SD/VU $0.5
Divergent: Allegiant HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Divergent: Insurgent HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Django Unchained HD/VU $3
Do the Right Thing 4K/MA $5.5 or HD/MA $4
Doctor Strange HD/GP $2.5
Dom Hemingway HD/MA $3.5
Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far on Foot HD/VU $4
Doom (Unrated) 4K/MA $5.5
Dora and the Lost City of Gold HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Downton Abbey: The Movie HD/MA $4
Dracula (1931) HD/MA $3.5
Dracula Untold HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Draft Day HD/VU $3.5
Dragged Across Concrete HD/VU $3.5
Dream House HD/IT $3
Dreamkatcher HD/VU $4
Dredd HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Dumbo (2019) HD/GP $3
Dune (2021) 4K/MA $5.5 or HD/MA $4
Dying of the Light HD/VU $2.5
E.T. The Extra Terrestrial 4K/VU or IT $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Edge of Tomorrow 4K/MA $5
Edward Scissorhands HD/MA $3.5
El Chicano HD/MA $4
Encanto 4K/GP $3.5
Enemy at the Gates HD/VU $4
Enough Said HD/MA $3.5
Epic HD/MA $3
Escape Plan HD/VU $2
Eternals HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Everest 4K/IT $5
Ex Machina HD/VU $3
Exodus: Gods and Kings HD/MA $3.5
Extreme Prejudice (1987) HD/VU $4
Fast and Furious (2009) HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Fast and Furious 6 (Extended) HD/VU $2 or 4K/IT $2.5
Fast Color 4K/VU $5.5
Fast Five (Extended) HD/VU or IT $2.5
Fatale 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Father Figures HD/MA $3.5
Fences HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Ferdinand HD/MA $3.5
Fifty Shades Darker (Unrated) HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Fifty Shades Freed HD/MA $4.5
Fifty Shades of Grey (Unrated) HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Finding Dory HD/GP $2
Finding Nemo HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
First Blood 4K/VU $5
First Man HD/MA $4
Flight HD/VU or IT $3
Florence Foster Jenkins HD/VU or IT $3
Footloose (2011) HD/IT $3
Forever My Girl HD/IT $3
Forrest Gump HD/VU $3.5
Fortress HD/VU $4
Four Brothers HD/VU $4
Four Kids and It HD/VU $3.5
Fox and the Hound 2 HD/MA $4
Frank and Lola HD/VU or IT $3
Frankenstein (1931) HD/VU $3.5
Free Guy HD/GP $3.5
Friday the 13th: Pt 3 HD/VU $3.5
Frozen (Sing-Along Edition) HD/MA $2 or HD/GP $1.5
Frozen 2 HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Frozen HD/GP $2
Furious 7 (Extended) HD/VU $2 or 4K/IT $2.5
Fury HD/MA $3.5
G.I. Joe Retaliation HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Gambit (2012) HD/MA $4
Game of Thrones: Season 2 HD/VU $3
Gamer SD/IT $1.5
Gemini Man 4K/VU or IT $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Get Out HD/MA $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Ghost in the Shell (1995) 4K/VU $5
Ghostbusters (1984) HD/MA $3.5
Ghostbusters 2 HD/MA $3.5
Ghostbusters: Afterlife HD/MA $4
Girls Trip HD/VU or IT $2
God's Not Dead 2 HD/MA or IT $2.5
Gods of Egypt HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Gold (2016) HD/VU or IT $2.5
Good Kill HD/VU or IT $3.5
Grace Unplugged HD/VU $2
Gran Torino SD/IT $1.5
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 1 HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 HD/GP $2
Guest House 4K/VU $5
Gulliver's Travels SD/IT $1.5
Hacksaw Ridge HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Hail, Caesar! HD/IT $3
Hammer of the Gods HD/VU $2
Hancock SD/IT $1.5
Hands of Stone HD/VU $3.5
Hannibal: Season 1 HD/VU $5
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (Unrated) HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Hard Target 2 HD/IT $1.5
Hardcore Henry HD/VU or IT $3.5
Heaven is for Real SD/MA $1.5
Hell Fest 4K/VU $5
Hell or High Water HD/VU $2.5
Hellboy (2019) HD/VU $3 or 4K/VU $4.5
Hercules (1997) HD/MA $4.5 or HD/GP $4
Hercules (2014) HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Here Comes the Boom HD/MA $3.5
Hidden Figures HD/MA $3
Hillsong: Let Hope Rise HD/IT $2
Hocus Pocus HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Home Alone HD/MA $3.5
Honey 2 HD/VU $3
Hop HD/MA or IT $3
Hope Springs HD/MA $2.5 or SD/MA $1
Hostiles HD/VU $3
Hot Fuzz HD/VU $4
Hotel Mumbai HD/MA $4
Hours (2013) HD/VU $4
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) 4K/MA or IT $5 or HD/MA $3.5
How to be Single HD/MA $3
How to Train Your Dragon 2 HD/MA $2.5
How to Train Your Dragon HD/VU $3.5
How to Train Your Dragon Trilogy HD/MA $9
Hugo HD/VU or IT $3
Hunter Killer 4K/VU $4.5 or HD/VU $3
I Can Only Imagine HD/VU $4
I Feel Pretty HD/IT $2
Ice Age HD/MA $3
Ice Age: Continental Drift HD/MA $3
In the Heights HD/MA $4 or SD/MA $2
Incredibles 2 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Independence Day Resurgence HD/MA $2.5
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom 4K/VU $5.5
Indignation HD/VU $4
Initiation 4K/VU $5
Inside Out HD/GP $2
Instant Family 4K/IT $3.5
Interstellar HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $5
Into the Woods HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Iron Man 2 HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5 or SD/IT $1.5
Iron Man 3 HD/GP $2
Iron Man HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
It Follows HD/VU $3.5
It's a Wonderful Life 4K/VU or IT $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Jack and Jill HD/MA $3.5
Jack Reacher HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $4.5
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Jacob's Ladder HD/VU $4
Jarhead 3: The Siege (Unrated) HD/IT $2.5
Jason Bourne HD/VU $2.5
Jason Statham 4-Film (War, Crank 1 & 2, Transporter 3) HD/VU $10
Jason Statham 6-Film (War, Crank 1 & 2, Bank Job, Wild Card, Transporter 3) HD/VU $14
Jaws HD/VU $3.5
Jay and Silent Bob Reboot HD/VU $3
Jersey Boys HD/MA $2.5
Jigsaw 4K/VU $4.5
Joe HD/VU $3.5
John Wick 1 & 2 Bundle HD/VU $4
John Wick 3 Parabellum 4K/VU $4.5
John Wick Chapter 2 HD/VU $3.5
John Wick HD/VU $2 or 4K/IT $2.5
John Wick Trilogy (Parabellum 4K) HD/VU $9
John Wick Trilogy 4K/VU $13
Jonah Hex HD/MA $4.5
Journey 2: The Mysterious Island HD/MA $3
Judy 4K/VU $5
Jungle Cruise HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Jurassic Park 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Jurassic World 5-Film Collection HD/MA $14
Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom HD/MA $3
Jurassic World HD/VU $2.5
Just Mercy HD/MA $3.5 or SD/MA $1.5
Justice (2017) HD/VU or IT $3
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never SD/IT $1.5
Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain HD/VU or IT $3
Kick-Ass 2 HD/MA $3.5
Kick-Ass 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Kidnap HD/VU or IT $2.5
Killer Elite HD/IT $3
Killerman HD/VU $4
Kin (2018) 4K/VU $4.5 or HD/VU $3
King Kong (2005) 4K/MA or IT $5
Kingsman: The Golden Circle 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3
Kingsman: The Secret Service HD/MA $3.5
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang HD/MA $4.5
Kung Fu Panda 3 HD/MA $3
La La Land 4K/IT $3.5
Labor Day HD/VU or IT $3
Lady Macbeth HD/VU $4.5
Lara Croft Tomb Raider (2001) 4K/VU $5
Last Knights HD/VU $3.5 or SD/VU $1.5
Last Vegas HD/MA $3.5
Lawless HD/VU $4
Lawrence of Arabia (Restored) HD/MA $4
Leatherface HD/VU $4
Leprechaun 7-Film Collection HD/VU $12
Les Miserables (2012) HD/VU or IT $2
Let Me Explain HD/IT $2.5
Let's be Cops HD/MA $3.5
Life (2017) HD/MA $3.5
Life of Crime HD/VU $3.5
Light of My Life HD/IT $3.5
Like a Boss HD/VU $3.5
Lilo and Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Lincoln Lawyer 4K/VU $6.5 or HD/VU $4
Live by Night HD/MA $3
Logan HD/MA $3
Logan Lucky 4K/MA or IT $4.5
London Has Fallen HD/IT $3
Lone Survivor 4K/MA or IT $4.5 or HD/VU $2.5
Long Shot HD/VU $3.5
Looper HD/MA $3.5
Love and Monsters 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $4.5
Love the Coopers HD/VU or IT $4
Love, Simon HD/MA $3.5
Loving HD/VU or IT $3.5
Luca HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Lucy HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted HD/VU or IT $3
Madea's Witness Protection SD/IT $1.5
Maleficent 4K/MA $4 or HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Maleficent Mistress of Evil HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Mama HD/IT $3
Mamma Mia Here We Go Again HD/MA $2.5
Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom HD/VU $4
Mary Poppins (1964) HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Mary Poppins Returns HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Max HD/MA $3.5
Max Steel HD/IT $3
McKenna Shoots for the Stars HD/IT $2
Mechanic Resurrection HD/VU $2.5
Megan Leavey HD/VU or IT $3
Midnight Sun HD/MA $3.5
Midway 4K/VU $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Mile 22 HD/IT $3
Million Dollar Arm HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
MindGamers HD/MA or IT $3.5
Minions 4K/MA or IT $4.5 HD/VU $3
Misconduct HD/VU $2.5
Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children HD/MA $3
Mission: Impossible 4 Ghost Protocol HD/VU $2
Mission: Impossible 6 Fallout 4K/VU or IT $4.5
Mission: Impossible 6-film Set 4K/VU or IT $23 or HD/VU $17
Moana HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Moneyball HD/MA $3
Monkey Kingdom HD/MA $3
Monsters University HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Mortal Engines HD/MA $4
Mortal HD/VU $4
Mother! HD/VU $2.5
Mr. Poppers Penguins SD/IT $1.5
Much Ado About Nothing (2013) HD/VU $4
Mud HD/VU $2.5
Mulan (2020) HD/GP $2.5
Muppets Most Wanted HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Murder on the Orient Express HD/MA $3.5
My All American HD/MA or IT $3.5
Nebraska HD/VU $3
Nerve HD/IT $3.5
New Year's Eve HD/MA $2
News of the World HD/MA $4
Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb HD/MA $3
Nightmare Alley HD/GP $3.5
No Escape (2015) HD/VU $3
No Strings Attached HD/VU or IT $4
No Time to Die 4K/IT $4.5
Noah HD/VU or IT $2.5
Nobody's Fool HD/IT $2.5
Non-Stop HD/VU or IT $3
Norm of the North HD/VU $2.5
Nostalgia (2018) HD/MA $3.5
Now You See Me 2 HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Now You See Me HD/VU or IT $2.5 or SD/VU $1
Oblivion HD/MA $3.5
Occupation (2018) HD/VU $3.5
Occupation: Rainfall HD/VU $4
Office Christmas Party HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Olaf's Frozen Adventure HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
One Direction: This is Us SD/MA $1.5
Ong Bak 2 HD/VU $3
Onward HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Ouija HD/IT $3.5
Ouija: Origin of Evil HD/VU or IT $3.5
Our Brand is Crisis HD/MA $3.5
Outlander: Season 1 Vol 1 HD/VU $5.5
Overdrive HD/IT $2.5
Overlord 4K/IT $3.5
Oz the Great and Powerful HD/GP $2.5
Paddington HD/VU $3.5
Pain and Gain HD/VU or IT $3.5
Paranormal Activity 3 (Extended) HD/VU or IT $3
Paranormal Activity 4 HD/IT $2.5
Paranormal Activity HD/VU or IT $4
Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones HD/VU $3.5
Passengers HD/MA $3
Patriot Games 4K/VU $5
Patriot's Day HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 HD/MA $3.5
Penguins of Madagascar HD/MA $3.5
Pet Sematary (2019) 4K/IT $3.5
Pete's Dragon (2016) HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Philomena HD/VU $2.5
Pinocchio (1940) HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales HD/GP $2.5
Pitch Perfect 2 4K/MA $4 or HD/VU $2.5
Pitch Perfect HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Pixar Short Films Collection Vol. 3 HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Planes HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Planes: Fire and Rescue HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Playing with Fire HD/IT $2.5
Pocahontas HD/MA $4.5 or HD/GP $4
Point Break (2015) 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Power Rangers (2017) 4K/VU or IT $4.5
Precious HD/VU $4.5
Predator 4-Film Collection HD/MA $11
Premium Rush HD/MA $3.5
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies SD/MA $1.5
Primal HD/VU $3.5
Project Almanac HD/IT $3.5
Prometheus HD/MA $2.5
Punisher War Zone 4K/VU $5.5
Queen and Slim HD/MA $4
Ralph Breaks the Internet HD/GP $2
Rambo (2008) 4K/VU $5.5
Rambo 3 4K/VU $5.5
Rambo 5-Film Collection 4K/VU $23 or HD/VU $17
Rambo: First Blood Pt 2 4K/VU $5.5
Rambo: Last Blood 4K/VU $4.5
Rango HD/VU $3.5
Raya and the Last Dragon HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Reclaim HD/VU $3.5
RED 2 HD/VU $2
Red Dawn (2012) HD/IT $3
Red Riding Hood HD/MA $4
Red Sparrow HD/MA $3.5
Replicant (2001) HD/VU $3.5
Replicas HD/VU $3.5
Requiem for a Dream (Director's Cut) 4K/VU $5.5
Riddick (Unrated) HD/VU or IT $3
Ride Along HD/VU or IT $2.5
Rings HD/VU or IT $2.5
Riot HD/VU or IT $3
RIPD HD/VU or IT $2.5
Risen HD/MA $3
Robin Hood (1973) HD/MA $3.5 or HD/VU $3
Robocop (2014) HD/VU $2.5
Rocketman (2019) 4K/IT $4
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story HD/GP $2
Ron's Gone Wrong HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Rough Night 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Rugrats Go Wild HD/VU $4
Run All Night HD/MA $2
Runner Runner HD/MA $3.5
Rush HD/VU or IT $3
Safe HD/VU or IT $2.5
Saige Paints the Sky HD/IT $3
Same Kind of Different as Me HD/VU or IT $3
Samson HD/MA $3.5
Savages HD/IT $3
Saving Mr. Banks HD/GP $3
Saw HD/VU $3
Scarface HD/VU $4
Scary Movie 5 HD/VU $4.5
Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark 4K/VU $4.5
Schindler's List 4K/MA $5.5
Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse HD/IT $3
Scream (1996) HD/VU $4
Scream 2 4K/VU $5.5
Scrooged HD/IT $4
Selma HD/VU or IT $2.5
Serenity (2005) 4K/MA or IT $5.5
Shang-Chi Legend of the Ten Rings HD/GP $3
Sharp Objects HD/GP $2
Shaun the Sheep Movie HD/VU $3
Sherlock Gnomes HD/VU or IT $2.5
She's Having a Baby HD/VU $3.5
Shivers HD/VU $4
Siberia (2020) HD/VU $4
Sicario HD/VU $2.5
Side Effects HD/IT $3.5
Sing (2016) 4K/VU or IT $4.5
Singing in the Rain 4K/MA $5.5
Sinister HD/VU or IT $2.5
Sisters (Unrated) HD/IT $2.5
Skyfall HD/VU $2.5
Skyscraper HD/MA $3.5
Sleeping Beauty (1959) HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Sleepless HD/IT $2
Smurfs: The Lost Village HD/MA $3.5
Snatched HD/MA $2
Snitch HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3 or SD/VU or IT $1.5
Snow White and the Huntsman (Extended Edition) 4K/VU or IT $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937) HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Solo: A Star Wars Story HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Some Kind of Wonderful HD/VU $3.5
Songbird 4K/IT $4.5
Sonic the Hedgehog HD/VU $3.5
Soul HD/GP $2.5
Southpaw HD/VU $3
Southside With You HD/VU $4.5
Spectre HD/VU $3.5
Spider-Man 4-Cut Set (Spider-Man 2 w/ Theatrical & Extended) HD/MA $11.5
Spider-Man 5-Cut Set (Spider-Man 2 & 3 w/ Theatrical & Extended) HD/MA $14.5
Spider-Man Far From Home HD/MA $3.5
Spider-Man Homecoming HD/MA $3
Spider-Man Homecoming/Far From Home Bundle HD/MA $6
Spider-Man No Way Home SD/MA $2
Spies in Disguise HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Spiral (2021) 4K/VU or IT $4.5
Split 4K/MA or IT $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Spongebob Sponge out of Water HD/IT $2.5
Spy (Unrated) HD/MA $3.5
St. Vincent HD/VU $3
Stand Up Guys HD/VU $3.5
Star Trek (2009) HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Star Trek 1-4 (Motion Picture, Wrath of Khan, Search for Spock, Voyage Home) 4K/VU $18
Star Trek Beyond HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Star Trek Into Darkness HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Star Wars The Force Awakens HD/GP $1.5
Star Wars The Last Jedi HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Star Wars The Rise of Skywalker 4K/MA $5 or HD/GP $2.5
Step Up: Revolution HD/IT $3
Straight Outta Compton (Theatrical and Unrated) 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/MA $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Stronger HD/VU $4.5
Stuber 4K/MA $6
Suburbicon HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Succession Season 1 HD/IT $3.5
Suits Season 2 HD/IT $3.5
Sully HD/MA $3.5
Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat HD/VU $3.5
Super 8 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Super Buddies HD/GP $2
Sword in the Stone HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Ted (Unrated) HD/IT $3
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Terminator 2: Judgment Day (Extended) HD/VU $4.5
Terminator 2: Judgment Day 4K/VU $5
Terminator Dark Fate 4K/IT $3
Terminator Genisys HD/VU $2.5
That Awkward Moment SD/MA $1.5
The 15:17 to Paris HD/MA $3.5
The 33 HD/MA $2.5
The 5th Wave HD/VU $3
The Adventures Of TinTin HD/IT $2.5
The Amazing Spider-Man 2 HD/MA $4
The Amazing Spider-Man HD/MA $3.5 or SD/MA $1.5
The Art of Racing in the Rain HD/VU $4
The Avengers HD/GP $3
The Bank Job HD/VU $3.5
The Batman: The Complete Series (2000s) HD/VU $18
The BFG HD/MA $3.5
The Big Lebowski 4K/MA $6
The Big Short HD/VU or IT $3.5
The Big Wedding SD/IT $1
The Birth of a Nation HD/MA $3.5
The Blair Witch Project (1999) HD/VU $4
The Book of Life HD/MA $3.5
The Boss Baby HD/MA $3
The Bourne 5-Film Collection 4K/MA $22
The Bourne Identity HD/VU $3.5
The Bourne Legacy HD/VU $2
The Bourne Supremacy HD/VU $3.5
The Bourne Ultimatum 4K/MA $5.5
The Boy 2 HD/IT $3.5
The Boy HD/IT $3.5
The Butler HD/VU $3
The Butterfly Effect HD/MA $4
The Bye Bye Man (Unrated) HD/IT $2.5
The Cabin in the Woods 4K/VU or IT $4.5 or HD/VU $2.5
The Call of the Wild 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/GP $2.5
The Case for Christ HD/IT $2.5
The Children (2008) HD/VU $4
The Collection HD/VU $3.5
The Commuter 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
The Cornetto Trilogy (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, World's End) 4K/MA $15
The Counselor HD/MA $4
The Courier 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
The Croods HD/VU $3.5
The Curse of La Llorona HD/MA $4
The D Train 4K/IT $4
The Dark Tower HD/MA $3.5
The Darkness HD/IT $3
The Descendants SD/IT $1.5
The Descent (Unrated) HD/VU $4
The Dilemma HD/VU $3.5 or SD/IT $1.5
The Doorman 4K/MA $5 or HD/VU $3.5
The Doors 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
The Duff SD/VU $1.5
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PODCAST: https://ayearofwarandpeace.podbean.com/e/ep1509-hail-and-farewell-george-moore-ave-chapter-62/
PROMPTS: Sorry for a very short one! Rothenburg tomorrow :)
Today's Reading, via Project Gutenberg:
That illustrated paper, Edward began.
You aren't going to open that discussion again, I replied, interrupting him.
It was to tell you that I have been thinking over your argument, and that I see it all quite plainly now. There are times when my mind is denser than at others.
It is charming to hear a man admit that he is wrong—nothing is more winning; and we went away together, talking of Achilles and the tortoise, an admirable fallacy, resting, it appears, upon a false analogy which no one is able to detect. Edward, however, had been able to unravel the other problem, and we were going to see the old town. But on our way there we were stopped by the most beautiful fountain in the world, to which all the folk come to draw water. The drawing of the water is accomplished by some strange medieval device which I cannot remember, and which if I did would be difficult to describe: a grooved iron (one cannot call it a pipe) is tipped over, it fills with water and then it is tipped back again, and the water runs out very prettily.
It surprises me that I am not able to produce a better description of an object that delighted and interested me for quite a long while, compelling me not only to drink when I was not thirsty, but forcing me to beg Edward to do likewise. He besought me to leave that fountain, but its beauty fascinated me. I returned to it again and again, and I remember yielding at last, not to exhortations that we should be late for dinner, nor to the strength of his arm, but to the eighteen stone to which that arm is attached. It dragged me away, I vowing all the while that I should never go to Nuremberg without finding time to run down to see that fountain. But the last time I was in Nuremberg, two years ago, the fountain was not to be discovered, at least by me, and after walking till we were both foot-sore, the friend who set out with me to seek it declared it to be a dream-fountain. We took a carriage and questioned the driver. He pretended to understand and drove us to see a number of sights, and among them were some fountains, but not my fountain—mere parish pumps. My friend jeered the more. A dream-fountain! A dream-fountain! So I insisted on returning to the hotel to ask the way to the fountain from the hotel-porter. A Continental porter or concierge can understand trains and luggage in all languages, and when he has learned to do this his intellect is exhausted, like one who has won a fellowship at Trinity. And our man, to save himself from the suspicion that was beginning to fall upon him that he did not understand us, said the fountain had been abolished two years ago, an open fountain being considered injurious to the health of the town. It may be so. But I have much difficulty in believing that the Nuremberg folk would permit such a vandalism, and shall be glad if some reader who knows German will inquire the matter out when he is next in Nuremberg, and publish, if he discovers it, the shameful order for the destruction of the fountain.
The old citadel crowns the hill, and around many devious streets a panting horse dragged us, through the burning afternoon, up to the castle gateway. We were shown the famous virgin of Nuremberg, and all the strange instruments that the ecclesiastics of the Middle Ages devised for the torment of their religions enemies, together with the stuffed representation of a robber-baron, said to have harried the town-folk for years, he and twenty-five companions. The tale runs that one day he failed to make good his retreat to the cave amid the woods, and was taken prisoner. The custom of the town was that a man condemned to death should be allowed whatever enjoyment he might choose on the eve of his execution; a last bite of the cake of earthly satisfactions should be his. The baron loved his horse, and declared that he chose to ride him through the town. No one divined a ruse in this choice. The baron was free for the time being, and putting spurs to his horse he jumped over the parapet into the moat, and swam the animal across it, and so escaped. But at the end of three years he was again taken prisoner; this time the usual gratification allowed to prisoners was refused him; he was put forthwith on the wheel, and his limbs broken one by one with an iron bar. And looking at the wheel, I said to Edward:
You wouldn't have been broken, but I should, had I lived in those times; and Luther would not have escaped had it not been for the Elector of Saxony.
We discovered the great monk's portrait in the museum, and a splendid piece of portraiture it is, Cranach fixing upon our minds for ever a bluff face with a fearless eye in it. We looked into the panel tenderly, thinking of the stormy story of his life—quite a little panel, eight or ten by six or seven inches, containing but the head and shoulders, and so like Luther! Those fifteenth-century painters convince us, giving in a picture a likeness more real than any photograph, and doing this because they were able to look at nature innocently. We wondered at his Adam and Eve, two little panels, hanging close by, single figures, covering with their hands certain ridiculous but necessary organs, in modern pictures generally hidden by somebody else's elbow, or a flying gull, or a flying towel, or what not. Modern painting is uninteresting because there is no innocency left in it. Blessed are the innocent, for theirs is the kingdom of Art!
Edward admired these nudes as much as I did, and when he said it was not a painter's but a photographer's studio that shocked him, I muttered to myself: Pinnacles! pinnacles! On this we went down the galleries, discovering suddenly a beautiful portrait by Boucher, and the question whether his vision was an innocent one arose, and it was discussed before a portrait of a beautiful woman, looking like some rare flower or a bird—only a head and shoulders, with all Boucher's extraordinary handicraft apparent in the dress she wears—a cynical thing, for the painter has told her story lightly, gracefully, almost casually.
And I had to admit that however much we may admire him, we cannot describe his vision as being as innocent as Cranach's.
All the same, these are the two painters who make Nuremberg rememberable, and we left it full of curiosity to see a town about sixty miles south of Bayreuth, having heard that it is today exactly as it was in the fifteenth century, less changed than any other town in Germany. The journey there was a wearisome one, for our train shed some of its German peasantry at every station and gathered up more, and it carried many creels of geese, and these cackled monotonously, while a very small engine drew us with so much difficulty that we feared it would break down at the next ascent. But it reached Rothenburg at the end of a long afternoon, blond as the corn-fields through which we had come, and I said:
We might have walked, driving the geese before us. We should have arrived in time for supper instead of arriving in time for dinner.

Angela Huth

Monday Lunch in Fairyland

​
She met him at a party somewhere. Noticed the decayed state of his leather jacket before his face. Neither heard the other’s name in the mumbling that goes for an English introduction. But they danced. When the music came to an end he said he was K. Beauford. The K stood for Kestrel. He liked it, but everyone else thought it so pretentious that he had long ago given up using it. Except his mother. And her name? Anna. O-oh, he said, giving the word two syllables. She thought, from his smile, it would have been nice to talk to him. But the music smashed into the room again, and he disappeared.
‘Saw you having quite a dance with K. Beauford,’ said Mark, driving home. They both sat upright in their lumpy marital car. ‘Met him once, years ago, fishing. He kept us supplied with the best white wine I’ve ever drunk. Called something like Annaberg. Never met it since. Cooled it in rock pools. Bloody marvellous.’ He smiled. Fishing memoirs always made him smile. Smiling made his moustache hunch up to brush the keel of his nose. Sometimes this would tickle, and he would push it down with a thick finger.
‘O-oh,’ said Anna.
Breakfast in their London kitchen. Perhaps three weeks later. Feeling, as always, of an indoor storm. Flurry of cornflakes. Thunder of fists on the table. Rain of splattered milk on chairs and floor. Years ago, as lovers, Mark and Anna had calm breakfasts. Years ago they would speak, and gaze, and pour coffee absent mindedly. Now, a child clutched a postcard in a sticky hand. Anna snatched it. For her. Picture of Buckingham Palace. Strange writing. Nineteen days to track you down, am no detective. Love K. Beauford. Oh, yes. Leather jacket. Pale as milk at the elbows. Fishing with Mark. Mark quite hidden behind The Times. Anna propped the postcard between two mugs on the dresser. If he hadn’t been so deeply into Bernard Levin she might have said something about it.
‘Get your coats on,’ she shouted to the children.
Next card three days later. Buckingham Palace from the air, this time. Would you consider lunch as my reward? Love K. Beauford. Hooting outside of the school-run car. Lost satchels. Running noses. Smudgy kisses. Mark’s baggy morning eyes dull with the promise of a hard day. All gone, suddenly. Alone with the silence of 8.45 a.m. This mess to be cleared before she could begin her own day. No immediate impetus, though. She sat. Dabbed at toast crumbs on the table, letting them prick her finger. Would she consider lunch? Yes, she would consider mere lunch. So innocent an event could not affect the order of her life. She had no wish for anything, ever, to affect the quiet order of her life. Its domestic tides, its familiar routines. Books for intellectual stimulus, flowers for pleasure. Small clinging arms for love, Mark’s good-humoured laugh for companionship. Yearly holidays for adventure, Christmas for excitement. Smug, perhaps, but orderly. Compared with so many, after fifteen years, happy. Untempted by the shoddy delights of extra-marital associations. Those who had vaguely supposed had been severely snubbed. But lunch, just lunch. The smallest of treats. Preceded, if necessary, by a lecture on the lack of future. And of course not a secret. I’m having lunch with K. Beauford, she would say to Mark. If she remembered.
The quiet of the house, daytime, rose up: bulbous, engulfing, warm. Only to be shattered at four. That clatter of footsteps just as silence could be borne no longer, its peace grown chill. Squealing bell. Rush for television and instant tea. The noise. The telephone.
‘I must have caught you at a bad time.’
‘Rather. Only by five minutes. Who is it?’
‘K. Beauford.’
‘Oh, yes.’
‘How about Monday? That lunch.’
‘Yes. Why not?’
‘La Cuisine, at one.’
‘Sorry, I can hardly hear. La Cuisine?’
‘At one.’
‘Lovely.’
‘Bye.’
She had let the toast burn, felt no concern at the lack of peanut butter. ‘You’re so bloody spoilt, you lot. It’s Marmite or nothing.’ Unfamiliar puzzlement in their eyes. The whole weekend ahead – the smallest one in tears. Oh God, make up for it with an extra long story...
...Increase of the size of the Round Pond that Saturday. Mark’s kite entangled maddeningly in the trees. Hours till it was brought down. All absurd, such impatience. Just for lunch. Mark’s hands efficient on her body after his favourite braised celery and coq au vin for Sunday dinner. Things she hadn’t cooked him, come to think of it, for a long time.
Monday, noon, she thought she looked quite old. Brushed her hair to cover a lot of her face. Wore clothes she hoped might seem like ordinary Monday clothes. Paid for the taxi out of the housekeeping money, disloyalty shaking her hand.
K. Beauford sat in a distant corner of the restaurant. Its kitchen air. Strings of onions and garlic hanging from the ceiling, like unfinished chandeliers. He stood. Same leather jacket. Deep lines round his smile.
‘Hello, hello.’
‘Hello.’ Anna sat.
‘I thought I’d always send you pictures of Buckingham Palace.’
‘I wondered at their significance.’
‘No significance. I recommend the watercress mousse.’
‘I don’t know what I’m doing here, really. I’m not used to lunch. I never go out to lunch. You’re almost a blind date, aren’t you? At my age.’
‘Oh, do stop twittering,’ he said.
Very pale green, the mousse. White wine that tasted of grapes. Trout. Fennel salad. He said he lived far away, by the sea. Hardly ever came to London. Had a wife, mostly absent, to whom he would always remain a husband. So no need for the lecture. Relief. Such relief Anna’s hands sent her hair scattering backwards, revealing all her face.
‘At last I can see you,’ he said. ‘Scrutinise.’
Confused, she told him something of her orderly life. Very brightly. Made it sound desirable. Which it was. The children would be having mince at school now. Mince on Monday, so fish fingers for tea. Never imagining their mother . . . Mark at the Savoy with a chairman. Making an important decision. Never imagining his wife...
In the end she had not told him. Would later. Tonight. K. Beauford was pressing her to pear flan. She was not resisting, liking his laugh. A furry quality. He was telling of his evenings. Alone with his dog. Not a reader, but a maker of complicated model cars for his sons. No, he felt no need to see people. So long as lunch appeared at one, and dinner at eight. Orderly, too, you see. That was the way to keep going. Invent one’s own discipline to prevent floundering. Protect oneself from intrusion. Plant trees. Visit people’s lives. Resist indulging in explicitness. Catch the train you first intended to catch. Which was in half an hour.
No word of ever meeting again.
Orderly life quite intact.
Goodbye, goodbye.
Nothing to fear. The children wanting tea. Full of relentless instinct. Mama, why are you wearing that dress? She knew quite well his part of the coast. Yes, darling, now I’ll help you with your Geography. And after Geography, listen to news of Mark’s lunch. Glad you’ve come to that decision as last, darling . . . . No time to reflect. Seas very savage in winter down there. Dinner at eight alone with the dog. Postcard writer. Visitor.
Eleven days without a signal. Then third picture of Buckingham Palace by the second post. This one from an engraving, 1914. Have discovered the Whitlaws nearby are mutual friends. Possibility of plans? Love K. Beauford.
Possibility of what plans? The telephone, startling.
‘Hello, hello. Are you coming to the Whitlaws?’
‘What? I’ve only just got your card. I don’t know what you mean.’ Outside, movement of the one bare tree. In summer its shadows blurred the geometric shadow of the wrought iron gate. Any minute now the car would be drawing up, bearing children.
‘When are you coming?’
‘When?’
‘Couldn’t you make next weekend?’
‘Mark will be in Brussels...’
‘Someone can look after the children. Surely.’
The children. There they were. Scrambling out of the car. One school beret falling into the gutter. Anna waved, smiling, through the window.
‘What? Next weekend. I must go, I’m afraid. The bell.’
‘I’ll be expecting you.’
Apologies for keeping them waiting at the door. Exclamations at a cut knee. The arrogance of the man! The ridiculous nature of the summons. Of course, it was out of the question. Quite impossible. Where would the children go? She buttered their crumpets, full of love.
Mark, with the enthusiasm of the innocent, thought her idea a very good one. Nice to see the Whitlaws again and he loathed it down there. The children so pleased about going to their aunt. Plans falling into place with horrifying ease. For what?
On the long train journey she wondered. Just another lunch, perhaps. A long way to go for just another lunch. But no use speculating. In effort to remain calm, heart strangely beating.
The Whitlaws made no mention of K. Beauford for twenty-four hours. They were pleased to see her, pressed on her more food and wine than she cared for. The children rang her. She rang the children. Snow on the moors, forsythia in the courtyard. Mark rang from Brussels. Marvellous sun there, he said. But progress slow. Not back till Tuesday. Why had she come all this way to be without her children? Then it was announced: K. Beauford was coming to lunch on Sunday. Hadn’t they met somewhere? He could give her a lift to the train.
Sunday was dour. Unbroken cloud. Anna pulled her belt into its tightest notch. She felt thin.
K. Beauford was punctual. Talkative. A bit wicked.
‘Having discovered we all knew you, the next thing I hear is you’re down here. It’s an awfully long way to come for a weekend. Isn’t it?’
‘She’d come any distance to stay with us,’ said the Whitlaws.
They left after tea. Late sun through a flurry of snow. Drove over the moors. In silence. Then K. Beauford said,
‘There are all sorts of fairyland, you know.’
His car skidded through the thick gravel of his drive. In the snowy dusk, giant clusters of weeping copper beech trees. Indeterminate parklands.
He led her through outer and inner halls. Dark pictures. A room whose crimson silk walls twitched with firelight. She sank on to a broken sofa. Its stuff scratched the back of her knees. He pulled the curtains against huge panes of black snowflakes. Muffling a church bell.
‘We can have dinner and I’ll put you on the sleeper,’ he said.
They explored the cellars. Gloomy stone passages veining the foundations of the house. Hundreds of bottles of orderly wine, dust obscuring the labels. Strong rooms of polished silver chalices. Crates of yellowing books, first editions waiting to be sorted. Kitchen tall as a barn. Old-fashioned black range. Mixing bowl and pile of chopped onion on the huge wooden table only signs of culinary activity.
Dinner at eight. The gong as the hall clock struck. Two places at the far end of a long white-clothed table. A silvery butler who poured Mark’s remembered wine: Annaberg.
‘I don’t know what I’m doing here,’ Anna said.
‘Three postcards then a visit. That seems to me the proper order of things.’
‘Do you eat like this, every night, by yourself?’
‘Of course.’
‘The table laid like this? The candles?’
‘How else?’
‘It seems so odd, these days.’
‘Have to keep things going. There’s not much of it left.’
‘Kestrel Beauford,’ she said. As if trying out the name for the first time.
‘Silly whim of my mother’s, really.’
‘K. Beauford. I don’t know what I’m doing here.’
‘You keep saying that. I suppose you ought to be at home with your husband and children.’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, I’m glad you’re not.’
They drank port by the fire. Wine red against fire red against red of silk walls. All reds confused. Billy Paul singing.
Me and Mrs Jones
Have a thing going on...
One hour, she was thinking, till the train.
‘Alternatively,’ said K. Beauford, ‘you could go back in the morning. Or the afternoon. Or tomorrow evening.’
‘Quite impossible.’
But there she was making telephone calls. Very calmly. To Brussels. Quite right, you stay on, said Mark. To the aunt. Oh, very well, she said. No, it won’t be much of a bother. The children are quite happy. Elaborate stories. Everyone believing her. Guilt dulled by wine. Wine making the stories of her life quite funny, so that K. Beauford was laughing in his endearing fashion. Hand stretched out towards her. But at rest on the crumpled sofa. As if frozen on its journey.
Very late he showed her to a cold room. Switched on the one-bar fire. Double bed with icy sheets.
‘Only three postcards and here I am. What am I doing here?’ she said.
‘Do stop asking that question,’ he said. ‘You can go tomorrow on the five-thirty. I promise.’
‘You promise?’ she said.
‘I absolutely promise, my love,’ he said.
Five-thirty. On the train in the stuffy carriage. She quivered. Next to her, cartons of farm eggs, pots of Devonshire cream. He had given them to her. Saying: for the children’s breakfast. She would explain they were from the Whitlaws. The train jerked, moved forward. Dark bare platform where moments ago K. Beauford had been kissing her goodbye. I shan’t wait and wave, he said. And had not mentioned when, or if, they would meet again.
Oh my love that wet and shining winter beach the sandpipers pecking at the frills of sea you said they were sandpipers I didn’t know and you said quietly now if we go quietly we won’t disturb them and we came so close before they flew away a small bush of wings in the grey sky urged higher by their own cries of alarm and me with my arm through yours absurdly bulbous in a puffed anorak of dreadful tangerine so out of place I said on this empty shore shouting against the wind so you could hear and laugh and feeling you shorten your step to coincide with mine....
All well at home. All pleased with eggs and cream. Stories of the aunt. Stories of Brussels. Scarcely a thought for her weekend. Thank God. For it hung, indelible, a double image upon her daily life. Which had resumed its normality so fast. Only, within, the orderliness had flown.
Impatiently she waited. Afternoons were worst. Then, in the silent house, the churning mind that nothing could divert. Fear of going out for fear of missing the telephone. The pacing, the trying of all the old familiar chairs. Mind a visible thing in the mind’s eye: a yellowing ivory ball as carved by the Chinese. Intertwined rats of miniscule teeth and savage eyes. Twisting, turning, never still, gnawing at the memories. You’re very thin darling, Mark said. Never usually noticed such things. And you’re restless at night. Can’t sleep? What’s the matter? Concerned eyes. Oh don’t be so silly, she said, hating his hands. And in the morning shouting at the children.
Because you are far away by the sea in the private ocean of your park knowing that lunch is at one and dinner at eight and your dog will sleep by your bedroom fire and you plan the planting of more melancholy trees and spray silver paint on to plastic motorbikes and maybe sometimes think of me though you didn’t say you would you said in fairyland the figure is there all the time unconsciously conscious if you like you said K. Beauford why don’t you ring me?
Complications of infidelity unimaginable to those who have not experienced them. He rang too late one evening: Mark’s car drawing up outside. So she sounded terse, bright. Yes, tomorrow, three o’clock. No, not here. Not possible. She would meet him somewhere. Put off the dentist and the meeting with the headmaster. Mark asking for ice. Nothing, nothing of the days that had passed. I’m coming, Mark, with ice: her voice almost a scream.
And terrible hours, fighting for calm. Till she met him in a dark wine bar in the Kings Road. His jacket black with rain. They watched its streamers liquidise the windows. Stabbed out cigarettes in a plastic ashtray. Arms touching, and their thighs.
‘When are you coming again?’ he said.
‘I can’t really come again, can I?’
‘I hope you can and you will,’ he said.
‘It would be so difficult, another time. The plans. The lies. I’m not very good at the lies.’
‘Divided worlds,’ he said. ‘We should all have our divided worlds. They shouldn’t conflict, or be hard to separate.’
She laughed.
‘Do you find that easy?’ she asked.
‘Well, yes, I do.’
‘You’re lucky,’ said Anna.
‘I mean, visits to fairyland are nothing to do with anything else. If you plan them right they can go on for ever and ever. Just things to look forward to, and to look back on. With tremendous excitement. And pleasure. Aren’t they?’
‘Oh, yes.’ She had to agree. Couldn’t explain.
‘Well, it’s up to you,’ he said.
‘I’ve seen it happen so often. When people start this kind of thing,’ she said. Trying. ‘It’s the stuff of divorce.’
‘It needn’t be,’ he said. So easily. ‘It’s only difficult if fundamental, impossible changes are visualised. Best only to think of the good, possible times. Within their limitations.’
‘The strength of you,’ she said.
He drove her home on the back of his motorbike. Nose in his wet hair. Arms round his shoulders. He kissed her without heed by the front gate. Said she smelt wonderful in the rain. Some kind of flowers. And he’d be in touch. Exhilarated by such parting news, tea with the children was a lovely time. Mama, you look so happy today, one of them said. But such wet hair.
Well you see that’s because K. Beauford insisted I should ride on his rusty old motorbike in all this rain dodging the buses I thought death every time smelling the earthy smell of his hair shouting into it be careful for God’s sake I’m the mother of three children and now my love my love not many days will pass before we’ll speak again...
Next postcard of Buckingham Palace behind the Victoria Memorial. From somewhere in Wales. Am writing this in a bus shelter. Two days later – sorry I forgot to post it. Will ring Tuesday morning, much love K. Beauford. Much, Anna noted. Before it had been just love. Much love, and by now the destructive forces of infidelity crowded in all about her. Her family all strangers. Resentful of them. Resentful of their needing her presence. Their demands so irritating. Their puzzled eyes sniping her guilt at her own unfriendliness. Nothing was but what was not. Lady Macbeth’s undoing. The house itself was an insubstantial thing. Tiny flaws in the fabric of daily life. The clear picture, familiar for so long, shattered. A private mosaic. It couldn’t go on. She couldn’t survive it: Mark’s appalling tolerance. The children’s constant forgiveness. The sleepless nights. Where had all the orderliness gone? Quiet content? Precious habit of unexciting love? All she had thought she wanted. Could never return, now. Not in the same way.
In the silence of a dun-coloured afternoon Anna stood by the tall windows of her house, fingers hunched up like spiders on the cold glass of the panes. Blasted, her life. Inadvertently, she had let it happen. Linen cupboard disorganised. Deep freeze empty. Husband and children squeezed by the rats of her mind to a faraway place. No longer of prime importance.
Rain. It began to rain on the leafless trees. Falling silent on the square of plantless London earth she liked to call her garden.
Oh I’m not as strong as you K. Beauford at dividing worlds perhaps because I love you and that’s where it’s all gone wrong though you must never know but in the spring I’ll visit you again and we’ll send postcards of Buckingham Palace for years and years until we grow old and calm and the visits between our separated worlds can’t unground us any more. But oh, my love, can that ever be?

First Previous
Something felt different, wrong, had for the past week or so, and Edward wasn’t sure why.
Of course, there was always a sense of wrongness in the air when you’ve been kidnapped and held captive by aliens for God knows what reason. That was a given. But it was a different sort of wrongness than was usually here. Edward didn’t know what to make of it.
He knew he wasn’t the only one who felt this way, either. His fellow prisoners seemed aware of it, as well. He could hear an edge of nervousness in all their voices as they spoke among each other, M’staeng included. He wished he knew what was going on. Unfortunately, as much as M’staeng had been teaching him lately, he didn’t know enough of the language for him to be able to ask what was going on. Hell, even if he did, he doubted he’d be able to understand the answer.
So even though he’d been trying to go about his life as normal - well, as normal as it could be in his current situation - there was a certain tenseness staining everything he did. It was harder to focus on M’staeng’s language lessons and choking down the “food” he was given without puking became much more difficult than usual. He couldn’t quell the worry that just seemed to be growing as each day went by.
Today was the worst it had been. The air was so thick with tension a knife could cut through it. M’staeng kept giving him weird looks that he didn’t know how to interpret, but he could’ve sworn they looked scared.
Edward really didn’t know what to make of that. Sure, M’staeng was scared of him at first, but they’d built a sort of trust since then. So why the hell did M’staeng seem scared of him again?
Ed’s racing thoughts came to a halt as he came to a realization. No, they weren’t scared of him. They were scared for him. M’staeng usually didn’t get too close to him, keeping a bit of distance between them at all times. Ed was pretty sure they didn’t realize they even did it. But they’d been hovering around him all day, getting much closer than they usually got and seeming as though they wanted to come even closer but were hesitant.
Well, now Edward’s worry was bordering on full on panic. He’d realized pretty much everyone here viewed him as a threat, for whatever reason. Even M’staeng, with their ridiculous height and sharp teeth and claws, had been terrified at first. What could be so bad that they were scared for him? Ed really didn’t want to find out.
He was pulled out of his thoughts by the ship jolting around him. What the fuck? Were they crashing? Landing? What was happening outside his little cell?
His attention was pulled to the door as he heard it open. A group of guards walked in, stopping in front of him. Two of them grabbed him harshly, one on either side, and forced him to stand. Before he could blink, he found himself being pushed outside the cage, guards on every side of him with weapons in hand, pointed at him, daring him to just try to make a run for it.
He turned his head back to get one last glimpse of M’staeng. They looked like they desperately wanted to run after him, but knew they couldn’t. All too soon, the door was slammed shut and locked, and Edward was taken away from the only light in this godforsaken place.
Edward squinted as light suddenly assaulted his vision, holding a hand up in an effort to block it out. He felt himself get pushed roughly before hearing a door slam shut behind him.
As his eyes adjusted to the sudden onslaught of light, he took in his surroundings. He was standing outdoors, in what looked like a stadium, if stadiums were usually filled with dirt and rocks instead of grass. There were crowds of people sitting in the dome surrounding him. An alien stood directly across from him. They resembled a lizard, if lizards were bipedal, had four arms, and were 15 feet tall. Lizards should not be 10 feet taller than him, damn it. They also had ears on either side of their head that reminded him of a basset hound’s, but covered in pale green scales instead of fur and pointed at the end. He noted they had claws to rival M’staeng’s, as well.
Edward heard the voice of an announcer from somewhere above him. He couldn’t understand a word they said except for one. Human. They were talking about him. He was here for the crowd’s entertainment. Lovely.
As soon as the announcer’s words stopped, he heard a loud buzzing noise sound throughout the arena. Clearly a start signal, but to start what? Edward still wasn’t sure just why he was here.
The basset-lizard-thing apparently did, though. They took off, sprinting towards him at a surprisingly fast speed. Edward barely had time to create a wall in front of him with alchemy, blocking them. He heard the claws hit the stone in front of him, creating an awful noise like nails on a chalkboard when they scratched it.
Still caught off guard by the unexpected attack, he didn’t react as quickly as he should have to their next move. He ducked down, but not fast enough. He earned four large gashes on his cheek as a result that stung painfully. Still, he got off relatively easily. If he had dodged any later, those claws would have pierced his neck.
So not only were they fighting him, but they were fighting to kill. Great. Well, it explained why M’staeng was so worried, at least.
He jumped back, creating the blade on his right arm that was always his go-to during fights. Creating it slowed him down though, allowing the lizard person to slice through his left arm. He hissed in pain, doing his best to ignore how much it hurt and the blood running down both his face and his arm.
Teacher would be disappointed in him if she were here. He was already bleeding quite a bit and he hadn’t even gotten a single hit on his opponent. She’d kick his ass if she could see his performance. Well, even if she can’t see me, I can’t let her down. Newly motivated, he took a swing at the alien in front of him.
And he missed. Damn, they were fast. But so was Ed. They swung at each other, both managing to dodge every time one got close to the other. It was a sort of deadly dance between him and his opponent.
The dirt beneath him, Edward noticed, was soft enough it was easy to leave tracks in it if he pushed in slightly, though the lizard was treading lightly enough that they didn’t leave any marks. With an idea suddenly forming in his mind, he began subtly dragging his automail foot in the dirt, leading them in a circle. He could still turn this match around to be in his favor.
The alien hissed - quite literally; it reminded Ed of a snake - in irritation at their inability to hit him. He grinned. They were wearing down and getting frustrated, which meant they’d be more prone to mistakes. That was good. This fight was going exactly as planned.
“What’s the matter, you scaly bastard? Don’t tell me you’re getting tired already!” he taunted. Though they couldn’t understand him, he figured the mocking tone would probably be enough to rile them up further. And sure enough, it did. They growled - what was with all the animal noises? - before lunging at him, right as he drew the last mark within the circle.
And that was their mistake. Edward dove to his right, slamming his hands down on the transmutation circle he’d created. The flat ground rose beneath his feet, knocking his opponent over in the process. Good. Now he had the high ground.
As the lizard tried to pick themself back up, Edward leaped down from his tower, blade poised to strike. He sent it through their arm. If he could injure both their arms enough, their claws would no longer be a threat and he’d have no problem winning.
That was the plan, anyway. Of course, things didn’t go the way he’d wanted. Because why would they?
His eyes widened as their left arm fucking flew off , yellow blood gushing profusely from the wound. Holy fucking shit. Just how fragile were they if a small stabbing could fucking take their limbs off? It was beginning to dawn on him just why exactly everyone seemed so fearful of him.
The alien before him collapsed to the ground, crying out in pain. An impossible amount of blood was spilling out of them at an alarming rate. Edward stood there, frozen in horror, unable to do anything but watch as their breaths slowed and eventually came to a stop.
Oh, god. What the hell did he just do? He hadn’t meant to kill them! He had no idea that would happen because of his attack.
Distantly, he heard the crowd cheering around him as the announcer began speaking again. He felt too far away, too detached to truly process any of it. He just killed someone. And they were cheering!
He detransmuted his blade before he knelt before the body, placing his fingers on their neck to check for a pulse, desperately hoping they were still alive somehow. They were not. Edward felt sick.
Looking down, he noticed that in his desperate need to check if they were still alive, he hadn’t paid any attention to just where he was putting his limbs. His arms, hands, and knees were coated in the yellow blood staining the ground that was now beneath him.
It was all too much. The cheering of the crowd, the blood painting him, the body in front of him - he couldn’t handle it. He knelt down further, both his arms and knees now on the ground, and promptly emptied the meager contents of his stomach.
He was suddenly aware of guards on either side of him, lifting him into a standing position before walking closer to the stands. He distantly noticed some other guards hauling the body away. The cheering grew louder, but he certainly didn’t feel like he’d won anything. He doubted he looked like it either, covered in red and yellow blood, with vomit staining his front. He wanted to cry, to get some form of release, but he was too numb, too in shock for any tears to come.
He heard the announcer speaking again as he was led to an exit, presumably announcing the next match. He ignored it. He just wanted out of there, wanted to forget everything that just transpired, but froze as he heard a voice behind him.
“Stop, please! Where are you taking me? What are you gonna do to me?” it called. Ed’s eyes widened. That was English. And he knew that voice.
He whipped around with a newfound energy, suddenly uncaring of the guards with their weapons around him. “Al!” he called out desperately. “Al!”
He wanted to run to his brother, to protect him from facing the same things he just did, but he didn’t get very far. He heard the buzz of electricity behind him before the guards hit him with their weapons, sending the current through his body.
He fell to the ground, vision blurring. He heard Al’s call of “Brother!”, but it was distant, almost sounding like he was underwater. His mind felt like mush, too overwhelmed with everything to even think. Unable to handle everything that had happened to him in not even an hour, he passed out, more than willing to let blissful unconsciousness take him.

For those that don't know much here's the oversimplified versions of each of their stories.

1. Catherine of Aragon was married to Henry from 1509 until their divorce in 1533. Prior to the marriage she had been married to Henry's older brother Arthur, which became the grounds for the divorce. She maintained her and Arthur never consummated their marriage, but after Henry separated England from the Catholic Church there was little she could do. Sent to a convent she continued to identify herself as the Queen of England and Henry's true wife until her death in 1536. Notably she was the mother to Queen Mary I, better known as "Bloody Mary," her only child to reach adulthood.
   
2. Anne Boleyn married Henry in 1533 and is recognized as having influenced Henry's separation from the Catholic Church during the Protestant Reformation. For year leading up to their marriage Henry pursued Anne with love notes, though she tried to ignore his advances until he offered to make her his queen. Unfortunately in 1536 Anne of beheaded after being accused of adultery and treason. Today it is believed this was at least in part motivated by a mixture of her "failure" to deliver a male child and Henry's continuously wandering eye. She did deliver one child to reach adulthood, the eventual Queen Elizabeth I.
   
3. Jane Seymore married Henry in 1536. Though she died a year later following the birth of the future King Edward VI she is considered to be Henry's favourite wife. Prior to the marriage she had served as a maid of honor to both Catherine of Aragon and Anne Boleyn.
   
4. Anne of Cleves was married to and divorced by Henry all within 1540. She's been nicknamed the "Flanders Mare" for her supposed ugliness that repulsed Henry so much that he could not consummate their marriage. However, following their divorce the two remained on good terms as he gave her both land in England and an allowance. Outliving Henry and all of his other wives she remained close with Henry's daughters, being buried with honors during Mary I's reign in 1557.
   
5. Catherine Howard married Henry in 1540 at the age of 16. Their marriage did not last long as she was charged with adultery and incest in 1542 and then executed. Today the accuracy of these charges is argued.
   
6. Catherine Parr married Henry in 1543 and would stay by his side until his death in 1547. Following Henry's death she remarried the same year, but later died in 1548 after giving birth to a daughter. During her marriage to Henry she influenced him to return his daughters to the line of succession and became the first Queen of England to have a book published under her own name.
   

As a sidenote; Henry VII claimed Anne of Cleves' betrothal portrait painted by Hans Holbein the Younger had deceived him and did not show her accurately. So, just because it's somewhat funny, I like to consider this the 16th Century equivalent to catfishing.
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