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A/N: Everyone's a Catgirl! Volume 1 launched today on Kindle Unlimited, eBook, and paperback! Thank you all so much for your support!
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It was raining the day Finnegan stumbled inside the Lucky Star.
His blonde hair was matted and plastered to his face. Blood soaked his right sleeve, and one of the lenses in his glasses was shattered.
“H-help,” he murmured. His knees hit the polished wooden floor. His glasses close behind.
The inn and tavern were quiet—most girls preferred to stay inside on rainy days. Yomi and Ravyn weren’t most girls, though. Some of the rarest Encroachers came out of hiding during the brutal San Island storms. That meant new weapons, new armor, and Bells.
They were two drinks in, celebrating a successful hunt of a pack of galatrax, when the youth tumbled through the door.
“What the hell?” Ravyn jumped to her feet, Yomi close behind.
“He’s bleeding!” Yomi hissed, rushing to his side. “[Stabilize]!”
Is this really the next man? Emberlynn, Ravyn’s mother, had always built her father as a larger-than-life figure. A man that couldn’t be felled by a little rain or surprised by a measly roach.
This… man… was tall but thin. Gangly. Like he hadn’t had a good meal in a long time.
He blinked up at Yomi. “A-are you… are you a nekomimi?”
“I’m sorry, a what?” Yomi dabbed at the bite on his arm with the napkin she’d snatched from the table.
“Mou ii.” He had the gall to look frustrated. Ravyn scoffed. “A catgirl,” he tried again.
“Oh. Yes.” Yomi looked over her shoulder at Ravyn. “We’re, um, well, we’re all catgirls.”
“Oh my God. This is the isekai jackpot.” He rubbed his eyes with his clean hand, blinking up at Ravyn. “Even if the monsters outside are a pain in the ass.”
Yomi hurried to the table, snagged her glass of water, and moved back to his side. “Here, drink this.”
“Ah. Arigatou.” He accepted the water and took a deep drink.
Ravyn had never heard so many unintelligible words in so few sentences. Which was impressive, considering who her mother was. “You didn’t fight back?” she snapped.
“Fight? With what?” He sputtered a laugh, his energy seeming to return. “Besides, why would I fight something that could so obviously kill me?”
Ravyn marched to his side and snatched his broken glasses from the floor. “To survive. Level up. Get Bells. Moron.”
“Baka!” he hissed back.
“Ravyn,” Yomi warned, her ears twitching with annoyance. “This could be new for him, remember?”
“Uh-huh. Saoirse has blessed us all with a—” She paused, squatting so she was at eye level with the newcomer. “Hey, is there a term for a small man? Like calling a young catgirl a kitten.”
“Erm, a boy?”
“Yes. Good. That will do.” Ravyn snapped the glasses in half at the thin bridge and looked at Yomi. “Saoirse has blessed us with a boy.”
“Hey, I—!” He reached for his glasses, then flinched back. His deep green eyes flickered between Ravyn and Yomi’s faces. “Nani? I don’t need my glasses anymore?”
“Saoirse’s tits, can you please speak like a normal person?” Ravyn commanded.
“Ravyn!” Yomi snarled.
He stared at her in disbelief. “How did you know I didn’t need those anymore?”
I didn’t. “Call it a hunch.” Ravyn tossed the remnants of his glasses in a nearby trash bin and wiped her hands. “Good luck in Nyarlea, boy.”
“My name is Finnegan.” He pushed Yomi’s hands away and stumbled to his feet. “Are you a bitch all of the time, or am I a special case?”
Ravyn growled, her hands balling into fists. On his feet, he was almost a head taller than her. But Finnegan was still a malnourished, ill-equipped boy. She raised one hand level to her chest and flattened her palm, the burst of flame mirrored in her violet eyes. “Want to find out?”
“Holy shit,” he stepped backward, raising an arm to block his face.
Yomi caught Ravyn’s wrist and forced it down. “She won’t hurt you.”
“Hm? Please, try me.”
He froze, then looked at Yomi. “Wait, so… [Stabilize]. That was a Spell?”
I should burn you to a crisp right now. Save the Encroachers the trouble.
“That’s right,” Yomi said, positioning herself between him and Ravyn. “I’m Yomi, by the way.”
Finnegan nodded, and his gaze returned to Ravyn. “And you are?”
“Leaving.” Ravyn turned, retrieving the Bells for their drinks from her [Cat Pack] and plopping them on the table. She came to Shulan with Yomi for an adventure. Not to team up with a feeble man who used a strange language and had no idea that Magic existed.
That was a fast road to a quick death.
“Ravyn, wait!” Yomi turned to Finnegan and raised her hands. “Sorry, give me just a second.”
“Yeah. Sure. I’m, uh, just going to sit down a minute.” He wandered to an empty booth, then searched the pockets of his trousers. “Wait, what’s this?” His hand surfaced with the silver rectangle that Ravyn recognized immediately—an iPaw.
“We’ll explain in a moment,” Yomi replied, taking Ravyn’s wrist and yanking her farther back into the Lucky Star.
Their waitress—Kiri—and three other catgirls in attendance had witnessed his entrance and their exchange. Kiri was at his table in the blink of an eye, offering him whatever was on the menu free of charge. The other three leered longingly, joining into a single throng to share a whispered discussion.
“We will explain, Yomi?” Ravyn snarled once they were out of earshot.
“Yes. We.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Are you insane?” Yomi gestured wildly toward Finnegan, toward the other girls, and then back to Ravyn. “Isn’t this exactly why we left Zhuli?”
“To die trying to protect a mass of twigs? I don’t think so,” Ravyn retorted. “That is not a man. Let him go get himself killed, and then we can get a real man.”
Yomi fervently shook her head. “I don’t know what your mother told you about the men of Nyarlea, but everyone has to start somewhere, Ravyn.”
“That boy, sitting over there, is beyond novice levels of experience.” Ravyn pulled the hefty pouch of Bells from her [Cat Pack] and waved it in front of Yomi’s face. “Look, right here. We’re doing fine on our own. We hit Level 4 together, and we can hit Second Class together. We don’t need him.”
Yomi glanced over her shoulder and lowered her voice. “No, but he needs us. Look at him.”
The tittering trio had made their way over to Finnegan’s booth, and Kiri had slid into the seat next to him. His face had turned a brilliant shade of red, and he stammered through his answers to the endless stream of questions.
Now that he’d dried off, Ravyn could see the dark circles beneath his eyes and the bruises on his neck and arms. There was a small cut on his temple and numerous abrasions on his knuckles as if he had come to blows with a roach. The tears in his clothing suggested he’d been on the losing side.
This wasn’t Finnegan’s first day on San Island—it had taken him some time to find Shulan. But by the grace of the goddess or otherwise, he’d survived and made it to the Lucky Star.
Memories of lonely nights spent in her own room assaulted Ravyn like a tidal wave. Talking to her only friend—a garnet, for Saoirse’s sake—and wishing someone, somewhere, would take the time to see things from her point of view.
“Fuck,” Ravyn whispered, the fight draining from her shoulders. “Yomi—”
“Look, we can make a deal,” Yomi interrupted, holding up a finger. “We give him two weeks. If we can both agree that he’s a lost cause, we’ll go back to adventuring ourselves. Just the two of us.”
It wasn’t a terrible deal. Two weeks wouldn’t set them back very far. Besides, the Bells her mother kept sending to Yomi—Ravyn had sent them back one too many times, apparently—would keep them afloat for a year if need be. As much as she despised using that money, Yomi was adamant about keeping a safety net should things go to hell.
Well, here we are, Mother. Hell himself has walked through the door.
“Two weeks? Swear on it?” Ravyn sighed.
“I swear, Ravyn. Please.”
Ravyn hooked her finger around Yomi’s, tightening it in a tiny truce. “I’ll have your tail if you push me again.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Yomi grinned and hugged her.
“Oh. That’s overkill. No need for this.” Ravyn held up her hands at her side, unsure how to react to the hug. “I don’t see why you’re so stuck on him.”
Yomi released her, her smile widening. “What kitten doesn’t dream of being in a man’s Party?”
This one. “Yeah. Guess so.” Ravyn turned and marched to Finnegan’s table. Narrowing her eyes, she glared at each of his newfound companions in turn. “Alright, ladies, clear out.”
“Who the hell died and made you queen?” one of the whisperers retorted.
“Are you a healer, kitten?” Ravyn crossed her arms and tapped her foot. “Are any of you healers, for that matter?”
The three girls shook their heads.
Ravyn jerked a thumb at Yomi. “He’s hurt. Let someone who can actually help him through.”
“Kiri, I think one of the girls in the back needs your help,” Yomi said.
Smooth when you can be, huh? Ravyn grinned. “We’ll take good care of him.”
“We’ll see about that,” Finnegan grumbled.
Ravyn cleared her throat and raised her hand in the same movement she’d done before to summon the flame. Finnegan jumped back as far as he could, holding the iPaw up like a shield.
“Don’t set him on fire, Ravyn,” Kiri murmured as she vacated the table. The other three slowly followed, glowering at Yomi and Ravyn as they returned to their seats.
“We’ll see about that,” Ravyn chirped.
Finnegan shot her an angry look over his iPaw.
Yomi took a seat next to him while Ravyn assumed the opposite side. She leaned forward, placed one finger on the top of the iPaw, and tipped it down until it rested against the table.
“Alright— what did you call me earlier? Baka?” Ravyn began, her smile sharp.
Finnegan’s face darkened. “Yeah.”
Ravyn snickered. “Well. Welcome to the Lucky Star, baka. Your training begins now.”
​
Yomi Pro Tip: My mother told me stories of how my father required multiple helping hands to have a fighting chance in Nyarlea.
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I've been riding an ebike for about 2 weeks now, and people keep expecting me to go when I'm decently certain I should be stopping. I'm starting to question my knowledge of the rules of the road here. Either that, or people are just used to cyclists being jerks. I'm decently certain bicycles are vehicles too...
A couple situations I've faced:
I'm riding on the goose trail and coming up to a road. There is a stop sign on the trail, no stop sign on the road, and some bushes blocking your view of the road. I stop at the stop sign and almost get rear ended by someone who tells me I'm supposed to pull off to the side if I'm going to stop. Stopping at stop signs is normal, right?
I'm coming down a hill with a crosswalk shortly after the bottom. As I'm coming down the hill, there is someone crossing the street towards me. I slow down enough that I should be able to go behind him, or safely stop if he's slower than I thought. He stops in front of the car lane beside me, and waves me through in front of him. Bikes still need to yield to people in crosswalks, right?
I'm on a road with no bike lanes. I come to a 4-way stop at the same time as a car. The car is to the right of me, so they should get to first. I stop to wait for him, and he waves me through in front of him. I thought the person on the right is supposed to go first?
I know the rules for bikes are slightly different than the rules for cars, but are they that different? I could just be dumb here, but I don't think they're different enough to mean blowing stop signs is okay.

So i recently took the Zociety sticker off my car and i realized that the dots behind the rear view mirror are visible through my sun strip. Is there any way to make it look better besides getting a new sun strip?

Hey WeAreTheMusicMakers!
So I’m a concert promoter in Reno. And one of the things I want to do in the next few weeks is put on an event that is like Despacio. Basically the same formula of Disco/Techno with the dance floor and music being the main draw, not the DJs. I already have a PA system, Lights, and now I’m looking for a DJ that could do a Vinyl only set or one that could DJ the songs/genres from Despacio. One thing I’m considering is maybe using one of the mixes from SoundCloud if I can’t workout a DJ for this. But I’m not sure if I want to do that or not.
Obviously my PA system is nothing to the real thing, but right now my father and I are spending this summer building a stack that is pretty decent.
The event would be free, and I wouldn’t advertise it as “Despacio”. It would be named Disco Night (I’m still brainstorming 😂)
So here are my questions: What would you do? What would you add to this event? Should I get a Disco Ball? What should I name it? Would this work outside?
TBH, the main reason I’m doing this is because I want to dance to some good Disco in my city with other like minded people!
I’m looking for advice on how to make this a great event in my city. I appreciate any and all help/advice!

Hey Despacio!
So I’m a concert promoter in Reno. And one of the things I want to do in the next few weeks is put on an event that is like Despacio. Basically the same formula of Disco/Techno with the dance floor and music being the main draw, not the DJs. I already have a PA system, Lights, and now I’m looking for a DJ that could do a Vinyl only set or one that could DJ the songs/genres from Despacio. One thing I’m considering is maybe using one of the mixes from SoundCloud if I can’t workout a DJ for this. But I’m not sure if I want to do that or not.
Obviously my PA system is nothing to the real thing, but right now my father and I are spending this summer building a stack that is pretty decent.
The event would be free, and I wouldn’t advertise it as “Despacio”. It would be named Disco Night (I’m still brainstorming 😂)
So here are my questions: What would you do? What would you add to this event? Should I get a Disco Ball? What should I name it? Would this work outside?
TBH, the main reason I’m doing this is because I want to dance to some good Disco in my city with other like minded people!
I’m looking for advice on how to make this a great event in my city. I appreciate any and all help/advice!

Hi. Looking for a bit of advice, I'm sure it's been asked before but I struggled to find relevant bits in the search.
I'm at the early stages of viewing and agreeing the lease for a property I'd like to take for a Cafe. For background, I currently have two other separate businesses, one of which is a high street shop, when I opened that place I quickly and (maybe) naively signed the lease and paid up etc in a matter of a few weeks - That was many years ago, and since then we get on really well with our landlord, no issues.
This time round however I'm a little more wary. I know the landlord has multiple properties and is already recommending what solicitor we engage etc, he seems quite on the ball, which might not be a bad thing, but it does mean I want to do my homework and don't want to be taken for a ride. We're going for a 5 year lease, 3 year break clause.
The rent on the unit we're looking at is quite a bit more than my rent elsewhere and so far we've negotiated a very small amount off, although I suspect it's the market rate, so that's fine. The unit itself has been freshly painted but it does need a decentish bit of work (no flooring is down, new toilet needed, broken window, damp/bubbling plaster in areas, new lighting etc etc), easily a month or two to get the place ready to trade. So a few questions just for a little guidance:
1 - What's the view on rent free periods whilst renovating? Is it normally a thing, or taking the mickey to ask for it?
2 - Legal fees, this hasn't been suggested, but my assumption is landlord and tenant pay for their own fees, would that be fair to assume?
3 - Deposits, in my other property we didn't put any deposit down, in this instance I know there will be one, 3 months fair to ask?
4 - My intention is to ask the landlord to make good somethings before we sign, broken window, damp etc. If he can't/won't, is it common practice to expect this is captured as an inventory of sorts on the lease?
5 - And lastly, maybe an odd one, the building is 5 stories high, we'd occupy the first two, the landlord owns the entire building with separate companies above. Would you push back on a requirement to also be liable for repairs to the roof?
These might be stupid questions, if so, educate me please! Cheers.

Hey folks I have an Nb2 that started doing a mystery noise recently and i can't find the source for the life of me. Closest garage said that they're book for over two weeks (apparently it's still tire season in Canada?)
Here's a small breakdown. Three weeks ago my car suddenly started making a knocking noise when driving, definitely a suspension thing. Slowly drove home. Lift up the car and sure enough the upper control arm inner bolt, the really long one, was loose. Tighten it real good, did both sides to be sure. Didn't see anything else loose. Put the car back down and immediately as i started driving there's another knock. Less loud this time but definitely there.
I have since test drove the car a couple of times and checked all my suspension bolts three times. Nothing else is loose. The noise is kind of like when your lug nuts are loose and the wheel is about to fall off. It doesn't do it all the time. It does it sometimes on bumps but not always. Sometimes does it on smooth road too. Accelerating or sudden braking doesn't seem to make it. Rocking the car up and down doesn't do it.
Sometimes i also feel the knock in my feet when driving, so I'm assuming it comes from the front.
I checked all suspension stuff and drive line. Everything is good. A couple of weeks before this started i also had a performance garage check all my bolts at the same time as i did an alignment and they said they tightened a couple of loose bolts.
The single thing i found that makes any noise that seems off to me is the rear driver wheel. When I shake the axle along it's length it knocks a bit, but the sound isn't the same. Other axel doesn't do this. If while the car is in the air i quickly rotate that same tire back and forth it does a ding sound kinda. Could it be this be the same as the noise while driving? If not, is this by itself worrisome? There's no side to side or up and down play in either the axle or the wheel.
Not sure if important but for context it's a half daily half track car with poly bushings, diy billy coilovers, sway bar upgrades, extended lower ball joints, R package tie rod ends or something.
Any help or pointers would be appreciated. I'm at a loss and got a track day next weekend i don't wanna miss.
Thanks for reading this long post

Just to preface: I'm talking about mental/emotional cravings. Physical cravings are a whole other ball park of course.
Day 10! Double digits! It ain't much, but it's honest work. Something I've noticed this time around, is that I didn't give in to my cravings on day 4 and 6. I was kind of reflecting on how I did that, because that's a tool I can't just leave laying around the workshop. Gotta put that shit in my belt (My past couple attempts never made it past day 3/4, fyi).
On day 4, I already had my shoes on to go to the store. "4 days, huh. Whelp, better than last time." Threw my hands up. Then it shifted to disappointment:
"Really? Best I can do is 4 days?" "No it's not. I can do 5. Watch!"
Took my shoes off. Sat on the couch and wrapped myself in a blanket. Now, I know myself good enough to know that when that blanket comes on, I ain't coming off the couch for a good few hours. That blanket helped me procrastinate sooo many chores, so I decided to view my drinking as just another chore I didn't feel like doing that day. Put on Netflix, actually enjoyed the show more because it almost felt like a guilty pleasure that I was indulging in instead of "that thing I was gonna make myself do". Didn't think about it for the entire next day.
Day 6: I get triggered over God knows what, I can't even remember it was so minute even only 4 days later (also very important for me to remember next time I want to drink because of a trigger, what a shame it would have been to throw 6 days away over something I can't even remember). I get the urge again, that fuck them and fuck it mentality. I'm kinda reasoning back and forth with myself until something in the back of my mind goes: "Huh, this is kinda like those intrusive thoughts you get about ramming your car into a tree, or kicking a toddler, but you're obviously not gonna do that. I wouldn't seriously reason and strategize with myself about how I could get away with kicking that toddler. I'm not going to feed into that at all". Made perfect sense to me, and whaddya know, craving gone. Even made myself laugh about the toddler analogy, and wrote it into a standup routine. Comparing justifying a relapse to explaining to a random mother why you kicked her child, comedy gold if you ask me.
So 2 new tools in 10 days: "this is a chore I don't wanna do so let me go do something I actually enjoy right now" and "this is just an intrusive thought I'm gonna go "wtf no" about and not try to reason with it".
I posted here on day 4, and said that my cravings usually last multiple hours instead of the 15-20 minutes people tell me about. That's because in those hours, I was keeping the craving alive through my thinking. I've found 2 ways of killing them now, that aren't "do activity to distract". As an alcoholic, I'm a stubborn fuck that's not gonna let something rest until I've out-debated or myself. So just doing something to distract doesn't work. I have to agree with my reason for what I'm doing or I cannot distract myself.
(Also, I've fully embraced the occasional functionality of my laziness, and I will 100% of the time choose eating pizza in my bathrobe over going out of my way to a grocery store in a different neighborhood, fully dolled up so I don't "look like a drunk". I could waste that time much more efficiently.)
I'm so thankful for finding ways out that work with my specific personality type, as the queen of mental gymnastics it was time I put them to use for the better. I hope this helps someone else too. ❤️
IWNDWYT!

Not that I have. I'm talking about you ordered a pizza and put the pizza box on top of the car so you can get in the car then forget that you put the pizza box on top of your car until it's too late and driving and next thing you see an object in your rear view mirror.

I think I arrived recently. It seemed that it made a slow approach, and boom! I am finding more and more that I just don't tolerate bad behavior and swipe left quickly.
I had such a promising chat today and thought it was moving along. Then I suggested we speak on the phone tomorrow, but the other person didn't seem to take it well that I need to get off app and back to work. I chalk that up more to no tone on messaging, but hey, there is usually only one reason to be in such a hurry...
Yesterday, a literal bone head said he was only there for fun. I proceed to say that "if his idea of fun was paddle boating" at the SP, I was definitely up for that. He answered, "I'm here for sex." Well, duh, what did you really think I thought? Swipe.
I'm trying Bumble now. It is like being in some crazy cocktail party with disco balls, spinning things, and a strange array of men in various stages of shirtlessness. It's good practice. LOL.

Every time I see a nice green patch of grass in the sun it makes me want to go curl up into a ball and just lie there. (I don’t think it’s my body telling me I have a vitamin D deficiency because I’m in the sun quite a bit) Also this might sound childish but sometime I genuinely forget I don’t have wings like I look up at the sky and I’m like oh that’s pretty let me fly up and get a better view and then it’s like oh yeah forgot I can’t do that another time I missed the bus (I’m 14🥲)because I was about to walk out the door then I felt the I forgot something feeling and I felt my back and audibly said and thought “where did my wings go?” So I stayed standing with my hand on the door for like 5 minutes totally confused. Thank you for reading this (if you did) it’s would be nice for a little help good day<3

I was inspired to make this quick post after reading a specific stand in Steel Ball Run that while powerful possesses a specific flaw where if exploited becomes vulnerable and useless. As such, it made me think of other invincible or overpowered stands with weaknesses that also can be exploited. Here's what I've come up with so far from Stardust Crusaders to Stone Ocean:
Justice (Part 3) - A stand completely made of fog and therefore invulnerable to physical attacks by Star Platinum and the like. However, you can defeat it with a vacuum cleaner and probably with non-physical methods, such as Magician's Red's fire and or White Album's ice.
Atom Heart Father (Part 4) - Once pulled into its photography world, victims inside cannot escape or defend against the user, who manipulates the properties of the photo to attack. Observers outside are likewise unable to intervene. But, by isolating the user into a separate photograph and destroying the camera, ATF's effect can be completely nullified.
Chariot Requiem (Part 5) - Even if you get close to the stand, your own stand will turn against you because of Chariot's manipulation of the soul. On top of that, it's capable of regeneration and soul-swapping to make it even more impervious and difficult to fight. However, as discovered by Diavolo and Bucciarati, the stand can ultimately be destroyed by breaking the sun that shines behind your head.
Bohemian Rhapsody (Part 6) - An unstoppable stand with no such physical form except through the characters it brings to life. The characters likewise cannot be destroyed and countered once the victims are pulled into their fantastical world. However, by creating a character whose sole purpose is to counteract BR's power, the stand can ironically be destroyed by its own ability.
Honorable Mentions, where these invincible stands aren't necessarily unstoppable or have flaws that can't really be exploited:
Yellow Temperance (Part 3) - A stand that cannot be defeated except by attacking its user. But that's a weakness shared by most stands in the series anyway.
Death 13 & Man In The Mirror (Part 3 & 5) - Like Atom Heart Father, they are theoretically invincible because of their abilities to pull victims into their respective worlds and thus removing access to an enemy's stand. But they are otherwise pathetic in most combat scenarios and cannot reasonably defend their users, so they really aren't invincible.
Sheer Heart Attack & Notorious BIG (Part 4 & 5) - Two of the most invulnerable stands in the series, they are nonetheless automatic stands and can thus be defeated by immobilizing their movement. However, I wouldn't consider immobilization a particular weakness.
Boy II Man (Part 4) - I kept gambling-related stands off the list because they can theoretically be defeated in combat. Of the gambling-related stands though, this one has the most glaring weakness in that it can be easily defeated through cheating.
I haven't read all of part 7 and probably won't start part 8 and 9 anytime soon, but feel free to suggest other "invincible stands with specific flaws" in the comments.

Robert's Rebellion Theme Song: The Czar Mastodon

Don't stay; run away He has ordered assassination Don't stay; run away The henchmen are gathered and waiting Don't stay; run away Your role as usurper is found out

This is part of a series exploring the hidden motives and actions of the main players during Robert's Rebellion, named LBJ in reference to the influence of Lyndon B. Johnson and the Vietnam War on GRRM's views and writings on war. LBJ also indicates considerations over whether Lyanna + Bobby B = Jon Snow. Previous installments include:

• Rhaegar Had To Be A Warrior
• Why Did Rhaegar Crown Lyanna?
  • Ice, Ice Baby?
  • Political Suicide?
  • Was She 'A Very Kinky Girl'?
• The Forging of Lightbringer: Blue Flowers & Narrow Visors
• Rhaegar Mistakenly Crowned Lyanna
• I am not fond of fish, but when fish is served, I eat it.
• All is fair in love and war...
• Kingsguard Loyalty
• Southron Ambitions & Lies
• The Return of the Prince: Éowyn at the Trident
• Mirror on the Wall: King Robert vs. Queen Cersei

Previous parts argued that Robert Baratheon was complicit in a plot to overthrow the Targaryen dynasty. This scheme used Rhaegar's mistaken crowning of Lyanna at Harrenhal to form a believable, malicious lie that the crown prince abducted her. Certain members of the infamous STAB alliance, with assistance from the Martells and Tywin Lannister, all secretly conspired together to place a pliable pawn as king, wrestling control from a dynasty that no longer had dragons to enforce their rule. Lurid evidence was given which shows Robert had Rhaegar tortured, as Cersei tortured the Blue Bard, and we also saw more subtle hints that Lyanna herself attempted to avenge her family at the Trident, with the aid of innate skinchanging abilities.
This part aims to provide additional evidence that Robert lived up to his moniker, the Demon of the Trident, casting him as close to black as grey can get. King Robert is an avatar for all the worst flaws of Westerosi culture, a man enabled to wield massive power who yet skirted any sense of responsibility and chose to commit a mountain of moral transgressions in service to his personal desires.

Robert's face was dark with anger. "How many times must I tell you to hold your tongue, woman?"
Cersei's face was a study in contempt. "What a jape the gods have made of us two," she said. "By all rights, you ought to be in skirts and me in mail."
Purple with rage, the king lashed out, a vicious backhand blow to the side of the head. She stumbled against the table and fell hard, yet Cersei Lannister did not cry out. Her slender fingers brushed her cheek, where the pale smooth skin was already reddening. On the morrow the bruise would cover half her face. "I shall wear this as a badge of honor," she announced.

- A Game of Thrones Eddard X

The Horned Demon of the Trident

Next had come King Robert himself, with Lady Stark on his arm. The king was a great disappointment to Jon. His father had talked of him often: the peerless Robert Baratheon, demon of the Trident, the fiercest warrior of the realm, a giant among princes. Jon saw only a fat man, red-faced under his beard, sweating through his silks. He walked like a man half in his cups.

- A Game of Thrones Jon I
tenor.com/view/gaston-antlers-gif-23720815
Robert Baratheon bears a striking resemblance to Gaston from Beauty & the Beast, who imprisons his romantic interest and lies to incite violence against a rival. Gaston is driven by jealousy of the Beast and humiliation over Belle's rejection. Disney’s adaptation of Beauty & the Beast was released in 1991, just five years before A Game of Thrones was published.
Video: Gaston Beauty & the Beast
Video: George RR Martin on Writing for Beauty and the Beast
Martin has shown keen interest in Beauty & the Beast; adapting the tale for TV in the late 80s was a high point of his career. He even named his bookstore in Santa Fe Beastly Books, and named the cinema next door for Jean Cocteau, who also adapted the tale and created an earlier version of Gaston). This concept of kidnapping one’s romantic interest and blaming it on a rival to incite violence also crops up in The Princess Bride, which Martin has stated is his favorite fantasy film after the Lord of the Rings series.
Behaving like Prince Humperdinck from The Princess Bride or Gaston from Beauty & the Beast, driven by rage over the incident at Harrenhal and a family history of Targaryen betrayal, Robert lied about his queen of love and beauty and made Rhaegar out to be a beast, having them both kidnapped (with the help of his allies) but pretending otherwise as a pretext to win the throne. He then had to bury this secret, as he would lose support if it was known that the rebellion was built on such a malicious lie.
Martin is obviously inspired by Disney. In the last part, we showed how the torture of the Blue Bard, ordered by Cersei to extract a confession to undermine Margaery, is meant to reflect the story of Snow White, in which her vain and wicked step-mother is told by a magic mirror that the princess is more beautiful, leading her to send a huntsman to kill her. The huntsman takes Snow White into the deep of the wood but lets her flee, presenting a boar’s heart to the evil queen instead. Similarly, Robert is a huntsman who is killed by a boar, with the aid of strongwine supplied by his evil queen. Additional elements of Disney's Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs can be seen in parallels between Robert's only loss at Ashford and Dunk's trial at the Ashford Tourney in The Hedge Knight.
When Dunk travels to the Ashford Tourney, he recites lyrics from the Seven Dwarf's song Heigh-ho.

Off to Ashford to see the fair maid, heigh-ho, heigh-ho, Dunk thought miserably as he dug.

- The Hedge Knight
Like Snow White had Seven Dwarfs to defend her, Dunk defended himself in a Trial by Seven at the Ashford Tourney, and Rhaegar was accompanied by half a dozen companions when he went missing, enough to defend himself in a Trial by Seven. A troupe of a half dozen comic dwarfs also appear in The Mystery Knight, using pig bladders, like Robert was piss-drunk when he was killed by a pig. Dunk was championed by Robert's grandfather, Lyonel Baratheon, who defeated Robert Ashford during the tourney. Lord Lyonel later rebelled against the Iron Throne, after Duncan the Small betrayed the Laughing Storm by breaking off a betrothal to his daughter, similar to how Rhaegar betrayed Robert by crowning his betrothed at the Harrenhal Tourney. Duncan the Small's betrayal led Egg to arrange a marriage between his daughter Rhaelle and Lyonel's heir, which put Robert Baratheon in the line of succession; this family history would color Robert's perception of Rhaegar's betrayal, driving him to improve upon his grandfather's revenge.
Steffon was the name given to Robert Baratheon's father; Dunk was betrayed by red-apple Steffon Fossoway at Ashford, which led his cousin Raymun to create an offshoot branch, the green-apple Fossoways. A tender, protective Fossoway husband is used at the Purple Wedding to demonstrate how callous it would have been for Rhaegar to intentionally crown another women with his pregnant, delicate wife Princess Elia present. A poison apple brings down Snow White, after the evil queen discovers the huntsman replaced her heart with a boar's heart, conjuring up Robert's death scene which reminds Ned of his promise to Lyanna:

“Serve the boar at my funeral feast,” Robert rasped. “Apple in its mouth, skin seared crisp. Eat the bastard. Don’t care if you choke on him. Promise me, Ned.”
“I promise.” Promise me, Ned, Lyanna’s voice echoed.

- A Game of Thrones Eddard XIII
"The quarrel between Green and Red Apple Fossoway in the Hedge Knight story is another example of 'discordant apples'... At a tournament of all places." - The Blue Rose of Discord by u/Bronze_Age_472

The reason for the Trojan War according to myth, was a beauty contest. Three contestants were seeking someone to judge their beauty; Hera, Athena and Aphrodite. Aphrodite won the contest, but only after she bribed Paris with Helen wife of Menelaus. Paris the judge, votes for Aphrodite by giving her an Apple. The other goddesses were furious and the conflict escalated out of control. The Greeks rallied around Menelaus and went to war with Troy.
The Blue Rose is a metaphorical "apple of discord". Like the apple of discord, it is nothing by itself, but in the right context leads to a larger conflict. It symbolizes how small things can create huge conflicts, how things quickly spin out of control. When Rhaegar gave the crown to Lyanna, nobody was happy... Just like the Judgement of Paris right before the Trojan War.

Like Rhaegar and Lyanna are often compared to Paris and Helen, figures of the mythical Trojan War, Robert is clearly meant to be considered relative to a maiden's fantasy, such as Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs or Beauty & the Beast:

Would that Ned had been able to say the same. Fifteen years past, when they had ridden forth to win a throne, the Lord of Storm’s End had been clean-shaven, clear-eyed, and muscled like a maiden’s fantasy. Six and a half feet tall, he towered over lesser men, and when he donned his armor and the great antlered helmet of his House, he became a veritable giant. He’d had a giant’s strength too, his weapon of choice a spiked iron warhammer that Ned could scarcely lift. In those days, the smell of leather and blood had clung to him like perfume.

- A Game of Thrones Eddard I
In the last part, we used the evil queen's magic mirror from Snow White to provide insight into Robert through Cersei. Like he projected Lyanna onto Cersei on their wedding night, Robert projects his own actions onto Rhaegar, while caressing the cheek of Lyanna's statue and secretly lamenting to himself that he was with her sexually just once:

The king touched her cheek, his fingers brushing across the rough stone as gently as if it were living flesh. “I vowed to kill Rhaegar for what he did to her.”
“You did,” Ned reminded him.
“Only once,” Robert said bitterly.

- A Game of Thrones Eddard I
This subtext is mirrored by Jon Connington's love for Rhaegar, as he laments that Rhaegar ass-ended his tower only once. Connington then states that all the women cried to Rhaegar's music, like Lyanna cried at Harrenhal, reinforcing the link between this passage and the scene in the crypts.

Yet when they parted, Jon Connington did not go to the sept. Instead his steps led him up to the roof of the east tower, the tallest at Griffin's Roost. As he climbed he remembered past ascents—a hundred with his lord father, who liked to stand and look out over woods and crags and sea and know that all he saw belonged to House Connington, and one (only one!) with Rhaegar Targaryen. Prince Rhaegar was returning from Dorne, and he and his escort had lingered here a fortnight. He was so young then, and I was younger. Boys, the both of us. At the welcoming feast, the prince had taken up his silver-stringed harp and played for them. A song of love and doom, Jon Connington recalled, and every woman in the hall was weeping when he put down the harp. Not the men, of course. Particularly not his own father, whose only love was land. Lord Armond Connington spent the entire evening trying to win the prince to his side in his dispute with Lord Morrigen.

- A Dance with Dragons The Griffon Reborn
Robert's false accusation of rape mirrors Lord Mathis Rowan's daughter's lie which landed Dareon, a singer and harpist, like Rhaegar, on the Wall.

It made her angry to see Dareon sitting there so brazen, making eyes at Lanna as his fingers danced across the harp strings.

_

He is a man of the Night's Watch, she thought, as he sang about some stupid lady throwing herself off some stupid tower because her stupid prince was dead. The lady should go kill the ones who killed her prince. And the singer should be on the Wall.

- A Feast for Crows Cat of the Canals
Jon Snow ends up at the Wall as an indirect consequence of Rhaegar being falsely accused of the rape of Lyanna. Jon later betrays the Watch to save (fake) Arya and is murdered as a result, like Arya murders Dareon for desertion; if she understood why Dareon took the black, maybe she'd be more forgiving of his betrayal. She might not be, because of the same conditioning that prevents Ned from showing mercy to Gared after he was chased south of the Wall by a direwolf. Likewise, if Rhaegar told Robert that he crowned Lyanna by mistake, Robert would still be unable to forgive the public humiliation he suffered as a result. And so despite Rhaegar's willingness to defend himself in a Trial by Seven, Robert went along with the rebel's plot to overthrow the Targaryen dynasty, which involved abducting both Rhaegar and Lyanna, and stashing her in a tower for the duration of the rebellion.

He found himself thinking of Robert more and more. He saw the king as he had been in the flower of his youth, tall and handsome, his great antlered helm on his head, his warhammer in hand, sitting his horse like a horned god. He heard his laughter in the dark, saw his eyes, blue and clear as mountain lakes. “Look at us, Ned,” Robert said. “Gods, how did we come to this? You here, and me killed by a pig. We won a throne together …”

- A Game of Thrones Eddard XV
Horny as ever and near the tower of joy, travelling alone to maintain his secrets, Robert sought out his lady love after his only defeat at Ashford; fear of death has a way of driving men back into the womb. Robert claimed Lyanna at the tower she was imprisoned in, and she used his hunting knife, the one given to him as a gift from Jon Arryn, to defend herself.
Remember what Ygritte told Jon Snow, outside of the tower Queenscrown?

“A man can own a woman or a man can own a knife,” Ygritte told him, “but no man can own both. Every little girl learns that from her mother.”

- A Storm of Swords Jon V
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A teenage human trafficking victim who was initially charged with first-degree murder after she stabbed her accused rapist to death was sentenced Tuesday in an Iowa court to five years of closely supervised probation and ordered to pay $150,000 restitution to the man’s family.

Speaking of knives...
★ King Robert sent the Catspaw by u/M_Tootles:

• In this scenario, Robert’s “mad”, wine-soaked “master plan” was to arm his mercy-dealing catspaw with a Valyrian steel and dragonbone dagger for which he personally had no use but which he decided in his pie-eyed state would, when intentionally left at the scene of Bran’s unfortunate but ultimately justifiable end, look like the “signature” of a retribution-seeking Targaryen sympathizer, for It Was Known that the Targaryens hated not just Robert, but also Ned Stark, one of “the Usurper’s Dogs” whom they held personally responsible for the murder of Rhaegar’s children.
• And then there is the tourney he throws in honor of Ned, whose prizes just so happen to add up to exactly one thousand gold dragons for every silver stag the catspaw was paid, which looks an awful lot like the act of a man suffering from a guilty conscience. As does Robert drinking and hunting himself to death.

If blaming a Targaryen for his own misdeeds worked once, why wouldn’t Robert try it again?

This was something else: poison in the dark, a knife thrust to the soul. This he could never forgive, no more than he had forgiven Rhaegar. He will kill them all, Ned realized.

- A Game of Thrones Eddard XII
Sometime after his loss at Ashford, Robert appeared at Stoney Sept wounded and alone, while waiting for Ned to bring reinforcements from the North.

He had lost it all at Stoney Sept, in his arrogance.
Robert Baratheon had been hiding somewhere in the town, wounded and alone. Jon Connington had known that, and he had also known that Robert's head upon a spear would have put an end to the rebellion, then and there. He was young and full of pride. How not? King Aerys had named him Hand and given him an army, and he meant to prove himself worthy of that trust, of Rhaegar's love. He would slay the rebel lord himself and carve a place out for himself in all the histories of the Seven Kingdoms.

- A Dance with Dragons The Griffin Reborn
Robert fathered his bastard Bella in a brothel before the Battle of the Bells, a nod to Belle from Beauty & the Beast. This is just one of many acts that depicts his bestial nature; despite being in the midst of a war he claims to be fighting for Lyanna, Robert still found time to fuck all the whores at the Peach:

As she sat in the common room in her stupid girl clothes, Arya remembered what Syrio Forel had told her, the trick of looking and seeing what was there. When she looked, she saw more serving wenches than any inn could want, and most of them young and comely. And come evenfall, lots of men started coming and going at the Peach. They did not linger long in the common room, not even when Tom took out his woodharp and began to sing “Six Maids in a Pool.” The wooden steps were old and steep, and creaked something fierce whenever one of the men took a girl upstairs. “I bet this is a brothel,” she whispered to Gendry.
“You don’t even know what a brothel is.”
“I do so,” she insisted. “It’s like an inn, with girls.”
He was turning red again. “What are you doing here, then?” he demanded. “A brothel’s no fit place for no bloody highborn lady, everybody knows that.”
One of the girls sat down on the bench beside him. “Who’s a highborn lady? The little skinny one?” She looked at Arya and laughed. “I’m a king’s daughter myself.”
Arya knew she was being mocked. “You are not.”
“Well, I might be.” When the girl shrugged, her gown slipped off one shoulder. “They say King Robert fucked my mother when he hid here, back before the battle. Not that he didn’t have all the other girls too, but Leslyn says he liked my ma the best.”
The girl did have hair like the old king’s, Arya thought; a great thick mop of it, as black as coal. That doesn’t mean anything, though. Gendry has the same kind of hair too. Lots of people have black hair.
“I’m named Bella,” the girl told Gendry. “For the battle. I bet I could ring your bell, too. You want to?”

- A Storm of Swords Arya V
This bestial nature and Ned's willingness to enable it is put on full display when Robert returns to the Trident in A Game of Thrones. Robert allows Lady and Mycah to be killed as vengeance for Joffrey’s injury, despite later admitting he knew his heir was lying. Joffrey sustained this injury at the Trident because he drunkenly misperceived the fight between Arya and the butcher’s boy, and cruelly acted on his ‘chivalric duty’ to defend noble ladies. Likewise, Robert (and everyone else) misperceived Rhaegar’s intent when he crowned Lyanna, and his fervor for vengeance led him to go along with a plot to abduct her and pin the blame on Rhaegar, like Joffrey lied about what transpired during the fight. Both Lady the direwolf and wolf-blooded Lyanna were held accountable for crimes they were innocent of; Lyanna’s crowning may have suggested to Robert that she actively enticed Rhaegar, like rape victims are routinely scrutinized for their attire and other non-sexual behaviors to suggest they somehow invited their rapes. Ned went along with these obviously unjust actions, out of loyalty to his friend and king, and to prevent further harm to his family.

All Ned could do was take her in his arms and hold her while she wept. He looked across the room at Robert. His old friend, closer than any brother. “Please, Robert. For the love you bear me. For the love you bore my sister. Please.”
The king looked at them for a long moment, then turned his eyes on his wife.
“Damn you, Cersei,” he said with loathing.
Ned stood, gently disengaging himself from Sansa’s grasp. All the weariness of the past four days had returned to him. “Do it yourself then, Robert,” he said in a voice cold and sharp as steel. “At least have the courage to do it yourself.”
Robert looked at Ned with flat, dead eyes and left without a word, his footsteps heavy as lead. Silence filled the hall.
“Where is the direwolf?” Cersei Lannister asked when her husband was gone. Beside her, Prince Joffrey was smiling.
“The beast is chained up outside the gatehouse, Your Grace,” Ser Barristan Selmy answered reluctantly.
“Send for Ilyn Payne.”
“No,” Ned said. “Jory, take the girls back to their rooms and bring me Ice.” The words tasted of bile in his throat, but he forced them out. “If it must be done, I will do it.”
Cersei Lannister regarded him suspiciously. “You, Stark? Is this some trick? Why would you do such a thing?”
They were all staring at him, but it was Sansa’s look that cut. “She is of the north. She deserves better than a butcher.”
He left the room with his eyes burning and his daughter’s wails echoing in his ears, and found the direwolf pup where they chained her. Ned sat beside her for a while. “Lady,” he said, tasting the name. He had never paid much attention to the names the children had picked, but looking at her now, he knew that Sansa had chosen well. She was the smallest of the litter, the prettiest, the most gentle and trusting. She looked at him with bright golden eyes, and he ruffled her thick grey fur.
Shortly, Jory brought him Ice.
When it was over, he said, “Choose four men and have them take the body north. Bury her at Winterfell.”
“All that way?” Jory said, astonished.
“All that way,” Ned affirmed. “The Lannister woman shall never have this skin.”
He was walking back to the tower to give himself up to sleep at last when Sandor Clegane and his riders came pounding through the castle gate, back from their hunt.
There was something slung over the back of his destrier, a heavy shape wrapped in a bloody cloak. “No sign of your daughter, Hand,” the Hound rasped down, “but the day was not wholly wasted. We got her little pet.” He reached back and shoved the burden off, and it fell with a thump in front of Ned.
Bending, Ned pulled back the cloak, dreading the words he would have to find for Arya, but it was not Nymeria after all. It was the butcher’s boy, Mycah, his body covered in dried blood. He had been cut almost in half from shoulder to waist by some terrible blow struck from above.
“You rode him down,” Ned said.
The Hound’s eyes seemed to glitter through the steel of that hideous dog’s-head helm. “He ran.” He looked at Ned’s face and laughed. “But not very fast.”

- A Game of Thrones Eddard III
Most assume Gregor Clegane is the giant in armor made of stone in Bran’s vision of the Trident… yet he wasn’t present during the events Bran envisions. This dark shadow is a better fit for Robert, a veritable giant who won the throne at the Trident, who is first introduced as having gained eight stone, with a girth to match his height (like a mountain), and whose blood turns black when he is mortally wounded by a boar.

He looked south, and saw the great blue-green rush of the Trident. He saw his father pleading with the king, his face etched with grief. He saw Sansa crying herself to sleep at night, and he saw Arya watching in silence and holding her secrets hard in her heart. There were shadows all around them. One shadow was dark as ash, with the terrible face of a hound. Another was armored like the sun, golden and beautiful. Over them both loomed a giant in armor made of stone, but when he opened his visor, there was nothing inside but darkness and thick black blood.

- A Game of Thrones Bran III
It would not be unusual for Bran to see both a person’s physical form and their shadow at the same time; this is how shadows work. Ned undoubtedly experiences inner turmoil in this scene, going along with injustice in service to a cowardly king despite the pain it causes his daughters. So, it's easy to see how the shadow with the face of the hound and the golden shadow are both cast by Ned, depicting a light and dark side at war within himself, representing his competing duties to his king and children which led him to execute Lady and accept Mycah's unjust death. It's not unusual that Ned would have multiple shadows, a dark and a light side making him grey as the direwolf on his sigil; recall, Stannis tells us that some lights cast more than one shadow:

King Stannis pointed a finger. “There you err, Onion Knight. Some lights cast more than one shadow. Stand before the nightfire and you’ll see for yourself. The flames shift and dance, never still. The shadows grow tall and short, and every man casts a dozen. Some are fainter than others, that’s all. Well, men cast their shadows across the future as well. One shadow or many. Melisandre sees them all.”

- A Clash of Kings Davos II
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Alfie Allen: You know, I asked him about who Jon Snow’s real parents were, and he told me. I can’t say who, but I can tell you that it involves a bit of a Luke Skywalker situation. It will all come to fruition eventually.
This series will conclude next time with a foray into Ned's inner turmoil, examining thoughts and actions which indict his friend and king. To preview where this series is headed, in its full audio/visual glory with greater detail, look here.

My previous ideas: Expansion Idea: Journey to the Center of Azeroth (Jules Verne inspired set) : hearthstone (reddit.com)
Set Idea: Gallywix's Pleasure Palace (Gambling-themed expansion) : customhearthstone (reddit.com)
We all know Hearthstone is never to be always taken seriously. While we've had serious expansions like March of the Lich King and Dragons' Descent, we've also had silly ones like Kobolds and Catacombs and Festival of Legends. This one is of the latter, a humorous work-themed expansion featuring the recurring WOW enemy group, the Venture Company.
Intro: The Venture Company is a business cartel in WOW that often presents itself as a minor antagonist, often stripping the lands of resources and performing acts of greed and such. So I thought of doing an office-themed expansion with them would be hilareous. Now before you dismiss the theme of it being office humor, let's not forget the humor of Dilbert and shows like the Office (both the British and the American versions). Plus, there's plenty of oppurtunities to include the wacky and rather violent side of Hearthstone.
New Term/Mechanic: Promotion. Since the theme of this expansion is "corporate", naturally a goal of an employee (AKA your minion) is to get promoted to a new monster for prestige, power, and rewards. Promotion minions have special conditions, similar to quests, that must fufilled before they can upgrade to a stronger form. But unlike quests, you can halt them by removing the minion naturally.
Let me give you an example:
Delivery Whisp: 1 Mana Druid minion. 1/1. Gain a random 1-spell at the beginning of each turn. Promotion: Refresh 3 empty mana crystals. Becomes Traveling Treant. Artwork is a whisp carrying a letter in its mouth.
Traveling Treant. 3-Mana druid minion. 3/3. Gain a random 3-spell card at the beginning of each turn. Promotion. Refresh 5 empty crystals. Becomes Ancient of Ordering. Artwork is a treant carrying a mail sack and wearing a cap.
Ancient of Order. 5-mana druid minion. 5/5. Gain a random 5-7 spell card at the beginning of each turn. Cost is lowered by 2 this turn. Artwork is an ancient in a suit, sitting at a desk, while talking on a crystal ball like its a phone, while night elf assistant brings him coffee.
So basically, by fufilling special quest-like conditions, you can get stronger monsters. Note, when a monster is promoted, they're counted as freshly summoned, so they can not attack the same turn they transform. But, you can attack with said minion before the promotion and then promote them.
I'm still thinking themes if there should be any for the classes, but I've come to the idea that half the legendaries should be members of Venture Corp's board of directors. Here's some ideas I had:
1: Neutral. Mogul Razdunk (He was the president until you kill him in the MOTHERLODE!!! dungeon of Battle for Azeroth).
2: Druid. Oakland, Chairman of the Board. He'd be an ancient...get the pun?
3: Paladin. Mr. Hammerton, Director of Displinary Commitee. A dwarf paladin, whose artwork would be him sitting with a huge hammer freshly on his desk.
Some card ideas I thought of, though not all with artwork and/or effects include:
1: Overtime. Mage card. Artwork is a mage groaning as a bronze whelpling resets the clock with magic. Maybe something like getting extra mana but with a cost next turn? (Like start with a lower number; not as an overload, but more like you're worn out from last turn?)
2: Zoological Meeting. Hunter card. Artwork is Rexxar in a suit (or any other hunter) having a conference meeting, but all the employees are various animals sitting around a table. Like a nightsaber on a chair, a bear (misha?) on the opposite end, a bat monster hanging from the ceiling, a crocodile sticking its head out from under the table, etc? Maybe it could be something like drawing various beasts but only of different mana costs?
3: Downsizing. Paladin spell. A giant (sea, rock, etc) gulping as he's stands shrunken to the giant-sized hammer of Mr. Hammerton. Maybe something that drops stats or moves the minion back into the deck?
4: YOU'RE FIRED! Mage, warlock, or shaman card. (Whatever fits best). A fleeing goblin with his rear end on fire, as fire blasts are being thrown at him from someone off-panel. Maybe something about destroying a minion but with some cost or twist?
5: Paycheck Advance. Rogue spell. A hungry-looking rogue character holding a paycheck, a bubble coming from their stomach indicating groaning. I was thinking this card could be an extra draw or something, but at the cost of skipping your draw phase next turn.
So let me know your thoughts and any ideas you guys have yourself? And like my other ideas, feel free to do any art or card ideas of your own.

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This one analysis is a repost of an old post that was deleted. Feel free to criticize. Any error is due that english isn´t my first language. Enjoy.
I believe that constitutional monarchist is the best path for monarchy available today. I had flirted sometimes with absolutism, but i have to say: it doesn't work, not only beacause of the disastrous consequences of unlimited power have in someone( and the history shows this, from the mesopotamian kings to the roman emperors, the most unlimited power someone have, more he will be corrupted by this), but by a sociological necessity, that, at any time, some force to counter the power of the ruler will emerge, being this right to rebellion, powerfull oligarchicies or even his own family, any of this can unbalance the equlibrium of power and, as Moldbug formulated this, formal limits are better than informal ones.
I belive in constitutional monarchy because i belive in the right of the people of disobey and rebel against a tirannical rule, a tradition that came since from the confucian thought to the calvinistic thought, Beza, for example. And i belive in this because i belive that Injustice corrupts the honor of the office, of any office. And the office of guardian of the nation is one of most important of these.
And i belive in constitutional monarchist because i belive that moderating powers are inevitable. Look at my country, Brazil. A lot of times, the power of settle disputes were with the judiciary, in the suprem court. Well, it wasn't better have a organ who could exerce this function in the name of the nation?
Constitutional monarchy deserves support for a lot of reasons, as i putted in another post, among them:
1-Puts the monarch as the agent for the welfare of the people, instead of some divinized being or an absolute owner of the people and place of his realm. As Samuel Rutherford puted it in his " Lex rex": "They never constituted over themselves a king, in regard of fountain-power; for if they give away the fountain, as a slave selleth his liberty, they could not make use of it. Indeed they set a king above them, quoad potostatem legum executivam, in regard of a power of executing laws and actual government for their good and safety; but this proveth only that the king is above the people, in some respect. But the most eminent and fountain-power of royalty remaineth in the people as in an immortal spring, which they communicate by succession to this or that mortal man, in the manner and measure that they think good".
2- Creates a good balance against the partidary and oligarchical class interests, serving as an apolitical force in the country.
3- Centralizes the command and cretes a focus that is beneficial for decisions that are too hard to do by normal political means.
4- Creates a bond in the relationship of the monarch and his people. Instead of just representing his house and family, he's the monarchy of the people, he defends the codified laws of his people, he's the commander in cheif of the army of his people, and he and his subjects are sworn in a relationship of loyalty and mutual protecion and sharing.
But, this vision will not apeal to the public unless a new theory of constitutional monarchy arises, with a new vision for society. The steps, in my vision, are simple, but profundly necessary:
1- Formulate a triple teleology of the state, where three functions of his purpose is elaborate in three fields, very much like the three principles of the people from Kuomintang( i know they are republicans, but very inteligent ones, so, i still see value in their defintions):
The efficciency field, where the people have his material needs, such as access to food, clothing, housing, healthy and transportation, attended, as Sun Yat-sen said in his "Three Principles of the People" : "The railroads, public utilities, canals, and forests should be nationalized, and all income from the land and mines should be in the hands of the State. With this money in hand, the State can therefore finance the social welfare programs";
The political participation field, where people have a grasp of the state affairs by the superior representatives, that can be ellected, nomimated, but allways have a great deal of responsability with the people. As Alain de Benoist puts in his "The problem of democracy" : "The key notion for democracy is not numbers, suffrage, elections or representation, but participation. ‘Democracy is a folk’s participation in its own destiny’ (Moeller van den Bruck). It is that form of government which acknowledges each citizen’s right to take part in public affairs, particularly by appointing the government and lending or denying his consent to it. So it is not institutions that make democracy, but rather the people’s participation in institutions. The maximum of democracy coincides not with the ‘maximum of liberty’ or the ‘maximum of equality,’ but with the maximum of participation";
The inter personal participation field, where the people participate as persons in the affairs of one another, having security to share their lives and commune. As Bueno Espinosa puts it in his doctoral dissertation " Fundamentación epistemológica y metafísica del realismo volitivo: análisis fenomenológico de la condición pasiva trascendental de la subjetividad" (that´s my translation from the spanish of the original) : "Ultimately, the world is not a selflessly geometric space occupied by entities of mathematical unity, which occupy a space exactly the same as any other occupies. On the contrary, it is the total network that encompasses in a way linked to entities that for me are what they are and where they are depending on the mode how they respond to the operational intentions that I project on them, and from which I apprehend precisely as entities of "my world".But, in the state of Nature that's not possible, and that's why people need the supreme action of the state, that's the law. Only the regularity and the structure given by the law can produce the peace and prosperity necessary to the inter personal relations to trive. As Hobbes writes in the "Leviathan" :"The only way to erect such a Common Power, as may be able to defend them from the invasion of Forraigners, and the injuries of one another, and thereby to secure them in such sort, as that by their owne industrie, and by the fruites of the Earth, they may nourish themselves and live contentedly; is, to conferre all their power and strength upon one Man, or upon one Assembly of men, that may reduce all their Wills, by plurality of voices, unto one Will: which is as much as to say, to appoint one man, or Assembly of men, to beare their Person; and every one to owne, and acknowledge himselfe to be Author of whatsoever he that so beareth their Person, shall Act, or cause to be Acted, in those things which concerne the Common Peace and Safetie; and therein to submit their Wills, every one to his Will, and their Judgements, to his Judgment. This is more than Consent, or Concord; it is a reall Unitie of them all, in one and the same Person, made by Covenant of every man with every man, in such manner, as if every man should say to every man, “I Authorise and give up my Right of Governing my selfe, to this Man, or to this Assembly of men, on this condition, that thou give up thy Right to him, and Authorise all his Actions in like manner.” This done, the Multitude so united in one Person, is called a Commonwealth, in latine Civitas. This is the Generation of that great Leviathan, or rather (to speake more reverently) of that Mortall God, to which wee owe under the Immortall God, our peace and defence. For by this Authoritie, given him by every particular man in the Common-Wealth, he hath the use of so much Power and Strength conferred on him, that by terror thereof, he is inabled to forme the wills of them all, to Peace at home, and mutuall ayd against their enemies abroad".
In all those functions, the State is the axel society and must be the "speculum populi", which mirrors the aspirations of his society and commands it to a proper end.If one fails to mirror each other, then crises emmerges, and the nations breaks in crisis.
2- Define the new powers of the monarchy, rescuing the ancient notion of his office as the nómos émpsychos or the animated law,such as James Harrington puts in his "Commonwealth of Oceana": "Leviathan may see, that the hand or sword that executeth the Law is in it, and not above it". The monarch should be viewed as the guardian of the corporate will of the State and the protector of the national charater of the people or, as the japanese puts it, the Kokutai. This principle is well summarized in the constitution of Licheinstein: “Sovereignty rests on both the monarch and the people”.
That stablished, the monarch must be invested with a lot of moderating powers, personally presiding the various organs of the nation and, time to times, opinion polls must be sended to him, to keep him in touch with the people he must protect. His powers over the executive and military must be unique, like today presidents. Over the judiciary and legislative organs, the monarch must act by his moderating powers, such as calling and dissolving the national assembly, power of veto , being the last case judge , having votes to settle disputes, granting clemency, among other possible powers.
About his limitations, the legislature can deppose him cases of bad behaviour or gross crimes, but only by a super majority. And the succesion laws can vary, but allways must had the nomination of the previous monarchy and the confirmation by the national assembly.
3- The question of the parties. As a reformist, i belive that the political parties are the most responsible by the current crisis in our politics. As Benoist puts it": "Parties do not operate democratically as institutions. The tyranny of money rigs competition and engenders corruption. Mass voting prevents individual votes from proving decisive. Elected candidates are not encouraged to keep their commitments. Majority vote does not take account of the intensity of people’s preferences. Opinions are not formed independently: information is both biased (which prevents the freedetermination of choices) and standardised (which reinforces the tyranny of public opinion). The trend towards the standardising of political platforms and arguments makes it increasingly difficult to distinguish between different options. Political life thus becomes purely negative and universal suffrage comes to be perceived as an illusion. The result is political apathy, a principle that is the opposite of participation, and hence democracy".
We must strive to limit the political parties as what is their proper place: a group with a plataform to express some ideological beliefs and no more. And the most part of it is by the creation of a non partisan legislature, that represents the specialists and economic organs of the nation; the prohibition of private donations to the parties by people and enterprises; limitations in the appropriate language they can use in campaigns; limitations in the size of personal and in the value of their payments. The most close we can reach of a non partisan regime, the better.
4- We must adopt a firm and resolute statism, where no just the economic and social needs of the people are attended by the state in the social wellfare programs; but by a staunch protection of their culture, as means of valorizing their value as persons. If, as many philosopers puted, the subject/ object divide is bridged in the act of thought, the collective action of thought, and the institutions that derive from it, is the bridge of individual and collective. As Giovanni Gentile writes in his article : “Basic Concepts of Actualism”: “The only solid reality that I must affirm—and to which any reality I might think must be tied—is this: only through the act of being thought can that which thinks and is realized become a reality”.We made the State and society and we are made by them, at same time. That's the rejection of all anarchist, libertarianist and crass individualistic thinking that pollute monarchist thought since the 19ht century, with the idea of the monarchy as simple rubber stamp and the people as a grup of self interested and rootless individuals.
Well, that's my thinkings of how a strong constitutional monarchy model can be builded, without the many flaws that make monarchy inneficient in the past.