Experience the stunning allure of a river table with our complete guide. Discover how to get your own custom river table today! Perfect for any space.

River Table

There's something truly mesmerizing about a river flowing through a landscape. It's a natural beauty that captivates us, drawing us in with its calming sounds and graceful movements. But what if you could bring that beauty into your home? Custom river tables offer just that - a stunning piece of furniture that captures the essence of a flowing river. In this complete guide, we'll dive into the world of custom epoxy tables and show you how these unique pieces can bring both style and function to your space. Whether you're looking for a statement piece or simply want to add some natural beauty to your home, a custom river table is sure to impress. So let's explore the possibilities and discover the beauty of these one-of-a-kind creations.

What are River Tables and Why They're So Popular

River tables are a growing trend in the furniture industry, and for good reason. They are stunning pieces of art that bring nature to your home decor. These tables feature a river-like design created by filling the gap between two slabs of wood with epoxy resin. The result is an eye-catching piece that looks like it was carved from a natural riverbed.
One reason why a custom epoxy table has become so popular is their uniqueness. No two pieces can ever be identical, making them perfect statement pieces for any living room or office space.
Another reason for their popularity is how versatile they are both in style and function. You can choose from various styles ranging from rustic to contemporary designs while also selecting different types of wood species that suit your taste and interior decor.
Whether you're looking for a coffee table, dining table, or even a custom desk made out of solid wood with an attached river-like design; River Tables will leave everyone who sees them awestruck and admiring its beauty!

How to Choose the Perfect Wood for Your Custom River Table

When creating a custom epoxy table for sale, the choice of wood is crucial in achieving that perfect look. Hardwoods like black walnut, maple, and cherry are popular choices due to their durability and unique grain patterns. It's important to consider the size of your table as well when choosing wood, since larger tables may require heavier woods to support the weight of the epoxy resin. One thing to keep in mind is that softer woods like pine or poplar may dent more easily over time.
Another aspect to consider is whether you want a live edge or straight edge for your tabletop. Live edges add an organic feel while straight edges provide a more polished look. No matter what type of wood you choose, it's essential to make sure it's properly dried before building your river table. Moisture in the wood can create bubbles in the epoxy resin which will ruin its appearance.
In addition to considering physical qualities such as color and grain pattern, think about how sustainable each option is - investing in sustainably-sourced materials can contribute positively toward our environment while beautifying our spaces at home!

The Art of Pouring Epoxy Resin: Tips and Tricks You Need to Know

When it comes to creating a stunning custom river table, pouring epoxy resin is the key element that gives it its unique and mesmerizing look. The process of pouring epoxy resin can be intimidating for beginners but with a little bit of practice and some tips and tricks, anyone can achieve beautiful results.
First and foremost, it's important to choose the right type of epoxy resin. Make sure to select a high-quality product that is specifically designed for furniture or tabletops. This will ensure that your table stays durable over time.
Before mixing the epoxy, prepare your workspace by covering the floor with plastic or newspapers. Wear gloves to protect your hands from any skin irritation caused by contact with the liquid.
Mixing equal parts of resin and hardener together in a clean container is crucial in achieving perfect clarity without cloudiness or bubbles which could worsen over time. Be sure not to mix too vigorously as this may introduce air bubbles into your mixture which will ruin the final result.
Finally, pour slowly onto one side while gently spreading across then move on to other areas often alternating sides until you have achieved an even finish across all surfaces allowing gravity has ample time to push excesses towards edges before curing begins within a temperature-controlled environment away from direct sunlight.

Trendy Styles and Designs for Your Custom River Table

When it comes to the design of your custom river table, the options are endless. One popular style is to include live edge wood in the design. This means leaving the natural shape of the wood intact rather than cutting it into a straight line. The addition of a live edge adds a touch of rustic charm and uniqueness to your piece.
Another trendy option is to incorporate different colors or elements into your epoxy resin pour. Some people choose to add crystals or stones for an eye-catching effect while others opt for metallic pigments or even glow-in-the-dark powder for added flair.
No matter what style you choose, remember that this is meant to be a unique and personalized piece that reflects your individual taste and personality. So take some time to experiment with different styles and designs until you find one that truly speaks to you!

How Much Should You Pay for a High-Quality Custom River Table?

When it comes to custom river tables, the price can vary greatly depending on several factors. The size and complexity of the design, as well as the type of wood and epoxy resin used will affect the cost. High-quality river tables that are made with exotic woods can be particularly expensive due to their rarity.
On average, a basic 6-foot table could cost anywhere from $1,500 to $2,500 while a larger or more intricate design could run upwards of $5,000 or more. It's important to remember that investing in a high-quality piece will pay off in the long run as these pieces are built to last for generations.
If you're looking for an affordable option or have your heart set on a certain design but don't want to break the bank, consider working with local artisans who specialize in creating custom furniture. They may offer competitive pricing compared to bigger companies and can often provide personalized attention throughout the process.
Ultimately, when it comes time to purchase your custom river table make sure you do your research and get quotes from multiple sources before making a final decision.

Maintaining the Beauty of Your Custom Epoxy River Table Over Time

After investing in a beautiful custom river table, it's important to take proper care of it so that it can continue to delight you and your guests for years to come. One key element of maintenance is preventing damage from heat sources, as epoxy resin can become soft or even melt at high temperatures. Always use coasters or trivets under hot dishes, and avoid placing anything too hot directly on the table.
Regular cleaning is also essential for preserving the beauty of your river table. Use a soft cloth dampened with water or a mild cleaner specifically designed for use on epoxy surfaces. Avoid harsh chemicals like ammonia or bleach which can cause discoloration over time.
If scratches do occur on the surface of your table, a quick fix is using a polishing compound specifically made for epoxy resin surfaces. For deeper scratches, consult with an expert in furniture repair rather than attempting DIY fixes that could make matters worse.
With proper care and attention, your custom river table will remain both functional and stunning for many years to come!
In conclusion, custom river tables are more than just a piece of furniture - they're works of art that can add beauty and elegance to any space. With the right combination of wood and epoxy resin, you can create a stunning focal point in your home or office that is sure to impress. Remember to choose high-quality materials and work with experienced craftsmen who have mastered the art of pouring epoxy resin. Whether you prefer classic styles or trendy designs, there's a custom river table out there for you. And with proper maintenance and care, your beautiful new piece will continue to shine for years to come. So go ahead and explore the world of custom river tables- we guarantee that it will be an experience worth having!

Common Questions

What is a river table?

A river table is a type of furniture that incorporates a river-like design feature using resin and wood.

Who can make a river table?

Anyone with woodworking skills can make a river table with the right materials and tools.

How is resin used in a river table?

Resin is poured into the gaps between wood slabs to create the river-like design feature in a river table.

What types of wood are best for a river table?

Wood with interesting grains and colors like walnut, maple, and oak are popular choices for river tables.

How long does it take to make a river table?

Depending on the size and complexity, it can take anywhere from a few days to several weeks to make a river table.

But aren't river tables too expensive?

While they can be more expensive than traditional tables, the unique design and craftsmanship make them worth the investment

We don’t have another room on our top floor (where our room is) so the babies sleep in the refinished basement. We have been taking shifts and staying down there with them during the night while on shift. We have a monitor of course.

My boyfriend’s cat (about 6 years old) has been constantly peeing outside of the litterbox. It started about a year ago, and she would constantly pee in the main living area on the carpet of our studio apartment instead of her box, but it didn’t become as often as it has now. We recently upgraded to a 1 bedroom apartment and have her litterbox in our laundry room. She seemed to have no issue, but then began peeing outside of her box again (fortunately still inside the laundry room which is hardwood and not carpeted). She even began going (somehow, I still have no idea how she managed to do this. I’m assuming she pees right at the edge of them and it flows under) underneath the washer, and we had no idea until the entire apartment started to reek and my boyfriend moved the washer only to find a giant puddle of a week’s worth of pee built up under there. I cleaned it all up, only for her to continue peeing underneath not just the washer but the dryer as well. I figured maybe her litter needed to be changed, so I changed it 50/50 and then also moved her litterbox to the main spot of the laundry room where she pees. She has since peed about 3 times right in front of her box. I am dumbfounded. I just cleaned up another puddle, and completely changed out her litter and even removed the lid to her box to see if that helps. I will wait and see what happens next time she uses the bathroom.
The other day my boyfriend said after one of the incidents that he will make a vet appointment if it happens again, however it has happened multiple times since and he just hasn’t had the chance to make an appointment.
Here’s what I think it could possibly be: - Although she was peeing in our previous apartment beforehand, I think maybe the sudden move to our new one may have stressed her out? - I believe that she feels territorial with my dog, as they do not get along and she is often times attacking him. He used to chase her a lot, but has calmed down considerably and only barks and follows her if she starts it or if he gets surprised.
The only thing that can disprove those two claims is A) the fact that she was peeing underneath his desk at his parent’s house where she had originally lived all her life before we moved to the studio, and the fact that she was peeing in the studio apartment before we upgraded to the one bedroom. B) She was peeing on the floor long before being introduced to my dog 3-4 years ago.
I’m dumbfounded and out of ideas as to what to do and what it may be. I’m hoping that uncovering her litterbox and leaving it in the area that she’s going will help

My 2 year old won't walk anywhere. He wants to be carried. He's 25 months so younger age of two but he's so volatile in so many situations and had tantrums that can span 2 hours. He's too heavy for me to carry now so I'm at a loss. He won't even walk out of nursery to the car. Do I just carry on trying to force him? I've just tried to get him to walk from the car to the front door - literally 2 metres and up 2 steps and he has lost his shit. I made him do it and he's got in the house and had an hour long tantrum where he's hit me, scratched me, smashed his head repeatedly off the hardwood floor and I've lost my temper with him. I was just shouting STOP STOP. I think I scared him more cause I don't usually raise my voice. It's like this with everything, doesn't want to sit in his pram, shopping trolley, doesn't want to walk, just wants me to carry him but I can't do it anymore. He won't let anyone else carry him other than me so there's no respite. Does it get better. How do I navigate this? Have I been too soft. It's getting to the point where it's literally an embarrassment because we can't go anywhere, even child centric places because he just loses it. Spoke to the health visitor about potential autism as he's essentially taught himself to read a fair few words and alongside the tantrums and getting overwhelmed I thought it may tie in but she said he's completely normal because he's social and gets along with other kids. I love him so much but today is the first time I've thought - why did I get the difficult one? And that's so so awful and I hate myself for it. It could be my parenting. Maybe I'm a pushover. Whatever it is, I'm at the end of my rag after over 12 months of this aggressive behaviour.

We adopted a kitten who had terrible fleas & have been playing catch-up ever since.
Vacuuming, mopping, spraying, bombing, etc. We finally paid $400 for a professional to come spray my house & perimeter, but when he got here he was surprised that we had no carpet at all to spray. He said spraying the baseboards “wouldn’t do much” & spraying the hardwood would be a slip hazard, so he went outside to do the perimeter. Like did I just pay $400 for a perimeter spray when the problem is inside my house. 😂
He’s a nice guy so I don’t think he’s just saying anything to get out of it but is this normal? Idc if it’s slippery I’ll stay out of the house for days til it’s all dry 😭 I just want them dead! And even if the baseboards don’t do much just do it anyway if there’s nothing else you can do 😭
Edited to add: He asked if we had a bucket so he could leave some solution with us, to mop our floors with. So that was nice.

We live in a 2-bed/2-bath that's all hardwood and tile (except a couple low-pile rugs).
Reviews for the Q5 generally seem better; better mapping and better cleaning on hardwood. But it also sounds like the j7 might be better at avoiding cables with its camera.
We have cables on the ground because we have floor lamps, office setups, fans, routers, etc. that require us to have some wires along the floor. I don't want to have to unplug stuff each time we want our vacuum to run--I want to deal with the robot as little as possible (ideally just monthly maintenance and emptying a bin when needed).
What would you recommend?

I bought and old house that seems to have more than the necessary amount of hot water baseboards. We recently got our floors refinished and removed all the trim and baseboard covers to replace with new. Before I order the new covers I want to trim some of the baseboard heating. My question is:
How do I determine how much is necessary to keep?
I’m not trying to cut tons off in most places but most rooms only have it on one wall and our main bedroom has it on two walls so I would probably make the most significant cuts there.
Thanks in advance!

Hi everyone! We recently moved into a new construction home which is our dream house and first single family home. We have engineered hardwood on the main floor. After we moved in, we started seeing these little holes in the knots of the floor, there are probably thousands of them in the higher traffic areas of the house. It’s been 6 months since we moved in and we’ve been out of town for 3 of those 6 months. We filed a claim and they sent out an inspector who admitted this wasn’t normal. We recently heard back and they said the claim was denied and that this is normal for these floors and that humidity in the house is causing it, even though our humidity levels have been normal. Is there anything else I can do to get them to fix it? This can’t be normal right?

Hi everyone! We recently moved into a new construction home which is our dream house and first single family home. We have engineered hardwood on the main floor. After we moved in, we started seeing these little holes in the knots of the floor, there are probably thousands of them in the higher traffic areas of the house. It’s been 6 months since we moved in and we’ve been out of town for 3 of those 6 months. We filed a claim and they sent out an inspector who admitted this wasn’t normal. We recently heard back and they said the claim was denied and that this is normal for these floors and that humidity in the house is causing it, even though our humidity levels have been normal. Is there anything else I can do to get them to fix it? This can’t be normal right?
example
Edit: I'm confused as to why all of my comments are getting downvoted lol, I'm not even being rude. This house costs $900k, we didn't pick the flooring, I feel like I have a right to be concerned as to why we're seeing thousands of tiny holes everywhere 3 months in. I understand that I don't have a proper picture, I'm out of town but couldn't help myself from posting out of panic as soon as I got the claim denied but man y'all are ruthless lol

Hi, I LOVE hotel rooms. They make me feel luxurious and warm and fuzzy inside. Even a run of the mill hotel like Holiday Inn. Something about the sleekness and the tidiness and the neatness. I’m not exactly sure what it is, but I was wondering how I could recreate that feeling in my bedroom and guest room if it’s even possible. Both rooms are small, so there wouldn’t be furniture in the room besides the bedrooms besides the bed, side tables or floating side tables, a TV, and either done shelves or drawers below the TV to double as either storage as an entertainment center or storage for extra clothes. In my bedroom, I want to do white or off white walls and white trim, all white bedding, and I have dark brown hardwood flooring. Is it possible to make my room look and feel like a hotel bedroom with those specifications? Is an accent wall and/or art absolutely necessary? Is floor to ceiling curtains and the boxy valance(sp?) necessary? I’m not opposed to the window treatments but don’t know that I could afford it. Also want to keep the curtains white. Similar issue with the accent wall since I want all white or off-white walls. Would consider color in artwork but nothing too dark. I know I am super picky, which is why I’m wondering if it’s even possible to achieve what I’d like, so I wanted to come here. I don’t know things about interior design. I just know if I like something or not when I see it. TIA, experts.❤️

Hello fellow Redditors! Hope you all are doing well.
Hardwood floors are elegant, classic, durable, and a perfect choice for any house owner or business. With the advanced technology and the evolution of everything around us, Hardwood did not just become better, but it became the best. Want to know more about this? Stay tuned.
If you are looking for home decoration and renovation and need beautiful flooring, no worries because here, we will talk about the best flooring option, “Prefinished Hardwood Flooring.”
Qualities That Make Prefinished Floors Perfect Choice
As the name suggests, prefinished flooring is something that is finished in a perfect factory setup. All sanding, staining, and coating are done already, and it is ready to fix the type of flooring. Let us know what makes it a perfect choice for you.

• Dust and mess-free installation.
• Ready to use right after application.
• Time-saving as it takes less time to install.
• Hygienic, as it is processed in a perfect factory setup.
• Multiple wood options.

You get endless benefits when you choose Prefinished Hardwood Flooring. There are many next-generation online flooring boutique for professionals and DIY renovators in the market like Harper Floors, E-Floors, and J and M floors etc. So, what are you waiting for, start browsing beautiful and luxury flooring for your space, Happy exploring!

On April 31st, 2023, I decided that I would adopt the ISTJ personality type. When I first started, I was unexpectedly satisfied with the results. I worked six days a week, I detailed my car, I deep cleaned my entire home, and I developed a taste for coffee with less cream and sugar than I had previously preferred.
However, things have taken a turn for the worst. On Wednesday, May 13th, 2023, I had decided that writing out daily to do lists would make me ISTJer. It was an instant addiction. Within exactly a week, I went from one list a day to spending an hour in my car after work before my drive home just writing a list of the lists of the lists I needed to make to bring more order into my life.
Another hour of my day is spent cleaning my car. I have stolen extra shopping bags from a local walmart so that my passengers can put them over their shoes and prevent dirt from getting on my car's floor. I sometimes spend the entire hour with a toothpick, trying to gather the three stubborn crumbs in a corner under my driver's seat that my thinnest vacuum attachment cannot reach.
My room is another story all together. I am using a detail paint brush to clean in every groove of the hardwood flooring. I run my bedding in the washer four times, each with a half cup of liquid detergent, three packets of detergent pods, and two capfuls of scent booster.
The last hour of my day before I go to sleep is spent writing more lists for the next day. Everything that could possibly need to be done will be noted on the list, and I cannot write lists for the next day until the tasks on that day's list are complete.
My daily hours of sleep have dropped to three per day, and I get my energy boosts from eating coffee beans. I can easily eat five bags of coffee beans throughout the day, and have needed to pick up a second job to support the cost of my coffee bean appetite. I now work seven days a week, and my girlfriend resents the idea that I am "putting her aside" to tend to my addictions.
Now I need to figure out how to go back. I was perfectly accustomed to working Monday thru Saturday, but now working on Sundays has completely disrupted my sense of routine and familiarity.
To those that have been through this and made it to the other side, I ask, how did you get out of this?

You know, if you pour into a bucket and add water. It certainly loses the bubbles quite quickly. How long is it safe for hardwood floors, specifically?

Babaganoush: The following contest is scheduled for one fall…
Crowd: One fall!
And is for… the WiR Television Championship! Already in the ring, the challenger, weighing in at 235 pounds, The Suuuuuuperstar!
Banaganoush: And Already in the ring, the champion, “Guaranteed, Gabe Garvin!”
Ding Ding Ding!
Mann: And the bell rings here, and we are back underway at Sound Off! Presented by Dexter Flux.
The Superstar does a little spin as he approaches Gabe Garvin and the two back off from each other. The two wrestlers stare down a moment, before launching at each other with a collar and elbow tie-up. The Superstar gains the upper hand and locks Garvin in a headlock. Garvin, in a headlock, however, gets pushed into the ropes, where he gets pushed away. Garvin looks for a back body drop as The Superstar bounces off the ropes, but eats a boot for his trouble. Garvin tries to regain control by lifting Superstar on his shoulders, Superstar shifts back to the ground, but gets lifted and dropped on his chest! The Superstar is forced to roll out of the ring to recover.
Crowd: [Apathetic Silence]
Garvin goes under the bottom rope and gets quickly caught with a kick to the stomach. The Superstar throws Garvin into the barricade and begins to hammer away.
Woodbridge: And The Superstar turning things around here!
Mann: And folks, we’ll be back after these messages from our sponsors!
Woodbridge: Why are we going to commercial, the match just st-
The following advertisement plays
We fade back into the action with a crowd shot, which stays longer than comfortable on a shot of 40 apathetic fans. As it cuts back to the ring, we see Gabe Garvin deliver a vertical suplex to The Superstar, before going to a pin that convinces nobody of its success.
Mann: And we are back here at Sound Off! Garvin has regained control here!
The Superstar rolls to the corner and forces a momentary break. As the ref tries to restore order, The Superstar throws an overhand shot at Garvin- who blocks it and responds in kind, backing the Superstar back into the corner, and whipping him across the ring. As Superstar bounces off with a thud, Garvin hits the ropes beside him and hits a bulldog. Garvin goes for a cover, which gets a…
ONE
TWO
Kickout!
The Superstar flops into the corner once more, and Garvin is halted from pulling him away by the official. As The Superstar exits the corner, Garvin is right back on top of him, whips him off the ropes, and delivers a back body drop! The Superstar rolls out of the ring once more, but Garvin follows in pursuit. Garvin charges in, but gets caught with a drop-toe hold, and crashes into the announce table.
Mann: Watch out!
Woodbridge: Garvin seeking to capitalize on his newfound momentum here…
Crowd: [Does not care]
The Superstar throws Garvin back into the squared circle, and delivers a club to the back of his head, Followed by stomps and a knee drop. Superstar waits for Garvin to try and get back up, before stomping again, followed by a punch. As Garvin powers back to his feet, The Superstar looks to grab him, but Garvin pulls him in for a belly-to-belly suplex! Superstar shuffles into the corner, followed by Garvin, who eats a boot for his trouble before The Superstar storms out with a lariat. The Superstar looks for a chin lock, but Garvin is too oily, and he slips free. Superstar retaliates for this oily transgression with a fist and applies a headlock to a cornered Garvin.
Mann: And The Superstar getting some offense here, Garvin is in trouble! Can our TV champion save the match?
The Superstar works the headlock in the corner until the ref forces a break, at which juncture The Superstar turns around and throws his fists at Garvin. Following this, The Superstar lifts Garvin to his feet and goes for a whip, but as Garvin hits the other turnbuckle, he lifts his left foot to kick an incoming Superstar! As Garvin looks to capitalize, The Superstar grabs the leg that kicked him and takes Garvin down to the mat. Superstar drops an elbow on Garvin’s knee, and a second elbow, before looking for a knee twist, which Garvin pushes away from.
Mann: And Garvin fends off the Superstar’s onslaught! What a heroic effort by our TV Champion!
Crowd: [awkward silence]
Garvin sells his injured knee for a moment, before using it to pull a charging Superstar down with a drop-toe hold, flip Superstar over, and try to apply a submission, but this time, The Superstar pushes Garvin away! The Superstar delivers an elbow to a staggered Garvin, before delivering a Russian leg sweep, and going for a cover.
ONE
TWO
Kickout!
The Superstar is in disbelief that his leg sweep failed to get the victory, and he pulls Superstar by the arm, before kicking his downed body in the rib. Garvin throws himself off the ground to throw a punch at Superstar’s gut, but as he gets up, he is once again cut off by a clothesline, and a pin attempt.
ONE
TWO
Kickout.
Crowd: [Apathetic, a smattering of boos, and a single portly fan in a Shooting Association shirt attempting to start a “boring” chant]
Woodbridge: The Superstar is unable to get the best of Garvin despite some strong offense here, and the longer this goes on, the more I like the TV Champion’s chances in this match.
Mann: And all the Garvinites in the crowd cheering for their hero to make a comeback!!
Crowd shot of bored audience quickly pans back to the ring, where The Superstar is applying an arm wringer
Mann: And this match of course is presented by our sponsors, over at Mann Corporation!
The Superstar transitions to a half camel clutch, still clutching the arm of Garvin
Mann: Mann Corporation is committed to providing high-quality products to all of our loyal customers! Use code “WiR” at checkout for 3.5% off select items at MannCoStore.com!
The Superstar has transitioned into a standing headlock
Mann: If you buy within the next 7 minutes, all Gabe Garvin merchandise is 10% off! Act fast! And now, back to the action!
Garvin powers out of the headlock and whips The Superstar into a corner. He charges in, and misses, as The Superstar moves out of the way, and attempts to lock in another arm wringer. Garvin tries to power out but fails, and the hold is applied.
Superstar: ASK HIM!
Garvin does not submit, and once again tries to lift himself upwards. Superstar sees this, and shifts so that he is lying down on the back of Garvin, still applying the arm wringer. Garvin winces in agony and reaches for the rope with his free hand. Unable to reach them, Garvin Begins to power himself upwards for the third time, and this one is successful, as he slowly works his way up to his feet, Superstar now trapped in the air in a fireman’s carry. The Superstar pushes himself off as Garvin gets to his feet, and tries to throw a punch. Trying to reclaim the momentum, The Superstar goes for an Irish whip, and looks for a dropkick as Garvin returns, but to no avail! Garvin holds onto the rope, and The Superstar crashes back to the ground.
Mann: And Garvin escaping the hold! Superstar is dazed!
Woodbridge: And this could be the opening the TV Champion needs to regain control of this match! The Superstar is in trouble, as Gabe is Garving up!
Mann: It’s Garvin’ time!
Garvin bounds off the ropes and leaps for a flying clothesline!
Mann: What a maneuver!
Garvin hits the ropes again, and nails a staggered Superstar with another flying clothesline! The Superstar writhes in agony as he tries to pull himself back to a standing base, where Garvin is waiting for him. Garvin bounces off the ropes, and nails a rising Superstar with a shoulder block.
Mann: Vintage Garvin! And he has the upper hand! The fans here on their feet!
Crowd: [Silent, sitting down]
Garvin ascends to the second rope, and as a wounded Superstar ascends once more, he leaps for a double ax handle, but nobody is home! The Superstar looks to capitalize with a DDT, but it gets blocked by Garvin, who fights out, throws Superstar against the ropes, and hits another shoulder block. With The Superstar down, Garvin looks at the crowd, backs against the ropes, and hits a fist drop!
One guy in the crowd Crowd: YEEEAAAH WE FUCKIN LOVE THE FIST DROP YEEEEAAHHH
Crowd: WOOO!! GAR-VIN! GAR-VIN!
Woodbridge: And the people exploding for Garvin’s fist drop! (?)
Garvin looks almost surprised at the suddenly raucous crowd, and motions for his finishing maneuver! As soon as he indicates he isn’t going for another fist drop, the crowd dies and goes back to their silence. Superstar stumbles to his feet, gets his arm trapped, and’s he’s lifted into the air, before being slammed down with a Pump Handle Slam! Garvin goes into the cover…
ONE
TWO
THREE!
DING DING DING!!
Mann: And Gabe Garvin retains!
Woodbridge: His victory was all but Garunteed
Babaganouh: And here is your winner, at a time of Seven minutes and Forty-Five seconds… Garunteed Gaaaaaabeeeeee Gaaaaarviiiin!!
Crowd [Scant Murmors]
Mann: And tonight we have seen a truly memorable title defense from our heroic TV Champion, Gabe Garvin. And to watch all of Garvin’s matches from the comfort of your home, go to WWW dot Wrestle Is Reddit dot com slash Garvin for all the latest updates! And a special thanks to our sponsor for this show, JDate!
The monitor shows Dexter Flux on screen, who immediately gets a crowd pop 10x louder than anything of the past 7:45
Crowd: FLUX! FLUX! FLUX! WE LOVE FLUX!
Flux: I'm not… I'm not Jewish, but that's really not what JDate is about. It's about like… dating. JDate is what JDate is. That's what it is. I'm Dexter Flux. I'm the President of the United States. Thank you for your service.
The monitor cuts back to the crowd going bananas for Flux. A guy is screaming and beating the shit out of the old woman sitting next to him because he loves Dexter Flux so much.
Mann: And you too can be just like these happy people if you buy a Gabe Garvin T-Shirt, now 4% off at select TJ Maxx stores near you!
Garvin holds up his title on the apron while the crowd cheer for Flux, and a photographer gets a photo of the victorious champion in front of a cheering crowd. As Garvin gets down from Bret’s rope, the camera cuts to…
Something else. It's shot differently, worse cameras that pan around instead of cut. No commentary. No acknowledgment. It's a documentary shoved in the middle of a wrestling show.
We're in a church basement, or a community gym, or something like that, with hardwood floors and dim, white light pouring in through windows near the top of the room. There's a table next to the door with a coffee machine and paper cups and a door to the outside propped open, so people can step out to smoke. A voice speaks up.
Teddy (O.S.): I don't think I've ever been a good person.
We move to the middle of the room. There's a circle of people sitting in chairs, looking at one whose face is obscured but whose voice most WiR diehards recognize. The circle's watching him carefully, skeptically. A couple of them glance at the camera as it moves by, which seems like an outsider - a perverse interloper. Some of them are recognizable, heels from all over the wrestling scene. Most of them seem miserable to be here, unrepentant. One figure, dressed up, seems more warm in his posture, but we don't see his face either.
Teddy (O.S.): I don't think I've ever really tried, I mean. I've been a good guy, for a little bit. Here and there. But I wasn't who I was. I was somebody trying to get cheered, trying to make sure they loved me. And when they didn't, I just… I snapped.
Finally, we see him, the object of their attentions. He is sitting in a chair, dressed down in a t-shirt, paper cup of coffee by his feet. Teddy Coronado. There's no charisma to the way he speaks. He was a preacher once, electrifying, manic, an embodiment of television airwaves. Now, he's mumbling. The camera zooms in on his face, as he tried to put together the next few words, shaking his head. The words seem ridiculous to say and maybe that's because they're wrestling words and this man - sitting here, in the basement - does not seem to be a wrestler.
Teddy: I'm Teddy Coronado and… Sorry. I'm Teddy and I'm a heel.
Others (all together): Hi, Teddy.
He cringes at them.
Teddy: I've been…
He stops, sucking on his tongue. It's the noise of a crowd, again.
Teddy: I'm sorry, I don't think I can do this.
Spence (O.S.): It's alright.
The camera pans over to a much more shocking face, Spence Cooper, dressed like a normal person, with a buttoned-up v-neck, instead of his usual attire as one half of the Golden State Stars, wearing mesh shirts and whatever nonsense is left. The rest of the group turns to him with a sort of reverence that seems wholly unfitting for him.
Spence: This is hard stuff, Teddy, alright - this is hard stuff, everybody. I mean, when I was a member of the Golden State Stars-
Chaz (O.S): GOLDEN! STATE! ST-
Spence: Chaz.
We whip pan to Chaz Levine, who is also there. He is dressed less like a normal person.
Chaz: Sorry, bro, still working on it.
Spence: We all have hiccups, is what I was saying. This is hard work. That's why not everybody does it. But it's good work. You've been here for a long time, right?
He's staring at the ground as he said it, as if ashamed.
Teddy: Six months.
Spence: Six months and it's still hard. That should show to everyone else here that even the best of us You can do it, Teddy. You can say it.
Teddy takes a breath, tries to put it together. After a few seconds, he looks back up. And it's almost there. That spark, that fire in his eyes.
Teddy: I've… been thinking about things, recently. I've been thinking about my time as a wrestler. I've done a lot of things in this business - and I'm not bragging about that, but I'm saying it because I need to say it. I was the best guy on the mic for a long time. I was good in the ring, too. I beat some of the best people in that company and sometimes I even did it clean.
There's a chuckle at that, in the room, and he gives a rueful smile, for a second, looking back on everything. Then it fades. So does the light in his eyes. Teddy looks at his feet, again, but the rest of them are listening, now. Most of them hate this place, but they listen
Teddy: I lied, I cheated, I stole. I used every dirty fucking trick in the book - you can look. My granddad wrote it. I used weapons. I hired my own ref. I made my own matches. I attacked people from behind the scenes. I once wrestled with a cardboard cut-out, so I could move its torn-off foot under the bottom rope to get a break.
He's looking up, now, and the fire isn't in his eyes, but it's in his words.
Teddy: I gave up everything for that title, for those accolades, for those year-end awards, for my hand raised up at the end of the night. I've got a claim to being the best champion in that company's history. I went into this business looking for all of that. I said to myself that I'd be different than my family, from my great-grandfather, from my grandfather, from my…
He stops. He leaves the final word unsaid.
Teddy: But that's not what I'm saying. I had the chance to change my name. I had a shitty start, but I had my own agency. What I did was my own. And by the end, I gave up that. I gave up my decency, my integrity, my dedication to this art, I gave up everything I have - and I don't have anything to show for it.
There's a crippling silence, for a few moments, the kind of silence you only notice when everything felt so loud before it.
Teddy: I don't talk to any of the roster I was a part of. My name doesn't get mentioned in promos. The fans - the fans that used to jeer my name, who serenaded me after I was forced out of that company - they don't think about me. I gave up everything I ever had and I don't…
He takes a shallow breath, emotional, seeming to hold back tears as he rubs his temples. A man offers him a tissue box but he waves it aside. For as much pride as he has managed to put aside, he can't allow himself to cry in front of the only people he's ever been genuine to.
Teddy: I got an offer, recently. You guys know about it.
Teddy half-heartedly gestures at the camera and a couple of them glance back at it. Chaz, on the edge of frame, flexes a little bit when reminded a camera is watching him.
Teddy: I got an offer to come back to WiR. They're coming back, apparently, again. They've offered me a couple times, over the years, and I almost took it. I even said I would, once, before. Back when I still had the bookstore. And then I started training and I became what I was, again, and I gave up the bookstore, and I was so fucked up I couldn't even make it to the show, because I realized, in that ring…
He pauses and they're all listening. He hates that, because he knows why they're listening and why he's talking. Because the fire, suddenly, is there. It's there in his eyes. It's there in his voice. It's there in the way he sits in that chair, the knotting his hands do as he talks, but most of all it's there in the crowd, listening with rapt attention.
Teddy: There's the Teddy Coronado with the money, with the television show, with the betrayal and the burials, even the Teddy who dressed up like a dentist and said he hated bullies. They say I've been a lot of people, had a lot of gimmicks, but the trick is they're all the same one. They're all somebody who needs to have the whole world know that they're the best. But they're all masks. Facades. And when I got into that ring, lit by halogen lights, no one in the audience, no one facing me in that ring, no one there but me, I realized the truth.
The fire in his voice has burned away and, now, he speaks in ashes: harsh, more serious than he's ever been, and more painful. He is being true.
Teddy: I don't know what's beneath those masks. I don't. A part of me is terrified that there isn't anything there. That the shit I've done, to other people, to the industry as a whole, that's who I am. I've tried to find out who it is, out here. I tried to open a bookstore, I tried to become a trainer, I tried to get as far away from that ring as possible.
He stops, again. The crowd is fully drawn in, now, and a furrowed brow of concern on Spence's face breaks through the mask of supportiveness.
Teddy: But, when I got that email, that offer… I think I realized that there's only one way for me to figure that out-
Spence: Teddy…
Teddy turns his eyes to Spence, but there's a weariness to his eyes. He's already made up his mind. He made it up before he even entered this room, before he even entered the cameras in, before Spence even says the thing he knows he's about to say.
Spence: Teddy, I know what you're about to say. And I want to tell you in front of the group, because I know you don't want there to be secrets here. I've been lured that way. We all have, but you have to know that there is a risk to what you're about to say. Some people can recover, can re-enter that ring, Teddy, but some people can't.
There is a warmth in Spence's eyes that make you realize that this is not the same man that was a Golden State Star. Not anymore. But he knows that he can't change his mind.
Spence: This is in your hands, Teddy. It always is.
Teddy sits there, genuinely considering the words and then he smiles. Knows how absurd what he's about to say is. And then he speaks, just as resolute as before. No. More so.
Teddy: I know. But I hear it in me. I hear the roar of the crowd, with me or against me. I hear my opponent's music hit. I hear the bending of the mat, the straining of the ropes, the fight. I know that who I was in there was a monster. But I know that, if there's something of me left, beneath all of this, it's in there.
He stands up.
Teddy: This is what I'm choosing to do, Spence. I'm sorry.
Teddy walks out of the circle, across the hardwood floor, and steps out the door. The camera doesn't follow.
Javier (O.S.): Ladies and gentlemen, the Independent Champion, Diiiiiiiiick Dover!
We cut back to Knott's Berry Farm, where the crowd reacts in a mixed fashion to the announcement of Dick Dover. Prisoner of Society hits, and Dick Dover walks through the curtain with the Independent Championship over his shoulder.
Mann: The Independent Champion enters the building, he says he has an announcement to make.
Woodbridge: That’s right, Shay. We don’t know what it’s going to be, but when Dover walked into the venue this afternoon, he insisted on addressing the crowd.
Dover grabs a mic from Maurice Chondon ringside, then walks up the stairs, wipes his feet on the apron, and enters the ring. He then turns to face the crowd.
Dover: I know you all have a lot of thoughts about me, but let’s get one thing clear right now. There’s been a lot of time gone by since you last saw me. But don’t get me wrong, one thing wouldn’t have changed no matter how long we’ve been apart. I am still your Independent Champion.
Crowd: mix of boos and applause
Dover: But there have been changes. Changes in the world and changes with myself, and it’s time for me to share with you all some changes I’ve made. When WiR went on hiatus i-
Nitroglycerin hits as Joey McCarty storms out from behind the curtain holding a mic.
Crowd: Boooooooooo
McCarty: No no no no no no fuck this shit. I know what this is. I’m not stupid.
McCarty stomps down to the ring.
McCarty: Dick, you’ve talked all this talk about being a fighting champion, but I know a retirement announcement when I see one.
McCarty slides into the ring and pops up to his feet, pacing around Dover.
McCarty: and you must be out of your mind to think you can walk out of here title held high, to a cheering crowd, and go out as champion. You’re out of your goddamn mind.
Dover walks towards McCarty.
Dover: You don’t even-
McCarty: Save it, honestly. I came into this business as an outsider, and I was given the crash course. I don’t know where you learned this, it might have been in dogwater Florida, but it certainly wasn’t in Toronto.
Dover: Joey, you’ll shut the hell up if you know what’s good for you.
McCarty: What I was taught is that you always go out on your back. If you won’t do that, then I’ll do that for you.
Dover goes to talk, but McCarty slaps him.
McCarty: So what you’re going to do right now, is lie down, stare at the lights, and you can end your career the way you’re supposed to, and watch me coronate myself as a triple crown champion.
Dover: Interesting point Joey, counterpoint:
Dover hits McCarty with a spinning back elbow, sending him to the mat!
Dover: You don’t tell me what to fucking do. So here’s what we’re actually going to do, I’m going to show these people I am a fighting champion, we’re going to get a ref out here, and I’m going to whoop your ass
Crowd: YAYYYYY
Mann: HOLD ON A SECOND, DOVER. YOU DON’T GET TO PROMISE PEOPLE MATCHES, I MAKE THE MATCHES but that is a good idea so lets get a ref out here BECAUSE I SAID SO.
Crowd (a little more confused): YAYYY
Jeff Boone sprints out from backstage at full speed and dives headfirst under the rope into the ring.
Boone: ALRIGHTWEGOTAREGULARCHAMPIONSHIPMATCHONEFALLLET’SKEEPITCLEANBOYSNOCLOSEDKNUCKLESONPUNCHESNOHAIRPULLINGIWON’THAVEANYNONSENSEINTHISRINGYOUHEREMEOKRINGTHEBELL
The bell rings, leaving both men a little stunned at how quickly this match has started. Joey moves into action first, lurching for Dover, arms outstretched in a clear indication that Joey wants to initiate a classic “Test of Strength.” Dick Dover knocks away the hands and shoots for a double-leg takedown, sending Joey sprawling to the mat.
Mann: Wow, an incredibly technical start for Dover. Sometimes I think we forget home in depth his wrestling knowhow is.
Dick Dover is slowly overpowering Joey from underneath, when a glint shines in the Canadian’s eyes. A brutal knee to the face erupts from McCarty, slamming into Dover’s nose. Dover steps back, covering his damaged face. Blood begins to drip onto the mat.
Woodbridge: Wow, Dover is absolutely busted up!
Paisner: That’s the opportunistic streak of McCarty showing. Give him an inch, he’ll take a mile and sell you back the inch for triple it’s market value.
Dover shakes his head, trying to clear up the fog inflicted from Joey’s move. Before he gets a chance to recover, Joey is behind him, snaking his arms up to lock Dover in a full nelson. Dover is in a precarious position, but he digs his fingers into Joey’s eyes, cause the hold to release.
Woodbridge: A savvy veteran move, but is it legal?
Mann: Absolutely not. It seems like this ref is going to let them play on, for some reason. Very hands off.
Woodbridge: When you’ve got two fighters who will do whatever it takes to win, sometimes it’s best to just let them go at it. Anything less than that could give the other an unfair advantage.
Dover throws a couple quick strikes to McCarty’s midsection. Joey winces and bends over, giving Dick the opportunity to hit him with a Leg Drop Bulldog that pounds Joey into the mat!
Crowd: WOOOOAH!
Dover capitalizes on McCarty’s grounded position, dropping some falling elbows into the fallen man. But the third elbow doesn’t land cleanly, given Joey the opportunity to flip over and nail another knee into Dover, this time right on the side of his head.
Mann: Hard to imagine these headshots won’t have an effect on Dover if this match goes long.
A quick leap to his feet, and Joey finally has the position he wanted in the beginning, locking up Dover in a contested full collar tie. He gains the upper hand, and begins controlling Dover towards the corner. A grasp of Dover’s wounded head, and then suddenly McCarty is rubbing Dover’s face all over the ringpost!
Crowd: OOOF
But Dover isn’t one to take something like this without fighting back. A wild leg flail nails McCarty right in the gonads, sending him backwards in pain. The ref looks to step in, but then decides not to as Dover runs towards his and lands an uppercut into lariat combo that sends Joey back down to the ground. Dover attempts a cover!
1!
No!
Joey kicks out with relative ease, prompting Dover to consider more violence towards the grounded wrestler.
Mann: What could this devilish man be considering next?
Dover sits on McCarty.
Woodbridge: A chair!
A quick pivot from Dover, and suddenly Joey is up in the air, face in anguish from the inverted surfboard stretch.
Woodbridge: A painful chair!
Suddenly, a voice rings out from the crowd.
Random Fan: DOVER IS STILL LAME!
Dover, mildly irritated by the fan, releases the hold on Joey, sending the stretched out man to the mat. He gets up and aggressively points to the crowd in the direction of the mysterious fan.
Dover: Hey Asshole! You wanna see lame? I’ll show you lame!
Dover grabs Joey’s hair and becomes slamming punches into the downed man’s face.
Crowd: LAME DOVER LAME DOVER LAME DOVER
A frustrated Dover now releases the hold and turns his back on Joey, heading over to the ringpost. He begins to remove the cover. At this point, blood has completely covered his chest. Joey stirs and stands, sneaking up to behind Dover. A quick snatch and Joey has surprise rolled up Dover for a pin!
1!
2!
No!
Dover kicks out and gets back to his feet, but Joey is quicker and grabs Dover’s arm for an irish whip, sending him into the exposed ring post!* The hard metal digs into the small of Dover’s back and he reels in pain, back into Joey who snags his wrist, twisting it into a hold. Dover is up in the air and slammed back onto his neck as Joey lands a modified Fisherman Driver on the champion!
Crowd: OOOOOHHHHH!!!!
It’s Joey’s turn to batter the grounded Dover, repeatedly sending soccer kicks into his skull. The dull sound of bone against flesh carries through the arena in a way that makes most attendees uncomfortable. Joey lifts Dover to his feet, intending to whip him into the exposed ring post again, but Dover has seen this before. He counters with a reversal, sending McCarty into the ropes, McCarty rebounds and Dover SLAMS him into the mat with a teeth-rattling spinebuster!
Crowd: YAYYYYY
Mann: I’m not sure if Dover’s winning the crowd over or if they just enjoy seeing Joey get hurt, either way, Dover is red-hot!
Dover grabs McCarty, and goes into the set up for his Doverleaf! But before he can, a small figure pops up onto the apron.
Woodbridge: WOAH, WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?!
Gigi appears holding a spray bottle and she sprays a fine clear mist right into Dover’s eyes and cackles maniacally!
Mann: What’s this?! It's Gigi! And she’s just assaulted Dover with some sort of liquid!
Dover drops McCarty and grabs at his eyes. Kaitlyn Casey Jones appears from the crowd, holding a sign that says “GAMER GIRL BATHWATER $279.69”, she hops the barricade and grabs a mic, laughing with Gigi. Jones pulls a card out of her pocket and starts reading it.
KCJ: Hey faaaans, if you’re looking to order some of the water that our favorite e-girl actually bathes in, it’s up on the website right now! Guaranteed to have touched Gigi’s skin, go to www.gigigamergirlgush.pizza for more details. Fuck you, Dick!”
Gigi: I wrote that last part.
McCarty clambers to his feet, confused. He notices Dover staggering, and launches himself into the air, connecting with a superman punch to the back of Dover’s skull.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOO
Mann: BERTUZZI! DOVER’S OUT COLD
Woodbridge: I can’t believe this, Dover’s had the title stolen from him!
McCarty scrambles to cover Dover.
1
2
3-NO
Crowd: WOAAAAAH YAYYY
Mann: Dover kicked out!
Woodbridge: How!?!?
McCarty stumbles to the corner in disbelief, and collapses into a seated position onto the bottom turnbuckle, the crowd swells, and McCarty’s confounded expression turns to disbelief and then to anger, he pops to his feet and stomps towards Dover.
Woodbridge: What do either of these men have left in the bag?!
McCarty lifts Dover to his feet, cussing him out as he does. McCarty attempts his Bus Driver Uppercut, but Dover springs to life and catches him, and PLANTS him with a kneeling jawbreaker!
Mann: Cliffs of Dover!
Woodbridge: From the last of his energy!
Mann: Cover!
1
2
3
DING DING DING
Crowd: YAYYYYY!
Mann: Dover is still Independent Champion!
Before Javier can make the announcement, Gigi and KCJ hit the ring and attack Dover, as McCarty rolls out of the ring, jumping him and punching and kicking Dover while he’s down.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOO
Woodbridge: What the hell is this?!
Mann: Gigi still thinks she’s owed a shot at the Independent Championship, she must have made some sort of deal with McCarty to get her match!
Woodbridge: And now that her plan is up in smoke, she’s taking it out on Dover!
Gigi and KCJ continue their assault, KCJ picks up the mic and is about to speak, but before she can, Adam Raised A Cain plays.
Crowd: YAYYYYYYYY
Woodbridge: Someone else with unfinished business, Mark Dutch!
Mark Dutch runs out, Joey McCarty is standing on the ramp, and Dutch shoulder checks him out of the way! Dutch then slides into the ring, and pulls KCJ off of Dover and out of the ring! Gigi scrambles out of the ring away from Dutch.
Mann: Last time we saw these two, they were at eachothers throats, but now Dutch comes to save Dover? What’s going on?
Woodbridge: Looks like there's still lots of unfinished business around these parts.
Mann: That’s enough of this.
Mann grabs a stick mic and attempts to stand on the commentary table, but it wobbles so he instead stands on his chair
Mann: When I brought this company back, it wasn’t for what it was, but what it can become, so I can’t have you three stinking up the joint with old beef, so let’s settle this at the next show. You three for the Independent Title. a brief pause to let that sink in
Crowd: WOOOOOOO
Mann sits back down with a grin on his face.
Mann: I like this “making matches live” thing
Woodbridge: Could stand to work on your crowd work though.
Mann: More WiR action, after this!
Dover, Dutch and Gigi staring eachother down as we fade out to commercial.

​

• 753 sqft apartment (mostly hardwood)
• One high-pile rug (0.8 inches)
• No pets, no children, nothing lying around
• Previously owned Xiaomi model had issues with the rug
• Considering Q7 Max, Dreame L10Pro, ECOVACS DEEBOT T9+, S7 is out of budget
• No pets or children
• Budget: up to 500 euros

Currently looking for a new RobotVacuum for my approximately 753 sqft, mostly hardwood flooring with a high-pile rug (0.8 inches thick) apartment. There is nothing lying around like cables or small items. However, my previous experience with a robot vacuum years ago (Xiaomi SDJQR02RR) was bad with getting stuck on the rug and in corners made me return it.
Been considering the Q7 Max due to its good reviews on hard floors and affordability. Mopping is not a priority to me but taking it into consideration there might be better alternatives? Budget is up to 500 euros.
Thank you :-)

I should start this by saying I'm not a detective anymore.
After the events at the warehouse, I was paged to visit my direct supervisor, Sgt. Langley. She was sitting behind a mahogany desk when I came in, gazing at some sort of file. She looked up at me. "What the hell was that, Jonathan?"
"We were underprepared, ma'am." I replied.
She glared at me from across the room. "We have a man missing, and a severe casualty! How underprepared were you? Did you not take any precautions at all?"
"With all due respect, you weren't there, ma'am." I said, upset. "Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw down there. How would you expect someone to perform at their peak, faced with . . . that."
She sighed and looked down at the file, eyes skimming over the words. "The brass is asking I let you go, for the moment."
"You can't seriously thi-" I began to say.
She held up a palm. "Look, the media is all over this. For everyone's sake, including you," she jabbed a finger at me, "it's best that you stay out of this for the time being."
I stared at her. She stared back, and raised an eyebrow. I considered my options, and begrudgingly decided to hand over my badge and gun. Langley smiled again. "Look. This will all blow over soon. Just take a rest for a while, hmm?"
I didn't respond.
I left her office. It was twelve, and I had nothing to do besides worry about all that was going on.. So I went home and slept. I was exhausted after the past few days, after all.
I awoke to my doorbell ringing. I was in that half-asleep state, so I covered my head with a pillow, hoping that whoever it was would go away. The doorbell rung again. I shifted position in my bed, and checked my watch. Four o'clock. I was more tired than I thought.
The doorbell rung again.
I slowly got up and made my way to the door, brushing the sleep from my eyes. The door opened to reveal a scruffy-haired, lanky teenage kid, who looked to be about eighteen. He nodded at me, while smiling politely.
"What do you want?" I said, not-so-politely.
"Uh, yeah. I'm meant to drive you to this place. I mean, that is if you want to go." He said.
I looked at him, trying to discern if he was serious or not. "And what's that supposed to mean?"
He shrugged. "I'm not really sure. Someone came up to me and offered five hundred bucks to ask you to come with me. But you don't have to come, either. I've been told to say the decision is up to you." A look of remembrance flashed across his face. "Oh, yeah. I'm supposed to give this to you as well."
He pulled a well-folded piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to me. I opened it up, and read the words scrawled inside.
Heard you're out of work!
You should come join my zoo. We're always in need of more Zookeepers. :)
The boy peered at me from behind the paper. "So what is it then? Are you coming or not?"
I stared at him, blankly.
What do I say? How does whoever wrote this note know I lost my job anyways? It only just happened. This is obviously a trap anyways. The kid could even be on it. The last time I followed one of these notes, I lost a man, and almost got another killed. So what, then? Should I go or stay?
I looked back at the kid. "Yeah, I'm coming."
The kid drove with that careful rigidness that all first-year drivers seem to have. He drove for a while, slowly taking me out of town and into the rural back areas of my city. It took another thirty minutes of driving along long stretches of road the land becoming quieter and more desolate, before he pulled up onto a gravel pathway, which seemed to be the entrance of a much larger farm. I looked at the sign as he drove me in.
Winston's Family Orchard.
The gravel pathway diverted further up the track, and he took the right road. It ended up at what looked to be a farmhouse. There were lights on inside, and I heard the whir of machinery in the massive shed behind it. The kid stopped the car.
"This is your stop. Hope you have a great evening, sir." He cheerfully said, allowing me enough time to get out of the car before he drove back down the pathway.
I watched him until the headlights dipped below the horizon, before making my up the steps and onto the veranda. I could hear voices inside the house. Talking, laughing. It sounded like any house at dinnertime. Unsure of what to do, I knocked at the door.
The voices stopped.
I heard the soft pad of someone walking barefoot on hardwood towards me. The door opened. A man came out from behind it, he was of average height, cropped hair, and with three-day-stubble beginning to show. He stared at me with a faraway look in his eyes, before smiling, and gesturing for me to come in. "Glad you could make it! Dinner is just ready. Why don't you come join us?" His voice was deep and intoned, and familiar.
Very familiar.
"I . . . I know you." I said. More of an accusation than a fact. I thought back to the memories of the night I found my sister. The paramedic who passed me the note that started all of this. The paramedic who always seemed to be gazing of into the distance. No. No just gazing. Searching.
He tilted his head slightly. "Well, I'm happy to hear that! Makes acquaintances a bit more easier, then. Come on, you look hungry, let's eat!"
I didn't move. "I'm not going to fucking eat with you!" I yelled at him. "You killed my sister!"
He looked at me questioningly. "No. No. I didn't. I'm just a Keeper. You've got this all wrong. She-"
"I don't give a damn what you have to say!" I retorted.
"Hey, buddy. Let's calm down and talk this over a meal. I'm serious. Come and join us." And with that he walked back down the hallway. He turned left, into what I assumed was the dining room. I heard a couple of hushed voices, and scraping chairs. It seemed people were leaving.
I had two options. I could go in and find out what was going on. Or I could leave and forget about all of this. There was one problem, however. I would never be able to forget. The pain would never go away. The horrors of what I saw could not be forgotten.
I walked inside.
I entered the room I saw the paramedic go through. Inside there was a table, set like it was ready to feed a large family. There was a roast lamb in the middle, with a few cuts already sliced from it. Around it there was various side dishes and drinks. There was a man seated at the head of the table, directly opposite to where I was. It seemed everyone else had left.
The man spoke. His voice was rich and pronounced. "Isn't great that we can finally meet, Jonathan? I have so much that I would like to tell you."
". . . and who are you?" I asked.
He chuckled. "All in due time." He waved his hand at me. "Come. Sit. Eat. Anything you'd like. I do recommend the steamed asparagus, however. Bonnie really outdid herself there."
I remained standing.
He seemed unfazed, and continued to speak. "Now, I would like to remind you that you came here of your own accord, and you may leave whenever you feel like. We are not forcing you to stay here, but I so would enjoy your company." He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his stomach. "Now, before I start waffling on. Is there any questions you would like to ask? Any burning thing you would like to know?"
It didn't take me long to think of a question. "Why'd you do it? Why did you kill all these people?"
He paused for a moment, seemingly disappointed. "Straight to those questions, are we?" He sighed. "Look around at the world, what do you see? All I see is death. You, of all people should know that. People die all the time. Hundreds a second. Thousands a minute. So what does it matter that I take a few more lives? It's just a drop in the bucket of death."
He stood up. "And when people die, it's useless. Everything that they've ever done amounts to nothing in the void of eternity. But it's not just that. As a species, we are bringing ourselves closer to death every day. We cannot make the right choices. Ever. So, on behalf of all of us, I'm choosing."
I shook my head in disbelief. "Choosing what? You're just torturing people to the point of death! How is that supposed to solve anything?"
"Do you still not yet understand?" His voice rose. "I am saving us all! I am leading the charge in the evolution of our species! In due time, I will be revered all around the world, as the one person who saw what was right, and had the guts to do it!" He turned around to face me. "The first few deaths were unfortunate, yes. But they have helped the cause beyond anything you can dream of! I am so close to creating the perfect being. The savior of our species!" He looked at me, jabbing a finger in my direction. "And you will join me! Become a Keeper and embrace the new world!"
I was silent for a while. This guy is insane. I thought. Join him? Who the hell does he think he is? I'm leaving the first chance I get. But I had one more question I wanted to ask him.
"Why me? Out of all the people you could have chosen, why me?"
He smiled widely, and let out a low laugh. "All of these smarts, and yet you couldn't figure that out? I didn't choose you. Look at you, quivering in a corner. There are so many more suitable prospect then you." He said with a hint of disgust. "Now tell me, what makes you think I choose you?"
"I don't know! The notes. . .my sister. You just seemed to be interested in me." I said.
He chuckled again. "You really don't know, do you? Tell me, how often would your sister go for a walk at midnight?"
". . .I'm not sure. Never, I suppose."
"Then what was she doing that night?"
The question struck me as odd. I had never thought about what she was doing, only about how it happened. I could never figure it out. The only way it seemed possible for her to disappear, was if she had let it happen. But I ruled that one out early. She wouldn't just let herself get kidnapped, right?
Right?
The man arched an eyebrow at my silence. "You deserve the truth. Everyone does. Some people like to hide their secrets behind shadows and dark corners, praying they don't see the light of the day. I am not one of them. I strive to be open and honest in all that I do. I long for a world with no lies because there is nothing to lie about. Everyone is accepted. Everyone is valued. If you need proof, have I not told you my exact location twice now?"
"That's hardly fair. You shot at us the first time." I said.
"I did not shoot at you. You were just there. Look, I will explain to you everything. But first, I require something of you." He picked up a mug and started sipping at it. "Your loyalty. Tell me, Jonathan, will you join me?"
"You're out of your mind if you think I want any part of this." I said, resolutely.
A smile curled at the edge of his lips. "A pity." His eyes traveled down my body, seemingly gazing in everything. "Look at you, always slithering into situations you shouldn't have to be in. I think you'll make a fine snake."
I heard a shuffle behind me, and turned around just in time to see a metal bar being swung at my face. It connected with my forehead with a loud crack, sending me flying backwards onto the ground.
Pain.
That was the first thing I remember from when I woke up. Hot, searing pain, burning throughout my body and culminating in my forehead.
Pain.
A throbbing sensation that shook my body with every strangely-prominent beat of my heart, blurring my vision and deafening my eardrums.
Pain.
The metal floor was cold beneath me, drenched in my sweat. My arms were held down by some sort of shackle on each side, limiting my movement.
I was trapped.
With a killer.
I panicked. I thrashed my arms against the shackles, on the blind hope that I'd be able to free myself. The pain on my arm increased, and probably caused a bruise. I yelled out in pain, but discovered I was gagged with a piece of cloth.
"Struggling's just going to make it worse, you know." A voice said behind me. The man's voice from the dinner table. "Like I said before, you are free to leave whenever you wish. But since you won't give me your loyalty, I'll have to settle with something else." He walked around into my line of vision, holding what looked to be a saw. "I'll make this quick, but I have to warn you, I don't like using anesthetic. The body should feel pain. It's natural. How else would it learn to heal?"
He walked around to the other side of me, and turned on a camera that was held up on a tripod facing me. The lights blinked to signify that it was recording. He came back to me, and placed the teeth of the saw on my left arm, in the pit on the opposite side of the elbow. "Now, snakes don't have arms. So, I'll start with that."
I struggled against the binds again. Adrenaline coursed through my veins from the fear, with no way to use it. Panic was setting in, and the human body's core instinct is self-preservation. And I was doing the best I could to get away from this.
"Don't struggle, Jonathan. It just makes it take longer. It'll be over soon. I promise." He said, in a calm, steady voice.
And with that he pushed the saw downwards. My body screamed with pain, and my visioned blackened. I could feel blood seep out of the incision across the arm.
He continued to bring the saw downwards. Pushing it forwards and backwards, cutting through veins and arteries. I felt him hit bone. He continued to cut, I could feel the vibrations of my humerus being split in two.
I lost consciousness for the second time that evening.
When I came to my gag was gone. And my arm. The remaining stump was wrapped up in a torniquet and bandaged at the end. Everything still hurt, but much worse than before. Much, much worse. The man was still standing there, behind the camera. He seemed happy to see me awake.
"Had a good nap, then?" He walked over to where I was laying down, and held my remaining hand in his. "Everyone deserves a choice. Free will is what defines us. So I'm going to give you a choice. You could get up and leave right now, and work for me, or have your other other arm removed and your legs stitched together. It's completely up to you!"
Work for a madman. Or die to a madman. Self-preservation is stronger than dignity. "I. . .want to work for you." I said, struggling between breaths.
"Very good! Let's get you out of those binds shall we?" He plucked a key from his pocket and swiftly unlocked them, I tried to sit up, and promptly fell back down, my head spinning.
The man started to walk away. "Now, I'm going to begin your induction, you may feel free to leave or explore the house whenever you feel like. If you're hungry there's leftovers in the fridge. As I said, we're not trapping you here." He turned and smiled at me. "You're going to enjoy this, Jonathan. Toodles!"
He left the room, and went up a few stairs that I hadn't noticed before.. I took my time getting up, waiting until the earth stopped spinning under my feet. Walking felt strange without an arm, the weight was gone from there and I felt lopsided and unbalanced. I took in my surroundings. It was some sort of basement under the house, with different types of surgical equipment scattered around.
Besides that there was recording equipment scattered around and placed at various places. A few were still on, but most were turned off. There was a door to my left, and the staircase directly in front of me. There was a placard on the door with a single word on it.
Elephant.
I opened the door. It was dimly lit inside. The air smelled of musk and human waste. There was a small machine in the corner, lit up and whirring, with various cables hooked up to a large mound in the middle. The door slammed shut behind me.
The mound moved.
I took a step back out of fear. My focus shifted, and the horrible realization that I was looking at a person dawned on me. The person was extremely large, covered in layers of fat that rolled across their body. The person laboriously shuffled around to face me. The tubes from the machine connected into a mask that covered their mouth. The tubes continuously pumped a soft, gray liquid into the person's mouth.
I had only seen something like this once before, when looking for a murderer who was hiding in an abandoned mental hospital. A force-feeder.
On either side of the mask, the person had two large metal spikes coming out of each nostril, and back out the side of their head. Judging by the scars surrounding them, the spikes were drilled inside the cranium, until they eventually came out the other side, through the nose.
I shuddered at the thought.
The person slowly made their way forwards, shoving themselves against the floor. The person looked up at me, directly into my eyes. I saw the pleading in them. The humanity. Asking to be set free. And I saw something else, a flicker of recognition. Of understanding. I looked closer, past what I didn't want to see, past everything I didn't want to think about and I saw a friend.
I saw Thompson.
He was battered and beaten, and larger than he used to be. But it was still him. I rested on his shoulder and cried. Long and hard. This, more than anything broke me. Thompson didn't deserve this. No one does.
I glanced behind me, at the saw that cut off my arm. I stood up and grabbed it off the table, with my remaining hand. I brought it over to Thompson and held it over his face. His eyes grew misty, but he nodded, a slow and deliberate movement. He knew what it meant.
It was going to be hard to cut with only one available hand, so I opted for a large swing and used momentum to get the job done. A clean cut that severed his jugular and removed his life from his body.
I dropped the saw on the ground next to Thompson.
I made my way up the stairs and out of the front door. I had no shoes on, and the gravel road was tough under my feet. But I walked forwards. I was leaving, and nothing would stop me. The man had said so himself. And so I left.
But not forever.
I will be back.
For Thompson. For Alice.
I've got nothing left to lose and everything to gain.
x

Hello, we are having our hardwood floors refinished. The company said they use Pall X Power to seal the floors and Duraseal Stain. They said we were able to sleep in the house and it’s safe enough for pregnant women. However, I’m not sure I believe that. I have a young baby, 2 dogs and a cat. Is it actually safe? If no, how long do we need to be out of the house for?
Thank you!

Hi all. So I recently move apartments with my (previously) house trained 9 year old beagle. In the prior apartment, she was completely housetrained and never had any accidents indoors. She would always wait until we would take her down, and could wait up to 8 hours.
I’m our new apartment, though, (that we’ve been in for less then a week) she’s already had 4 accidents. The first one was on the very first night, but I chalked that up to her just being confused and it was late and she needed to go. The second one came a few days later, but this time she just walked into the bedroom and peed on the carpet. It was around the time she usually goes down, but she had just gone down a few hours back. Today she peed two times in the apartment. One we caught her in the act and immediately said no, the other happened literally about 30 mins right after we got home from her evening walk. Even without scolding her, she always looks very very guilty and avoids eye contact, so it seems like she knows it’s not right.
A couple things to note that may be useful context: our old apartment was fully hardwood floors, while the new apartment has carpeted bedrooms. All four of her accidents (plus one time she peed in the apartment hallway) were on the carpets. She has a pee pad that she used once or twice in the new apartment (that she usually never uses), so we were wondering if maybe she’s confusing the carpet with the grass and thinks it’s ok to pee on it? But that wouldn’t explain why she always looks so guilty.
The other thing to note is that every time she has peed has always been when my girlfriend and I have been moving furniture/unboxing/organizing. All day today while I was at home she was completely fine but the two times we were unboxing and organizing she peed in the apartment. The days she hasn’t peed have been days where we have not had really moved stuff around. She’s already a fairly anxious dog, so we were thinking maybe the moving was making her anxious.
We were also thinking it may be a UTI, as all of her accidents involve a very small amount of pee (and it smells REALLY strong). She’s never had accidents like this before. She had travelled by plane to get to our old apartment and adjusted VERY quickly. But when she came to the old place we already had all our stuff and she didn’t witness any moving. We’re gonna call the vet tomorrow and see what they think.
Either way, we were wondering if anyone had advice, or if anyone has gone through similar things with their dog? It’s really frustrating going through this when she’s 9 years old and has never had an issue like this before!
Thanks in advance !:)